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Thread: Jj's Journal Is Back.

  1. #1
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    Jj's Journal Is Back.

    Well not quick back yet but it will be pretty soon ... So watch this space!

  2. #2
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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    Quote Originally Posted by jones jones View Post
    Well not quick back yet but it will be pretty soon ... So watch this space!
    Jj’s Journal … Day One.

    I spent quite a bit of time on historical research last week. Its so weird when your brain takes you off topic; like when you’re lying in bed waiting to drift off to sleep and you start thinking about how far Friday is from Monday but how close Monday is to Friday then the next thing you realize you’re thinking about the cool birthday party your folks gave you when you turned thirteen!

    It was just like that with me recently. I was reading about some random writer who suggested that the late great John Lennon was murdered because of a tug-of-war for possession of his spirit/psyche/soul by two alien factions; one wanting peace & the other war. Personally I seldom discount any alien theory no matter how improbable it may seem at first glance. Anyway, I eventually ended up reading “The Forgotten Books of Eden” which forms part of The Lost Books of the Bible.”

    I found this version of the creation quite entertaining and at times it almost had me in stitches. It’s a far better one then that which appears in the Bible put together by Constantine and his crew at Nicea.

    So Adam & Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden because of a misdemeanour after Eve was tempted by Satan in the guise of a walking talking serpent. Their new abode was “The Cave of Treasures” situated atop some mountain.

    I guess this move must have been quite traumatic for them. I mean in the garden they had plenty of water and the fruit found there “was much larger than the fruit of the land.” Just how much larger I’ll explain later. That and the fact that Adam lost his job as well because not only was he a gardener, he was also a zoologist … he named all the animals didn’t he?

    And by the way I forgot to mention that G-d caused a divine wind to carry the walky talky Satan/serpent away and threw it on the seashore and it landed up in India. That’ll learn ya, you walky talky snakey thingee!

    But back to the first couple. They must have been in a bad mood after their eviction because when they got to the cave they started muttering/praying in “their own language unknown to us but which they knew well.” Adam started bitching to G-d about the nights being too long, the cave being pitch black inside and that that had no food.

    Adam you see was a real dumbass you see. Satan, who must have found his way back from India, kept trying to tempt Adam, while he Satan, was in drag. He appeared to Adam as a beautiful woman, sometimes as several women and at times as an angelic being among other guises. Adam just couldn’t see thru Satan’s disguises so G-d had to keep baling him out. Dam used to sulk a lot too because whenever he couldn’t get his own way or when G-d stopped taking to him, “he fell down on the ground as if dead.” Then his mate had to pray to G-d to bring him back.

    G-d must have got sick and tired of Adam’s whinging because he sent the angel Michael “as far as the sea that reaches unto India.” What’s this love affair with India about? There Michael took seventy golden rods which were from the Indian sea where there are precious stones and brought them to Adam. These rods would shine with light and put an end to Adam’s fear of darkness. What a baby!

    Remember I said I’d get back to you about the big fruit? Okay. G-d brought Adam and Eve each two branches of a fig tree from the garden. A new wardrobe perhaps? On each branch there were two figs … now get this … the weight of each fig was that of a watermelon! Didn’t I say this was a cool story? So they took the figs and began to eat them, but G-d had put into them a mixture of savoury bread (nice) and blood (tuck!) Now maybe that’ll stop your bitching for a while.

    Later Eve gave birth to twins; Cain and his sister Luluwa. The meaning of Cain is “hater” … Wow, way to go A & E! And you wonder why he went off the rails ... and Luluwa means “beautiful” because she was more beautiful than her mother. Then another set of twins were born … Abel and his sister Aklia.

    And so they all lived together like happy happy cavemen and cavewomen until Cain turned fifteen and Abel twelve. Then Adam had an idea. “We should find wives for them.” Duh! Now that ought to tax his brain. I mean a choice of two, three females if you count mamma. Then he saw the light and announced: “Cain can marry Abel’s twin sister and Abel can marry Cain’s twin sister.”

    Anyway they put the marriage thing on hold for a while because the brothers had to sacrifice to G-d. Cain built an elaborate altar for his sacrifice while Abel just threw a few stones together. Then they sat back and waited to see if their offerings would be accepted. Soon a divine fire came down from heaven to accept Abel’s offering but Cain lucked out … no fire for him. Bummer!

    Being blown off like this by G-d caused Cain to get seriously miffed off so he invited his brother to take a stroll with him out into a field. Here he wacked Abel with his staff until he was stunned. Abel then apparently told Cain to stop messing about and do a proper job of killing him. “Finish me off with a large stone brother.” Cain obliged and bashed Abel’s brains out with said large stone.

