Hi Everyone

[strongirl56]

I've been through a lot lately and I have through a lot of ups and downs, and since I'm here I guess I can say I made it through fairly well. I've messed up big time in school because I plagiarized a paper that I wrote a couple of months ago and then I got an academic dishonesty report for it, and now that's going to be on my college record, and I am on disciplinary probation, and I still have to go to those writing workshops. Then I have to forced myself to let go of James and I made some good progress, this past Sunday marked the one month date, of me not having any contact with him, I was so pride of myself that day, but I called me yesterday. I still couldn't let go of him, seeing couples together gets to me, and since I do want James to be my boyfriend, I couldn't help myself, so I called him, he didn't pick up though *sigh*, all the pain and torture that I put myself through cuz of him. I know that I'm in love of the idea of being in love, how could I not when everywhere I go I see couples everywhere, it hurts for me inside deep in my heart to know that I couldn't be part of a couple. I'm jealous and envious of them. I want what they have too. It makes me feel bad, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough, that's the reason why I still don't have boyfriend, and it hurts me so much. I want to have my boyfriend go shopping with me, go on dates with me, go watch movies with me too, just like so many young people my age do too. Its just that i can't shake the feeling that something is indeed wrong with me. It makes me have low self-esteem, unhappy, lonely, it makes me feel bad. And yet at the same time, I know that happiness is in my own hands. I don't know I'm really confused. I know that I have friends and other guy friends and my family who cares about me but it's just not the same as having boyfriend who loves me. *sigh* I'm so uncertain about my future, I'm questioning myself whether I should join the Master of Social Work program, it's so discouraging how the application process is for that program, the application is two hundred pages in itself, and we have to turn in six other documents in additional to that. I also walked out on my best friend and my ex while we were hanging out, didn't bother picking up their phone calls when they called me, so now my ex said that he never want to have anything to do with me again, cuz I acted so childishly and immature that day at least my best friend understands. My best friend (who is also dating my ex) told my ex that I've been having sex with James (based on an email in my myspace, I feel so betrayed cuz she looked through that mail in my myspace, to clarify the email doesn't exist guys) and my ex told me that someone spread that rumor about me, and I was so mad. I talked to my best friend about for about an hour, and thats when she told me the truth. She said that since I didn't give her and my ex a straight when they asked me whether I had sex with James or not, that she had no other choice. She said she had to look through my emails to know what's going on in my life since I won't tell her, such a good best friend that she is. Me and her has been friends for seven years, I can't believe she would do something to me like that. My parents and I went shopping and I got around three hundred dollars worth of stuff, but then the next day I had an argument with my mom. I've had enough. There's been too much **** going on in my life and I was really to blow, so I did. I love Danny I just do. He is someone that I depend on the most, someone that I can't imagine not having in my life. We both like each other, but due to age and race (problems), we just can't be together. To me, Danny is my substitute boyfriend, we barely have time to hang out together, but it's ok, he knows me so well. Me and Danny had a history with each other, he knows that when I need him, I actually mean it. He's hurt me in the past, have even broken my heart, but Danny has this power over me, he can make me feel happy, safe, secure when I'm with him. He knows exactly what to do and say to make me happy. I just couldn't let Danny go, cuz he has a place in my heart that nobody could replace. Like yesterday, I know that he's very busy at work that he usually don't pick up the phone, I called him up, left him a voicemail that said I just want to talk to you, he called me right back. I called him again cuz I was at the doctors and left him another voicemail, it would be so much better if you were here, it would sure calm my nerves down. As soon as I got out of the doctors, I called him again, and he picked up and talk to me, it proves to me that he cares about me. I've also projected my feelings for James onto one of my guy friends and that was so stupid, he told me to stop being his girlfriend, to stop trying to control me and that sometimes he hates chatting with me, that he never want to talk to me again, but after I gave him time to cool down, we began to talk to each other again. I don't like the relationship that my best friend is having with my ex, my ex is always digging up her past and torturing her with it, that is so wrong, but what can I do about it nothing. Yes it's nice that school is out, I will admit to the fact, that I feel happier, carefree, refresh, more stress free but I still remember all the problems that are going on in my life in the back of my mind. I have like about two weeks time to enjoy my summer vacation before school starts, let's just hope that when school starts and I see James again, I wouldn't get all weak and try to be his girlfriend again, cuz I've been convinced that I could do better than James (he flirts with other girls too much, he does it even in front of me, havent called me once since august 8 and he supposedly likes me too HA yeah right right girls?

p.s. i feel so much better letting that out

[G-man]

Wow, that's a lot to take in! I'm glad that you feel better letting all that out. The best advice that I can offer you, is to slow down and focus on you... one step at a time. Move on with your studies and learn from your mistakes, eventually it will be left in the past, just don't steal the work of another, again. I know that you are capable of expressing your own ideas and thoughts, as we can clearly see from this novel here.

Do focus on yourself and your future, however... and happiness will eventually follow. Regarding your peers and lovers who aren't contributing to making you a better person, don't allow that type of person in your life anymore.

[Chezzie]

G-man;978525 wrote: Wow, that's a lot to take in! I'm glad that you feel better letting all that out. The best advice that I can offer you, is to slow down and focus on you... one step at a time. Move on with your studies and learn from your mistakes, eventually it will be left in the past, just don't steal the work of another, again. I know that you are capable of expressing your own ideas and thoughts, as we can clearly see from this novel here.

Do focus on yourself and your future, however... and happiness will eventually follow. Regarding your peers and lovers who aren't contributing to making you a better person, don't allow that type of person in your life anymore.


Good Advice.

You want too much too soon...Slow right down, enjoy your freedom, enjoy no ties friendships. plenty of time for love, have fun...Life is far to short to have stresses at your age hun....Live life to the max:-4

[flopstock]

So... hi:-6

Tell me something great about you that I might not guess right away if I met you in person.............