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I miss my best friend so much. He was not just my best friend, he was also the only friend that I had. Many people don't want to be my friend and avoid me because they say that I'm fat, short and ugly. They say they're ashamed to be with me because I'm so ugly. Anyway, Larry wasn't like that. We met 5 years ago, through the internet. He found me on a Catholic Friendship website and e-mailed me, asking to be my friend. A few e-mails later, he asked to have dinner with me. I knew it was risky, meeting a complete stranger like that, but me being so lonely and everything, I decided to take that risk. It's a risk that I've never regretted.

He was the nicest, kindest, gentlest, most compassionate person that I've evr met in my entire life. He was very charming and never acted like he was ashamed to be with me. He never mentioned that I was ugly. He asked to see me again. We went sightseeing a week after our first meeting. He asked me out again. This time, we went to the movies. We became great friends.

He e-mailed me every day, called me up on the phone once a week to see how I was doing and sent me several cards on various holidays ( Christmas, Valentine's Day, my birthday, etc. ) . whenever I had a problem, he would always listent patiently and gave me great advice.

The friendship lasted for five years. It was the best 5 years of my life. For once in my life, I didn't feel like I was alone in this world. He was a loyal friend. His friendship was consistent.

January of this year, he asked me to marry him. We were supposed to get married next year, in February. I was so happy. Then, something happened. The doctors found a tumour on his pancreas. They operated on him. He recovered and went back home. A few days later, he was in severe pain and had to go back into the hospital. The doctors found a fluid buildup in his lungs and they didn't know where it was coming from. His urine was bright red. He had to be put on a respirator. He couldn't breathe very well on his own. He passed away on October 6, 2008. His death really shook me up.

I cried a lot and still feel very, very sad. Now, I feel like I am all alone in this world. He was my only friend. I haven't dreamed about him yet and I haven't received any signs or after death communications from him yet but I hope that he will come into my dreams soon. He left this world as my fiance. I will always miss him. I talk to him every day, not knowing whether he can hear me or not.

I am so sorry for your loss Nok :-4

It made me sad to read your post, your self estem seems rock bottom, life really is to short to feel so down on yourself. Maybe their is a support group in your area for people who have lost someone, that may be a way to make some more friends, seems as though you need friends now more than ever. :-4

Hello, Nok. I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss of your friend. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, I'm here as are many others who will gladly give you what comfort we can.



You are so very shy but you needn't worry. We can't see what you look like if that is what bothers you nor would it matter to us if you were as ugly as you say. We can only see your words anyway. This forum is about friendship mostly and we come here to share our thoughts and lives with each other.



Welcome to Forum Garden.

nok;1071645 wrote:

I haven't dreamed about him yet and I haven't received any signs or after death communications from him yet but I hope that he will come into my dreams soon. He left this world as my fiance. I will always miss him. I talk to him every day, not knowing whether he can hear me or not.


It's very good that you believe in an after death communication. Faith in life after life always helps in such situations. And I assure you that he still exists, in a different way, but he still exists. And he can hear you. Death is not as important moment as we are used to think. I know it from my own experience. You'll see, one day you will be together again.

nok;1071645 wrote: I miss my best friend so much. He was not just my best friend, he was also the only friend that I had. Many people don't want to be my friend and avoid me because they say that I'm fat, short and ugly. They say they're ashamed to be with me because I'm so ugly. Anyway, Larry wasn't like that. We met 5 years ago, through the internet. He found me on a Catholic Friendship website and e-mailed me, asking to be my friend. A few e-mails later, he asked to have dinner with me. I knew it was risky, meeting a complete stranger like that, but me being so lonely and everything, I decided to take that risk. It's a risk that I've never regretted.

He was the nicest, kindest, gentlest, most compassionate person that I've evr met in my entire life. He was very charming and never acted like he was ashamed to be with me. He never mentioned that I was ugly. He asked to see me again. We went sightseeing a week after our first meeting. He asked me out again. This time, we went to the movies. We became great friends.

