Ask Uncle Kram almost nothing

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:40 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: You'll be needing new batteries for that Ninpundo.

Sorry Arnold, no punintendo

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:43 am

SnoozeControl wrote: If a Czech wore a tartan kilt... wouldn't that clash?
:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl Go to bed Snooze

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 9:18 am

Do you think a good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite ? Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. Hear that? you say. That's dynamite, baby.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 9:45 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Oh for pete's sake! We all love you to pieces, and I ask, no DEMAND that all FGer's add Rapunzel to their buddy list.

If you don't, I'll start another thread saying how abused I am... we don't want that, do we?

Hehehe, I KNEW they'd all get jealous and wanna be in my club!! :wah:

Sorry hunny, threats don't hurt me and I can't let you into my club unless you pay in chocolate bars for every post you've ever posted!

So that's 5,000+ chocolate bars to be sent to: The choccie-banana, Easter Egg Way, Cocoa Bean Bay, Mars.

Then I'll let ya in.

So basically, the more ya post, the more its gonna cost ya!

Bwahhahaha

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:02 am

Accountable wrote: An anti-clique clique? Won't that tear a hole in the space-clique contiuum?

Do you mean Uncle Kram's wife, Anti Clique-clique, the tap-dancer?

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:14 am

Uncle Kram wrote: It's a very catchy name. Would you get a badge and monthly newsletters?.

By the way I've got less hair than brains and unfortunately, my brain aint that big

.

You could smuggle me in the back door though - couldn't you Rapunzel?

Hmmm.......you've less than 1,000 posts so I CAN let you join my cliquety-clique, Uncle.

Just glue a fat rabbit on your head for extra hare...and I'll leave the cat-flap open for ya! Ok?

StupidCowboyTricks · Post by **StupidCowboyTricks** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:26 am

SnoozeControl wrote: If a Czech wore a tartan kilt... wouldn't that clash?

It would be called "Dressing British"

(Shar-iff don't like it)

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:44 pm

Nomad wrote: Do you think a good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite ? Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. Hear that? you say. That's dynamite, baby.

That should have them quaking in their boots. Remind me never to mess with you Nomad :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:49 pm

Rapunzel wrote: Do you mean Uncle Kram's wife, Anti Clique-clique, the tap-dancer?

Clique-clique and me were "Just Good Friends" so technically, she can't be your aunt, and since that nasty fall in the bathtub, she's given up the tap dancing

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:01 pm

Rapunzel wrote: Hmmm.......you've less than 1,000 posts so I CAN let you join my cliquety-clique, Uncle.

Just glue a fat rabbit on your head for extra hare...and I'll leave the cat-flap open for ya! Ok?

I will employ the services of a fat rabbit if the Bobby Charlton wig I have on mail order fails to turn up.

I have taken the unprecedented step of forsaking my sticky toffee pudding and custard in order to have a cat in hells chance of getting through the flap on my mission impossible.

P.S. I prefer the rabbit flavour whiskas, but I'm not too fussy Rapunzel

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:03 pm

StupidCowboyTricks wrote: It would be called "Dressing British"

(Shar-iff don't like it)

Say SCT...... Hows about you and me go and rock the Casbah

Whadya say?

:guitarist

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:43 pm

Far Rider wrote: I have a very tough question and I'm gonna ask it on all the "ask" threads:

Uncle Kram how bout some humor on this one, so it dont get to serious on the other threads where I asked the same thing!

How can we live with the "Militant Radical Islamic Fundamentalist" that follows a Jihad order?

How does this differ from the Islamic fundamentalist that supports the Jihad but wont fight?

And What percentage of peaceful Muslums exist on the earth in contrast to the Milatant Radical Islamic Fundamentalist?

Can I ask the audience or go 50-50 on this one Far?

The whole issue of Jihad is one that I find most depressing as I can see no end to it. As long as hatred is indoctrinated in the young and impressionable, I only see radicalism spreading like an incurable cancer.

Even though my hometown was bombed by the IRA in 1974, we never felt particularly at risk. But of course the whole world turned on its head post 9/11 and I think very few of us feel safe anymore. Fact is , there have been, and almost certainly still are, Al Qaeda cells in my hometown, so we're probably gonna feel like that for the rest of our lives.

Personally, I can't see the difference between militant radicals and those that support them. Killing in the name of religion?- That's why I don't buy into it.

I suppose that the majority of Muslims are as concerned about the state of the world and the safety of their families as we are, and if there is a voice of reason to be listend to, it has to come from them.

Trouble is, when you distort a religion to justify your own agenda, you're past the point of listening. And it's not just Muslims that are guilty of that.

Anyway Far, I don't do serious so I'm probably talking bollocks and I'll leave this one to my more learned friends

StupidCowboyTricks · Post by **StupidCowboyTricks** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:48 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: Say SCT...... Hows about you and me go and rock the Casbah

Whadya say?

:guitarist

.........

Darling you gotta let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

If you say that you are mine

IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be here Ã¢â‚¬â„¢til the end of time

So you got to let know

Should I stay or should I go?

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:50 pm

Dear Uncle Kram

My female cat is in heat. However my male cats are both fixed. The poor thing is in need of some loving. Is there anyway you can come do a housecall and help poor Lilo out?

:p

StupidCowboyTricks · Post by **StupidCowboyTricks** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:53 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: If you have a trick knee, does that mean it can pull a rabbit out of its hat?

