Assisted Death

[minks]

I don't even know where to put this, I am not grieving I am just needing to get this off my chest. Be warned I may ramble...

My husbands Aunt is in the hospital, she has terminal cancer, 3 kinds in fact, bone being 1 kind and it is extremely painful for her.

2 weeks ago she opted for assisted death. Paperwork is all in place, and tomorrow she meets her maker (so to speak). She told my husband 2 weeks ago, she is in so much pain, and does not want to linger and does not want to burden anyone. She also told him... she has many regrets.

I have never dealt with assisted death, and it just seems so awkward to me. I understand she made the right choice, as I am very pro quality of life, and her family is all on board, and have all accepted this. (for some members this is a blessing to see her go as she truly was a not nice person).
I am not close to her by any means, nor is my husband (extremely messed up family).

I think what bothers me with all this is the fact her last words to my husband were "I have regrets" I know these are not regrets on dying, these are regrets on how she treated people while she lived. (including him). She never offered up a sorry to anyone she even went as far as to bash one of her daughter-in-laws just a couple days ago.
Then on the flip side, when we visited last night there sat beside her a niece who's mother passed away earlier this year. The sad thing with that... the nieces mom (this aunts younger sister) was pushed out of the family decades ago, and when she passed earlier this year not one family member besides my husband and I attended her funeral service.
Very messed up family for sure.

So yes very emotional mess to be honest.
I think where I intended to go with this is this assisted death issue.
I am glad this aunt has made her mind up to end her suffering. I am saddened by all the anger and hatred and regrets (though it is not my family and I am not close to these people.)
I am also saddened for my husband as he has lost 5 out of 10 family members on this side of the family in 8 years. All together 7 of 10 siblings have passed away now, most from Cancer.

But back to the assisted death, it just feels very uncomfortable knowing tomorrow she will be leaving us forever, and tough to focus on the fact this will be the Aunts release from her misery. (though if you die with regrets are you dying happily or do these pass on with you I wonder)

This is just really unfamiliar to me and I just had to unload.
I have to keep reminding myself this is for the better.
My husband's family has had so many deaths they all just take this in stride. I have had very few and death to me is a real tragic affair and a date with death seems so foreign. <really bad word but I don't know how else to explain the feelings.

Ok enough rambling. Thanks for just letting me unload.

[Bryn Mawr]

A tragic affair indeed but, to my mind, her call and one I would agree with.

I think the regrets she feels are a different issue - if she's been a bitch throughout her life and now truely regrets it then it's for her to make her peace with people before she goes and knowing the date and time of her going gives her the perfect opportunity to do so.

[Patsy Warnick]

Minks

unload any time you need.
I wasn't aware one could choose a assisted death.

Reading your story - I take the unspoken regrets are upsetting more so than Her choice of dying.
I've had several family members pass - I thank God I had the opportunity to talk - unload.
I had a Aunt who was nothing but trouble - rude. I didn't attend her funeral - no regrets.

Does your husband have issues to talk about with her - today's the day?

Your hurting for your husband & the mess this Aunt made for years - I'm so sorry.

Her passing will be a blessing to all & she knows it.

Patsy

[minks]

I AGREE Bryn.
I am happy she has the choice to end her pain and suffering.
Sad she leaves behind a lot of pain for others, and sad she won't apologize and I sincerely hope in the afterlife she does not suffer for her bad treatment of others.

I guess in the end in her mind as long as her 2 sons are ok, nobody else matters.

[Bryn Mawr]

I AGREE Bryn.
I am happy she has the choice to end her pain and suffering.
Sad she leaves behind a lot of pain for others, and sad she won't apologize and I sincerely hope in the afterlife she does not suffer for her bad treatment of others.

I guess in the end in her mind as long as her 2 sons are ok, nobody else matters.

Sad - I never have understood that attitude in people :-(

[minks]

Patsy,
No my husband has no issues with her, he always knew what she was like, and she never really created a problem for him fortunately. But he never let his guard down around her to be hurt by any of them. This aunt in particular married a supremely abusive man, and I feel in his aunts defense she became who she was out of self preservation, she was very mean to almost everyone.

My husbands whole family on his moms side grew up poorer than dirt and they would have slit each others throats if it meant they could get ahead.

I also forgot, yes here we do have "assisted death". I don't know a whole lot about it I just know she has made all the arrangements with a specialized Dr. to come in and she will receive a lethal cocktail of some sort (injection) and will no longer suffer.

[minks]

Bryn, again I agree.
I am so blessed to have a very loving family that stems back many generations.
Family is everything to all of us.

Including my husband

[Patsy Warnick]

Minks
we don't have assisted death - Dr.'s will put the terminally ill into a medically induced comma. I'm glad there is a choice to assist as I don't think anyone should tolerate the extreme pain that goes along with the illness.
She said she had regrets - Perhaps that statement wasn't easy for her to admit and that was her "sorry".
I would avoid my Aunt - as I wouldn't allow her negative attitude around me - and I was named after her.. LOL

Sad situation
Take Care
Patsy

[Saint_]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Minks. My mother died of assisted death as well.She had advanced ALS and her body had basically shut down. She was unable to speak, chew, move, or swallow and was on the verge of being unable to breathe. In California, the doctors gave her as much morphine as she needed to be comfortable...and then she passed away quietly with her family around her.

To me, that is death with dignity and honor.

[minks]

AWE how awful for your mom to have suffered as long as she had.
I agree, this IS death with dignity. This is what Husbands Aunt wanted as well. When the quality of life turns to utter crap, it is good to know there is the option of ending it sooner than later. I believe today there will be a series of 4 injections, and she will be gone. She was very sedated Sunday when we saw her, and really was unawares she was going to be passing which is a blessing of course because one never wants one to doubt their decision to end their life once they committed.
It is the finality of it all that I find unsettling I think.