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Thread: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

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    Junior Member Blueskyes92's Avatar
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    Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Hey guys.

    Ok, my boyfriend and I have been going out for about five months now. And things have taken a major turn with him and my parents, and me with his parents. He is 18, I am 17. I have certain things I'm not allowed to do since I am just 17 and still living with my parents and under their rules. He however is 18 and shouldn't have rules cause he is an adult. His mother is very arrogant and set in her ways, she has a major problem with throwing a "temper-tantrum" when she doesn't get what she wants, and sometimes its like watching a little kid. His dad has the "I'm always right and your always wrong" mind-set.... Which in result, you put those two together, and my boyfriend, has his mom's arrogantness and his dad's I right your wrong mind-set. Which are totally a bad combination, cause they "compliment" one another and build eachother up in arguments and conversations. Our second month of dating, he and I went out and we were told my curfew was midnight. Well 10 rolled around and we were at his grandparents house two miles from my house, just after we came from eating with his parents and two brothers. My mom was trying to get ahold of us cause she was freaking out that something happened to him and I cause is was almost ten and she thought we'd be home around that time, and she hadn't heard anything from us yet. I called her back after she had called his mother, and his mother called his grandparents house to tell me that my mom was looking for me. I got home, and my mom asked my boyfriend to leave nicely so her and I could talk about this. He refused to leave without an answer as to why I was in so much trouble cause we were home before curfew. It was a huge long drawn out rediculous thing, and I still to this day have no clue as to what exactly happened. But him and my mom got into it, and she told him to get out. I know I made the mistake of not calling her to check in with her. But after that day it caused alot of problems. His parents have used that against my mom every day since that night happened. They think my parents are crazy controlling people. Which it hasn't helped my boyfriend out either, cause sometimes we get into arguments about it cause his parents influence his thinking. After that night, he absolutely refused to come into my house, I couldn't even get him on the porch. Him and his parents (mainly his parents) are always using things against my parents. They are total hypocrites, and very judgemental. They tell my boyfriend that my parents are stupid for not letting me drive out to his house past dark for my safety (its a rule that I have not being 18 yet). He lives abour 30-35 minutes from my house out in the country on dirt roads. My parents are worried I'm going to get in a reck or get hit, so I have to be home before dark. His parents don't think my parents have a right to give me certain rules, and they think they are crazy cause they are trying to "control" me with these certain rules they have. Well they are being very judgemental and hypocritical. My boyfriend recently just lost his phone for "mouthing off". His parents take the keys away from him for leaving the keys in HIS truck when its sitting in the driveway out in the country. He BOUGHT and PAID for his truck on his own, and he gets grounded from his truck! How stupid is that!?! He works for his dad, well, his dad says that he is going to act like the boss and work and a dad at the house. He tells my boyfriend that all the time. But he's always using the "dad" role in the "being the boss role". My boyfriend has gotten told that is he doesn't do what he is told that he will get kicked out of the house by his mother. And his Dad as told him that if he doesn't behave and do what he is told, that he will get fired. They are constantly using things against him, and its not fair. Then they turn around and start being hypocritical and judgemental about what my parents do. Again, I am 17 and my boyfriend is 18. Who has more of the right to set rules for they're child?... Which obviously they cannot grasp or fathem that! It has been causing some major conflict between my boyfriend and I, cause sometimes he lets what his parents thing of my parents and me to get in his head and take over his thoughts and feelings. WE had a major blowup Saturday cause we hung out all day and I had a church picnic to go to with my parents that day. I had already told them I'd go for a entire week, and I invited my boyfriend. He never gave me a answer for that. We talked about it all day cause we had to make a decision on what he was going to do cause we had to head over to the picnic at 4:45. He told me he didn't want to go cause he didn't want to hang around my family and he didn't want to deal with the people from my parents church. But I got mad at him cause he wanted to go back to his house and ride his motorcycle. He was choosing his motorcycle over me, and that made me really upset. Since we started dating, I'm always over at his house and hanging out with his family, which I hate more and more everytime. Cause it is starting to feel uncomfortable there. His mom and dad make snobby comments about me and my parents, sometimes my brother to my boyfriend. And their treatment towards me is getting weirder and a little more.... Not nice. Out of the entire time we have dated I have never pushed him to come hang out with my family cause I know he felt uncomforable, which it has caused problems with my parents and I, but I've dealt with it. He has only hung out with me and my family included about three or four times tops since about five months ago. I have seen his family hundreds of times, and it was uncomforable for me, but I sucked it up and dealt with it cause I wanted to be with my boyfriend. So the whole picnic thing was the last straw for me. He wasn't willing to endure a couple hours of just hanging out at a picnic so he could see me longer. Just before we left after we got into a major argument about this, he all of a sudden wanted me to ask if I could go with his to his house to ride motorcycles!!! He was being so selfish! I started to back away from his truck and shut his door after I'd tell him to just go home before he decided to jump out of his truck and tell me "Fine, we'll go to the stupid picnic". Which on the way there we fought more cause he was acting like his mother and being a baby and very arrogant! Well, we got there and he looked like he had a good time. BUT! We only stayed an hour before he wanted to leave. Guess what.... We ended up going to his house to hang out with his family. It wasn't all bad cause we went and rode dirt bikes. But still, his parents got what they wanted, cause they wanted him to come home. They have told him that they don't want him and I to be alone, they even said they have a problem with the fact that my parents let him and I be out in the driveway alone at night or the fact that they actually leave us alone and let us have our alone time. His parents are constantly checking up on us to make sure we're behaving ourselfs or whatever. He's getting very tired of his parents, and us fighting. As am I. My parents aren't doing anything wrong, but his parents are convinced my parents are wackjobs. And they constanly bag on my boyfriend about it. Which really makes him tense and we just bout end up in a argument everytime. His parents accuse my parents of controlling him and I and our relationship. He and I are planning on getting married next year if possible (money-wise). And these people are going to by my in-laws! Are they ever going to stop this madness even after my boyfriend and I get married and move out, or are they still going to try and control us and our relationship after we're married and on our own!?! I'm very stressed out and I have no clue what I'm going to do. I've just now been getting my boyfriend to see that he's not always right in what he does and the reason why we argue is cause of him and his attitude because of something he and his parents went through and his parents ragging on him all the time. Oh and just today, I found out that his mom has been making comments to my boyfriend about things that I put on my facebook and how weird they are. I've just been posting love stories.... They have sad ending, but she's been asking him why I put such weird stuff on my facebook. She has no right doing everything that she is doing, neither does his dad. How am I going to deal with them after my boyfriend and I are married!?!?! Can anyone help me!?!?! I need some advice!!!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member hoppy's Avatar
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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    People reach real adulthood at different ages. I don't think either of you are near it yet.

