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Thread: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

  1. #21
    Senior Member Bryn Mawr's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by Galbally View Post
    Well yes, that was a bit mad, but we are Irish, which I think everyone seems to have forgotten.

    First lets get this right, we didn't accept the money. The Irish Government accepted the money, but to be honest you'd be as well to not pay too much attention to them, we never liked them, and we were right about that.

    In fact we are starting to wonder whether they are the Irish government at all, or not some other entirely different government of another country, only pretending to be our government, in a crafty ruse by which they sign us up to all manner of mad treaties when we are not looking. This is why 100,000 people were up in Dublin over the weekend to have a look at what is going on, and to make sure these people are actually who they say they are.

    Now, given that. Yes it does seem there was a bit of back and forth. It seems to have gone like this

    Rest of Europe: Take the money, or the EU and the Eurozone will go down.

    Ireland: Really? Jaysus thats terrible but ah no, thanks, we're grand.

    Rest of Europe: What?

    Ireland: Ah no, we're grand.

    Rest of Europe: But you are not...."grand"?

    Ireland: Ah, we are though.

    Rest of Europe: No you aren't, take the money.

    Ireland: Ah no, maybe next month if we need it, cheers lads.

    Rest of Europe: Right, we are telling the rest of world on you.

    Ireland: Ah now, stop getting upset, it'll be grand. Those banks were only resting in our country, they will be moving on soon.

    Rest of Europe: No too late, you are not taking us seriously, this is serious.

    Ireland: Ah it's not that bad, sure....ah now, here is the IMF what did ye squeal for?

    Rest of Europe and IMF: OK now, stop zis foolishness, and take ze money.

    Ireland: But we are grand, not a bother on us, would ye ever feck off and pick on Spain? Ah look if it makes you happy, can we pretend to take the money?


    Rest of Europe and IMF: No, you must take it, its 89 Billion Euro.

    Ireland: Really? Bit mean.

    Rest of Europe and IMF: What? Zis is an enormous amount of money!

    Ireland: Ah, not by our standards any more, our banks are amazing! Anyway you gave the Greeks more, and they haven't won Eurovision as much as us!

    Rest of Europe and IMF: Right, zis is it, we are sending the IMF boys and Ollie Rehn and they will give you the money, and you will take it, and zat will be zat.

    Ireland: Right so. Will ye be wanting it back though?

    Rest of Europe and IMF: Yes

    Ireland: Feck. OK. But you better not give Portugal more than us, they always get more than us.
    That sounds pretty much it

    Who's kidding who?

    As I see it, they'd be better off stopping the speculators from manipulating the markets in the first place rather than trying to mop up afterwards in country after country.

  2. #22
    Supporting Member ZAP's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by Galbally View Post
    Dear ZAP, ah yes of course I do remember now, I am somewhat alarmed to hear that this person was a serial rapist, but I am glad to hear he has been locked away in some place I have never heard of, which means he is probably not an issue at the present time.

    In terms of your one Euro, you'd be amazed at how many foreigners we have currently making simiar requests to Irish people about the specific location of specific amounts of currency denominated in Euro. Usually these requests are met with blank stares, head scratches, and the comment "well, if you're looking for that money I wouldn't start from here".

    But in your case you are in luck. I believe that your one Euro is currently residing in the 2nd till on the left as you come in the front door of the Tesco's in Newbridge Co. Kildare.

    If you were to get over here quickly and inform the assistant manager of who you are (perhaps you should use your full name, as opposed to just ZAP) and that "the Euro with the French Reverse, and the 3 nicks in it" in fact belongs to you, I am sure he will oblige.
    Dear GB,
    Thank you for your, as always, very timely and wise advice. I have been searching for good prices on flights. As you may know the airports on this side of the pond (a term I learned from some British friends) are making us passengers jump through hoops or to be precise, submit to a body scan or a probe or pat-down . . .whatever. I want to make sure I get the latter if I have any say so in the matter. Can I expect to receive the same when I depart Ireland?
    Also, I have another question: I recently purchased a tiny book, entitled The Little Book of London by Donald Grieg. Is he to be trusted as an authority on British slang? Some of these terms sound questionable: Tea leaf, Tit willow, Uncle Willy, Rabbit and pork, Rub-a-dub, Round the houses, Fly-by-nights, Frog and toad. Pig's ear???? Would I be able to purchase a similar book on Irish slang prior to my trip to Ireland?

