Where I'm At

How's your day going? Are you having a great work day - or - a horrible one? Got complaints about your boss? Your co-workers? Your spouse or friends? This is the place to let it hang out.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

I'm not known for my compassion on the internet. I am a hard ass bitch. Let me assure you, I only take that stance when I feel injustice is taking place. I'm not going to try and convince you of that. I'm just going to share what I posted on Facebook tonight as a summary of where I stand on human interactions and how to fix the future we've been headed towards:

I have an admission to make. Not to point fingers but because I think honesty is the only way to make this world better.



I was doing pretty well. Really well, actually. The better I did the more I had trouble. A friend stole $2000 from my purse. A close relative trashed my house and left me to pay for it while his partner yelled from the background "she can pay for it, she's got money!" The more I made the more people resented and used me. No one called me unless I had something to give them. How did I get this money? By hiring someone else to raise my daughter. Where did it get me? Into an envious world surrounded by people so desperate to survive they justified all actions by comparitive, though false, need.



What did I do?I said aloud, with no one else present to hear: "I'm going to change my life so I have nothing left for anyone to take."



I walked away from wealth, from what others thought was "success", I walked away from life. I'm not proud, but it's not that I'm not proud of me; I'm not proud of what life has been reduced to.





The world of corporations and big business didn't defeat me. Society did. We've lost our humanity.





I've had two successful businesses and I could go back to "winning" if I wanted. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for people to stop hating each other so much. I don't want to be a millionaire. I want to do what I love and not worry about starving. I want to love the people in my life and not worry about how the world will let them down.



I can't do that without your help.

Yes, our politicians are horrible. Yes, there is a lot of crime... But the biggest crime is the lack of compassion and our seeming inability to treat each other as comrades instead of competitors.



I don't want what you have. I just want a better world for my kid. I'm a part of this world, I'm as culpable as anyone else unless I stand for something. I stand for this: start spreading self-esteem. Start spreading self-respect. Start finding ways to make people hate each other a little less.



That's my thought for the night.
User avatar
AnneBoleyn
Posts: 6632
Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:17 pm

Where I'm At

Post by AnneBoleyn »

If you're waiting for people to stop being the scum they are, you'll die first, and would have wasted precious years of life being sullen & poor. You're not doing anyone any favors, least of all your child. Nothing wrong with being a millionaire or financially comfortable if you're not cheating anyone in the process. Most of all, don't cheat yourself. Any sacrifices made because people hate is a waste. Get over yourself, so quick the life.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

Ha. Interesting interpretation.

I actually found that the more money I made the more unhappy I was becoming. Money; it's one of the dirtiest things you touch all day. It's not about the money, it's about what people will do to get it.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

In fact:

User avatar
AnneBoleyn
Posts: 6632
Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:17 pm

Where I'm At

Post by AnneBoleyn »

Forget the money part. Heed the rest.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

Heed what? Was your advice to accept a world full of scum and warrior my way into a stronghold from which I can shoot arrows at my attackers because it's better than challenging everyone to put their arrows down?

Just want to be sure I'm reading your advice properly.
User avatar
AnneBoleyn
Posts: 6632
Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:17 pm

Where I'm At

Post by AnneBoleyn »

Just want to be sure I'm reading your advice properly.


No, you're not. I don't want you to lose any happiness because the world contains griefs out of your control. Do your best for others, but remember yourself is all I meant. Life is over very fast & I don't want you to make the same mistakes I now regret.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

Ok. I'll try this again. You think my assertion that I am going to personally attempt to inspire self-esteem and personal meaning in the people who I encounter as being unachievable? I thought I was making it manageable. I don't foresee myself finding happiness in seeing illness all around me and shoring myself up to do nothing about it.
User avatar
AnneBoleyn
Posts: 6632
Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:17 pm

Where I'm At

Post by AnneBoleyn »

oh, we are not on the same train of thought! I was reacting to these: "The world of corporations and big business didn't defeat me. Society did." & "I'm waiting. I'm waiting for people to stop hating each other so much." & I was a bit concerned about the hopelessness of these words. Most people will always let you down. & the stealing by a friend, & the house-wreaking by a relative--I hope this is the worst you ever face. Don't forget, I just joined, I know really nothing of your life. I am at the point of mine where I know much of it, most ideals I cherished had nothing to do with building happiness for myself. My father's last coherent sentence to me was "so quick the life". So quick, wish I didn't waste time pursuing certain pursuits. Maybe you can't know at the time.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

Cool. Glad we worked that out.

