Adoption - here or abroad?

Katy1 · Post by **Katy1** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:48 am

With all this furore over Madonna adopting and African child; do you think that prospective parents should be made to adopt from their native country first and only in exceptional circumstance venture abroad?

My instinct would be to say yes....

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:50 am

I have a brother and sister who are Korean. I think adopting from abroad is a viable option for people who want to have children.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 5:03 am

I think it's understandable that people want newborns, and newborns are very hard to come by in the US. But it's sad that so many adoptable older kids are left behind.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 5:29 am

There is probably a whole range of reasons why people adopt out of country and I will give you one good one. And its not selfish or trendy like these domestic adoption pushers believe.

My sister in law adopted a child and had it taken back after 20 something days, they ran into the bio mother, now, yes international is quite extreme when we do it so we dont have a chance of running into the mother, but some people's hearts were torn out once and they couldnt bear it again.

Katy1 · Post by **Katy1** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 5:44 am

I suppose one of my problems with it is that if a good percentage of prospective parents decide to adopt outside their own country, and bearing in mind it is always going to be affluent people taking on children from poorer countries, who is there to adopt the children native to their own country? You're not going to get say a couple in Africa adopting a British child for example.

I think it's unfair and dare I say it, a tad selfish to adopt abroad just because later on the child might wish to seek their bio parents or vice versa. Is that not a case of wanting your perfect adoption with no strings rather than have a family and help a child in your native country that would otherwise be left unwanted?

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 6:55 am

My grandson was born in Kasackstyn. He is almost 3 years old and a real charmer. People should be allowed to adopt from anywhere they wish.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 7:14 am

I understand the difficulties of adopting here. They range from drug-addicted babies to birth mothers changing their minds to restrictive/discriminatory policies of discrimination against same-sex couples. So, where I don't think people should be FORCED to adopt within their home countries, my heart wishes they'd do all they could to take a needy child from "home."

When I was in China, we saw literally dozens of westerners with Asian babies. The same was true in Guatemala.

I've often wondered why those of us who are so ADAMANT about women choosing to terminate pregnancies aren't lining up to adopt children born to those who choose to give birth and abandon/give up the child.:rolleyes:

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 10:14 am

Marie5656 wrote: People should be allowed to adopt from anywhere they wish.
I agree! :-6

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 10:31 am

chonsigirl wrote: I have a brother and sister who are Korean. I think adopting from abroad is a viable option for people who want to have children.

Wouldnt that make you Korean also?

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 10:51 am

Katy1 wrote: I suppose one of my problems with it is that if a good percentage of prospective parents decide to adopt outside their own country, and bearing in mind it is always going to be affluent people taking on children from poorer countries, who is there to adopt the children native to their own country? You're not going to get say a couple in Africa adopting a British child for example.

I think it's unfair and dare I say it, a tad selfish to adopt abroad just because later on the child might wish to seek their bio parents or vice versa. Is that not a case of wanting your perfect adoption with no strings rather than have a family and help a child in your native country that would otherwise be left unwanted?

Have you ever tried to adopt in the good ole US of A?

Katy1 · Post by **Katy1** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:02 am

DesignerGal wrote: Have you ever tried to adopt in the good ole US of A?

Go on......

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:09 am

YZGI wrote: Wouldnt that make you Korean also?

No, they are adopted.

My brother did go back and find his real mother, and he brought her here to live until the end of her days. She was a very nice woman, who had thought he was dead a long time ago. (long story)

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:13 am

chonsigirl wrote: No, they are adopted.

My brother did go back and find his real mother, and he brought her here to live until the end of her days. She was a very nice woman, who had thought he was dead a long time ago. (long story)

I had a feeling something like this was the case. I was just funnin. I have an amazing ability for spotting the obvious.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:20 am

I know you were.

As kids we really liked to tell people who asked us "who is your pretty little friend," we told them she is not our friend, she is our sister.

The boys, hey, they were off playing somewhere else a million miles from us girls. They wanted nothing to do with us!:wah:

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:55 am

Katy1 wrote: Go on......

Most people longing for a child who go the adoption route have already spent thousands on trying to brcome pregnant. Adoption in the US (for an infant) can cost you up tp $ 40,000 USD. Also, you can expect to wait about 7 years...that is the average waiting period. Then, you run the risk of (highly unlikely, but it DOES happen) running into the bio mother who might want to take her child back. SOmetimes, when you do find a birthmother she could change her mind after you have already shelled out her rent and medical care pre and post natal. THats not really fair now is it? SO, when you adopt abroad. A) Its only about $12,000-$36,000 USD here, and B) you are guaranteed a child and C) and it only takes about 16 months for the entire process from application to homestudy to picking up your child from its home country.

I spend more than $1000 a month just to GET pregnant. And thats only IUI. When I decide to go IVF, that is about $10,000 to $17,000 PER TIME!

So you see, its much easier (physically, emotionally and financially) and cost effective to adopt abroad. I'd be happy to answer any other questions you might have.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:06 pm

I have considered this same issue before and my kneejerk reaction was "what's wrong with the kids we have here?" But kneejerk reactions are not always true. I discount what celebrities do because they're "not real people" like the rest of us as far as I am concerned. But for regular people, my true reaction is that a homeless kid is a homeless kid, regardless of where it lives. I see nothing wrong with adopting from a foreign country.

Katy, as far as the child wanting to find his birth parents, that could and does happen here with American adopted kids too. Maybe that's another thread, but I think that's also fine. I don't see that as any kind of betrayal to the adoptive family and I think any adopive parent who would try to stop that is a terrible person.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 3:08 pm

Why is everyone in an uproar about this ? Im by no means a Madonna fan but she did something I have to assume for pure reasons. Let the family be.

My step sis recently got back from Russia after adopting a child there. The line was just too long here in the states.

Then her husband cheated on her. Can you imagine going through all of that to start a family then stepping out with a waitress ?

What a scum bucket !

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:20 pm

Wow. What a crappy thing to do. I'm sorry, Nomad.

If it's not too nosey, could I ask you how long the adoption process took to complete? And can someone tell me how long it takes in the US? I'm just curious.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:59 pm

RedGlitter wrote: Wow. What a crappy thing to do. I'm sorry, Nomad.

If it's not too nosey, could I ask you how long the adoption process took to complete? And can someone tell me how long it takes in the US? I'm just curious.
Here ya go.DesignerGal wrote: Adoption in the US (for an infant) can cost you up tp $ 40,000 USD. Also, you can expect to wait about 7 years...that is the average waiting period. [...]

SO, when you adopt abroad. A) Its only about $12,000-$36,000 USD here, and B) you are guaranteed a child and C) and it only takes about 16 months for the entire process from application to homestudy to picking up your child from its home country.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 5:23 pm

Accountable wrote: Here ya go.

Thanks Accountable! And DesignerGal!

Good grief. That's way too long. Those kids will be teenagers by the time they get adopted and so many people want babies, that they may never get homes. Why so long??? Can't they learn all they need to know about the adoptive parents in a shorter frame of time? Or is that not it?

Rotten.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 5:25 pm

RedGlitter wrote: Thanks Accountable! And DesignerGal!

Good grief. That's way too long. Those kids will be teenagers by the time they get adopted and so many people want babies, that they may never get homes. Why so long??? Can't they learn all they need to know about the adoptive parents in a shorter frame of time? Or is that not it?

Rotten.I assume it's the vetting process that takes so long. After that, then you can look for a baby.