  3. #23
    anomaly
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Having been disturbed in England by the lack of trash receptacles and having been told it was a residual result from Irish bombings, I'd suggest an alternative growth industry of reinstalling trash bins in the UK. It's an unlimited business if you then arrange to have them all blown up.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by Bryn Mawr View Post
    That sounds pretty much it

    Who's kidding who?

    As I see it, they'd be better off stopping the speculators from manipulating the markets in the first place rather than trying to mop up afterwards in country after country.
    Agreed. Again, and I must say this with some force, we are not very pleased with our current government, in fact I would go as far as to say that we think they are about as welcome as a bag of rats in a dock in 1366. But, I digress.

    In terms of your other wider point. Yes, now I am not an expert, but it seems to me that we are currently trying to run the place (the world) by running around after a large group of very wealthy but nervous headless chickens (or you can call them international markets if you want, its all the same), who want to keep their enormous amounts of money 100% safe, but also as 100% profitable as possible at the same time, which is impossible and they have to sometimes lose some of their money unless they are going to be sensible about it; and explaining this economic fact 101 seems to have become a pretty difficult task as apparently the chickens know best in this situation. They also have bought the farm and the farmer is now working for them. You see the problem with chickens is that they don't know what they want, or why they want it, and they certainly don't care about the other animals.

    It would seem to me that the sensible thing to do would be to first get all the headless chickens into a coup assure them that their money is safe, then get them to give us our eggs back and also their money to mind, then once they had done that, we truss the lot of them up and have a wonderful month of roast chicken dinners. Then, we let the next lot of chickens in, and using the example of the last lot of chickens, we give them back some money and tell them to behave themselves this time. Essentially the chickens are currently running farm policy, and that's not good for the farm, and if we don't stop we will all end up covered in chicken-*****. That's the long and short of it.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by ZAP View Post
    Dear GB,
    Thank you for your, as always, very timely and wise advice. I have been searching for good prices on flights. As you may know the airports on this side of the pond (a term I learned from some British friends) are making us passengers jump through hoops or to be precise, submit to a body scan or a probe or pat-down . . .whatever. I want to make sure I get the latter if I have any say so in the matter. Can I expect to receive the same when I depart Ireland?
    Also, I have another question: I recently purchased a tiny book, entitled The Little Book of London by Donald Grieg. Is he to be trusted as an authority on British slang? Some of these terms sound questionable: Tea leaf, Tit willow, Uncle Willy, Rabbit and pork, Rub-a-dub, Round the houses, Fly-by-nights, Frog and toad. Pig's ear???? Would I be able to purchase a similar book on Irish slang prior to my trip to Ireland?
    In terms of your first question, an interesting option. The problem with the Pat-down is that its fantastic (in a CSI-Miami kind of way) if you are getting it from a 24-year-old, very attractive member of the opposite sex. However, if you are getting a pat down from a grossly overweight person of the same sex who smells of hamsters and has a twitch, then the pat-down is not so much fun and is less like CSI-Miami and more like Last Of the Summer Wine

    (which is very hard to explain as a metaphor if you're not from this eastern side of the "the pond" but is roughly analogus to "The Golden Girls", but played by a cast of homeless people).

    And no, we don't do that "pat-down" stuff here, but we can certainly arrange for you to get a right good pat-down off someone in Dublin airport, though it usually happens in the car-park, they wear track-suits and white sport shoes; and usually demand a large amount of cash immediately to pay for their attentions.