The part that concerned you is what led up to my decision to not wait quietly anymore. It's the phase I'm moving out of.
User avatar
Lon
Posts: 9476
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:38 pm

Where I'm At

Post by Lon »

An observation--------------in addition to coming across as (what you call) a hard ass bitch, you come across by your posts as a very un happy, frustrated, self pitying individual with compassion for others. We can debate the point, but most of us are in our present circumstances due to the choices that we have made in the past. We make some good choices and some bad ones, but none the less they are choices that we make ourself.

I hope that choices that are presently available to you bring you peace and comfort and that you continue your compassion for others.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

I don't wish to debate the point at all, Lon. I'm quite sure you're right. I'm also sure that a friend of mine who was very happily married and living a fun filled life, jet setting off to strange lands on vacation with her hubby had her husband arrive in a murderous rage at her workplace where he tried to strangle another employee. She'd been having an affair and finally told him she was done pretending she was happy. At least I'm honest about it.

Self-pitying made me twitch a bit because it's usually used in a disparaging way. Wikipedia says:

Self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence. Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations. However, in a social context, it may result in either the offering of sympathy or advice. Self-pity may be considered normal, and in certain circumstances healthy, so long as it is transitory and leads to either acceptance or a determination to change the situation.

So, I'm okay with that.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

Where I'm At

Post by Oscar Namechange »

You say You're a hard arsse but then lament your lot In life..... ?????????? I think what you're really saying Is, ' I wanted to control my life but outside forces and events made It Impossible for me'.

Maybe It's dissapointment In yourself and not being In control to stop the bad things that happened to you that makes you feel like this and not because the world hates each other.?
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

Haha...or maybe it's not. Sure, I disappoint myself all the time. I happen to set really high standards so that if I'm disappointed by not reaching them, I'll still have done a hell of a lot.

Re being a hard ass bitch; I followed my statement with "Let me assure you, I only take that stance when I feel injustice is taking place." You and I, oscar, quite often butt heads because I quite often feel your judgements are an injustice. Being brave and honest doesn't make you popular.
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

Just to take the edge off that "judgement" statement, oscar, sometimes I'm wrong. And sometimes I just think of a really funny thing to say that isn't necessarily kind but it's too funny to resist.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

Where I'm At

Post by Oscar Namechange »

You're assuming I am attacking and Judging you Koan.

The biggest critics In life are ourselves.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

It was a reasonable assumption, based on the way you interpreted my response.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

Where I'm At

Post by Oscar Namechange »

koan;1382488 wrote: It was a reasonable assumption, based on the way you interpreted my response.


So what Is It that you are most unhappy with ? The bad things done to you or your failure to stop them ?
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

You'll have to wait for the reply. I have one, just not the time to write it until tonight.
Bruv
Posts: 12181
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:05 pm

Where I'm At

Post by Bruv »

I wish I could come up with something awe inspiringly brilliant that would make a difference.

What ever the problem is, I hope you find contentment from within.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
koan
Posts: 16817
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 1:00 pm

Where I'm At

Post by koan »

oscar wrote: So what Is It that you are most unhappy with ? The bad things done to you or your failure to stop them ?
The reply: First, you only give me two options of your choice and neither one describes what was said at all. Second, in light of the apparent lack of understanding of anything that was written, I'll go through it with you piece by piece.

The preamble states, at the end, where a thesis normally appears, that I am presenting my stance on how to fix problems. If you don't see problems in the world around you, you are blessed but in a very small bubble.

pre·am·ble

Noun:

A preliminary or preparatory statement; an introduction.

