Body Language.

Discuss alternative healing (Yoga, Reflexology) and self-help type books for the mind and thoughts for the soul.
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binbag
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Body Language.

Post by binbag »

I was leaning my hand on the back of one of three large vacant armchairs lined up in a hotel foyer when a chap I knew spotted me and zoned in.

[LEFT]

Now I know this chap of old so I prepared myself. As he approached, and just within an arms length I quickly stretched my arm straight out to shake his hand. He grabbed it, at the same time pushing it back until it was almost folded up against my stomach. As per usual he screeched to a halt about 6 inches from my nose. He'd already finished his first sentence by then.

He was standing so close (I think today it's called invading one's space) I knew he hadn't brushed his teeth properly or given his mouth a mouth wash after lunch.

As he was talking I placed one foot behind the other and began slowly to back away....he followed.

I placed my walking stick in front of me (rather awkward) between his feet and continued slowly to back away....he followed.

Continuing to back away, walking stick still in front of me, he kicked accidentally it, apologized....and followed.

This silly procedure continued until we'd made a complete circuit of those three large empty armchairs.

He'd followed me, still chattering away, still maintaining his preferred speaking distance.



I've tried to discover the mind of someone who stands so close to you when holding a conversation, without success. If I could understand the force that makes individuals adopt this routine it may help me have more sympathy towards them, but at the moment.... Mmmmm.

Why do people behave in such a manner? Does anyone know the answer?

Incidentally, he's a friendly enough chap who's not hard of hearing, nor has he failing eyesight)

binbag.





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Oscar Namechange
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Body Language.

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Binbag, these people are known as 'Space Invaders'... They confuse Invading your space with being friendly. They think the closer they stand to you while speaking, the more you will like them.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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OpenMind
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Body Language.

Post by OpenMind »

Perhaps he's short-sighted.
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Odie
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Post by Odie »

It sounds to me like he is trying to let you know he has power over you.

not sure why....but some are just like that.
Life is just to short for drama.
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Oscar Namechange
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Body Language.

Post by Oscar Namechange »

You should have rammed your walking stick In his Gonads and said 'Oh I do apologise but I can not control these Involuntary spasms'.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Snowfire
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Post by Snowfire »

I knew a man who would engage people in conversation very much like that. He always found it necessary to invade peoples space and get uncomfortably close. You had no choice but to back away. He was also incredibly dull. I've no idea what happened to him over the years but presumably having ran out of people to talk to in our local he has made his way through a few others
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill
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Oscar Namechange
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Body Language.

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Snowfire;1327684 wrote: I knew a man who would engage people in conversation very much like that. He always found it necessary to invade peoples space and get uncomfortably close. You had no choice but to back away. He was also incredibly dull. I've no idea what happened to him over the years but presumably having ran out of people to talk to in our local he has made his way through a few others Gordon Brown Is doing very well In his constituancy In Scotland and has asked me to send his regards.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Snowfire
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Body Language.

Post by Snowfire »

:wah: Yeah thats the fella
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill
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chonsigirl
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Post by chonsigirl »

Take your walking stick, and dare him to cross over the line! If he does, pick up the stick and whack him once across the shins.
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Rapunzel
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Post by Rapunzel »

Oh binbag, I sympathise. I've known people who invade your space and I hate my space being invaded. As you say, they also usually seem to have bad breath! :wah: Like you, I never know what to say to them.

Perhaps you could have said you needed to pop to the loo and invited him to sit in one of those chairs for a minute until you returned. Then on returning you take another chair and turn it to face him, but also surreptitiously move it back a little, so that you are politely facing him, yet not quite so close.

Otherwise you could say you had an appointment which you were running late for or didn't want to be late for. (If he start asking what the appointments for you'd have to say something like "I need to see the doctor about my nasty rash. It's spreading.") That should hurry him on his way. :wah:

Good luck next time you bump into him. :-6
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binbag
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Post by binbag »

oscar;1327662 wrote: Binbag, these people are known as 'Space Invaders'... They confuse Invading your space with being friendly. They think the closer they stand to you while speaking, the more you will like them.
Is that it!! I was looking for some deep meaningful reason oscar. :wah:

Actually that sounds pretty convincing, could very well be the answer.



