Summat to git yer teeth stuck into.....

[Imladris]

There was me thinking that your poor MIL needs some support and help

You've been incredibly patient putting up with her all these years, I'd be inclined now to tell her to sort it out herself - sod it if she gets nothing.

My husband's first MIL has never got over losing her daughter, completely understandable and I have huge amounts of compassion for her, until she starts telling me that I should do this and that, and that I married G too soon, and forgets that for the last 17 years I've brought up her grandkids with no her from her!! I won't tolerate the disrespect she shows me any more and nor should you.

Much love to you - say what you think and then let her get on with it!

Silly ducker....

[Rapunzel]

Originally Posted by abbey

Phew.........duck a duck!

[Rapunzel]

Originally Posted by Imladris

There was me thinking that your poor MIL needs some support and help

You've been incredibly patient putting up with her all these years, I'd be inclined now to tell her to sort it out herself - sod it if she gets nothing.

My husband's first MIL has never got over losing her daughter, completely understandable and I have huge amounts of compassion for her, until she starts telling me that I should do this and that, and that I married G too soon, and forgets that for the last 17 years I've brought up her grandkids with no her from her!! I won't tolerate the disrespect she shows me any more and nor should you.

Much love to you - say what you think and then let her get on with it!

Silly ducker....

Lol. Thanks Immy.

I DO actually have a lot of patience, it's been commented on before by people.
It's not always a good thing though as I tend to put up with crap rather than hurting peoples feelings.

The MIL goes from stomping on my feelings to needing my support, and back again.

The other day she was spitting fire at me, now all her rellies are phoning her demanding their share of the loot, she's in floods every day because they're all being so foul to her and she's crying in my ear down the phone at me every night.
It's mad.

However, there are 2 updates to this.

The first is that all uncle Jimmy's brothers and sisters will get a share. Even though 2 sisters have died, their children are next in succession. Therefore, each brother and sister will have a one quarter share. Aunty Peggy died so her 4 daughters will share her quarter, so they each get one quarter of one quarter (so one sixteenth each).

Aunty Eileen also died, so her 2 children will share her quarter, so they will get one eighth each. The MIL and her remaining brother will get one quarter each.

The next update is pretty funny imo!

The mother in law went through Jimmys papers and said he had £26,000 in the bank plus a policy for £20,000 plus £200,000 plus a few odd amounts. Thats what she told the rellies too and thats why they're coming out of the woodwork and expecting BIG cash payouts!

But I went through the paperwork last night and what he actually has is £26,000 in the bank. And that's it! The £20,000 was an investment policy which paid out 2 years ago. He paid it into his bank account and so that is part of the £26,000. The £200,000 is actually the same investment policy because on the letter it's written as £20090.00 and the MIL saw a 2 and 2 zero's and thought £200,000! So £26,000 less £3,000 for the funeral less bills and taxes and solicitors fees will be around £20,000 give or take. So each quarter will be worth £5,000!

So Aunty Peggy's daughters, who are making a big fuss about getting their money, will share £5,000, thus getting a little over £1,000 each! All that fuss for such a small payout! Ha bloody Ha! Furthermore, they all regularly come to stay with the MIL for free holidays whereby MIL pays for everything for them (even though they're in their 50's!) and MIL buys them stuff on top and sends pressies home for their kids and grandkids. She's spitting with anger at them all right now and they've shot themselves in the foot because they'll be getting no more freebies from her!
The irony is just hilarious!
I just WISH I could see their faces when they get their money!
Better yet, they'll get half in about 3 months and the remainder in about 6 months.
So they'll get about £700 in 3 months time and another £700 in 6 months time and they all think they'll be getting about £20,000 each!!!

I am SO laughing my Ducking socks off!!!!

I bet Uncle Jimmy's up there laughing his socks off too!
He hated disharmony and would loathe what they're doing to the MIL!

[oscar]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Lol. Thanks Immy.