    When Cain was seventeen and a half he married his sister Luluwa and they left home to go to the bottom of the mountain. There his sister “bare him children who in their turn began to multiply in degrees until they filled the place.” Like a population explosion.

    Meanwhile back atop the mountain Adam and Eve had had any sex for seven years. Then she conceived … I’ll bet …and a beautiful son was born. Oh oh, Luluwa was beautiful and look what happened. Adam named the boy Seth that means … wait for it … “that G-d has heard my prayer and has delivered me out of affliction.” But wait, that’s not all. It also means “power and strength.” And after that A & E never had sex again.

    Adam told Seth to marry the late Abel’s twin sister Aklia and when he was fifteen he did so. Now by my reckoning Aklia must have been about twenty two when Seth was born which would have made her about thirty seven when they married. Was Aklia the very first cougar? When Seth was twenty, a son Enos was born plus other children. Enos grew up, married ... Exactly who? … and Cainan was born. Cainan married … Again who? And Mahalaleel was born.

    Adam died at the end of 930 years on the 15th day of Barmudeh after the reckoning of the sun at the 9th hour – a Friday, the same day he was created. Seth’s children were named “Children of G-d” they did no earthly work and all they did was praise G-d with psalms and doxologies. All the time they heard the voices of angels when they went on errands or when they were going up to heaven. They lived only 15 “spiritual” cubits from the garden. One “spiritual cubit equals 3 cubits of man. Seems to me they didn’t only grow fruit in the garden! Must have been weed too.

    Seth died aged 912 years on the 27th of the month Abib. By now Cain had a large progeny who married frequently being given over to lust so that their land was filled with them. Lameth the Blind was a son of Cain and he in turn had a son named Atun. Hmmm …shades of Ancient Egypt. Atun’s mother was Hazina. One day Lameth was with Atun who was guarding their cattle. Atun was afraid to be alone because he was afraid robbers would attack him.

    Cain went looking for them and the boy Atun mistook him for a robber. I mean their land was “full of them” so maybe he didn’t recognize his own grandpa. Yeah right! Then Lambeth … remember he’s blind … has Atun point him in the direction of the “robber” and he shoots his father Cain in the side with an arrow. Now if I ever shot my old man in the side with an arrow he’d have had quite a bit to say to me. Not so Cain. Lameth the Blind then strikes Cain in the head with a stone from his sling … so hard that both Cain’s eyes pop out of his head and he falls to the ground dead, Atun the idiot tells Lameth that he’s just killed his father. This so angers Atun’s dad that he grabs his son and smashes his head with a rock until he’s dead. Like father, like son.

    It seems early historians wrote to be interesting and to pot with accuracy. .

    Until next time.

  3. #3
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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    Jj’s Journal … Day Two.

    Hello!

    I was going to write a little more of what I’d read about in “The Lost Books of the Bible”, this time about the Gospel of St. Mary, but I’ve changed my mind. Continually journeying that far back in time too often, even for one as keen on the past as I am, would prove a bit too much I fear.

    Instead I’m writing about something completely different today; it’s also about an era long gone but not quite as far back in time. I am a member of a supper club. We’re a group of friends who meet sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month, depending on the availability of our members to eat supper together and to talk about whatever topic is decided upon beforehand. The venue is chosen on a rotational basis with each of four couples taking turns to host the club and prepare a home cooked meal. Definitely no pizza or KFC take outs are allowed. The host and hostess get to choose the topic up for discussion during supper and for the remainder of the evening.
    No two meals may be the same and deviation from the topic is not allowed and after three strikes the offender/s has to treat the rest to dinner at a good restaurant.

    At a recent supper the topic for discussion was “life in the 1920’s which was right up my street. The eight of us in the supper club all have very similar interests, so during this particular supper the conversation didn’t lapse for a minute,

    Later when we were in the living room having drinks after supper a pleasant surprise was sprung on us by Sarah. She produced a diary that her late grandmother in England had kept during the 1920s. In it she writes the usual stuff any twenty year old would have at the time, but there is also a description of a Christmas 1925 family gathering which kept us all totally enthralled as she read.

    At the end of the evening I prevailed upon Sarah to let me have a copy of the diary which she duly did. So this is the part that so enchanted us. Clearly her grandma’s family were rather Bohemian in nature and outlook ….

    1925 … 24th December. “Every years since mama inherited our home, the gathering of ‘the Glams & the Glooms’ has taken place over Christmas. This was started by mama in an attempt to get her and papa’s family to get to know one another. Papa is considerably less enthusiastic than mama, referring to the occasion among other things as, ‘the longest week’ and “my solstice of misery.’

