Do you ever wish you were dead? I do

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:59 am

I just had a call, the vet is operating on my cat, he has a lump. If it;s near the pancreas then he will only have up to a week to live which is looking likely. He is under the anesthetic now. What else can go wrong? I adore that cat, I wish I were dead.

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:02 am

This is my baby.

Attached files

Post by **spot** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:08 am

Life's a balance, CG. It's easy to see it as pointless. Some of it can be fun sometimes. Nothing's immortal, not even you. That can be a relief just as much as it can be a downer. If you can't see anything you enjoy doing then you're not looking at the right bits, they're there all around you. If a pet - or a person, come to that - has had a good time because of you then you've done your part and you can feel pleased with yourself. Someone else will need you eventually, wishing you were dead isn't going to help you find out who they are or what they need.

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:20 am

crazygal;640563 wrote: I just had a call, the vet is operating on my cat, he has a lump. If it;s near the pancreas then he will only have up to a week to live which is looking likely. He is under the anesthetic now. What else can go wrong? I adore that cat, I wish I were dead.

Claire darling please talk to someone. You know we are all here for you sweetheart. May not seem like it right now but, I promise you this.......... Things will get easier.

You're in my thoughts:-4 :-4

SlipStream · Post by **SlipStream** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:35 am

have done b4 But not at the mo joe.

saffy · Post by **saffy** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:38 am

second thoughts

I posted something else but haven't been here for a bit so don't know what else has happened so had second thoughts on posting my original post.

Anyway, I'm sorry you feel the way you do..it's crappy. But all things come to an end and I hope your kitty has a peaceful one.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:57 am

The pain of losing my 'pupster' last year was indescribable & my heart really goes out to you. :-1

In answer to the question - no i never wish i was dead.

SpiderSam · Post by **SpiderSam** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:28 am

Awwwww Claire hunni. You know where I am if you want to natter. The poor baby. I know how much you love him as well. Pets become so much a part of our lives it's so hard when they are like this. Huge massive hugs for you. XXXXXX

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:36 am

almostfamous;640593 wrote: CG I know you're going through a rough time right now. I'm sure I don't know everything but more than one thing is more than enough when you're going it alone. Just remember Jade and Ryan need you to be strong; even if you feel like the trials will never end. They will.

In answer to your question, yes, I've felt that way a few times, once recently. What got me through it? Kept me from pulling the trigger? My parents, because whatever was affecting me to the point of despair was affecting them because they loved me. If I had taken my own life, it would have only caused them more pain and I would have been taking the easy way out.

I think and hope you're not being serious but know that there are people that need you and you need to take care of yourself! Tell all these people causing drama in your life to eff off, ask NT, I've been doing it left and right.

I'm not going to downplay the cat thing because if it were my kallee I would be extrememly upset, she's like my child so I understand your concern. Just keep your chin up, things will brighten up, they have to.

:yh_flower

Just like what Almostfamous has said try and keep yourself Strong for Jade & Ryan they need you so much & you need them to, you will be thankful when this horrible time will pass and you will see that you have become a lot stronger.

Its just a hurdle in your life and you need to make it over that hurdle, there will be many more to come, keep your head up girl and all my best wishes are with you.:-4 :-4

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:12 am

Thanks, I read all of your posts, just not the energy to reply to them all right now. I have just got back from Social Services and they are taking my son tomorrow. The vet called while I was there and Smokey is riddled with cancer. I decided to have him home as he isn't suffering, it was so sudden. They said he could have 2 days, 2 weeks or even 2 months. As soon as he is suffering I'll let him go but right now I can't, I need him to be with me. Yesterday I had both my boys, today I am loosing them both. I hate life, it's so cruel.

SpiderSam · Post by **SpiderSam** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:53 am

Claire, lets hope this is the wake up call that Ryan needs then hun. He will always know that you love him to bits and vice versa. You can see that with the two of you together even if his behaviour hides it sometimes. I hope Smokey does not suffer too much. We once had a cat riddled with Leukaemia. Remember you know where I am!

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:02 am

SpiderSam;640676 wrote: Claire, lets hope this is the wake up call that Ryan needs then hun. He will always know that you love him to bits and vice versa. You can see that with the two of you together even if his behaviour hides it sometimes. I hope Smokey does not suffer too much. We once had a cat riddled with Leukaemia. Remember you know where I am!

Yeah too far, lol. Thanks Sam. Holly just said that to me, the two of you are so close, it's going to be very hard for both of you. She isn't wrong. Having Jade should help but it makes it worse as I feel more guilty that he isn't getting to be with her. He loves her so much and loves feeding and cuddling her.

