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Thread: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

  1. #1
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    Unhappy New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    hello

    my 'little' brother, aged 40 died 11 weeks ago tomorrow. He suffered from bipolar disorder and during a manic episode he climbed over my father's 7th floor balcony and plunged to his death. My father couldn't get to him in time to stop him.

    This all happened in Cape Town, South Africa and now I am back 'home' in London. I am lucky to have a couple of good friends, but at night time the horror and grief come on me and I feel desperately lonely and wish I had someone to cry with. I don't feel able to phone friends at 2am so I am hoping this forum and the people in it can offer some support.

    Having lost my mother unexpectedly too over 13 years ago I am not new to mourning and grief, but somehow this is different. I am still finding it hard to believe that my brother is dead.

    I had some counselling in Cape Town which was wonderful and was pleased to find that counselling was available here in London. However, I didn't like the counsellor here, felt she was too cold, intellectual; I was unsure as to whether or not she had ever experienced a close death or not, which somehow seems to make a difference to me. I decided to stop seeing her after two sessions and feel it might be better for me to write about my grief and pain here in a more welcoming and empathetic forum.

    I had one of those horrid moments today when I was watching the news and saw that Federer had won the French Open and I just wanted to pick up the phone and chat to my brother about it - he once trained to be a professional tennis player and continued to follow it keenly - it was just awful realising that I couldn't have that conversation with him. Does anyone else get annoyed when people say, things like 'you can still talk to him/her/them' and feel that the truth is 'NO, YOU CAN'T'?

    Has anyone in the UK phoned the Samaritans when they have felt the grief was too much?

    Well, thank you for reading this, it helps me to cry when I write. I need to cry and cry and cry.


  2. #2
    Supporting Member Rapunzel's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    Hi Glittergirl and welcome to FG.

    I'm so sorry to hear your sad news and can understand the pain and loss you are feeling right now. Of course you are welcome to come and talk to us anytime. We're a global forum so there's always someone, somewhere in the world, online here reading or chatting.

    However, you sound as if you need to chat to someone in a 1 to 1 conversation. I haven't used the Samaritans but I used to work as a volunteer for Parentline Plus which is like the Samaritans but for parents. With Parentline Plus there was one telephone number but 7 offices around the country so when you ring you might speak to someone in London or Scotland or on the south coast, etc. That way, if you don't like the person you're speaking to, you can call again and speak to someone else. Alternatively, if you do like them you can ask for their details and speak to them again next time. I expect the Samaritans have a very similar system.

    My advice would be to google such helplines and just talk and talk and talk. Don't forget you're still in shock and grieving and grief can make us do and say strange things. Talk it through as much as you need. You should also see your doctor as he/she can help you to cope and can set up some grief counselling for you.

    Come and chat to us too. We have all seen a lot of life and are here to support each other in good times and bad. Meanwhile, take care of yourself and have that good cry, it really helps.

  3. #3
    superstar minks's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    Welcome to FG I hope we can offer up a place for you to find any kind of relief.
    So sorry to read about your loss

    M
    �You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
    ― Mae West

  4. #4
    Senior Member Victoria's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    Welcome.
    I can understand your grief I lost my brother to suicide on feb 22 2009 he was 41.
    He had been depressed but seemed to be over the worst.

    Its a terrible shock and not helped by the social stigma that suicide still carries which can make it difficult to talk about.
    I also understand the unreal feeling you have, esp as this all happened overseas because although I live in Holland my family are in London so its not like I can just pop in for a cuppa anytime I want.

    I hope you find the support you need to get you through and if you want you can always p.m me.


    Take care xx

  5. #5
    Senior Member farmer giles's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    hello GG

    first my disclaimer i am a moron any improvements to your life following any advice i offer is entirely coincidental

    i have lost two younger brothers the older one not so long ago aged just 31

    i have also lost my beautiful daughter Natasha i think of them all every day and sometimes its hard to believe they are gone

    my brother Casey was a fan of the same football team as me and when we win a game my first thoughts are yes i'll ring case but then reality kicks in and i of course realise he is gone

    time does not heal my friend time just makes things a little less sore

    first my advice dont try to forget why would any one want to forget their lost brother or child ???

    when you hurt its because you love them the more you hurt and scream and cry into your pillow at night the more you know you loved them

    when people say they know how you feel they dont unless they have been through how could they ???

    take your time people who say snap out of it or you be over it ... just kick in the nuts/crotch they are bigger morons than i am

    if you ever need to talk just talk ...there are some great people on fg and oscar who is banned

    peace to you my friend

  6. #6
    Senior Member mikeinie's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    Very sorry to hear of your losses. Welcome to FG, I hope that you can find some comfort here, there are good people on this forum.

  7. #7
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    Welcome to the forum Glittergirl. I hope we can be of some comfort to you.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Chockygirl's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother


    Oh,Glittergirl,how sorry I am to read of the death of your brother.
    My 'baby' brother died suddenly from a massive heart attack five years ago,and the sadness and loss I feel is still strong with me today.
    I do hope you can find some help/counselling to help ease the pain a little.

    Very sad to read of your losses as well,Farmer Giles and Victoria.

  9. #9
    Caitriona Eibhlin Kathy Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

    hmmmmmmmmm...........Samaritans....

  10. #10
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    Re: New here - grieving the lost of my brother

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    Dear All

    Thank you for your wonderful support and kind words. Very much appreciated. It is good to know that there are people in the world who understand what I am going through and who take the time to care.

    Glittergirl

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