I DO actually have a lot of patience, it's been commented on before by people.
It's not always a good thing though as I tend to put up with crap rather than hurting peoples feelings.

The MIL goes from stomping on my feelings to needing my support, and back again.

The other day she was spitting fire at me, now all her rellies are phoning her demanding their share of the loot, she's in floods every day because they're all being so foul to her and she's crying in my ear down the phone at me every night.
It's mad.

However, there are 2 updates to this.

The first is that all uncle Jimmy's brothers and sisters will get a share. Even though 2 sisters have died, their children are next in succession. Therefore, each brother and sister will have a one quarter share. Aunty Peggy died so her 4 daughters will share her quarter, so they each get one quarter of one quarter (so one sixteenth each).

Aunty Eileen also died, so her 2 children will share her quarter, so they will get one eighth each. The MIL and her remaining brother will get one quarter each.

The next update is pretty funny imo!

The mother in law went through Jimmys papers and said he had £26,000 in the bank plus a policy for £20,000 plus £200,000 plus a few odd amounts. Thats what she told the rellies too and thats why they're coming out of the woodwork and expecting BIG cash payouts!

But I went through the paperwork last night and what he actually has is £26,000 in the bank. And that's it! The £20,000 was an investment policy which paid out 2 years ago. He paid it into his bank account and so that is part of the £26,000. The £200,000 is actually the same investment policy because on the letter it's written as £20090.00 and the MIL saw a 2 and 2 zero's and thought £200,000! So £26,000 less £3,000 for the funeral less bills and taxes and solicitors fees will be around £20,000 give or take. So each quarter will be worth £5,000!

So Aunty Peggy's daughters, who are making a big fuss about getting their money, will share £5,000, thus getting a little over £1,000 each! All that fuss for such a small payout! Ha bloody Ha! Furthermore, they all regularly come to stay with the MIL for free holidays whereby MIL pays for everything for them (even though they're in their 50's!) and MIL buys them stuff on top and sends pressies home for their kids and grandkids. She's spitting with anger at them all right now and they've shot themselves in the foot because they'll be getting no more freebies from her!
The irony is just hilarious!
I just WISH I could see their faces when they get their money!
Better yet, they'll get half in about 3 months and the remainder in about 6 months.
So they'll get about £700 in 3 months time and another £700 in 6 months time and they all think they'll be getting about £20,000 each!!!

I am SO laughing my Ducking socks off!!!!

I bet Uncle Jimmy's up there laughing his socks off too!
He hated disharmony and would loathe what they're doing to the MIL!

Rap... families can become evil when it comes to property and money. When my Father died everything passed to my mother and she dies a year later. The house etc was willed between us kids so there was no arguements there. When it came to sharing out the contents of the house and all their possessions, we all went to the house together. The first rule was that we all took back any gifts we had given them over the years, birthday, xmas presents etc. Then we kids made a list each of what we would like from the house. The lists were pooled and then discussed so if two of us wanted the same thing, we found a compromise. We never had one arguement between us although my eldest brothers wife got funny about about my mother insisting that only us girls shared her Jewellry.... simply because she knew we would wear them. After we had decided who was having what between us kids, the grandchildren were brought in to make their choice. Gifts to my parents from other relatives were offered to them. I thought I would have a hard time with my brothers as all I wanted was my fathers log Books, aviation art and WW2 memorabilia but they let me have the lot.

[Rapunzel]

Originally Posted by oscar

Rap... families can become evil when it comes to property and money.

You're not kidding they become evil! It's been an eye opening experience for me!

The relatives, who all seemed so harmless previously, are coming out with guns drawn, threatening to cause problems at every turn and upsetting the MIL every single day with their threats!

Meanwhile, every single one of them has a nice house in a nice location, at least one car, nice holidays every year and money in the bank. Whilst the mother in law lives in a crappy old flat in North London. The people who live upstairs from her had a fire last year which firefighters had to hose down, living all MILs worldly goods soaked and smoke-damaged. She had no contents insurance (couldn't afford it) so had to dry out soaking wet beds and sofa's and carpets and walls leaving everything a bit damp and mouldy and smelly. The damp keeps returning and they keep having to repaint with special anti-mould paint.