SpiderSam · Post by **SpiderSam** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:26 am

Well maybe being away from here will make him realize that he should be with her and you and not with someone else. Lets hope so. I really do.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:31 am

Oh CGirl, Life is cruel. Lean on your peers and take the strength they have to offer you. And like others have said, your children need you do not give up.

Loss of a pet is incredibly difficult but imagine what your children would feel if they lost you.

I don't have any wise words for you other than hang in there.

Beams :-6

Minks

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:38 am

:yh_hugs Claire :yh_hugs

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:47 am

SpiderSam;640695 wrote: Well maybe being away from here will make him realize that he should be with her and you and not with someone else. Lets hope so. I really do.

It had better, he'll be home soon, so will Smokey. Gonna sleep with Ryan tonight in his bed and just cuddle him all night. Jade is gonna be in my room as usual and my sister having my bed. Jade can cope for a night without me I'm sure, lol. I just need to be with Ryan right now.

minks;640698 wrote: Oh CGirl, Life is cruel. Lean on your peers and take the strength they have to offer you. And like others have said, your children need you do not give up.

I am, they have helped so much. I'm just gonna feel so isolated without him here. There are people I won't see, things I usually do that I won't be doing. It's just gonna be Jade and I at home as I can't face seeing my friends with their kids, Ryan's friends.

Loss of a pet is incredibly difficult but imagine what your children would feel if they lost you.

I don't have any wise words for you other than hang in there.

Beams :-6

Minks

sunny104;640761 wrote: :yh_hugs Claire :yh_hugs

Strange isn't it but they do become part of the family. Some cats and other pets aren't so much so. Not all cats go everywhere with and sleep with you. He used to come from Eastbourne to London on my lap on the trains with a lead on! He will be irreplaceable. I always said I would get another cat once the time came but I just can't. None will be like him.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:51 am

i never wish i was dead but i bet there are a few that wish i was ,i absolutely refuse point blank to ever get down for too long ,things go bad someone says cheer up things could be worse then before you cheer up things do get worse ,for some of us life is a struggle but you know what we still have a good life ,honest we do ,turn on the TV watch all those kids in Africa who are bringing up their younger brothers and sisters coz their parents have died of aids ,turn on your tap drink some nice clean water then think of all the millions that have to walk miles just to get a drink ,my life has been smashed to pieces but i know i'm lucky i have a bed to sleep in ,i open the fridge (ok a bit too often

) and i have food millions are crying out in pain with hunger pains, yes your down i'm down AF and her whole family are down but we can rebuild it is in our power, i feel really sorry for the poor sods in the third world ,all they have is hunger ,poverty and to watch each other die of disease and malnutrition ... and you know what despite all their hell on earth existence they cling on to and fight for their very lives every day ....so should we ,we have it all going for us really

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:57 am

jimbo;640773 wrote: i never wish i was dead but i bet there are a few that wish i was ,i absolutely refuse point blank to ever get down for too long ,things go bad someone says cheer up things could be worse then before you cheer up things do get worse ,for some of us life is a struggle but you know what we still have a good life ,honest we do ,turn on the TV watch all those kids in Africa who are bringing up their younger brothers and sisters coz their parents have died of aids ,turn on your tap drink some nice clean water then think of all the millions that have to walk miles just to get a drink ,my life has been smashed to pieces but i know i'm lucky i have a bed to sleep in ,i open the fridge (ok a bit too often

) and i have food millions are crying out in pain with hunger pains, yes your down i'm down AF and her whole family are down but we can rebuild it is in our power, i feel really sorry for the poor sods in the third world ,all they have is hunger ,poverty and to watch each other die of disease and malnutrition ... and you know what despite all their hell on earth existence they cling on to and fight for their very lives every day ....so should we ,we have it all going for us really

I think of them too and tell Ryan lots that he should think himself lucky that he has a TV when he complains I turn it off. Some people have never ever seen one. Easy to say to someone but doesn't help the pain feel any less. I wish I could feel that way. I will when he's back home.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:20 am

crazygal;640779 wrote: I think of them too and tell Ryan lots that he should think himself lucky that he has a TV when he complains I turn it off. Some people have never ever seen one. Easy to say to someone but doesn't help the pain feel any less. I wish I could feel that way. I will when he's back home.

i have said it before cg ,if you smash your thumb with a hammer knowing that some has had their legs blown off by a landmine and is in much more pain than you dont stop your thumb from hurting at all does it??

its like when chantelle was missing i was fearing the worst i could not eat sleep or even breath my chest was so tight but i knew no matter what happened i had to pull myself together for the sake of my other kids

its not easy or every one would do it but its not impossible either

i think its because i'm week and can cry and have a fit that gets me through things but its the strenght within me that gets me up and going again

what is strongest the thin feeble reed or the mighty oak tree ???

