Rewind 10 years, i'm recently single after having my two children and i'm having the best time finding myself again and at 23 i understood the meaning of young free and single!!
My friend introduced me to a guy and for the first time i felt that i'd met my true soulmate, i was in lurve!! Anyway we became good friends and started going out, 3 weeks later we decide tom night is going to be THE NIGHT!!
Well the next morning i decide i'm going to make myself irresitable for him, i start with the de fuzzing, i phone to book a bikini wax but no appts, so i decide to use hair removal cream. Cream applied, the phone rings, i start chatting to my friend telling her that tonight was going to be the night, all of a sudden i'm aware of a burning sensation, panic sets in- i check the clock, cream has been on 30 mins time needed 10!!!!!! I'm now having to put sudocream on my burnt area. Never mind i thought it'll be dark he wont be able to see.
After hours (yes, i really do mean hours) i'm happy with my reflection in the mirror, just as i'm about to go out the door, nerves set in and my bladder control is no longer! I didn't even realise i'd drunk that much through the day! By now i'm running half an hour late. When i finally get to the pub i decide i'll have a drink to settle the nerves, all of a sudden he say's it's time to go home! I step outside the pub and realise i can no longer see properly and went on to try to convince him that if we close 1 eye we can see so much better, halfway home i'm so rat arsed that i sit down in a car park refusing to move, after telling me numerous times to stop singing and shouting he decides to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder (yes, literally) to get me home.
We go indoors and the nerves are off again, i'm here with a man that's 13 years older (lots more experience), i've now had children (not sure if i'd been doing enough pelvic floor exercises), and he's now laying in my bed waiting for me!!!!!
I go upstairs and make my way over to him, i start to kiss him and feel the butterflys moving.....heck thats no butterflys- it's the jack daniels, and it's defantly moving!!!
I run as gracefully as a drunk women can, to the toilet. After what i presume was a long time he come to see if i'm okay.. oh my god he opens the door and starts to rub my back as i'm throwing my guts up, and it gets worse i start crying coz i'm being sick and start asking for my mum (something i still do to this day).
Next thing i know i open my eyes to see him smiling down at me and stroking my hair, my mouth as dry as a birds cage and head thumping i make my way to the bathroom, i catch site of my reflection, it actually made me jump! i'm now wearing mascara all over my face, i'd fallen asleep with my contacts in so the whites of my eyes are no longer, they are red, my hair that i'd spent hours to straighten was now resembling a 1970's throwback, i groan to myself and start cleaning myself up. S***, S***, and S*** i realise i have no clothes on, he'd undressed me, i look down and it looks as though i have a red thong on thanks to the accident with the hair removal cream, even worse i have to try to get back to the bedroom whilst covering myself with just a flannel.
I crept back into the bedroom and was relieved to see that he'd fallen back to sleep, there was someone looking down on me (ok probably laughing).
Anyway fast forward to the present, i'm still with my soulmate after 10 years :-4
Did your planned night live up to your expectations????????
