40 days and 40 nights.

[RedGlitter]

Originally Posted by KB.

What do you think of the opening two sentences? Would you keep reading,seriously?

"Salvation, not in the religious sense, but more of a personal awakening; it was a sudden spurt of life in a stagnant pond of a soul. I saw it one early May afternoon; it was full of July sky blue, the yellow of early wheat coated in sweet honey, and she held a new to the world child in her arms. "

I like it. I like that Salvation is the first word- that's not a word to be taken lightly. I like all of it, truthfully. If not, I'd gently say so.

[[love]light]

Have you ever read Barbara Kingsolver? You have unusual but vivid way with descriptions that remind me of her writings. She uses words that pull emotions to illustrate both events & plain inanimate objects.

I f**king love it. You will do great. Even if this contest doesn't pan out, there are plenty of opportunities for people with real talent and passion.


Good Luck

[minks]

I like the opening lines.

[KB.]

Originally Posted by [love]light

Have you ever read Barbara Kingsolver? You have unusual but vivid way with descriptions that remind me of her writings. She uses words that pull emotions to illustrate both events & plain inanimate objects.

I f**king love it. You will do great. Even if this contest doesn't pan out, there are plenty of opportunities for people with real talent and passion.


Good Luck

Hey, thank-you. That means a lot especially coming from a fellow Tennessean. You are right this may not pan out, I don't get along with deadlines, but something will. I know that. Always good to hear someone else say it though.

"I f**king love it" That is my favorite compliment so far. Thats better than the haiku the cute chick wrote me.

[KB.]

Originally Posted by minks

I like the opening lines.

I'm going to cut some of it out, too much lace in it if you will.

[minks]

Originally Posted by KB.

I'm going to cut some of it out, too much lace in it if you will.

hmmm stephen king always was "wordy".... careful what you cut out then

[KB.]

Originally Posted by minks

hmmm stephen king always was "wordy".... careful what you cut out then

Wordy is right. Thats my problem sometimes. Gonna bore people to tears with it all.

[[love]light]

Originally Posted by minks

hmmm stephen king always was "wordy".... careful what you cut out then

He was, but I think too many words can drown your point.

[minks]

Originally Posted by KB.

Wordy is right. Thats my problem sometimes. Gonna bore people to tears with it all.

wordy is good mind you.
I think back to some of the creative writing courses I took, and they really promoted detail. Again like stephen king. It's like painting a picture. You have to completely tell the feeling or the image you are trying to create.

I mean "the sky is blue" that is pretty flat eh. You have to describe the color of blue, if there is or isn't clouds, is there wind, sun, rain etc. I know it's a challenge KB I am not saying one way is right or wrong...
I think you will get it going just perfectly.

[KB.]

Originally Posted by almostfamous

If anything I would slim down the last sentence. 'new to the world baby' felt a little crowded.

how about I call you a g-bird and tell you to kiss my ass?


Just kidding, G-bird.




That was the one I was going to cut out, that and one other part. I got one more story to write on the myspace page before I get into full swing on this thing, and then I got to call that old Muse in St. Louis and tell her what I am doing, ask her permission to use some poetic license, and tell her thanks again before I get too involved in it all.

I spent some of the morning fixing up Ashley's myspace page, go check it out see what you think.