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Thread: A thread of whining and self pity

  1. #11
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    Re: A thread of whining and self pity

    "Bad parenting"....what actually is bad parenting?

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    Re: A thread of whining and self pity

    What the hell is going on with this forum? I can't paste anything or quote anything. My posts look incomplete and silly!!!

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    Re: A thread of whining and self pity

    Well, speaking personally, making your kid feel like piece of **** is a good start for bad parenting. I don't mean when they've done something bad, I mean as a permanent state of things.

    I don't altogether blame her as probably seems the case. She was better than her mother from all I can gather. How can I blame her for that? I mourned her when she died - cried for the first time in decades and was weepy for months. But our personalities were not compatible. She despised me, she couldn't help it. Being adopted didn't help here, I think.

    She was a big hearty rugger bugger. Aged 70 she still had the longest drive of any woman in her golf club. Her back was always ramrod straight. There was no uncertainty in her life - everything was black or white. She thought Margaret Thatcher was,,,ok, until she went soft. She loved me, I know that, but not in a close personal way. I was below the dog in the pecking order. For a good Mum the kids are above the dog. Unless the Mum is a dog, of course.


    Many have had worse than I've got and done better. Some have had that sort of bad relationship drive them on to greatness. I've had to admit that I simply struggle to cope with the consequences - I am not cut out for greatness. My achievement is to not have done worse.

    On top of that of course there's the question of whether my memory is real. To have a memory pop back like that? Heck, I'm asking myself if it's real, what must you folks be doing? But I do have memories from earlier that popped back from apparently nowhere: I remember going to my parents bedroom lying between them and the huge size of their bodies. I remember in particular my Dad's back which towered above me and an oblong mole he had on his lower back. So I do have memories from very early that pop back - this is just one, probably.

    It doesn't actually matter any more, to a large extent. I am where I am after 54 years. Owe nothing to anyone and use what limited power and capacity I have to help others. But not many people from my long past or any who still support Brexit.
    The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"
    Lone voice: "I'm not."

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    Re: A thread of whining and self pity

    FWIW, Clod, I think you're a remarkable person. I look for your posts whenever I visit FG. Your posts reflect a kind, compassionate and highly intelligent person.

    Thank you for sharing your personal story. When it comes to family members, especially moms and dads, there's little that isn't taken to heart, and when the parents are more abrasive than other people's it can hurt badly. Some people seem to feel so estranged to life and confused by it they honestly don't see what they're doing that's hurtful, nor understand the consequences their actions and words visit on those around them. And then if alcohol is added to the mix it can become downright unlivable.

    I try to remember that we're all just variants of a species with a larger, more difficult brain to manage...period. I try not to view anything about life and behavior as good or bad any longer - those are myths. I wouldn't even suggest forgiving anyone, instead, understand them, not as people, but as species' members. That works for me anyway.

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    Re: A thread of whining and self pity

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    Thank you Ahso. I do appreciate it. And I can say I keep an eye out for your posts when I visit.

    I think you are right that it is not about forgiveness it is about understanding, and that is what I've tried to do. I think it shows in the assessment of my mother in the post above. Had I been a big hearty rugger bugger I'm sure we'd have got on fine and she'd have been a great mother, unfortunately in my case a set of unfortunate circumstances and personality traits came together and that had consequences. I did mourn her when she died, but I can't say I ever missed her.

    Forgiving my mother for being my mother would be like forgiving the wind for blowing: sort of irrelevant.

    It's odd what can finally tip the balance to convince you something is true or not. A clincher for me in deciding whether I could trust my memory of being told I'd been diagnosed with BPD was my sig, which looked at in the new context, is absolutely pure BPD! lol
    The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"
    Lone voice: "I'm not."

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