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Thread: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

  1. #11
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by koan View Post
    Have you started designing your IMF protest sign yet? Lots of good photo ops available in the near future if you've got one of those.
    Yes, needless to say that designing protest posters of various kinds has become about the only growth industry in Ireland, I am therefore considering a small "start-up" anti-capitalist-protest-placard business, I have emailed the IMF and the EU for funds for this innovative enterprise and I await their response with interest.

    As a fall-back, I have also inquired if Bernie Madoff is running any venture capitalist projects from his prison cell (as an alternate source of funds), preferrably with the money being provided by freezing orphans and starving widows, all completely guaranteed a 130% return on initial investment of course.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by spot View Post
    Gerry Adams in the Dublin parliament in three months' time?

    You now own all the banks?
    Indeed, it seems that perhaps his day has come after all.

    Yes apparently we do own the banks more or less, and I always wanted to own a bank, though we only seem to get to own them once they are bankrupt, which to be honest is not ideal. So we only get to have businesses that have failed, and apparently as a quid pro-quo for this wonderful investment opportunity as citizens, we have to sell off any sucessful businesses that we already own to private companies as clearly governments are unable to run businesses into the ground fast enough and we need the private sector to destroy them properaly on our behalf.

    Oh and we also pay teachers and midwives way too much money which is also part of our downfall, but don't worry we are rectifying that, we have plans to pay all future public sector wages in cheese and apples, and shoot any stragglers and whingers it's a win-win apparently.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by gmc View Post
    Welcome back. Nothing unfortunate about being busy with work. Not being busy is altogether worse.

    Iceland had the right idea. tell the bankers to Fook off and refuse to bail out property speculators and the like who were quite happy to rake in all the money in the good times. None of the bank directors have been held accountable for any of this yet because of them ordinary people are going to be going bankrupt and losing their homes. A plague on all their houses.
    Indeed, you are right, I count myself lucky indeed.

    Yes the Iceland example is all very well, but they run a system called "functioning democracy", which may sound all nice and dandy, but has lots of drawbacks such as having to have elections, and asking ordinary people what they think about the whole "running the country" thing (yawn), we Irish prefer our own system, for which there is currently no dictionary definition.

    But be assurred we (based on best international practice) are paying several thousand financial experts and lawyers €800 an hour each to come up with a new word (and dictionary definition) for our system of governance, and the Irish government assure us that this new word will be ready early in the new year.

    Gosh, we are very excited.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  4. #14
    Supporting Member spot's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    You know if you consider what you had of it before the Easter Rising, things are a step above that still. One way or another. Sort of.

    Deputy Ring said it has been suggested that the Queen will come to Ireland on a state visit next year.
    "Although we have our independence now, perhaps we should hand the country back to the Queen and apologise for the mess we have made of it.
    "When Britain was running the country, at least it did not leave us in such a mess or in the hock we are in now.

    "Hand country back to Queen"
    I blinked twice when I read that at the start of the month. It must have sent a frisson up every spine in the Dáil Éireann.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by spot View Post
    You know if you consider what you had of it before the Easter Rising, things are a step above that still. One way or another. Sort of.

    Deputy Ring said it has been suggested that the Queen will come to Ireland on a state visit next year.
    "Although we have our independence now, perhaps we should hand the country back to the Queen and apologise for the mess we have made of it.
    "When Britain was running the country, at least it did not leave us in such a mess or in the hock we are in now.

    "Hand country back to Queen"
    I blinked twice when I read that at the start of the month. It must have sent a frisson up every spine in the Dáil Éireann.
    Well Deputy Ring was probably pinning for the good old days when you could always be assurred of getting some cheap Irish fun if you were bored, simply by robbing the fruit from the local Victorian Landlord's apple trees and getting a chase for the whole family from his Bloodhounds and Henchmen across several counties.

    It certainly kept the kids fit.

    Then there were the starving orhpan children, numbers are clearly way down since independence, and they make such a good source of cheap labour, which we could do with now in order to compete with those hardworking Chinese peasants; which perhaps is the strategy, as it would probably cost less to run a workforce of Irish peasants (living off potatoes and seaweed) than it does to run a similarly sized workforce of Chinese coolies living off rice and sweet and sour sauce.

    All they have to do is improve their communications strategy to make sure that Irish people understand that reverting to an existence of peasants is unavoidable given the difficult global circumstances, and it is clearly in their long-term interest (and that of their future, thin and bedraggled childred) in order to make the country competitive once more.