The uncle who died wanted MIL to have everything. She has so little but what she does have she shares with everybody. She's 71. Her husband is very poorly, her 2nd son (who at 35 still lives at home) is an alcoholic (and an arsseh*le). If she had inherited the £20,000 she could have moved to a nicer flat and given up work. Both MIL and FIL still work because they can't afford not to. They're both 71. What would it have hurt the other family members to let her keep it and let her retire in a bit of comfort. They'll only get about £1,000 each. What's that going to buy? Not a car. Not a holiday.

After all she's done for them all their lives, I'm bloody disgusted with and ashamed of the lot of them.

Also, when she was crying down the phone at me the other day, she said that when she was young (her parents had both died) she lived with her older sister Peggy and Peggy's husband Robert, and helped Peggy bring up her 4 daughters. Which meant that instead of going to school, MIL stayed home cooking and cleaning for her sisters 4 children. (I knew all of this). But then she told me that Peggy's husband, Robert, used to come to her room every night and sexually abuse her, when the children were just babies. She eventually told Peggy who then beat her with a wooden stick. MIL then ran away to England (from Ireland) to stay with her sister Eileen in London. I was shocked. And the temptation to write to the 4 sisters who are being so verbally and mentally abusive to her now, and to tell them that their abuse follows in the footsteps of their fathers abuse, well the temptation is very strong. And yes, it would cause a huge outcry in the family. But the family's never going to be the same after this anyway and I want them to feel the same pain and anger that they're dishing out to her.

I know this would be lowering myself to their level of pettiness, but tbh what's the point of keeping the moral high ground? Where did it ever get anyone? It certainly doesn't make you sleep easier at night! I know I shouldn't say anything, it's not my place and MIL is threatening to tell them anyway. But I know she wont. I know she'll back down. And I just want to poke them all with a sharp stick for being so bloody callous and insensitive, treating her like this when she's still grieving for her brother.

I know she does my head in sometimes, but they're being unbelievably cruel imo.

[oscar]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

You're not kidding they become evil! It's been an eye opening experience for me!

The relatives, who all seemed so harmless previously, are coming out with guns drawn, threatening to cause problems at every turn and upsetting the MIL every single day with their threats!

Meanwhile, every single one of them has a nice house in a nice location, at least one car, nice holidays every year and money in the bank. Whilst the mother in law lives in a crappy old flat in North London. The people who live upstairs from her had a fire last year which firefighters had to hose down, living all MILs worldly goods soaked and smoke-damaged. She had no contents insurance (couldn't afford it) so had to dry out soaking wet beds and sofa's and carpets and walls leaving everything a bit damp and mouldy and smelly. The damp keeps returning and they keep having to repaint with special anti-mould paint.

The uncle who died wanted MIL to have everything. She has so little but what she does have she shares with everybody. She's 71. Her husband is very poorly, her 2nd son (who at 35 still lives at home) is an alcoholic (and an arsseh*le). If she had inherited the £20,000 she could have moved to a nicer flat and given up work. Both MIL and FIL still work because they can't afford not to. They're both 71. What would it have hurt the other family members to let her keep it and let her retire in a bit of comfort. They'll only get about £1,000 each. What's that going to buy? Not a car. Not a holiday.

After all she's done for them all their lives, I'm bloody disgusted with and ashamed of the lot of them.

Also, when she was crying down the phone at me the other day, she said that when she was young (her parents had both died) she lived with her older sister Peggy and Peggy's husband Robert, and helped Peggy bring up her 4 daughters. Which meant that instead of going to school, MIL stayed home cooking and cleaning for her sisters 4 children. (I knew all of this). But then she told me that Peggy's husband, Robert, used to come to her room every night and sexually abuse her, when the children were just babies. She eventually told Peggy who then beat her with a wooden stick. MIL then ran away to England (from Ireland) to stay with her sister Eileen in London. I was shocked. And the temptation to write to the 4 sisters who are being so verbally and mentally abusive to her now, and to tell them that their abuse follows in the footsteps of their fathers abuse, well the temptation is very strong. And yes, it would cause a huge outcry in the family. But the family's never going to be the same after this anyway and I want them to feel the same pain and anger that they're dishing out to her.

