I don't even know where to put this, I am not grieving I am just needing to get this off my chest. Be warned I may ramble...
My husbands Aunt is in the hospital, she has terminal cancer, 3 kinds in fact, bone being 1 kind and it is extremely painful for her.
2 weeks ago she opted for assisted death. Paperwork is all in place, and tomorrow she meets her maker (so to speak). She told my husband 2 weeks ago, she is in so much pain, and does not want to linger and does not want to burden anyone. She also told him... she has many regrets.
I have never dealt with assisted death, and it just seems so awkward to me. I understand she made the right choice, as I am very pro quality of life, and her family is all on board, and have all accepted this. (for some members this is a blessing to see her go as she truly was a not nice person).
I am not close to her by any means, nor is my husband (extremely messed up family).
I think what bothers me with all this is the fact her last words to my husband were "I have regrets" I know these are not regrets on dying, these are regrets on how she treated people while she lived. (including him). She never offered up a sorry to anyone she even went as far as to bash one of her daughter-in-laws just a couple days ago.
Then on the flip side, when we visited last night there sat beside her a niece who's mother passed away earlier this year. The sad thing with that... the nieces mom (this aunts younger sister) was pushed out of the family decades ago, and when she passed earlier this year not one family member besides my husband and I attended her funeral service.
Very messed up family for sure.
So yes very emotional mess to be honest.
I think where I intended to go with this is this assisted death issue.
I am glad this aunt has made her mind up to end her suffering. I am saddened by all the anger and hatred and regrets (though it is not my family and I am not close to these people.)
I am also saddened for my husband as he has lost 5 out of 10 family members on this side of the family in 8 years. All together 7 of 10 siblings have passed away now, most from Cancer.
But back to the assisted death, it just feels very uncomfortable knowing tomorrow she will be leaving us forever, and tough to focus on the fact this will be the Aunts release from her misery. (though if you die with regrets are you dying happily or do these pass on with you I wonder)
This is just really unfamiliar to me and I just had to unload.
I have to keep reminding myself this is for the better.
My husband's family has had so many deaths they all just take this in stride. I have had very few and death to me is a real tragic affair and a date with death seems so foreign. <really bad word but I don't know how else to explain the feelings.
Ok enough rambling. Thanks for just letting me unload.
Bookmarks