I thought it was something Prostitutes have.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:01 am

Clancy wrote: Dear Unc,

I saw a news header regarding the proposed remake of the tv show, 'The Office' for a french audience.....

..........how are they going to make the French David Brent even more of a social nightmare than your average frenchman?

I think you've hit the nail on the tete there Clancy. This idea must surely run out of steam and fall at the first hurdle. ( blimey - I can't get a metaphor in edgeways)

Not being au fait with French humour, and I'm led to believe they do have one, it's difficult to say if it could work. This of course was said about the American version and that became a success as it's more or less the same language.

The key element of course is Ricky Gervais - I mean, who else could dance like that outside of a wedding reception?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:09 am

SnoozeControl wrote: If you have a trick knee, does that mean it can pull a rabbit out of its hat?

Dear Snooze

I would love to answer you question, but I'm reluctant to transgress the stringent code of The Magic Circle or I'd never be allowed to "find" coins behind childrens ears ever again.

I once had "Tennis Elbow" in both elbows simultaneously which was extremely painful and required Cortisone injections.

The funny thing was, I had'nt even been playing tennis!

Would you Adam & Eve it?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:12 am

StupidCowboyTricks wrote:

.........

Darling you gotta let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

If you say that you are mine

IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be here Ã¢â‚¬â„¢til the end of time

So you got to let know

Should I stay or should I go?

I once owned a leather bikers jacket that had once belonged to Joe Strummer. I foolishly gave it to one of my mates. Imagine that on e-bay now

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:19 am

Sheryl wrote: Dear Uncle Kram

My female cat is in heat. However my male cats are both fixed. The poor thing is in need of some loving. Is there anyway you can come do a housecall and help poor Lilo out?

:p

Sure Sheryl

Always happy to do home visits in Texas after morning surgery. Would you be able to send a photo? - ..and she's definately female right?...I' mean there's nothing odd about me.

I've got a few domestic shortcomings to attend to this morning then I'll be off to get "Lilo" tattooed on my arm

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:21 am

StupidCowboyTricks wrote: I thought it was something Prostitutes have.

Q:What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?

A:You can't make a vitamin

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:23 am

Do you think you could ever be more "aware" than you are right after you hit your thumb with a hammer ?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:34 am

Nomad wrote: Do you think you could ever be more "aware" than you are right after you hit your thumb with a hammer ?

Highly unlikely I'd say, with the notable exception of getting the old danglebag caught in a bacon slicer

StupidCowboyTricks · Post by **StupidCowboyTricks** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:43 am

Uncle Kram wrote: Q:What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?

A:You can't make a vitamin

:wah: lmao!

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:19 pm

Do you think these threads (ask so and so) are an effective way to get to know our members very well?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:40 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Is being punny an inherently British ability or can anyone learn?

There is no doubting that puns are an intrinsic part of British humour, and the British press are prime exponents of playing with the quirks and double-meanings of our native tongue.

Of course, they're not everyones cup of tea at home or abroad. I'm led to believe that in some Mormon controlled areas, an over-exposure to puns if delivered in a Scottish-English pincer movement, may induce loud and prolonged screaming in the victim.

This has yet to be verified by wav file evidence though.

You could consider an Open University course in puns Snooze, but you already have the requisite credentials

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:39 pm

Dear uncle kram, do you think that it is good for one's mental health to operate a cyber advice column that it viscious and cruel? I believe it is an excellent method of catharsis for one's own troubles, however, that may be just speculation?

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 12:16 pm

What gives you strength when you are feeling your lowest (don't say spinnach)?

SweetDarlin · Post by **SweetDarlin** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 12:26 pm

Alone on an island with Minks... and Far shows up... half dead (roflmao)

would ya kill him off to be alone with her?

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 12:36 pm

SweetDarlin wrote: Alone on an island with Minks... and Far shows up... half dead (roflmao)

would ya kill him off to be alone with her?

ahaha do ya think Sweet is stalkin me??

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 12:43 pm

What is your favorite "crisp" thing to masticate?

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:10 pm

Far Rider wrote: for the last time..... Minks is my SISTER!:wah:

ooo Kram ya got permission to "off" Far, I may protest that one hehehehehe

covenant · Post by **covenant** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:25 pm

Far Rider wrote: Thanks sissy.... I think????:-3

why?? God why!!!!?

Ooo hang on,... just found it.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:26 pm

covenant wrote: why?? God why!!!!?

Ooo hang on,... just found it.

do explain??

covenant · Post by **covenant** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:28 pm

minks wrote: do explain??

Itr was there and then it just....disappeared, most strange.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:33 pm

covenant wrote: Itr was there and then it just....disappeared, most strange.

it??? oh never mind how are ya haven't seen you about in awhile.

covenant · Post by **covenant** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:34 pm

minks wrote: it??? oh never mind how are ya haven't seen you about in awhile.

Ah! there you are your Highness,

my apologies, I've been somewhat distracted...

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:38 pm

covenant wrote: Ah! there you are your Highness,

my apologies, I've been somewhat distracted...

I am never far from my throne ahahaha so what has been your distraction of late... sorry Krammy we are having a chit chat in your space

covenant · Post by **covenant** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:44 pm

minks wrote: I am never far from my throne ahahaha so what has been your distraction of late... sorry Krammy we are having a chit chat in your space

Life, lost loves, new challenges, the pursuit of perfection, you know, the usual:D