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Thread: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

  1. #1
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    Question Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    One must wait before you should date again?

    Had a customer in my office this afternoon, named Mary. She's been a widow since 2001. And I believe she's in her late 60's early 70's age range. Mary started talking about her relationship with this man David, that she's been seeing since December of 2002, he's in his 70's. His wife passed away in March of 2002.

    Mary told me how upset David's son was and still is because dad started seeing her "too soon" after his mother passed away. This son is in his 50's. For the last 10 years, David's catered to his wifes every need since she was blind and confined to a wheel chair. He cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc., until his wife passed away. He was very dedicated to her.

    Well Mary said, since David and I have been seeing each other, we have done some traveling to Hawaii, Alaska, Florida and this coming March plan a trip to Panama. David told her that he could not enjoy these trips with his wife because she could not see for herself, the beauty in these places. Mary is very disturbed by the fact that his son cannot accept them seeing each other and their relationship causes such hurt feelings between the three of them. They don't plan on marrying, they both have their own homes and money. But they do enjoy each others company, have a wonderful time together and are happy.

    So my questions are:
    Is there a proper time limit one should set before dating again?
    Should family be permitted to meddle?
    Should one be so concerned about what others think that you would contemplate ending a relationship?

  2. #2
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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    So my questions are:
    Is there a proper time limit one should set before dating again?
    Should family be permitted to meddle?
    Should one be so concerned about what others think that you would contemplate ending a relationship?[/QUOTE]

    no
    no and
    no
    �You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
    ― Mae West

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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    the family member should be allowed some happiness. but kids can be understood for their feelings. my dad passed before my mom. we could not conceive of such a thing. 43 years of marriage. but people are entitled to be happy.

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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    Quote Originally Posted by lady cop
    the family member should be allowed some happiness. but kids can be understood for their feelings. my dad passed before my mom. we could not conceive of such a thing. 43 years of marriage. but people are entitled to be happy.
    My parents were married 52 years when my dad past. I was brought up to believe and still do, that life is choices. I don't believe it would be appropriate to interfere in a parents decision to date again, especially that late in life. True, the family member should be allowed some happiness....but, shouldn't that be the parents choice, not the childs?

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    Not just a sheeple nvalleyvee's Avatar
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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    I think you might want to consider that 2 lives have been spent in the company of a loved one. It might just be that being alone is too difficult and another relationship fills this need. When you are older - it isn't so much about lust as it is companionship. They share the same decades of memories and have much in common. HECK - they probably don't have more than 20 years left on this earth so I say they should make the most of it.
    The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper

  6. #6
    SnoozeControl
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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    I'm bothered by the ones that get married four months after their spouse dies. I know from observation that there's an awful lot of predators out there. A co-worker in his late 50s lost his wife about two years ago and the women were crawling out of the wordwork... even the mortuary representative was hitting on him. He's since remarried to someone that heard about his wife dying and contacted him by email, repeatedly (he had no idea who she was) until he finally decided she'd be a great wife. Oh yeah, did I mention his wife had a rather large insurance policy.

    Too many creepy people out there! I think a person that's lost a spouse should allow themselves time to recover rather than rushing out and marrying the first available person because they're lonely.

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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    Quote Originally Posted by SnoozeControl
    I'm bothered by the ones that get married four months after their spouse dies. I know from observation that there's an awful lot of predators out there. A co-worker in his late 50s lost his wife about two years ago and the women were crawling out of the wordwork... even the mortuary representative was hitting on him. He's since remarried to someone that heard about his wife dying and contacted him by email, repeatedly (he had no idea who she was) until he finally decided she'd be a great wife. Oh yeah, did I mention his wife had a rather large insurance policy.

    Too many creepy people out there! I think a person that's lost a spouse should allow themselves time to recover rather than rushing out and marrying the first available person because they're lonely.
    Snooze, I'm curious now...what "time frame" would you put on "recover?" I understand your story and all but 2 years after your co-workers wife passed away should be more than enough to make a life decision and his own.

  8. #8
    SnoozeControl
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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    I can't really arbitrarily assign some length of time that's suitable, but in this case, the woman started emailing him within a month of his wife's death and was very persistent. I get a bad feeling from that.

    I dunno, maybe a year? That seems decorous enough to appease the kids. What do you think?

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    Senior Member SOJOURNER's Avatar
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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

    Quote Originally Posted by nvalleyvee
    I think you might want to consider that 2 lives have been spent in the company of a loved one. It might just be that being alone is too difficult and another relationship fills this need. When you are older - it isn't so much about lust as it is companionship. They share the same decades of memories and have much in common. HECK - they probably don't have more than 20 years left on this earth so I say they should make the most of it.
    That's very well said, NV. Companionship is so very important for all of us.

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    Re: Is There An Appropriate Time Limit...

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    Quote Originally Posted by SnoozeControl

    I dunno, maybe a year? That seems decorous enough to appease the kids. What do you think?
    The couple in CD's story have been seeing each other for a few years now and still the son does not accept this. So how do you appease the kids? Why should they?

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