I know this would be lowering myself to their level of pettiness, but tbh what's the point of keeping the moral high ground? Where did it ever get anyone? It certainly doesn't make you sleep easier at night! I know I shouldn't say anything, it's not my place and MIL is threatening to tell them anyway. But I know she wont. I know she'll back down. And I just want to poke them all with a sharp stick for being so bloody callous and insensitive, treating her like this when she's still grieving for her brother.

I know she does my head in sometimes, but they're being unbelievably cruel imo.

I am so sorry you and your MIL are going through this. I never had any of this and my brothers were wonderful in letting me have my fathers most prized possessions although I myself have had to will them on to my younger family. It's funny because when my father was dying, he'd joke to visitors saying 'Anything you like, put your name on it' because he knew how nasty folk get over this kind of thing. I find in times like this, it's not about the value of the Item.. simply the memories and what it means to you and they are more Important than money. When It came to my parents house I also wanted my Mothers cooking pots that she used from her grand mother... simply for the memories. Like the huge pottery cake mix bowl that she used to let me lick when i was small My Mother had a silver statue of a Spitfire Pilot she bought for my Father that I always loved. I was quite shocked when my brothers offered no quarrel about letting me have it. They knew I had always loved my Fathers war time memorabilia and what it meant to me. I was secretly gutted that my eldest brother took my fathers original pilots jacket and gas mask but could offer no arguement as they had been so generous to me. I so hope you get through this without losing family members but it's very difficult when so many think they have a 'right' to what's left.

[Rapunzel]

Originally Posted by oscar

I so hope you get through this without losing family members but it's very difficult when so many think they have a 'right' to what's left.

Yet another update . . . and the irony increases!

OK, I forgot to mention before that I contacted a solicitor. Everything was in such a tangle. I spoke to one solicitor for advice and she said that you can do the legal work yourself, but seeing how the family are spitting like cats, I thought it would be easier to keep everything legal and above board. Then the solicitor can deal with everything fairly and legally and we won't have someone demanding more than their share! Ha! It also means that MIL can tell everyone 'it's in the hands of my solicitor' and they'll stop hassling her. She wasn't awfully helpful, so I contacted another solicitor at Blake Lapthorn. I don't know if I'm allowed to mention their name but I'm doing so because they have been SOOOO incredibly helpful! Really! MIL wasn't coping and asked me to sort it out for her. The last 2 days have been fraught with the Irish rellies ganging up on MIL demanding their dues! Even nieces she was very close to have turned on her. She is SO not coping well with any of this.

Anyway, this solicitor has just been brilliant. He talked to me for 2 hours about the legalities and answered all my questions and is happy to deal with me on behalf of my MIL. There is a lot of legal work that is required that I was totally unaware of! Luckily he will deal with everything which will release the burden of worry that MIL is carrying.

Blake Lapthorn also have offices in London so MIL was able to drop in all the paperwork that she collected from Uncle Jimmy's house, without having to travel all the way down here to me. They can courier all paperwork to London for her to sign, making her life a lot easier.

They will also reimburse her for all the money she has spent, trying to sort everything out. They said no-one should be out of pocket when dealing with someone's estate, so even though she has no receipts, she just has to list all her costs and they will reimburse her. They will also take their fee from the estate, so she doesn't even have to pay them herself. All good so far.

Now I've been wittering on and haven't yet told you todays shocker!