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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Things aren't going to change until you both can stand on your own two feet.

    When you're out on your own, not living underneath your parents roofs and earning a living where you're self supportive, would then be the right time to even think about marrying.

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    The Magus G-man's Avatar
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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    That is one long paragraph that I'm not even going to try to get through.

    First of all, your boyfriend of "adult age"... he still lives under his parent's roof? As long as you still live under someone else's roof... you follow their rules. If you don't like that, it's simple... you move out.

    From what little I read of your run-on paragraph (btw, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, take you seriously and treat you like a mature adult, try to write more properly... the bad grammar and spelling errors don't concern me quite as much as the impossibly large, barely readable block of text), you're both very young and your parents recognize this fact and are merely looking out for your best interest. I sense that they love and care about you deeply or they wouldn't say anything to you and would let you have your way without saying a word.

    My advice to you both is to not rush into anything too fast (five months may seem like an eternity to a teenager, but I've been engaged to a woman for over a year and still discovered that I didn't know a damn thing about her in the end) be thankful that you have family that cares about you so much... many aren't so fortunate. I can tell you this from experience... relationships only become more and more complicated from here on out. What you're going through now... this is small stuff. Trust me.

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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Quote Originally Posted by G-man View Post
    That is one long paragraph that I'm not even going to try to get through.

    First of all, your boyfriend of "adult age"... he still lives under his parent's roof? As long as you still live under someone else's roof... you follow their rules. If you don't like that, it's simple... you move out.

    From what little I read of your run-on paragraph (btw, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, take you seriously and treat you like a mature adult, try to write more properly... the bad grammar and spelling errors don't concern me quite as much as the impossibly large, barely readable block of text), you're both very young and your parents recognize this fact and are merely looking out for your best interest. I sense that they love and care about you deeply or they wouldn't say anything to you and would let you have your way without saying a word.

    My advice to you both is to not rush into anything too fast (five months may seem like an eternity to a teenager, but I've been engaged to a woman for over a year and still discovered that I didn't know a damn thing about her in the end) be thankful that you have family that cares about you so much... many aren't so fortunate. I can tell you this from experience... relationships only become more and more complicated from here on out. What you're going through now... this is small stuff. Trust me.