    In term of your second question, I am unable to comment on that. Though I may provide you with a guide to some Irish slang when I have a little more time.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by koan View Post
    Having been disturbed in England by the lack of trash receptacles and having been told it was a residual result from Irish bombings, I'd suggest an alternative growth industry of reinstalling trash bins in the UK. It's an unlimited business if you then arrange to have them all blown up.
    Ah yes, it seems we were early adaptors in that regard of mixing business and terror, though thankfully it seems that we have been superceded in the terrorism business by people who are even more misguided and have worse fashion sense; and we are now doing stand up impersonations of various Latin American countries run by Generalissimos and funded by the IMF, its a great show, you can get a ticket for €33-330 to see the show from Michael O'Leary the concert promoter. I would urge everyone to come over and check it out.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  7. #27
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by koan View Post
    Having been disturbed in England by the lack of trash receptacles and having been told it was a residual result from Irish bombings, I'd suggest an alternative growth industry of reinstalling trash bins in the UK. It's an unlimited business if you then arrange to have them all blown up.
    That is actually true. they used to use large metal receptacles so if someone dropped a match or a lighted cigarette in them it merely saved the trouble to empty them. Knowing someone might have dropped a bomb in one doesn't half change the way you look at these things.

    posted by galbally
    In terms of your other wider point. Yes, now I am not an expert, but it seems to me that we are currently trying to run the place (the world) by running around after a large group of very wealthy but nervous headless chickens (or you can call them international markets if you want, its all the same), who want to keep their enormous amounts of money 100% safe, but also as 100% profitable as possible at the same time, which is impossible and they have to sometimes lose some of their money unless they are going to be sensible about it; and explaining this economic fact 101 seems to have become a pretty difficult task as apparently the chickens know best in this situation.
    It would be serious if irish govt bonds were given junk status on the other hand why should the ordinary taxpayer be obliged to make sure rich private investors don't lose any money?

    Same in the UK, if you invest money you can lose it, actually doing so might be useful in making people a bit more careful. That ordinary icelanders having told their government where to go seem to be recovering rather nicely. That some speculators have lost money is sad for them but not for anyone else.

    Having bailed out our own banks we are now being shafted by higher bank charges and withdrawal of agreed overdrafts and loans without any warning, meanwhile they still pay out bonuses while laying off staff in the branches. You couldn't make any of this stuff up could you?

  8. #28
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by gmc View Post
    That is actually true. they used to use large metal receptacles so if someone dropped a match or a lighted cigarette in them it merely saved the trouble to empty them. Knowing someone might have dropped a bomb in one doesn't half change the way you look at these things.

    posted by galbally


    It would be serious if irish govt bonds were given junk status on the other hand why should the ordinary taxpayer be obliged to make sure rich private investors don't lose any money?

    Same in the UK, if you invest money you can lose it, actually doing so might be useful in making people a bit more careful. That ordinary icelanders having told their government where to go seem to be recovering rather nicely. That some speculators have lost money is sad for them but not for anyone else.

    Having bailed out our own banks we are now being shafted by higher bank charges and withdrawal of agreed overdrafts and loans without any warning, meanwhile they still pay out bonuses while laying off staff in the branches. You couldn't make any of this stuff up could you?
    No, you couldn't; that is the most certain fact of these strange times.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

  9. #29
    anomaly
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

    Quote Originally Posted by Galbally View Post
    Ah yes, it seems we were early adaptors in that regard of mixing business and terror, though thankfully it seems that we have been superceded in the terrorism business by people who are even more misguided and have worse fashion sense; and we are now doing stand up impersonations of various Latin American countries run by Generalissimos and funded by the IMF, its a great show, you can get a ticket for €33-330 to see the show from Michael O'Leary the concert promoter. I would urge everyone to come over and check it out.
    The Irish will always have a more charming accent. Hard to hate a terrorist who has a good limerick on standby.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Galbally's Avatar
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    Re: Galbally's extraordinary Irish recession diary

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    Quote Originally Posted by koan View Post
    The Irish will always have a more charming accent. Hard to hate a terrorist who has a good limerick on standby.
    Yes, we do have a very popular accent alright, thank god. We need to hang on to whatever we have.

    I can also report that we are buried in snow today as well, on top of everything else. We remain sanguine however, apparenly the Irish banks have a plan to burn money for the next 3 months, 24 hours a day, in order to keep everyone warm.
    "We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"

    Le Rochefoucauld.

    "A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."

    My dad 1986.

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