The first time I was 19. I was studying Industrial Design and had to draw natural landscapes. So I went to this huge park and found a quiet spot by a stream. A lower class man was there, and he very humbly offered to show me some wonderful spot to draw uphill. Once there his tone changed, he produced a knife, held it to my neck, raped, robbed, and threatened me not to talk about it.
Once left alone I tried to laugh it off. Tried to consider that the only real loss was that of my watch and money, that he had taken.
The second time I was maybe 20 and was hanging out with some friends (we all did alcohol and marijuana at the time; I was supposedly in love with one of them, but he wanted “freedom”) at a coastal town. We spent that night at the house of some "friends" we had just met, and the next morning one of them offered to take me to town through the woods. Once there, same story, he produced a knife and forced me to the ground. I feigned submission and once his tongue was inside my mouth I bit it hard. His eyes widened in surprise and pain; and he threatened to cut my face. So, he then raped me. Then we walked to town, and later I cried to my friends’ shoulders, and nobody did a thing. As it had just been a misdemeanor.
The third time I was 21 or 22 and had been drinking with a man I was really attracted to (I believed it was love) and only saw occasionally, plus some of his friends. That night he casually mentioned that he was married. We had “a talk” and he gently rejected me; ours had only been an adventure for him. We all continued to drink and I lost consciousness. I woke up in a hospital, the cops had found me in the street, drunk. The male nurse who gave me the news was very annoying. My zipper was broken, a sanitary napkin that wasn‘t there the night before was between my legs, and one of my contact lenses was hidden in the corner of my eye (I thought that I had lost it, and I was poor). Then amidst all the confusion I recalled a scene from that night: that nurse running his hand over my belly, which arched under the hospital light, and he telling a colleague “Look at this! I'm gonna..." and then jumping over me.
I went home begging the bus driver to carry me for free (my money had been stolen), waited the rest of the night in an empty lot so I could return home in the morning; had decided to kill myself. Fortunately after breakfast that decision changed... Nobody deserves that fate.
And the last time I was 31, and went with a “friend” (who was only into himself) to a neighboring country to try some exotic psychedelic drug with the natives who live there in the jungle. And when I was fully into the trance, completely submissive to what this “wise shaman” had to tell me or do to me, he started to caress me and then took me to some place at a distance from his hut. I barely could walk and was entirely dependent on him. My "friend" was of course out of this world and to this day ignores what happened to me (not that I see him anymore though). The worst part is that after the rape, and for many years to follow, I took again the “no big deal” attitude.
But they all have been big deals, and I fail to express how much rancor and impotence you feel, and probably will feel until the end of days.
And how women find themselves tricked by society into believing that they can behave like men (“go to the park, go out drinking, go the jungle, have experiences, live your life to the fullest!”, hah!), and then their hands (or mouths) are tied by that same society: the shame, time lost, and uselessness of any complaint. And I’m not even counting the times that a “boyfriend” forced me into anal sex.
And then I’ve seen in other forums how people advice raped women to "get counseling”. On top of it all, *we* should invest money to fix things up?? That seems very unfair. We’ll find our ways out of it.... Certainly I've found my way out of fake friendships, drugs and alcohol, into which I fell in the first place because I never had a family: raised by strangers in a very confusing family situation, molested as a child by an old man who lived in the house... No guidance ever, except my own, but I tell you, my own guidance has been improving
Telling things in a public forum like this one is a form of release. I’ve never told anyone this detailed story before in a person to person situation, but that will come too.
for failing to quote the proper post I was referring to and the 