    On any given year since mama instituted this yearly soiree, the number of people attending varied between thirty and fifty. Most were children or ‘sheeldren’ as cousin Nesta’s French school chum used to say. Papa blames their number on a lamentable lack of contraception by their promiscuous parents. Both my older sister India and I are frequently told things by mama that most mothers would be unlikely to mention to their daughters. I am sometimes slightly shocked by these disclosures but India takes them in her stride. She behaves in a provocative manner and is much more of a free spirit than I. India is strongly attracted to new experiences and people.

    What mama has told us about papa in particular hardly bears repeating except here in the privacy of my own diary. Mama said that she and papa only slept in the same bedroom until James, the youngest of our brood was born. Once she produced an heir, papa gave mama carte blanche as far as taking a lover was concerned; the one proviso being that any bastard resulting from an affair would not cross the threshold of his house. Perhaps papa forgot that our home actually belongs to mama. I doubt that many such open marriages can be found among people of our class, but India disagrees. She says that mama & papa are like many others of their age and standing and that both Bohemian and eccentric are two adjectives that readily spring to mind when the surname McIntosh is mentioned.

    I retrospect I think she may be right as, aside from the yearly gatherings, or house is throughout the year the setting for almost fortnightly dinners and parties. These are often attended by any number of glamorous, mysterious, exciting and unconventional guests. Some come for a weekend and end up staying for a month. India, James and I have grown up rubbing shoulders with ladies and gentlemen of the liner and express social circle, as well as with writers, actors & artists ….. “

    So far and no further. I may at another time post excerpts from Sarah’s grandma’s diary.

    Until next time.

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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    Jj’s Journal … Day Three...

    Hello!

    I have a problem with some “scholars” irrespective of which direction their field of interest/expertise lies. Many are simply not prepared to think out the box. Like when they are confronted by a mystery, something that cannot be referenced or easily explained. At times like this their simply dismiss it as being “unexplained.” This is particularly true and their standard answer when it comes to anything related to an ancient culture be it Egypt, the Maya, Aztec or Middle Eastern is “it is probably part of an ancient religious ceremony.”

    Take dragons for instance … giant flying reptilian type creatures that breathe fire, capture and eat maidens etc. Mythical beats? Yeah right. A mythological beastie that is portrayed in the same form across the globe – from England to the Far East. Origin unknown, cannot be explained so they are dismissed by scholars as a myth.

    And the pyramids of Egypt which allegedly were built in 20 years by a gazillion slaves using the old “heave-ho” method. If this is true then each of the more than 2,300,000 limestone and granite blocks weighing an average 2.5 tons, had to be put in place every three minutes! Gimme a break.

    Ancient alien theorists myself included, have no problem with how the pyramids were built. It should be obvious to everyone that extra-terrestrials were on earth at that time. But because the ancients were only able to use their own vocabulary and knowledge to describe events of their time, these theories are dismissed.

    Now many of the same people who refuse to believe this are quite prepared to accept the creation of a living breathing human being from dust, the parting of a sea, the raising of the dead, walking on water and changing water into wine etc. Why? Well because “the Bible says so.” Yet most of these people probably have no idea of where, when, how and why the Bible was compiled. Nope, if it’s in the bible its true. I mean, doesn’t our priest/pastor/minister open the Bible every Sunday and say: “Now hear the word of the Lord?” Yet there are many references to aliens and alien craft in the very book they erroneously believe to be the word of G-d.

    Astronomers study the universe and seem able to detect cosmic activity that occurred a billion years ago, they study light that came from a star that imploded eons ago but some refuse to even consider the possibility that extra-terrestrials have visited earth in the past. They cannot believe that aliens could have influenced the lives of many people mentioned in the Bible, from Adam & Eve right thru to Yeshu aka Jesus.

    For example, the Ark of the Covenant, built according to exact specifications given by G-d … so high, so wide etc etc. It’s claimed that this precision built “box” was simply a receptacle in which to keep two stone tablets! It was kept in the Temple and only the High-Priest had access to it. G-d was said to have communicated “from between the two cherubim on the Ark.”

    I mentioned the Gospel of St. Mary earlier in my Journal. Now in this book, rejected by the Council of Nicea probably because it was written by a woman, there is a passage about the “lawgiver” instructing the High-priest to carry bells so that whenever he entered the Temple to sacrifice, “he whom they worshipped, hearing the bells would have time to hide himself and not be caught in his ugly shape and figure.”