well the mighty oak can get broken by the strong winds and lay smashed on the ground beyond repair where the feeble reed just bends with the wind and when the wind stops it just straitens its self up again and basks in the sunshine ...... be a reed like me :-6 yes i have probably used the wrong reed spelling :rolleyes:

Post by **spot** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:25 am

jimbo;640797 wrote: yes i have probably used the wrong reed spelling :rolleyes: Nope. Three spelling errors, one missing vital apostrophe but the right reed.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:28 am

spot;640801 wrote: Nope. Three spelling errors, one missing vital apostrophe but the right reed.

thanks spot :wah: :wah:

who was the vital apostle

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:39 am

yes, to answer the question...yes I do...:-1 :-1

but I keep on pushing on...have to and then I'm thankful for my blessings...

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:44 am

Oh you guys we are all better off alive than dead, if nothing else for the sake of our children.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:58 am

minks;640814 wrote: Oh you guys we are all better off alive than dead, if nothing else for the sake of our children.

YOu are right...having a moment sorry....:-1

My boys keep me hopping that is for sure!:-4

and my sweet friends here at FG:-4

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:12 am

hmmm, I've been there and discovered I didn't really want to be dead, I just wanted to kill the pain...This too shall pass CG.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:13 am

zinkyusa;640827 wrote: hmmm, I've been there and discovered I didn't really want to be dead, I just wanted to kill the pain...This too shall pass CG.

:-6 :-6

A REAL BATTLER

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:40 am

you have got alot going on at the moment,please talk to someone we are all here you know that. xxx

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:02 pm

Theres a moral to every story.

What I mean is after mourning if thats what it comes to find the blessing in the moments that filled you with joy. Pain is a wonderful teacher.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 3:07 pm

I think Jimbo said all that needs saying but...

yes I have wanted to die.

There are things that when your life is hell, can send you right over the edge. Big things, little things, doesn't matter.

If you had real depression, I would tell you differently CG, but I'm thinking this is not depression but just you having too much to say grace over.

You have to take it like a woman.

Stand up to it, look it in the eye and knock it down.

Because you can.

Because you're still bigger than it is.

DelicateDominatrix · Post by **DelicateDominatrix** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:09 pm

Love you Claire hun hugs,, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:13 pm

RedGlitter;641055 wrote: I think Jimbo said all that needs saying but...

yes I have wanted to die.

There are things that when your life is hell, can send you right over the edge. Big things, little things, doesn't matter.

If you had real depression, I would tell you differently CG, but I'm thinking this is not depression but just you having too much to say grace over.

You have to take it like a woman.

Stand up to it, look it in the eye and knock it down.

Because you can.

Because you're still bigger than it is.

Whoa!! Depression comes in many forms, how can you know that any one of us here is, or is not suffering from depression?

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:24 pm

Betty Boop;641141 wrote: Whoa!! Depression comes in many forms, how can you know that any one of us here is, or is not suffering from depression?

i suffered from a form of depression when i lost my dad,i went through a very dark tunnel which i could not see a light at the end.............and when you get someone very close to say "get a grip" i was sad to think that there are people out there that just cant or will not understand

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:36 pm

:yh_flower Claire, i am so sad reading your posts and my heart goes out to you at this awful time in your life.

I guess nothing we can say will make you feel better at the prospect of you losing your son (temporarily) (sp)and your adorable puddy.

All i can say is, we'll be here for you, night or day.

When my little mum was poorly the warmth and love i felt from fg'ers was tremendous i'm certain they'll be here for you.

Take care of you, be strong for Jade and Ryan, i'm sure you'll come through these dark times.

Kate X :yh_flower

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:09 pm

Betty Boop;641141 wrote: Whoa!! Depression comes in many forms, how can you know that any one of us here is, or is not suffering from depression?

My experience with a brief depression myself but also in dealing with a husband who has clinical depression is that this kind of thread deserves no response at all.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:22 pm

koan;641182 wrote: My experience with a brief depression myself but also in dealing with a husband who has clinical depression is that this kind of thread deserves no response at all.

Ten bucks that lands you in hot water.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:25 pm

Nomad;641197 wrote: Ten bucks that lands you in hot water.

well, what's new? :-3

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:06 pm

koan;641182 wrote: My experience with a brief depression myself but also in dealing with a husband who has clinical depression is that this kind of thread deserves no response at all.

Too many emotions here for me

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:21 pm

Everyone is here to listen, help you in anyway we can.

