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DisassociatedDave

<t>WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) April 15, 2009 – Skippy, the one year old hypo-allergenic dog of mixed breed, that was slated to have been the nation's "First Dog," after its adoption by the President and the First Family, was unceremoniously put down this morning in an indistinct District of ...

DisassociatedDave

<t>SACRAMENTO (Disassociated Press) April 21, 2009 – While Miss California Carrie Prejean's comments regarding her opinion on same sex marriage might have cost her the Miss USA title, the response may have opened the door to her for another possible gig... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) September 11, 2008 - On this, the anniversary of the attacks of September 11, 2001, the United States Congress has suspended all other activities to immediately address the fomenting crisis as to the proper construction of the idiom "' blank' on a pig..." 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>SOMEWHERE IN MISSOURI (Disassociated Press) August 26, 2008 - The perception of presumptive Democratic Presidential Nominee Barack Obama's messianic and supernatural abilities continued to grow last night to observers at the Democratic National Convention in Denver and to millions of viewers ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>SAN FRANCISCO (Disassociated Press) July 28, 2008 – The City of San Francisco and United States Military service people, recently at odds because the passage of a ballot initiative in the fall of 2005 that encouraged local education officials to keep military recruiters off of high school and ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>VATICAN CITY (Disassociated Press) April 17, 2008 – Does Holy Water have an expiration date? According to one scientist, it does... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) February 18, 2008 - Never one to let a topical social situation remain long unexploited, the Fox Network's reality TV titan Seth Gumbridge has announced the creation of a new reality television show derived out of the phenomenon of the outbreak of girl fight videos ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>April 18, 2008 - Comedian Syd Stickel, on Bill Maher's apology over comments Maher made on his HBO television show Real Time with Bill Maher regarding the Catholic Church and child abuse, which were thought by some to be offensive: 
 
"Maher is being a wimp to apologize - and this is no ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) February 18, 2008 - The Fox Network's reality TV guru, Seth Gumbridge, appears to have once again tapped into themes and discussions within the popular culture to come up with a reality television concept... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) January 3, 2008 – Disassociated Press associates have learned that insiders within the Sean Hannity Radio Show are gravely concerned with regard to the lack of early success of Democratic Presidential Candidate Senator Hillary Clinton of New York... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON, D.C. (Disassociated Press) June 18, 2007 - Sarkis Markoussian, a recent immigrant to the United States from Armenia living in the Washington, D.C. area, has filed a $67 million lawsuit for ‘discomfort, inconvenience and mental distress’ against a D.C. convenience store... 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) July 15, 2007 – On the eve of her overnight success, soon to be superstar Nikki Blonsky is being considered to be the next host of ABC’s The View, according to an ABC insider. 
 
“We think she’ll have the perfect chemistry to replace Rosie O’Donnell as the ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>LOS ANGELES (Disassociated Press) June 29, 2007 – “'Mike Nifong – come on down – you’re the next host of The Price is Right!’...or ‘Mike Nifong, you have the right to remain silent¦’ – either of these could be the next words Mike Nifong hears, quipped... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) June 19, 2007 – Dan Abrams, long time correspondent and newly named General Manager of the Cable News Network MSNBC, announced today... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>LOS ANGELES (Disassociated Press) May 15, 2007 – Just mere weeks before its’ scheduled seasonal debut, season five of The Simple Life, the E! Network reality show which chronicles the faux follies of figurative femme fatales Paris Hilton and Nichole Ritchie, will be postponed and re-named...<br ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>"What cracks me up about Bill Maher's audience is that they all think they're so cool, hip, and sophisticated - yet..." 
 