    Very well said and great advice

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    The Magus G-man's Avatar
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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Quote Originally Posted by oscar View Post
    Very well said and great advice
    I considered going with my tough-love script, but... figured that's best reserved for those I'm more familiar with. I suspected from the start that there was a communication issue here. I am also sensing a long road ahead for her too, unfortunately, unless she understands some basics about life in the near future.

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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Quote Originally Posted by G-man View Post
    That is one long paragraph that I'm not even going to try to get through.

    First of all, your boyfriend of "adult age"... he still lives under his parent's roof? As long as you still live under someone else's roof... you follow their rules. If you don't like that, it's simple... you move out.

    From what little I read of your run-on paragraph (btw, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, take you seriously and treat you like a mature adult, try to write more properly... the bad grammar and spelling errors don't concern me quite as much as the impossibly large, barely readable block of text), you're both very young and your parents recognize this fact and are merely looking out for your best interest. I sense that they love and care about you deeply or they wouldn't say anything to you and would let you have your way without saying a word.

    My advice to you both is to not rush into anything too fast (five months may seem like an eternity to a teenager, but I've been engaged to a woman for over a year and still discovered that I didn't know a damn thing about her in the end) be thankful that you have family that cares about you so much... many aren't so fortunate. I can tell you this from experience... relationships only become more and more complicated from here on out. What you're going through now... this is small stuff. Trust me.
    Whew you hit that on the head gman..they way too young to think about getting married after 5 months? Jeez, how about goin to college, getting a degree & getting out into the real world. Ahh, to but to be a teenager..going through it with 3 of them...they think they know everything...well they don't. Parents are there for teaching..and yes, they do care.

  8. #8
    Senior Member kayleneaussie's Avatar
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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Quote Originally Posted by G-man View Post
    That is one long paragraph that I'm not even going to try to get through.

    First of all, your boyfriend of "adult age"... he still lives under his parent's roof? As long as you still live under someone else's roof... you follow their rules. If you don't like that, it's simple... you move out.

    From what little I read of your run-on paragraph (btw, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, take you seriously and treat you like a mature adult, try to write more properly... the bad grammar and spelling errors don't concern me quite as much as the impossibly large, barely readable block of text), you're both very young and your parents recognize this fact and are merely looking out for your best interest. I sense that they love and care about you deeply or they wouldn't say anything to you and would let you have your way without saying a word.

    My advice to you both is to not rush into anything too fast (five months may seem like an eternity to a teenager, but I've been engaged to a woman for over a year and still discovered that I didn't know a damn thing about her in the end) be thankful that you have family that cares about you so much... many aren't so fortunate. I can tell you this from experience... relationships only become more and more complicated from here on out. What you're going through now... this is small stuff. Trust me.
    Great advice ....

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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Hi Blueskies. I was a trouble-some teenager. When I was your age I believed that everything my Father said was wrong. 20 years on, I KNEW that everything my Father said was right.
    When you are 17 years old, you can feel the whole world is against you including parents. Everything seems unfair and at times It can be but Parents don't set out to be Party Poopers, they do what they do because they love you and care about what happens to you.
    My only advice to you is be respectful to your future In-laws and very soon you will earn their greatest of respect for you. Abide by thier rules in their home and your parents... they pay the bills and the roof over your head and for that you need to respect them. Act responsibly with your boyfriend and consult them in what you do and plan. This will make them feel that you value their opinion and the communication will get better between you.
    Love is not wrong at your age. I myself married my ex-husband at 16 years old. If you know that he is the one for you, prove this to your parents by being responsible and not giving them any cause to find fault in you. This will only last a short while until you get your own home. Don't burn your bridges with your parents or your in-laws as you will need them for help when you get your own home and the babies come.
    Oscar X

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    Senior Member Patsy Warnick's Avatar
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    Re: Future in-law trouble/boyfriend trouble HELP ME!?!

    Register to remove this ad.
    You answered your own delima..? your 17 and the boyfriend is 18.

    This relationship is coming to a close - this relationship will not & is not working.

    The Boyfriend 18 & at home since his MOTHER does & will continue to baby him - direct him etc ..
    How his Parents ground him is not your problem, and does not warrant a attitude towards them.
    Your Parents ground you in that Parenting way and your Boyfriend knows his household rules - so if he didn't like the rules the BIG BOY would have his own place..!!!!

    Did you ever consider your Boyfriend may have another female interest ??
    I don't think your the only ONE....

    Your TOOOOOOOOOO Young for these issues
    Hang the relationship up
    Patsy

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