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03-01-2006, 09:55 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Little did I know...
Supporting Member 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Idaho Panhandle
Posts: 3,675
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Jack Bauer and 24
Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. (FYI - Nina Meyers is a double agent/nemesis whom Jack shot in the first year - but she survived because she was wearing a bullet proof vest) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it. Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay. When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer". In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life? Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice. Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're ********** dead." Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal. It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris. The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?" Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg. After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
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03-01-2006, 11:01 AM
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#4 (permalink) | |
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Girl, Infracted
Supporting Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 6,061
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Re: Jack Bauer and 24
Quote:
 Doncha just LOVE Jack Bauer? 
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03-01-2006, 11:25 AM
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#7 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Birmingham, England
Posts: 6,007
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Re: Jack Bauer and 24
24 is THE best show ever and Jack is ultra cool.
I watched the box sets of the first 2 series and at the moment I'm 16 hours through the 3rd box set. (The hotel guests are freaking that the virus is out) Every hero you've ever heard of has been distilled into Jacks character. You've gotta hand it to Keifer for the delivery. This is even better than The Waltons
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03-01-2006, 01:00 PM
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#10 (permalink) |
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aka: Elegant Jade
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Right here.................
Posts: 5,494
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Re: Jack Bauer and 24
I've loved this show from the very beginning. I've never missed an episode. I view this program alone so no one will bother me or speak out loud at the wrong time. If the phone rings and it is for me, my family knows to tell the caller I will call them back after the show.
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