The introductory part of a statute or deed, stating its purpose, aims, and justification.

koan;1382414 wrote: I'm not known for my compassion on the internet. I am a hard ass bitch. Let me assure you, I only take that stance when I feel injustice is taking place. I'm not going to try and convince you of that. I'm just going to share what I posted on Facebook tonight as a summary of where I stand on human interactions and how to fix the future we've been headed towards:
So anyone claiming that my being a bitch is an assertion on my part can drop it.

The disclaimer:



I have an admission to make. Not to point fingers but because I think honesty is the only way to make this world better.
So anyone claiming I'm trying to blame other can drop that idea.

The set up, explaining the history of the current state in four parts; the cause, the decision, the action, the result:



I was doing pretty well. Really well, actually. The better I did the more I had trouble. A friend stole $2000 from my purse. A close relative trashed my house and left me to pay for it while his partner yelled from the background "she can pay for it, she's got money!" The more I made the more people resented and used me. No one called me unless I had something to give them. How did I get this money? By hiring someone else to raise my daughter. Where did it get me? Into an envious world surrounded by people so desperate to survive they justified all actions by comparitive, though false, need.



What did I do?I said aloud, with no one else present to hear: "I'm going to change my life so I have nothing left for anyone to take."



I walked away from wealth, from what others thought was "success", I walked away from life. I'm not proud, but it's not that I'm not proud of me; I'm not proud of what life has been reduced to.





The world of corporations and big business didn't defeat me. Society did. We've lost our humanity.
So anyone claiming I'm not taking responsibility for my self and my actions can drop it. This an important bit at the end though. You mistakenly believed my gripe was the events that I described, while it is the essence of what causes events like that to happen that concern me more. Those events came and went, the underlying issue is what continues. What makes me unhappy? The lost humanity is a start.

For clarity: All people are human so I obviously mean the humane aspect

hu·mane

adj.

1. Characterized by kindness, mercy, or compassion

The upside of my presentation: (re self-pity, this is my don't feel sorry for me segment)



I've had two successful businesses and I could go back to "winning" if I wanted. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for people to stop hating each other so much. I don't want to be a millionaire. I want to do what I love and not worry about starving. I want to love the people in my life and not worry about how the world will let them down.
I am doing what I love right now. Really, don't feel sorry for someone who writes and paints every spare minute and still manages to pay their bills. I think that's why the pity comment made me flinch. I thought I'd bypassed that right here. It's also a pretty big statement on how much I recognize my choices in where I stand today. So... again, I don't know why that wasn't clear.

Moving on.

The request opener:



I can't do that without your help.


Since I'm wishing to restore humanity to the world, I can't very well do it alone, can I?

The basis for my request:



Yes, our politicians are horrible. Yes, there is a lot of crime... But the biggest crime is the lack of compassion and our seeming inability to treat each other as comrades instead of competitors.
The reassurance clause, because I know people are nervous and defensive:



I don't want what you have. I just want a better world for my kid.
Are you ready?? This is it! This is the big finish where I reveal where I'm going with all this:



I'm a part of this world, I'm as culpable as anyone else unless I stand for something. I stand for this: start spreading self-esteem. Start spreading self-respect. Start finding ways to make people hate each other a little less.



That's my thought for the night.
I include myself in the group of people who I wish to make an effort. I explain the effort in fairly precise terms. Find ways.

This is the opposite of blaming others. This is me trying to empower others. I'm telling you right now, every one of us has the capability of spreading more love and compassion on an interpersonal level.

All of these angry behaviours we see in today's society... including cursing, are the symptoms of helplessness. (That's not just my opinion, it's well supported.) We're not helpless, we can choose to make each other feel safe.

Thank you to those who wished me well. I also wish that everyone who reads this can find the courage to face their own fears and make hard admissions about themselves so that we can work towards a stronger community. Most certainly everyone is capable of that.

Return to “Welcome To My Day!”