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<URL ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) – May 10, 2007 – A coalition of civil leaders, mostly from religious organizations representing both sides of the political spectrum, met here today and called for the beginning of the process to add an additional Amendment to the Constitution, which would ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>LITTLETON, CO (Disassociated Press) – April 25, 2007 – Time Warner Cable announced today that it would be re-classifying the entire Fox News Network from it’s current programming designation on the Time Warner Program Guide from a “News and Information network to an “Infomercial network...<br ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>LOS ANGELES (Disassociated Press) April 24, 2007 – Ted Minton, the internationally famous and homeless entrepreneur, has filed a multi-million dollar law suit against the Comedy Central cash cow South Park, claiming numerous trademark infringements of Minton’s trademarked “spare some change ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>ANN ARBOR, MI (Disassociated Press) April 13, 2007 – Bartholomew J. Sneed, Professor of Physical Sciences at the University of Michigan, has corroborated a recent claim made by Rosie O’Donnell, referring to the collapse of World Trade Tower Seven in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks of ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>BENTONVILLE, AK (The Disassociated Press) April 11, 2007 – Mega retailer Wal-Mart, which often finds itself at the center of controversial lawsuits and legal disputes, is once again headed back to court. In this case, however, it’s Wal-Mart in the role of the protagonist... 
 
(To read ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>WEST HILLS, CA (Disassociated Press) March 27, 2007 – Across the country, various newspapers haven announced that they had adopted a version of segment which is being referred to as the ‘Sinbad Watch,’ in the aftermath of last week’s coverage of the false rumors of the death of the actor/comedian ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>United States Senator from New York and Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has announced the she will introduce her own surge counter proposal... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>HOLLYWOOD ( Disassociated Press) February 27, 2007 – Don LaFontaine, the legendary voice from numerous movie promotional trailers, whose talents have been spotlighted in a recent Geiko commercial, turned out to be the smash hit at this year’s Academy Award ceremonies amongst the stars... 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>MALIBU (Disassociated Press) February 22, 2007 – The Promises Residential Treatment Center here in Malibu announced today that it would be installing a special revolving door to expedite the rapid comings and goings of pop music icon Britney Spears... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>MORBRYSBURGSVILLE, MA (Disassociated Press) February 15, 2007 – ‘Time Management Guru’ Scott McAllister has once again demonstrated his guile in efficiency and economy in holiday festivities this Valentine’s Day... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>ORLANDO, FL (Disassociated Press) January 26, 2007 – Film maker Alexandra Pelosi, whose documentary Friends of God debuted on HBO yesterday, announced today that she has accepted Jesus Christ as her Own Lord and Personal Savior, and will devote the rest of her life to spreading the Word of God ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>HOLLYWOOD (Disassociated Press) January 22, 2007 – It was an auspicious moment here in front of the world famous Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard last week, when two homeless entrepreneurs, Ted Minton and Bob Salmons, finally met their hero, Donald J. Trump, who was being honored with a ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) – January 18, 2007 – The Madison Avenue marketing giant, Pishtush Marketing and Promotions, appears to be once again on the verge of another cutting edge marketing campaign... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) – December 13, 2006 – Marketing and Promotions company Pitch & Ketch, in conjunction with its client Talk Smut Toys, a subsidiary of toy maker Tomb Town Toys, has accomplished the notable achievement of launching a smash product for the second time in the last ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>FALL RIVER, MA (Disassociated Press) November 3, 2006 – United States Senator and former Democratic Presidential Nominee John Kerry (D-MA) has issued a statement of apology from his Fall River, MA offices for statements he made while on the campaign trail earlier this week that were considered by ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK – (Disassociated Press) October 27, 2006 – Marketing and promotions consultant, Pitch & Ketch, has made headlines again for yet another marketing and promotions triumph. 
 
