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Thread: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

  1. #1
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    Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'

    'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
    --Mariah Carey

    'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

    'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
    --Winston Bennett,University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    'Outside of the killings,Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
    --Mayor Marion
    Barry,Washington,DC.

    'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
    --A congressional candidate inTexas.

    'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
    --Al Gore, Vice President

    'I love California. I practically grew up inPhoenix.'
    --Dan Quayle

    'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'
    --Lee Iacocca

    'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

    'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
    --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

    Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
    --Department of Social Services,Greenville,South Carolina

    'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.'
    --Keppel Enderbery

    'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


    Feeling smarter yet?

  2. #2
    Senior Member hoppy's Avatar
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again


  3. #3
    grecianurn
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
    --Department of Social Services,Greenville,South Carolina


  4. #4
    jimbo
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    thanks jj that was brilliant

  5. #5
    Supporting Member Rapunzel's Avatar
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    Hilarious!

    I don't feel as fick as I fort I woz!

  6. #6
    I think, therefore I post chonsigirl's Avatar
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    Well, they sure said enough silliness! Good laugh for the morning, JJ.

  7. #7
    Senior Member shelbell's Avatar
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    These are too funny Jj...I needed a good laugh!!

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    Senior Member Bryn Mawr's Avatar
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

    Classics - my favourite :-

    'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
    --A congressional candidate inTexas.


    It's so true it hurts

  9. #9
    Senior Member Hope6's Avatar
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    Re: Read This And You Will Never Feel Dumb Again

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    you made me laugh Jj! thank you!

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