Help with wording

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:35 am

So many of you are talented at wording things i thought you may be able to help me.

This year ive been working closely with two friends on some bridal & theatre packages, its turned out to be very popular & we thought we would get some advertizing (flyers with a website address) where potential customers can go to view a photo album of our work. This is still under construction.

So on the front page of the website i'd like a welcome & explanation of what we are all about.

welcome to nonameyet.com

our team consists of me (hairdresser & extension specialist) i also sculpt gel nails & airbrush

team member 2 (make up artist)

team member 3 (costume & bridal dress design)

so can you make these few lines into an impressive sounding paragraph?

they will then from a list at the side be able to click on each thing individually, we do have a meet the team option to click that provides a photo of each member & the qualifications we hold, the side section is going well its just the intro. Thanks

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:47 am

What do you mean by bridal and theatre packages? You do them up for photos or arrange the events of their wedding? I'll come up with something if you're still working on it

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:49 am

koan;456779 wrote: I'll come up with something if you're still working on it

I was going to suggest that BCup go to you, Koan. You're a writer -- so you know how to present an idea and package it so that people will be receptive to it.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:59 am

Thank you Koan, very kind of you, by packages i mean the bride gets her dress designed & made by us, then on the actual day she gets her hair done, if its short we can put in extensions, she gets her make up & nails done, nails can also be extended also.

Further to that we can make bridesmaids dresses, dolly bags, garters & do hair & nails for them, once we know all that the bride requires, (the dress is not always needed) we can work out a price.

We have also done some work for small theatre groups where we have done hair, make up & costumes & given them a price dependant on what all they need done. Does that help any? like i said im not very good at wording

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:12 pm

Welcome To Yourdomain

We know that some things are best left to professionals because that's who we are.

Yourdomain is a group of talented image artists that you can trust when looks are everything. From brides to theatre troops, we've got the ability to make sure you look perfect for the part.

With one phone call you can have the expertise of a hairdresser, makeup artist and seamstress at your side. Click on the links to learn more about us and how we can help you.

? good? try again? more detail?

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:19 pm

ooooh koan thats good, can you add a bit about package prices to suit your budget / needs & make it sound like we dont charge a fortune & how its better to have a team at your disposal than individuals, we might have a florist on board next year so you could add that we have & if she doesent end up committing to it i can just edit that bit out?

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:20 pm

Koan

Great start :-6

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:28 pm

Welcome To Yourdomain

We know that some things are best left to professionals because that's who we are.

Yourdomain is a group of talented image artists that you can trust when looks are everything. From brides to theatre troops, we've got the ability to make sure you look perfect for the part.

With one phone call you can have the expertise of a hairdresser, makeup artist and seamstress at your side. Coordinating all these services into one shop saves you time and money. Not only is it convenient but we work as a team with one vision in mind - yours.

Yourdomain would like to welcome our newest team member, (name) who is now available to handle matching floral arrangements.

Click on the links to learn more about us and how we can help you.

ta da

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:31 pm

Excellent, i love it :-4 Thanks Koan

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:40 pm

NEXT!

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:47 pm

oooooooooh ive got another one :sneaky:

i have a friend who works only 9 hours per week, she has no contract of employment, she never gets a day off in leiu if she works a holiday or any other benefits, she cant bring herself to raise the subject with her boss & so i said she should write a letter, she has no idea how to word in in such a way that could result in him getting rid of her, can you do that?

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:00 pm

hmmmm. interesting.

so she wants to be fired? this is more beneficial than quitting?

or she doesn't want to be fired but wants to make her point? also need to know what she/the business does.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:05 pm

she does not want to be fired, its a small corner shop, think you would call it a grocery store

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:11 pm

"how to word in in such a way that could result in him getting rid of her..." is the part I'm confused about.

Does she want to stay and get treated better or not have to work there without actually getting fired?

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:37 pm

she wants to stay & get treated better but fears that if she complains he will get rid of her, im not sure about this kind of thing koan but i think every worker is entitled to a contract no matter how little hours you work

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:52 pm

k

that might take a bit more time to think up. i'll work on it.

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:50 am

buttercup;457040 wrote: she wants to stay & get treated better but fears that if she complains he will get rid of her, im not sure about this kind of thing koan but i think every worker is entitled to a contract no matter how little hours you work

Date

Dear (Name),

I've been working with your company for # years it has come to feel like a second family in some ways. I think it is important with a job that I enjoy the people I work with and look forward to seeing them when I go to work. Happily, this has been the case. I hope my feelings are returned.

Like with family, we often have trouble saying when something is troubling us for fear of upsetting anyone. I think it is important to get things out in the open so that small problems can be resolved without turning into bigger issues. While I sometimes feel like the store is a second home, there are difference as well as similarities. We all need a sense of security that, if anything ever happened, we would be looked after. This is also the case with employment. Most people look for jobs with benefit packages so that they know their health is secure. As we know, I don't have such benefit with (company) despite the number of years I've been with you.

With contract work becoming the norm, job security is harder to find. I don't even have a contract with you and, though I feel our time together shows some commitment from you towards me as an employee, I'm sure you can understand how my job security is non-existent. I understand with small business that it is harder to guarantee employees what larger firms can offer but I'd really like the chance to sit down and discuss some possibilities.

Please understand why I have thought these issues to be worth bringing to your attention and that I am thankful for the good relationship we have shared so far. It is awkward for me to write this but I think it is important. Please share your thoughts with me as well.

Sincerely,

Name

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:14 pm

I showed her this koan & she said - wow this girl should be a writer :wah:

thank you hunni, your the bomb :-4

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:36 pm

buttercup;461649 wrote: I showed her this koan & she said - wow this girl should be a writer :wah:

thank you hunni, your the bomb :-4

:yh_giggle

I thought of it while in the shower this morning. glad it worked