He e-mailed me every day, called me up on the phone once a week to see how I was doing and sent me several cards on various holidays ( Christmas, Valentine's Day, my birthday, etc. ) . whenever I had a problem, he would always listent patiently and gave me great advice.

The friendship lasted for five years. It was the best 5 years of my life. For once in my life, I didn't feel like I was alone in this world. He was a loyal friend. His friendship was consistent.

January of this year, he asked me to marry him. We were supposed to get married next year, in February. I was so happy. Then, something happened. The doctors found a tumour on his pancreas. They operated on him. He recovered and went back home. A few days later, he was in severe pain and had to go back into the hospital. The doctors found a fluid buildup in his lungs and they didn't know where it was coming from. His urine was bright red. He had to be put on a respirator. He couldn't breathe very well on his own. He passed away on October 6, 2008. His death really shook me up.

I cried a lot and still feel very, very sad. Now, I feel like I am all alone in this world. He was my only friend. I haven't dreamed about him yet and I haven't received any signs or after death communications from him yet but I hope that he will come into my dreams soon. He left this world as my fiance. I will always miss him. I talk to him every day, not knowing whether he can hear me or not.




First, I want to say, welcome!



I can never replace your best friend or would even try. A best friend is forever and means everything to someone, and I am deeply sorry for your loss.

It takes a very long time for the healing process to help you remember him in the good times and bad.......it's okay to cry, its completely normal, you have lost someone that was so special in your life, grieve as you need to. It is special that you do talk to him everyday, he knows your thinking of him

My advise is to see a support group in grieving and just for yourself, to lift your self esteem.

My condolences for the loss of your friend, Nok. We are glad that you came here to the Garden and share your grief. Most all of us have lost someone we were very close to.

Please keep coming back to us and post more. We are here for you. We have threads about all topics and value your in-put.

Here's a welcome mat for you.

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Deep condolences Nok as everone has said befor me u can come on here anytime and u will always have a friend to talk to,take ur time greiving we have all lost a loved one and everyone is differant but we are all here for u.:-6

Thank you to everyone who replied. I really appreciate it and the emotional support that I'm receiving here really means a lot to me. Without it, I would find it hard to carry on with normal life activities.

To be honest with you guys and girls here, I really don't think I can stop grieving for my friend. I think, and have a feeling, that this grieving will last my whole lifetime here. Hopefully, the sadness will decrease over time and what's left will only be happy memories that I shared with Larry.

Right now, I find it extremely difficult to not isolate myself from the outside world , socialize and make new friends as my thoughts ( a lot of them, anyway) are still focusing on my friend whom I lost. I do realise that nothing I can do can bring him back to me. Maybe time will heal this situation and one day, I can be myself again.

It does last forever Nok.... but the pain of losing someone close does get easier to live with....

I lost a dear friend of mine aged just 37 3 years ago..... I still miss him terribly, but being the amazing man he was, stoopid things he would say....silly things he did... his wise words for me when I needed them..... his ability to just know there was something wrong.... all of those things about him still live on... and I'll often smile to myself when I tell myself "What would Paul say?"... which I often do ....

So you see Nok.... those that pass, never quite leave us.... well, not the good ones anyway....

(((HUG))) For you Nok

A couple of months before Larry passed away, he was supposed to give me a friendship/ engagement ring ( more like an engagement ring, actually ) . Now, that ring is lying somewhere in his apartment. I hope I will have it one day (either through supernatural or natural means, it doesn't matter). It would be meaningless in someone else's hands but it would have a very special significance for me. For me, it would be a material representation of the very special friendship that once existed.

A friend told me once that all I had to do was believe, and one day I would get that ring in my possession. I certainly hope so !



Miracles happen to those that believe.