    So who knows, perhaps “he whom they worshipped” was an alien, hence his “ugly shape and figure.”

    Until next time.

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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.



    Girl in Mask by Arthur Tress Rhinebeck N.Y.,1975 ... "A real live garden gnome!"




    Fred Lyon San Francisco 1940s - 50s ... "Pine is right. I pine for those days."





    "What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life — to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?"
    — George Eliot, Adam Bede.


    "Weird behavior is natural in smart children, like curiosity is to a kitten."
    — Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-crossed Child in the Final Days of the American Century,


    "Children see magic because they look for it."
    — Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.


    "Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one, a moment, in childhood, when it first occurred to you that you don’t go on forever. It must have been shattering, stamped into one’s memory. And yet I can’t remember it. It never occurred to me at all. We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it, before we know that there are words, out we come, bloodied and squalling…with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there’s only one direction and time is its only measure."
    Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead


    "When you’re a child you’re the center of everything. Everything happens for you. Other people? They’re only ghosts furnished for you to talk to."
    — John Steinbeck, East of Eden.


    "The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say."
    — Gregory Maguire, Mirror Mirror.


    "…don’t you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn’t developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don’t expect to see."
    — Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.


    "All I know is that while I’m asleep, I’m never afraid, and I have no hopes, no struggles, no glories — and bless the man who invented sleep, a cloak over all human thought, food that drives away hunger, water that banishes thirst, fire that heats up cold, chill that moderates passion, and, finally, universal currency with which all things can be bought, weight and balance that brings the shepherd and the king, the fool and the wise, to the same level. There’s only one bad thing about sleep, as far as I’ve ever heard, and that is that it resembles death, since there’s very little difference between a sleeping man and a corpse."
    — Miguel de Cervantes, The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha.


    "It’s like, that people … well, that everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds … not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe."
    — Neil Gaiman, The Sandman #36, “I Woke Up And One Of Us Was Crying”
    From A Game of You.


    "I was a man who thrived on solitude; without it I was like another man without food or water. Each day without solitude weakened me. I took no pride in my solitude; but I was dependent on it. The darkness of the room was like sunlight to me."
    — Charles Bukowski, Factotum

  6. #6
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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    One thing online forums have in common is that your cowards can play at being bullies.
    Your insignificant nondescript nerds for want of a better word, can get their rocks off by playing the macho man. Sitting in front of their computer screens in darkened rooms, these little grey men who would most likely go unnoticed even in an empty room, make snide remarks about real men and while doing so, hope that wifey doesn't summon them to do the dishes before they elicit a reaction.

    Sick making but true.

    Until next time.

  7. #7
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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    There must come a time in every member of Forum Gardens life when at some stage or another they will ask the question: “What is the point of posting stuff here that the haters will seek to diminish or destroy?” I have now reached that point.

    In the six/seven odd years that I have been a member of FG I have honestly tried to put up threads that were sometimes entertaining sometimes funny sometimes thought provoking. At most times I have done this with tongue firmly in cheek.

    However, the burden of carrying a target on my back around with me has now become a little too much to bear. As a result of this I have decided that it is now time for The Chosen to turn his back on these Forums. I will no longer shine my light upon this place simply because it is difficult to be heard when as soon as you post a thread, the haters pounce.

    I could of course remain here and pretend that I am as thick skinned as my detractors. Alas I am not and am incapable of ever being that way. I could go on and on and on but I have decided to just bow out and allow them their Pyrrhic victory.

    Until next time …

  8. #8
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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    Whilst I was sitting on the naughty stool during my recent banning, I got to thinking about life.

    There was once this really big fat guy who used to come to our family business once a year to like audit our books. My old man was in charge then and I was the most junior staff member.

    Fat man used to sit in the Accountant’s office while doing his audit. I can remember once being sent to fetch something from the walk-in strong room that was in the office where the fat man and Uncle Willy, our accountant sat. Fat man and Uncle Willy were playing some or other game that went like this.

    Fat man: “That’s life.”
    Uncle Willy: “What’s life?”
    FM: ………: “A magazine.”
    UW: ………: What’s it cost?”
    FM: ………..”Fifty cents,”
    UW: ……….”I don’t have fifty cents.”
    FM: ………..”That’s life.”
    UW: ……….”What’s life?”

    And so on and so on. Every time I went into that office and the two of them were there, they played the “That’s life” game. I guess it must have been for my benefit.

    I know some people who believe that our lives are mapped out for us by G-d. From birth to death everything that happens to us is predetermined, even the exact time we gonna die.

    Makes planning for the future pretty pointless if that’s the case. So when they hear of someone narrowly escaping being killed, their response is: “It wasn’t their time to die.”

