Hi all of you out there,

I am new to this site and i am not sure yet what i hope to get out of posting my story here. Maybe some new friends to talk to, maybe some advice or maybe just someplace to tell how i feel.

Last week i lost my 9 year old son Maarten to a brain stem glioma. He was ill for 11 months and fought a heroic battle during these months. He finally could not fight anymore on monday 31st of may. He died peacefully at home surrounded by myself, his dad and his two sisters ( 6 and 12)

Ever since this day i seem to go from being totally numb to crying untill my eyes hurt and back again. I cant make any sense out of his death. Why Maarten? what did he ever do to anyone.

I hurt all the time, every breath feels as if someone is pressing down on my chest. I miss him so much.

I just wish i could talk to him one more time, just once to tell him again how much i love him.

I realise it has only been a week, but i feel as if this hurt is here to stay.

It is nice to be able to say these things to people who understand.

googolplex