Sorry to hear of your Loss Nok:-4

Were a friendly bunch and will try and lift our spirits a little:-6



Never believe that grief and "getting over it" is the same thing. I'm sorry to say that you never "get over it", you just deal with losing and how you deal with a loved one is what life is all about.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.:-4:-4:-4

Is it okay to send e-mails, e-cards and graphics to my dead friend ? I know that it's pointless to do that because he'll never receive them now that he's a spirit and everything but it makes me feel better when I do that. I pretend that he's still around. I've sent him so many prayers and get well cards already ( since he passed away.)

I read somewhere that deceased people might not receive the things that we send to them but it's like sending out love and they can feel that. Could that possibly be true ?

Sorry if I'm starting to sound kind of like a nutcake now. I do apologize.

Hey Nok. I am so sorry for your loss and for the way people treat you.

It makes me sad to ready this thread... Us here in FG are your friends now.

Looks aren't everything.. personality is SO much more!

nok;1084333 wrote: Is it okay to send e-mails, e-cards and graphics to my dead friend ? I know that it's pointless to do that because he'll never receive them now that he's a spirit and everything but it makes me feel better when I do that. I pretend that he's still around. I've sent him so many prayers and get well cards already ( since he passed away.)

I read somewhere that deceased people might not receive the things that we send to them but it's like sending out love and they can feel that. Could that possibly be true ?

Sorry if I'm starting to sound kind of like a nutcake now. I do apologize.


I am very sorry for your loss. It must be difficult.

I say go ahead and write them, if it helps you get through it, then do whatever helps.

In my opinion it would be no different that standing over a grave and halving a conversation with your loved one, and people do that. Consider it a modern way of praying to the one you have lost.

mikeinie;1084678 wrote: I am very sorry for your loss. It must be difficult.

I say go ahead and write them, if it helps you get through it, then do whatever helps.

In my opinion it would be no different that standing over a grave and halving a conversation with your loved one, and people do that. Consider it a modern way of praying to the one you have lost.


That's a good way of looking at it ! Thanks for your response !

ButterflyPrincess- Thank you for your emotional support ! Yes, the people here at FG are my friends now ! You guys and girls here are great. I love it here.

nok;1084333 wrote: Is it okay to send e-mails, e-cards and graphics to my dead friend ? I know that it's pointless to do that because he'll never receive them now that he's a spirit and everything but it makes me feel better when I do that. I pretend that he's still around. I've sent him so many prayers and get well cards already ( since he passed away.)

I read somewhere that deceased people might not receive the things that we send to them but it's like sending out love and they can feel that. Could that possibly be true ?

Sorry if I'm starting to sound kind of like a nutcake now. I do apologize.


....do whatever it takes, if it makes you feel better!:-6

Odie;1088058 wrote: ....do whatever it takes, if it makes you feel better!:-6


Yes, okay Odie, I shall do exactly that ! Thanks for the response .

I don't seem to be getting any ADC's ( after death communications) from my friend, Larry. It's already been about 3 months since he passed away and I'm not getting any signs that he's still around me ( no dreams, visions, voices- nothing !). I don't know whether it's because he's still a newbie in the spirit world and getting adjusted in his new surroundings " over there" or whether it's because he's totally forgotten about me.

I find it strange that I'm not getting any ADC's from Larry because when he was still alive on earth, we contacted each other daily, 2-3 times a day, sometimes more.

Or maybe he has already reincarted ? Is it possible to reincarnate after only three months ? :-3

nok;1096342 wrote: I don't seem to be getting any ADC's ( after death communications) from my friend, Larry. It's already been about 3 months since he passed away and I'm not getting any signs that he's still around me ( no dreams, visions, voices- nothing !). I don't know whether it's because he's still a newbie in the spirit world and getting adjusted in his new surroundings " over there" or whether it's because he's totally forgotten about me.

I find it strange that I'm not getting any ADC's from Larry because when he was still alive on earth, we contacted each other daily, 2-3 times a day, sometimes more.