    I for one would like to congratulate our wonderful government on their radical "out-of their-box" thinking. Outstanding work.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  6. #16
    Supporting Member ZAP's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    So nice to see you back, Mr. G. Or is it "DR." G? As you may remember you gave me advice about 2-3 years ago on dating, clothes to wear (stiletto heels in particular) and hors d'oeuvres to serve. Thank you. (Oh, about the dating thing, the guy really was a rapist and is now serving 10-20 in Tehachapi.) I see that you are offering monetary advice now and I have a question.
    I was in Ireland last summer. I looked for you and not finding you, I sought the services of the banker son of a friend of mine in Scotland. My daughter had given me a one dollar bill (US) that she wanted to put into circulation in Europe and trace its journey (some gimmick she'd heard about on the Internet.) Well, I gave the bill to said son of said friend, who said he worked for the Bank of Scotland. He said that I would hear from him, but I haven't yet. I was wondering if you could tell me what's become of my daughter's dollar bill? I can supply the serial number.
    P.S. So sorry to hear your country's in trouble.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by ZAP View Post
    So nice to see you back, Mr. G. Or is it "DR." G? As you may remember you gave me advice about 2-3 years ago on dating, clothes to wear (stiletto heels in particular) and hors d'oeuvres to serve. Thank you. (Oh, about the dating thing, the guy really was a rapist and is now serving 10-20 in Tehachapi.) I see that you are offering monetary advice now and I have a question.
    I was in Ireland last summer. I looked for you and not finding you, I sought the services of the banker son of a friend of mine in Scotland. My daughter had given me a one dollar bill (US) that she wanted to put into circulation in Europe and trace its journey (some gimmick she'd heard about on the Internet.) Well, I gave the bill to said son of said friend, who said he worked for the Bank of Scotland. He said that I would hear from him, but I haven't yet. I was wondering if you could tell me what's become of my daughter's dollar bill? I can supply the serial number.
    P.S. So sorry to hear your country's in trouble.
    Dear ZAP, ah yes of course I do remember now, I am somewhat alarmed to hear that this person was a serial rapist, but I am glad to hear he has been locked away in some place I have never heard of, which means he is probably not an issue at the present time.

    In terms of your one Euro, you'd be amazed at how many foreigners we have currently making simiar requests to Irish people about the specific location of specific amounts of currency denominated in Euro. Usually these requests are met with blank stares, head scratches, and the comment "well, if you're looking for that money I wouldn't start from here".

    But in your case you are in luck. I believe that your one Euro is currently residing in the 2nd till on the left as you come in the front door of the Tesco's in Newbridge Co. Kildare.

    If you were to get over here quickly and inform the assistant manager of who you are (perhaps you should use your full name, as opposed to just ZAP) and that "the Euro with the French Reverse, and the 3 nicks in it" in fact belongs to you, I am sure he will oblige.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by ZAP View Post
    P.S. So sorry to hear your country's in trouble.
    Oh and thank you, I am also sorry to hear my country is in trouble, so we are in agreement on that one.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Bryn Mawr's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    So why this ridiculous game of "we insist you accept our money", "but we don't need it" that went on for so long?

    The argument that "if you don't take it Portugal might suffer" deserved only one answer!

    What went on behind the scenes?


    BTW, welcome back - next time don't leave it so damn'd long

  10. #20
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bryn Mawr View Post
    So why this ridiculous game of "we insist you accept our money", "but we don't need it" that went on for so long?

    The argument that "if you don't take it Portugal might suffer" deserved only one answer!

    What went on behind the scenes?


    BTW, welcome back - next time don't leave it so damn'd long

    Well yes, that was a bit mad, but we are Irish, which I think everyone seems to have forgotten.

    First lets get this right, we didn't accept the money. The Irish Government accepted the money, but to be honest you'd be as well to not pay too much attention to them, we never liked them, and we were right about that.

    In fact we are starting to wonder whether they are the Irish government at all, or not some other entirely different government of another country, only pretending to be our government, in a crafty ruse by which they sign us up to all manner of mad treaties when we are not looking. This is why 100,000 people were up in Dublin over the weekend to have a look at what is going on, and to make sure these people are actually who they say they are.

    Now, given that. Yes it does seem there was a bit of back and forth. It seems to have gone like this

    Rest of Europe: Take the money, or the EU and the Eurozone will go down.

    Ireland: Really? Jaysus thats terrible but ah no, thanks, we're grand.

    Rest of Europe: What?

    Ireland: Ah no, we're grand.

    Rest of Europe: But you are not...."grand"?

    Ireland: Ah, we are though.

    Rest of Europe: No you aren't, take the money.

    Ireland: Ah no, maybe next month if we need it, cheers lads.

    Rest of Europe: Right, we are telling the rest of world on you.

    Ireland: Ah now, stop getting upset, it'll be grand. Those banks were only resting in our country, they will be moving on soon.

    Rest of Europe: No too late, you are not taking us seriously, this is serious.

    Ireland: Ah it's not that bad, sure....ah now, here is the IMF what did ye squeal for?

    Rest of Europe and IMF: OK NOW, stop zis foolishness, and take ze money.

    Ireland: But we are grand, not a bother on us, would ye ever feck off and pick on Spain? Ah look if it makes you happy, can we pretend to take the money?

    Rest of Europe and IMF: NO, you must take it, its 89 Billion Euro.

    Ireland: Really? Bit mean.

    Rest of Europe and IMF: WHAT? Zis is an enormous amount of money!

    Ireland: Ah, not by our standards any more, our banks are amazing! Anyway you gave the Greeks more, and they haven't won Eurovision as much as us!

    Rest of Europe and IMF: Right, zis is it, we are sending the IMF boys and Ollie Rehn and they will give you the money, and you will take it, and zat will be zat.

    Ireland: Right so. Will ye be wanting it back though?

    Rest of Europe and IMF: YES!

    Ireland: Feck. Boring, OK. But you better not give Portugal more than us, they always get more than us.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

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