:-4

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:07 pm

There was a point in my life where I would pray, yes pray, that I would just not wake up in the morning. That was a long time ago; and thank God for unanswered prayers. Now I pray that I live to be around 96. There is far too much good that no matter how bad it gets; it ain't as bad as someone else has it. That didn't come out right. There is just too many wonderous things in the world for me to wish I was dead. There might be a story I would miss telling, a woman I wouldn't get to fall in love with, a new place to see, a song I had never heard before that just made my day. Way too many good things.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:27 pm

Betty Boop;641141 wrote: Whoa!! Depression comes in many forms, how can you know that any one of us here is, or is not suffering from depression?

Because I have it myself. And I can pretty much tell the difference between feeling sorry for yourself and being truly depressed. Sorry if you don't like what I said but it stands.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:29 pm

koan;641182 wrote: My experience with a brief depression myself but also in dealing with a husband who has clinical depression is that this kind of thread deserves no response at all.

Well put, Koan.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:00 pm

Claire..is your son pushing you to the edge by his attitude and or mental quirks..is there a health services you could take him too..child counseling maybe? i have four kids..my third son is classified bipolar..he was very hard to raise when he refused his meds..and bounced constantly..i finally just had to see counseling for me to learn how to deal with him and not react to his moods....I love him with all my heart..but i admit i am not as close to him as the others..he never let me in his circle...my other three are close and we all talk while devin constantly caused chaos and heartbreak....i can understand you needing a break..its hard to deal with kids even if there is no emotional probs going on and you have three....a baby and two little boys...and you are losing a beloved pet....but believe me life goes on..before you know it , the kids will be grown..another pet will be in your life .....trust me...i know...

i am only taking a guess here as to what might be going on....and showing you others have gone through this...there was a time i wanted to take devin and drop him off at defacs myself..cause he could push me to the edge of my sanity....i just never got that far but believe me i wanted to...and anybody you ever talk to will tell you i am a damn good mom..i am just human also...and we all can only take so much........btw-he is eighteen years old now . quit school..and is working full time...he is making his way through life as he wants it...i just had to learn to stand back and let him be...take care claire...

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:24 am

RedGlitter;641269 wrote: Because I have it myself. And I can pretty much tell the difference between feeling sorry for yourself and being truly depressed. Sorry if you don't like what I said but it stands.

Wow, so now you're a doctor :-2

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:36 am

Yes i have wished I were dead before, didn't do anything about it because my step-daughters have already lost their mum and didn't want to put my daughter through the same thing or my hubby through it twice.

But it wasn't over an animal, animals can be replaced children can't. Priorities need to be re-ailigned here. Sorry if that offends you but not sorry I said it.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:51 am

Betty Boop;641141 wrote: Whoa!! Depression comes in many forms, how can you know that any one of us here is, or is not suffering from depression?

:yh_clap

koan;641182 wrote: My experience with a brief depression myself but also in dealing with a husband who has clinical depression is that this kind of thread deserves no response at all.

That's a bit harsh

Betty Boop;641354 wrote: Wow, so now you're a doctor :-2

:yh_rotfl

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 4:03 am

Had to bump this up as i wanted to respond to Claire and i havent been able to get on here much in the past few days,, so just catching up.

Claire, my heart goes out to you for you and your son:-4 i have no idea what you have really been going through or what the circumstances are, but i know you must be in a lot of pain, and these are going to be very hard times for you all. I will not comment or give an opinion as i am not in your shoes, but i will say everyone is different. we have different strenghths and weaknesses, and cant always cope with things in the same way. We just do our best in our own way, and i believe you have and are just trying to cope and get through this in the best way you are capable of, and to help your son in the process.

never give up hope Claire, my thoughts are with you:-4 :-4 :yh_hugs

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 5:02 am

Betty Boop;641354 wrote: Wow, so now you're a doctor :-2

Are you having some sort of problem with me Betty Boop and Buttercup? Not only did you take wrong what I said to CG, you failed to see that I was giving her support that didn't involve a a bunch of "my heart goes out to you" bs. If you have something to say to me then just speak your piece and be done with it. All these people who chose to mollycoddle CG, fine, I'm not. She put her business out there and everyone's allowed to comment regardless of which way they go. You don't like what I said, fine. Noted. Now get over it.

Imladris;641355 wrote:

But it wasn't over an animal, animals can be replaced children can't. Priorities need to be re-ailigned here. Sorry if that offends you but not sorry I said it.

I disagree completely with this, Immy. Animals cannot be replaced when you have one you love, any more than children can. Ever. Regardless what I think about priorities, I *think* CG was probably saying the situation with her poor cat was just the last straw. I can understand that.