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Thread: Preparing for the end

  1. #1
    superstar minks's Avatar
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    Preparing for the end

    I have aging parents, 80 and 78 I am extremely close to them.
    Can anyone prepare for the end? I mean as the children of the parents?
    Frankly I am terrified to loose either of them. I know it is going to happen, I do my best to not let this consume me.
    15 years ago I lost my then father in law and I could barely manage.
    My parents do talk openly about their dwindling time on this planet but they are not all doom and gloom about it, this helps me but I get these very pensive moments and have to remind myself, "love the time you are in, love them love them love them"

    Ugh I need to not think so much
    �You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
    ― Mae West

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    Re: Preparing for the end

    Not really even when you know it's coming it's hard to deal with it. You don't say how their health is but if they are in a a lot of pain or have lost their mental faculties in some ways it's a relief when they go. My father in law will be dead soon and is in a lot of pain the painkillers mean he is not aware a lot of the time, Now his grand children are vivsiting for what they know will be the last time I think I finally stopped my mother in law from pretending all is well - that doesn't help kids aren't stupid and it means they can't talk to him about it cos they're not supposed to know all is not well.

    I would suspect that probably your parents are more worried about you and how you will cope than themselves they've had 80 odd years to come to terms with things you haven't sounds like they are tying to cheer you up.

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    superstar minks's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

    Both still live in their own home, both can drive, both look after the home pretty good.
    My mom gets around very well, her limitations are arthritis in her hands that limit some fine motor skills, and kneeling due to arthritis in her knees, but has very little pain. I would consider her healthy and happy. I feel she has many years ahead still.
    My father still drives but walks with the aid of a cane or walker. He has chronic back pain but for the most part seems ok. His mental capacity is slowly taking a dip downwards.

    The decline is slow and all in all I have to remind myself of the end result in time.
    �You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
    ― Mae West

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    Senior Member AnneBoleyn's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

    No one gets out of here alive minks. Try not to obsess about it, it won't change anything but make yourself anxious. They both sound like they are doing just fine right now & right now is all we have. Both may easily live another 10+ years.

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    Proudly humble LarsMac's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

    Quote Originally Posted by minks View Post
    I have aging parents, 80 and 78 I am extremely close to them.
    Can anyone prepare for the end? I mean as the children of the parents?
    Frankly I am terrified to loose either of them. I know it is going to happen, I do my best to not let this consume me.
    15 years ago I lost my then father in law and I could barely manage.
    My parents do talk openly about their dwindling time on this planet but they are not all doom and gloom about it, this helps me but I get these very pensive moments and have to remind myself, "love the time you are in, love them love them love them"

    Ugh I need to not think so much
    When the time comes you will just have to deal with it then. Fretting about it now is wasted time and energy.
    Live with them while they are here. Spend that time wisely. Spend the energy on them.
    "The trouble with people isn't that they don't know, but that they know so much that ain't so." - Will Rogers
    "Truth isn't Truth" - Rudy Giuliani

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    Supporting Member spot's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

    There are practical exercises which make a difference, I expect everyone in the Western world has had a doctor recommend The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness at some stage, it's better than tablets.

    If your mind keeps flicking back to the same intolerable concern then this is an effective way of teaching yourself how to be in control.
    Nullius in verba|||||||||||
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    superstar minks's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

    thank you all, you are right pull it together and enjoy what I have
    �You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
    ― Mae West

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    Senior Member magentaflame's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

    When my dad was dying (18 months of cancer) it used to frustrate us kids that mum and dad didnt talk about the inevitable.
    But their way of seeing it was business as usual. That was their way of coping.
    To dwell on the situation was pointless and in a way giving up.
    What they spoke about between themselves was also none of our business.
    Personally i thought that was a healthy way of looking at the situation.
    After he died we found out he was preparing.....messages from the grave so to speak.whichmade most of us laugh.....well it made me laugh cause im not male and he wrote a message that three males in our family needed to "grow some balls"...... ....laugh minks .make a point to laugh as log as you can.

    Its also healthy to think about life and this topic is about life. But if you find youre dwelling on it to much. Discuss it with youre parents . Lightly, but succinctly. Its okay to tell people theyre loved and will be missed.

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    Re: Preparing for the end

    what make

  10. #10
    Senior Member kazalala's Avatar
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    Re: Preparing for the end

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    Its good you think about it and consciously know to make the most of your time and to "Love them" Its good you are aware and hopefully can be grateful of the things you did and said while you could. It may help. I didnt think of it much even though my dad had strokes and was ill for about 2 years... My mother was fit and healthy living a normal life, then she was diagnosed with cancer,, 6 months later she was dead. 6 months later my dad was dead.
    Your parents could have a lot of years left ,, make the most of them Thats the best you can do.


    FOC THREAD PART1
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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