I brought a suitcase full of Uncle Jimmy's paperwork home and have been going through it today. There was a folder also full of details of his wifes death. Aunty Betty died in a car crash in 1999. They were hit by a car which was driven by the then manager of the Spice Girls. Apparently the managers car skidded in a large puddle, hit the verge, sheared off and spun across the road before slamming head on into Jimmy and Bettys oncoming vehicle. This file is full of graphic details of the accident and the injuries sustained. It made for very sad reading. Jimmy suffered injuries, including a collapsed lung. Aunty Betty broke her neck and back and the manager suffered major head injuries. He was air lifted to hospital but died later the same day. Aunty Betty was taken to hospital and died from her injuries 10 days later. Uncle Jimmy was kept in for 12 days. Then, when he was released, they apparently told him "Oh, btw, your wife died 2 days ago!" How unbelievably callous is that?

I'm sorry if this is all too much info, or if I shouldn't be saying these things but my head is so full of everything thats been going on here lately and I have no-one I can tell all this stuff too. No=one to talk it through with. Obviously hubby and I have talked non-stop and talked with MIL too, but sometimes you need to talk to an outsider, someone not involved, to kind of make sense of whats going on. Y'know?
Also, it's been an emotional rollercoaster with so many ups and downs I don't know if I'm on my head or my heels right now.

So anyway, I was going through this file of stuff, Jimmy had kept every tiny thing to do with the accident, and it turns out that insurances were paid out to the tune of £30,000 for accidental death plus car insurance plus some other stuff. I don't think Jimmy wanted to touch this money as he must have felt it was blood money and no amount of money could replace the loss of his beloved wife. Throughout the file there are doctors reports and police/ accident/ solicitors reports, etc and all comment on how broken up he is, how he can barely cope, how he got no support or home help, how somedays he could barely deal with his own cleanliness let alone that of the house. The doctor gave him pain killers and sleeping tablets. No support, no counselling, nothing. Eventually Jimmy got some physiotherapy which he had to pay for himself! He was 73 years old at the time!

MIL kept in touch by phone and visited occasionally but he was a 2 hour train journey away and it was difficult for her. Of course, the greedy rellies with big cars who are desperately clawing for his money never bothered with him. They never visited or phoned him, never spoke to him for the next 10 years. They were only interested when they thought a big payout was imminent!

So going through his paperwork I found this account with £30,000 in, which is kind of a bummer because it meant all the rellies would now get a big payout after all. And fair enough, MIL deserves it. But the rest of those ba$tards? No way! So there is now about £60,000 in the pot which is £15,000 for each family. So that was quite a big shock!

I carried on sorting through the suitcase, which was full of old tv licenses, pay-slips, P60s, old bills, etc. Then right at the bottom I came across a tatty brown envelope and written on it are the words "Wills of Jimmy and Betty" OMG! We were told there were NO wills! I opened it up and found they had left identical wills. Each left everything to the other . . . and then EVERYTHING got left to Betty's sister and her nieces!!!

So, OMG. ALL the people fighting over the money will get ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
How freaking funny is that? All their fighting, all their greed and anger . . . and they won't get one sodding penny!!!

It's a shame that MIL won't get anything but then, she'll get back the expenses she's incurred and she'll be no worse off than she was before.

When I told her she was quiet but then said that really she was glad because it meant all the hassle was at an end and the greedy ba$tard relatives will all get absolutely duck all! Lol!

She's also not going to tell them. They want to get their own solicitor to contest the intestacy, which means they'll have to pay several hundreds of pounds for his bill when they find out that no money will be forthcoming.

I think that's very fair, don't you?

Meanwhile, I think Aunty Bettys sister has passed on but the nieces will still be alive and they have children too, so they will all inherit. Which is nice because they spent a lot of time with Jimmy and Betty and helped Jimmy through all the trauma of the accident.

This has gone from a horrible story of greed and anger to one where it feels as though justice has been done. The nice nieces will inherit and the greedy grasping gits will have to fork out for nothing. Yay!

[Rapunzel]

SPICE GIRLS SVENGALI DIES IN CRASH; Manager Herbert invented Girl Power.(Features) | Article from Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland) | HighBeam Research

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