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Thread: My mother

  1. #11
    Supporting Member Rapunzel's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    Quote Originally Posted by Bryn Mawr
    Maybe she feels too guilty or too embarased to speak to you directly.

    Maybe she's too weak to make the call but needs to let you know how she feels and can only do it in writing.

    I don't know, maybe I'm only making excuses but it's a big step to give up on a parent.
    I tried writing to my mum. She didn't understand what I was trying to say. She took it completely the wrong way and accused me of things that weren't true.

    I was VERY!!! angry and upset with her for a whole year!
    She hasn't spoken to me or her grandchildren for a whole year!

    Sometimes you just have to give up on a parent and let them go, in order to protect your own sanity!

  2. #12
    Meow! Saffron's Avatar
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    Red face Re: My mother

    Quote Originally Posted by Rapunzel
    I tried writing to my mum. She didn't understand what I was trying to say. She took it completely the wrong way and accused me of things that weren't true.

    I was VERY!!! angry and upset with her for a whole year!
    She hasn't spoken to me or her grandchildren for a whole year!

    Sometimes you just have to give up on a parent and let them go, in order to protect your own sanity!
    YEs, my own father said "well let it go". He had to go through hell with her. I only wish I had been closer to him when they were still married and I had him in my life more.

    I think that getting busy with my life will change things, it won't hurt so much any more. And then everything will straighten out. I have to look forward and keep on plugging along. Like my dad said. At least I still have him. He has always been there for me when my mother hasn't.

    I wonder, she said in her last email that she wants to send me an Easter card. I don't need any airy-fairy cards.

  3. #13
    Watanya Cecilia valerie's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    Tell me to go jump in a lake if you want but first at least think of it
    from my perspective: I've got a mother who turns 80 next week who
    has Alzheimers and has been "gone" from me for years. How I wish I
    could sit down and have a chat with her.

    Saffron, so what if she wants to send you an Easter card? Take it and
    say thanks. Answer her emails. Forgive her. I don't think it's too much
    to ask.

    Let your mothers see their grandkids. Okay, yeah, I'll say it: MAKE NICE.
    Don't just perpetuate the hate. It's simply not good for you. Send that
    email, make that call. Try saying "Mom, I love you". Tell her you were
    just thinking about her. I think I can promise you she will be happy.

    Do you guys know that once, years ago, I actually thanked my Mom for
    teaching me how to tie my shoes?

    Just think about what I'm saying.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Bez's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    I agree with Valerie....bitterness just grows....In later life you are riddled with regrets....
    Building bridges is worth the effort IMO
    A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home

  5. #15
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    Re: My mother

    I disagree, she'll never be the mother you want or need and an Easter card is just a sop to her conscience. Good riddance.

  6. #16
    High Priestess of Cardis theia's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    Quote Originally Posted by Rapunzel

    Are you my sister?
    No, I am
    Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke

  7. #17
    Supporting Member Rapunzel's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    Quote Originally Posted by theia
    No, I am
    Lol, how come Theia? Tell me more. I'm listening.

  8. #18
    Meow! Saffron's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    Quote Originally Posted by booradley
    I disagree, she'll never be the mother you want or need and an Easter card is just a sop to her conscience. Good riddance.
    No I don't want to say good-bye. I love her. She is just the kind of person who thinks that the entire world revolves around her. Everything that happens is about her.

    I do think that she gives me money because of her conscience. I always take it too. I just think that she needs to be the one to contact me, since she hung up on me without even saying anything the last time I called her on her cell. She saw my number and ended the call without even saying anything. It was hurtful, I am still hurt. It is something she will have to deal with.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Bez's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

    The people we love and who love us frequently hurt us Saffron....we're all inperfect human beings. Text her and tell her you love her...you'll feel better...it may not have the reaction you desire, but you will have done the RIGHT thing
    A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home

  10. #20
    High Priestess of Cardis theia's Avatar
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    Re: My mother

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rapunzel
    Lol, how come Theia? Tell me more. I'm listening.

    My mother would have preferred another son when I was born...she wasn't enamoured with having a daughter. And over the past 20 years she has had someone in her life who is, to her, the perfect daughter and all the things I'm not. I used to try and compete but I've given that up now and keep my distance. That may sound very mean, as she is in her 80s, but it was driving me crazy trying to prove to her that I was okay.
    Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke

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