    Now if this is the case, think of all the fun you could have if you could find out the exact time of your death – exactly when you were scheduled to die.

    You could perform the most dangerous stunts possible knowing that you would not die in the process. Imagine an army of say half a million troops who know the exact date they gonna dies. They could march against any conventional army and be invincible.

    Of course we all know it’s a load of bullschtein because only those men in the opposing army who were due to die when a bullet hit them would actually fall down dead. The rest would simply keep coming and nobody on either side would die. Okay, so that’s busted,

    So how about if we could get our hands on a volume of our biography when we were like twelve or thirteen? Now that would be cool,

    “Chapter Five page one … Jones Jones spent weeks, maybe months trying to get Charmaine to go out with him, but she kept turning him down. And all the time, Jenny the girl next door was totally in love with him. All that wasted time and energy chasing after Charmaine could have been avoided and when jenny had the braces removed from her teeth, she was far more beautiful than Charmaine."

    What sucks the most about life is the absence of a rewind option. If only! Think of all the grief I could have saved myself. Oops, I definitely shouldn’t have said that. Let me just hit the rewind button or I’m gonna be in big big trouble.

    Or your best buddy goes: “Hey, do you remember what you did last night when you were stoned man?”

    Jj: “What did I do … what did I do?”

    Best Buddy: “You told Alice you’d take her clubbing Saturday.”

    Jj: “I told Alice May, freaking Alice May I’d take her clubbing Saturday night? The same Alice May who has a moustache and legs like matchsticks with the wood scraped off?”

    Best Buddy: “The same dude.”

    Jj: “Hey no problem. Just hit the rewind button for me.”

    Sadly or maybe just as well there isn’t a rewind option … it could work both ways, couldn’t it?”

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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

    Here are more images of the type that amuse, excite, enthral or take me back to a former life.


    This is known as a Black Cat Petunia ... Beautiful!




    Methodist Temperance Missions lantern slide. What silly people!





    I’m up to date, but mother doesn’t know ... says the young smoking flapper, the littlest one of all.




    Hotel sign from Luton in 1954. Back in the days when the right of admission was reserved.




    The Streets of Old London Walls Ice Cream Vendor, c. 1920



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    Re: Jj's Journal Is Back.

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    Just as I was beginning to get concerned about him, I received a lengthy e-mail from my buddy Blu down in Savannah Georgia. It seems that he and Emmylu are no longer an item … she has a new beau and Blu is now seeing the daughter of a Clairvoyant no less. Her name is Madison; yeah Blu seems to have gotten over only dating women whose name rhymes with his and according to him they are very much in love.

    Apparently a very well known London Clairvoyant/medium/psychic by the name Mother Destiny is staying with Madison’s mom while she’s in Savannah. Mother Destiny is searching for a portal … the legendary Gate of the Gods … which apparently leads to another dimension; in short to “the other side.”

    Mother Destiny must be pretty well heeled or have a wealthy sponsor because she is travelling the world in search of this gate. Before coming to Savannah she spent some time in Stanley which is in The Falkland Islands aka the Islas Malvinas but if the portal was there she didn’t manage to locate it.

    So anyway last Saturday Madison’s mom, who goes by the names of Jasmine Stardust, invited Blu to a séance which was to be jointly hosted by herself and Mother Destiny. It seems that Blu has a certain “aura” about him which Jasmine picked up the first time she saw him.

    Now Blu isn’t the brightest star in the Milky Way, so sometimes it’s quite difficult to understand him, especially when you’re not face to face. He has a way of describing stuff that would totally baffle most people that is unless they were actually present at the same time he was there.

    He speaks of some of the several guests who were treated to a sit down supper prior to the séance, as if I should know them as well as he does. Like an obviously avant-garde artist from Tybee Island who ended each sentence with: “Black is also a colour you know.” And Madison’s best friend Lolly Behave, a society columnist with some or other magazine called “The Grab Bag” whose sister is called “Loopy” Lillian.

    According to Blu, Madison wasn’t that keen on them attending the séance because Jasmine Stardust’s last soiree had too many “girls wearing more make-up than clothes” in attendance. But Blu said he’d never ever been to a séance and he finally convinced her to go by buying her a Buddha made of gingerbread covered in white chocolate.

    He says when he got to Madison’s place and Mother Destiny saw them together for the first time she remarked after air kissing them: “Dahlings what a vibration the two of you produce. Why if somebody tossed you into the air together, I wouldn’t know which of you to catch first. You’re both so edible, aren’t you?”

    Until next time.

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