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Chookie

Can I be applying for the job?

Chookie

<t>...I am more close;y related to a chimpanzee than I am to my brother-in-law. SCOTS and the English appear to be more closely related than many Britons may care to admit. According to Professor Stephen Oppenheimer, of Oxford University, some 70% of Scottish males and 68% of E...

Chookie

<t>A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the druggist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up. ...

Chookie

Why don't you institute a hunting season for politicians?

Chookie

YZGI;514323 wrote: Of course. Who can have a drink without a smoke?

Me!

Chookie

In actuality, he didn't "quit " Real Madrid - they have not renewed his contract.

There's a helluva difference.

Although i am not (obviously) au fait with the details of the discussions between himself and Real, I suspect he wanted more than they were willing to pay.

Chookie

Wendybird;512188 wrote: Why are all the good looking men gay!

Hoi! That's a foul calumny.

Chookie

What's more, you can keep them both too.

Chookie

I wouldn't by any stretch of the imagination, call myself a vegetarian, but I tend to use meat more as a garnish than as the main event.

Chookie

Pinky;511725 wrote: When you said 'Non-believers' I thought you meant non-christian. Oh well, not much point me being here really.

That's the same thing surely Shirley?

Chookie

How do you prefer your books?

Dead tree format or recycled electrons?

Chookie

Galbally;510681 wrote: ...it was heavy, you could see why the guys who were able to wield such things were feared....

I hate to disillusion you, but it was the women who used the claymores to keep order in the shebeens.

Chookie

<t>Galbally;510661 wrote: .. I have lifted long swords, claymores, sabres, and such like, the claymore was a fearsome weapon. True again but there is claymores and there is claymores. The modren fashion is to refer to the basket hilted broadsword as a claymore but the real claymore ...

Chookie

Gawd woman, not wood.

Us Celts need something that bleeds.

Chookie

Nomad;510649 wrote: How do you know when you're right ?

How do you know if you're not?

It's question of individual morality.

Chookie

<t>Pinky;510637 wrote: Oh wow! Now I know how to use a hand and a half and broadsword, but understand the technique for Epee is different. Wouldn't it be great to share knowledge? The hand and a half is also referred to as a "bastard broadsword" and it's a helluva lot heavier (and l...

Chookie

Oh so true.

Besides, it was enjoyable (and a bit of a change)

Chookie

Well, I suppose, after all, no telly, no internet, in fact, bugger all to do in the winter at all.

Chookie

I have a couple of swords looking for good homes -as long as myself is on the blunt end that is.

Chookie

Galbally;510620 wrote: ...chasing your countrymen around the place....

Youse did that too?

Chookie

Would depend on the pheasant though!

Chookie

I could volunteer to be a Pheasant plucker.

Chookie

I'm back - just had a little contretemps with my computer. So I threatened it with a bloody great hammer and it's working again.

See technology?

Chookie

Excuses - women drivers!!:-5

Chookie

Give us the details woman!

Did the river jump out in front of you?

Or was it lying in ambush?

My present car is a Nissan and I think it was white once.

Chookie

Just check your sanity at the door as you enter.

Chookie

RedGlitter;509992 wrote: What do they do?

Basically, they're all parasites.

Chookie

<t>(From the USA) That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President<b...

Chookie

<t>20 Degrees â€“ Californians get Hypothermia Scots get Sunstroke 10 Degrees - French cars wont start Scots drive with windows down 5 Degrees - Californians evacuate state Scots go dooking in the sea 0 Degrees - Floridans turn into i...

Chookie

Who needs a remote control?

- Have you never heard of hands-on experience?

Chookie

<t>Who stands for the dead Who fell in your wars? Who stands for the dead Who believed in your lies Who stands for the dead? Who did no-one harm Who stands for the dead? Who fell in their millions Who stands for ...

Chookie

<t>Lulu2 wrote: Camogie is terrifying! Camogie, like Hurling is a game for cissies - they are both nothing more than soft, degenerate versions of Camanachd. That's Shinty for all poor uncivilised sods out there. Also Scotswomen play Shinty - to the same rules as the men d...

Chookie

Not so long ago I bought a pack of peanuts which came with the warning "may contain nuts".

Chookie

<t>I married Miss Right â€“ I just didn't know her first name was Always. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It just seems that way. Losing a wife can be hard. I found it damn near impossible. A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he ...

Chookie

Oooooohhh...... Nearly missed the chance cos I've been enjoying myself IRL.

But........

Grow up ya ya glaikit wee nyaff.

Chookie

OK, Saddsm is gone, but what about his paymasters ( Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeldt, Ashcroft and Blair) - when are their trials scheduled?

Chookie

Not sure - can't quite remember.

Chookie

Not yet - give it time.

OK, got jaikit, running like buggery.

Chookie

Have you got a hangover cure?

Chookie

But Ozzie womens aren't birds, they'e Sheilas.

Have any of you yet acheived sobriety?

Me haven't.

Chookie

Here's a wee dram for y'all.

Bliadhna mhath Ã¹r

Chookie

What about my ASBO? And can I get insurance to visit Brummagem?

Chookie

And the band played................................

Chookie

<t>chonsigirl;499758 wrote: As a historian, what many would have consider worthless bits of paper scraps. have been pieced together to provide needed information to living descendants-reuniting whole families today. History is not piling up. Absolutely true - it isn't we are living ...

Chookie

I'd be disappionted if you did.

Micros**t = :-5

Chookie

I'd be disappionted if you did.

Chookie

How did you turn out?

I thought you were a work in progress.

Chookie

Give up making resolutions.

Chookie

If you're using Micros**t, you deserve everything that happens to you.

Chookie

Prove it.

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