What people think

[Happy Gram]

Hi all.....
I've struggled for years..... over people's reactions to things.... most certainly from my highly critical mother and sister who were abusive to me..... my question is: how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of you... your choices, etc.... I literally avoid any situation that might make me be judged or ridiculed... but it makes for a tough existence... any thoughts, ideas?

[Santanico]

Firstly, hi & welcome

I struggled for a long time with wanting people to like me, and doing & saying things I didn't really agree with just so they wouldn't think less of me, and I guess there's no one answer to how to stop thinking that way. When you're ready, you will stop caring so much. I heard it put really simply, and I've always remembered it this way:

You're an apple. There's always going to be people who don't like apples, so you can try to be a banana, but you'll be a second rate banana, because you're an apple. Then you have to remember there are people who don't like banana's either, so you can try to be an orange. But of course, you'll be, at best, a second rate orange. So all you can really do is be the best apple you can be, and try to surround yourself with people who like apples.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than be liked for who I'm not.

[Happy Gram]

Well, in the fruit salad of life... you're the cherry on top! thankyou for the most delightful reply!!! Now... about the "name" one.... I'd enjoy your insight.....

[spot]

Originally Posted by Happy Gram

how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of you

Shock therapy. Join your town's amateur dramatic company.

[Happy Gram]

Believe me, I put myself out there...... and I SHOULD be on stage........first stage leavin' town!!

[fuzzy butt]

Is that you Pete?

[Santanico]

Originally Posted by fuzzy butt

Is that you Pete?

Happy, Spot or I?

[fuzzy butt]

Just taking the **** Happy sounded like my husband

[gmc]

Originally Posted by Happy Gram

Hi all.....
I've struggled for years..... over people's reactions to things.... most certainly from my highly critical mother and sister who were abusive to me..... my question is: how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of you... your choices, etc.... I literally avoid any situation that might make me be judged or ridiculed... but it makes for a tough existence... any thoughts, ideas?

You are the one that decides whether you are happy or not. You are also the one who decides whose opinions matter to them. You practice not caring and after a while it becomes a habit. You can also practice being in a good mood

Have worry breaks. There are two kinds of worry. The ones you can do something about in which case decide what to do and get on with it. Then thee is the more serious ones like what if the sky falls on your head. Worrying won't change anything so stop wasting time. What your mother or sister think only matter if you decide it does. The trouble is family life conditions you and it's only later in life you can look back and realise why you feel the way you do and think the way you do. Prejudice is learned and can be unlearned, low self esteem is what you acquire through life experience and you can decide to change it

[RedGlitter]

Hello Happy Gram,

Welcome to the forum.
When you have had that type of abuse for a good part of your life, I don't think it ever leaves you completely, but lingers to gnaw at the self esteem you've managed to acquire, some days more than others. For some of us it's a constant struggle. I have my days where I care too much what others think of me, even strangers, but I have a good friend who reminds me they don't count. He's slowly getting me to come around to his way of thinking and I think part of the reason I am so receptive to him is because it often occurs to me that I am only getting one chance on the mortal coil. I get one life here. That's it. Do I really want to waste it worrying over what people think of me or my actions? After a while, you say "no!" I think you have to teach yourself that you deserve to live your life the way you want to live it and everyone else can live theirs as they see fit.
And at the risk of being cliche`, you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.
Work on that. It gets easier, believe me.