Or maybe he has already reincarted ? Is it possible to reincarnate after only three months ? :-3


you don't always get a sign, just know he is there.:-4

Nok, it is so easy to get wrapped up in our grief, I did it with my dad. It's been almost 13yrs since I lost him, but find it comforting to go to his grave and talk to him. There is still pain from the loss, but as time has past, I find it so much easier to remember the good stuff and the fun times we had. I love to tell stories to my kids about him, all the weird and wild stuff he did and all the advice he gave us..most of it good, some of it not so good.

Time will help ease the pain, but right now do whatever helps you deal with this the most. :-4

Odie and Shelbell - Thanks so much for your responses, My Friends. :-6

Odie- Thank you for letting me know that my friend is still there, without expecting any signs from him.

Shelbell- Thank you for telling me about your dad and how time has eased your grief.

nok;1101914 wrote: Odie and Shelbell - Thanks so much for your responses, My Friends. :-6

Odie- Thank you for letting me know that my friend is still there, without expecting any signs from him.

Shelbell- Thank you for telling me about your dad and how time has eased your grief.


Anytime hun...just remember you'll always find someone here that understands what you are going thru. :-4

A friend of mine suggested I light a candle for Larry and put his picture next to the candle. I am to tell Larry the candle was lit for him and see what happens.

I am much, much better now. I have accepted the fact that Larry is no longer with me physically but he will always be there for me spiritually.

Another friend of mine told me that love never dies.

Creating two online memorials for Larry really helped me a lot in my grieving process. It helped me emotionally. At least through the memorials, his memory will not be forgotten.

Since his death, some men did ask me out for dates but I turned everyone down. I don't mean to but I keep comparing them to Larry, and nobody even half measures up to the great person Larry was. Looks like I'm going to be single for the rest of my life !

nok;1257149 wrote: A friend of mine suggested I light a candle for Larry and put his picture next to the candle. I am to tell Larry the candle was lit for him and see what happens.

I am much, much better now. I have accepted the fact that Larry is no longer with me physically but he will always be there for me spiritually.

Another friend of mine told me that love never dies.

Creating two online memorials for Larry really helped me a lot in my grieving process. It helped me emotionally. At least through the memorials, his memory will not be forgotten.

Since his death, some men did ask me out for dates but I turned everyone down. I don't mean to but I keep comparing them to Larry, and nobody even half measures up to the great person Larry was. Looks like I'm going to be single for the rest of my life !


I'm happy Nok that you have found peace.

Your memorials gave you inspiration and help during your grieving process.

Grieving take a long time, and I find myself its a day to day experience, never knowing what to expect.

Perhaps your not ready to date yet, when you have a love that strong, it can take many years.

and by all means, light that candle, just for Larry.:-6

you always know I am here for you.:-4

Odie;1257167 wrote: I'm happy Nok that you have found peace.

Your memorials gave you inspiration and help during your grieving process.

Grieving take a long time, and I find myself its a day to day experience, never knowing what to expect.

Perhaps your not ready to date yet, when you have a love that strong, it can take many years.

and by all means, light that candle, just for Larry.:-6

you always know I am here for you.:-4


Awwwwww Odie, thank you soooo much !!!! :-4 You are a lovely friend and a very good emotional support. :yh_hugs

nok;1257736 wrote: Awwwwww Odie, thank you soooo much !!!! :-4 You are a lovely friend and a very good emotional support. :yh_hugs


I know how it feels my good friend, to lose someone you really love.

You've come a long way now, its times to treat yourself to something nice!:-4

Happy Birthday, Larry ! :-4

nok;1280841 wrote: Happy Birthday, Larry ! :-4




Happy Birthday Larry.:-4

Awwwww Odie ((((((hugs))))) Thank you my friend !!!

nok;1281186 wrote: Awwwww Odie ((((((hugs))))) Thank you my friend !!!


your welcome, you know I'm always here.

(((((((hugs)))))))))