Satire humor

[turbonium]

Checked out a site called satirewire - it's now only got links and old jokes as it's become defunct. But I thought I'd post a couple of satire "news articles" for fun, here's one.....

RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW
PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES
Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker's) Dream

Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) — Showing no ill effects from a weak economy, housing numbers released by the National Association of Realtors today showed that a record 75 million Americans are now participating in the mass self-delusion that they, and not their banks, actually own their homes.

"Home ownership is the fulfillment of the American (banking industry's) dream, and we are proud to announce that more Americans than ever have been able to (help lending institutions) achieve that dream," said NAR President Richard Schicter.

After putting 20 percent down on a $235,000 house yesterday morning, Minneapolis pediatric nurse Stephanie Doogan officially became the 75 millionth American to take part in the widely accepted fantasy.

"Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to (deceive myself into believing I could) be a homeowner," said Doogan, 35. "Well, look at me now! Me, little Stephanie Doogan, I actually have a place I can call 100 percent (minus 80 percent) my own!"

[minks]

Originally Posted by turbonium

Checked out a site called satirewire - it's now only got links and old jokes as it's become defunct. But I thought I'd post a couple of satire "news articles" for fun, here's one.....

RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW
PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES
Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker's) Dream

Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) — Showing no ill effects from a weak economy, housing numbers released by the National Association of Realtors today showed that a record 75 million Americans are now participating in the mass self-delusion that they, and not their banks, actually own their homes.

"Home ownership is the fulfillment of the American (banking industry's) dream, and we are proud to announce that more Americans than ever have been able to (help lending institutions) achieve that dream," said NAR President Richard Schicter.

After putting 20 percent down on a $235,000 house yesterday morning, Minneapolis pediatric nurse Stephanie Doogan officially became the 75 millionth American to take part in the widely accepted fantasy.

"Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to (deceive myself into believing I could) be a homeowner," said Doogan, 35. "Well, look at me now! Me, little Stephanie Doogan, I actually have a place I can call 100 percent (minus 80 percent) my own!"

Wot? it is not a reality crap get me another drink

[turbonium]

Here's one more....

BAD PLANET! JUPITER DOING SOMETHING WRONG
Huge Mysterious Hand Keeps Pointing Angry Finger At Gas Giant


Bad, Bad Jupiter
(Images Courtesy: NASA/Hubble Space Telescope)

Out There (SatireWire.com) — For the second time in a week, humanity watched in fear and awe as a mysterious arm, estimated to be some 3 million light years across, once again appeared to part the black fabric of space, point an angry finger directly at Jupiter, and shout "No!"
The arm immediately withdrew and has not been seen since.

"I don't know what Jupiter keeps doing, but it must be pretty bad," theorized Cal Tech astrophysicist Miles Hoffman, one of many scientists, theologians and world leaders who have been scrambling for clues to the strongly worded rebukes.

Hoffman, whose team had been focused on Jupiter since the first "No!" incident last Saturday, said the solar system's largest planet was not doing anything out of the ordinary when the hand appeared again Tuesday, but conceded he still doesn't know what sort of misbehavior he should be looking for.

"Well, the ionized protons in Jupiter's metallic hydrogen core do emit a sort of low-level hum," said Hoffman. "If you're on the phone, or trying to sleep, that can be annoying."

But others insist the appearances, each of which lasted approximately 5 seconds, were no less than messages from The Creator.

"It's like when you point to an electrical outlet and say to your baby, 'No!' You're teaching him not to play with dangerous things," said the Rev. Marilyn Beecher, a minister in Melbourne, Australia. "Maybe God is warning us not to play with Jupiter. Maybe Jupiter is electrical. Or poisonous. Or maybe it bites. Whatever the case, I think a big 'Thank you, God!' is in order."

But some say God, if that's who is behind the incidents, is not doing enough. "I would be much more stern with Jupiter," said Tokyo-based child psychologist Hiroshi Yamoto. "The first time I might have said 'No,' but after that, it's the time-out chair, mister."

"Time-outs don't do a thing," countered noted Russian parenting counselor Irina Vladiskaya. "Jupiter should be spanked."

[minks]

Originally Posted by turbonium

Here's one more....

BAD PLANET! JUPITER DOING SOMETHING WRONG
Huge Mysterious Hand Keeps Pointing Angry Finger At Gas Giant


Bad, Bad Jupiter
(Images Courtesy: NASA/Hubble Space Telescope)

Out There (SatireWire.com) — For the second time in a week, humanity watched in fear and awe as a mysterious arm, estimated to be some 3 million light years across, once again appeared to part the black fabric of space, point an angry finger directly at Jupiter, and shout "No!"
The arm immediately withdrew and has not been seen since.

"I don't know what Jupiter keeps doing, but it must be pretty bad," theorized Cal Tech astrophysicist Miles Hoffman, one of many scientists, theologians and world leaders who have been scrambling for clues to the strongly worded rebukes.

Hoffman, whose team had been focused on Jupiter since the first "No!" incident last Saturday, said the solar system's largest planet was not doing anything out of the ordinary when the hand appeared again Tuesday, but conceded he still doesn't know what sort of misbehavior he should be looking for.

"Well, the ionized protons in Jupiter's metallic hydrogen core do emit a sort of low-level hum," said Hoffman. "If you're on the phone, or trying to sleep, that can be annoying."

But others insist the appearances, each of which lasted approximately 5 seconds, were no less than messages from The Creator.

"It's like when you point to an electrical outlet and say to your baby, 'No!' You're teaching him not to play with dangerous things," said the Rev. Marilyn Beecher, a minister in Melbourne, Australia. "Maybe God is warning us not to play with Jupiter. Maybe Jupiter is electrical. Or poisonous. Or maybe it bites. Whatever the case, I think a big 'Thank you, God!' is in order."

But some say God, if that's who is behind the incidents, is not doing enough. "I would be much more stern with Jupiter," said Tokyo-based child psychologist Hiroshi Yamoto. "The first time I might have said 'No,' but after that, it's the time-out chair, mister."

"Time-outs don't do a thing," countered noted Russian parenting counselor Irina Vladiskaya. "Jupiter should be spanked."

"and remember kids don't try this at home"

[Wolverine]

how long ago was the Jupiter thing? i can't say as I remember hearing or seeing anything about it.

[minks]

Originally Posted by Wolverine

how long ago was the Jupiter thing? i can't say as I remember hearing or seeing anything about it.

yestaday ... where ya been ahahahahaha
not sure it is real it is satire humor stuff

[turbonium]

You're joking, right Wolverine? It didn't happen for real, dude!

[Wolverine]

ok, so y'all are a little slow on the uptake tonight, huh?
that's ok. it's not your fault you don't get my humor. not many do.

[minks]

Originally Posted by Wolverine

ok, so y'all are a little slow on the uptake tonight, huh?
that's ok. it's not your fault you don't get my humor. not many do.

hahaha can I poke you in the eye for that hmmmmm

[Wolverine]

lol.
got'cha!