“One of our oldest and best clients, Tomb Town Toys, which specializes in creepy and ghoulish novelties ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) October 13, 2006 – While USC Law Professor and Democratic Strategist Susan Estrich has recently launched the promotional campaign for her book Soulless, a liberal response to Ann Coulter’s left wing bashing Godless, other public voices are falling in line in a race ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>LOS ANGELES – (Disassociated Press) September 24, 2006 – Various news and media outlets have recently been reporting on a research project which identified four different basic American perspectives on the nature of God... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) September 14, 2006 – Disassociated Press associates have uncovered a plan under consideration deep inside and at the upper levels of the Pentagon which indicates that there is a significant possibility that the Defense Department will embark on a liberation ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) September 14, 2006 – Disassociated Press associates have uncovered a plan under consideration deep inside and at the upper levels of the Pentagon which indicates that there is a significant possibility that the Defense Department will embark on a liberation ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON – (Disassociated Press) – August 18, 2006 – Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank (D) has introduced a bill into the House of Representatives which would once again change United States military policy regarding homosexuals serving in the armed forces... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON – (Disassociated Press) – August 18, 2006 – Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank (D) has introduced a bill into the House of Representatives which would once again change United States military policy regarding homosexuals serving in the armed forces... 
 
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DisassociatedDave

<r>HOLLYWOOD (Disassociated Press) August 7, 2006 – In the aftermath of Mel Gibson’s much bally-hood comments last week about Jewish people being responsible for all the wars in the history of the world, Gibson’s film company, Icon Productions, announced today that it would be re-making Braveheart ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) – July 11, 2006 - Madison Avenue behemoth Pishtush Marketing and Promotions announced today that it has signed a representational contract with French footballer (soccer player) Zinedine Zidane. 
 
While known throughout most of the world as one of ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>ANN ARBOR, MI (Disassociated Press) June 29, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Bartholomew J. Snead, a Professor of Geology at the University of Michigan, introduced a paper at a Geological Consortium at that university which claims that the Interstate Highway System is Ã¢â‚¬Å“a naturally occurring geological ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>CONEY ISLAND, NY (Disassociated Press) July 5, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ For the 6th consecutive year, Takeru Ã¢â‚¬Å“TsunamiÃ¢â‚¬ Kobiyashi has achieved the unofficial title of Ã¢â‚¬Å“United States Patriot of the YearÃ¢â‚¬ by once again winning the NathanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Hot Dog Eating Contest here at Coney Island ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>HOLLYWOOD, CA (Disassociated Press) June 29, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Ted Minton and Bob Salmons, two homeless individuals who survive by way of panhandling in the area between Hollywood and Ventura Boulevard in Studio City here, have once again come into the national business spotlight... 
 
(To read ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>HOLLYWOOD (Disassociated Press) June 27, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Handsome Hollywood Hunk Ben Affleck, the frequent fodder of trendy tabloid trivia, is dogged by a dilemma these days, insightful insiders inform the Disassociated Press. 
 
Ã¢â‚¬Å“BenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s obsessed with Jennifer Anniston,Ã¢â‚¬ the ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) June 12, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Madison Avenue behemoth Pishtush Marketing and Promotions announced today that it has assembled a brain-storming task force to come up with creative ideas to capitalize on the image of recently slain Al Queda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi...<br ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) June 12, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Madison Avenue behemoth Pishtush Marketing and Promotions announced today that it has assembled a brain-storming task force to come up with creative ideas to capitalize on the image of recently slain Al Queda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi...<br ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>NEW YORK (Disassociated Press) June 12, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Madison Avenue behemoth Pishtush Marketing and Promotions announced today that it has assembled a brain-storming task force to come up with creative ideas to capitalize on the image of recently slain Al Queda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi...<br ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON, D.C. (Disassociated Press) June 9, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Arlo P. Smothers, Head of the Presidential Services Division of the United States Secret Service, announced today that there would be a dramatic shift in Secret Service policy regarding protection of the President... 
 
(To read ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>WASHINGTON, D.C. (Disassociated Press) June 9, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Arlo P. Smothers, Head of the Presidential Services Division of the United States Secret Service, announced today that there would be a dramatic shift in Secret Service policy regarding protection of the President... 
 
(To read ...

DisassociatedDave

<r>LOS ANGELES (Disassociated Press) June 8, 2006 Ã¢â‚¬“ Hustler Publisher and political activist Larry Flynt has made an offer to author/analyst Anne Coulter to pose in a Hustler spread for an undisclosed amount of money. Flynt claims to have been prompted to this action by recent statements Ms ...

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