oscar;1327680 wrote: You should have rammed your walking stick In his Gonads and said 'Oh I do apologise but I can not control these Involuntary spasms'.
Very tempting that is, but nah, I'd feel too sorry for him. :-3



oscar;1327687 wrote: Gordon Brown Is doing very well In his constituancy In Scotland and has asked me to send his regards.
Really!! good old Gordon Brown... a fine upstanding fellow I believe. Errrrm, be a good chap and remind me who he is again, will you. :o



OpenMind;1327668 wrote: Perhaps he's short-sighted.
Sadly that's not the problem OpenMind, pity :(



Odie;1327673 wrote: It sounds to me like he is trying to let you know he has power over you.

not sure why....but some are just like that.
Poor man, he's rather too weak for that Odie, though I suspect that may apply to some "space invaders"



Snowfire;1327684 wrote: I knew a man who would engage people in conversation very much like that. He always found it necessary to invade peoples space and get uncomfortably close. You had no choice but to back away. He was also incredibly dull. I've no idea what happened to him over the years but presumably having ran out of people to talk to in our local he has made his way through a few others
That's him Snowfire.....incredibly dull, poor man. Though I heard he was a bit of a lad in his young days. :confused:



chonsigirl;1327697 wrote: Take your walking stick, and dare him to cross over the line! If he does, pick up the stick and whack him once across the shins. :wah:



Rapunzel;1327706 wrote: Oh binbag, I sympathise. I've known people who invade your space and I hate my space being invaded. As you say, they also usually seem to have bad breath! :wah: Like you, I never know what to say to them.

Perhaps you could have said you needed to pop to the loo and invited him to sit in one of those chairs for a minute until you returned. Then on returning you take another chair and turn it to face him, but also surreptitiously move it back a little, so that you are politely facing him, yet not quite so close.

Otherwise you could say you had an appointment which you were running late for or didn't want to be late for. (If he start asking what the appointments for you'd have to say something like "I need to see the doctor about my nasty rash. It's spreading.") That should hurry him on his way. :wah:

Good luck next time you bump into him. :-6
I thought you were going to say.... "invite him to sit in the loo with you" there, Rapunzil. :lips:

These armchairs were very large, doubt if I could have moved them. Though if I could have, I bet he would have moved his right up to my knees.

I do like your (nasty throbbing gooey red and yellow oozing mush) rash idea though. I'll keep that one in mind if I'm caught again. :wah:

Thank you all for your excellent quick replies.

Keep them coming. lol

binbag :yh_glasse
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the sun is always shining.

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Rapunzel
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Post by Rapunzel »

binbag;1327726 wrote:

I thought you were going to say.... "invite him to sit in the loo with you" there, Rapunzil. :lips:




LMAO! :yh_rotfl Well you can if you want to. :sneaky::lips:

Each to his own, and all that. :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

I like your vivid description of your nasty gooey oozing rash. The more vivid the better. You'll soon have him running for the loo to hurl and then avoiding you forevermore! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Good move! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
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Oscar Namechange
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Body Language.

Post by Oscar Namechange »

binbag;1327660 wrote: I was leaning my hand on the back of one of three large vacant armchairs lined up in a hotel foyer when a chap I knew spotted me and zoned in.

[LEFT]

Now I know this chap of old so I prepared myself. As he approached, and just within an arms length I quickly stretched my arm straight out to shake his hand. He grabbed it, at the same time pushing it back until it was almost folded up against my stomach. As per usual he screeched to a halt about 6 inches from my nose. He'd already finished his first sentence by then.

He was standing so close (I think today it's called invading one's space) I knew he hadn't brushed his teeth properly or given his mouth a mouth wash after lunch.

As he was talking I placed one foot behind the other and began slowly to back away....he followed.

I placed my walking stick in front of me (rather awkward) between his feet and continued slowly to back away....he followed.

Continuing to back away, walking stick still in front of me, he kicked accidentally it, apologized....and followed.

This silly procedure continued until we'd made a complete circuit of those three large empty armchairs.

He'd followed me, still chattering away, still maintaining his preferred speaking distance.



I've tried to discover the mind of someone who stands so close to you when holding a conversation, without success. If I could understand the force that makes individuals adopt this routine it may help me have more sympathy towards them, but at the moment.... Mmmmm.

Why do people behave in such a manner? Does anyone know the answer?

Incidentally, he's a friendly enough chap who's not hard of hearing, nor has he failing eyesight)

binbag.





[/LEFT]

I found this link for you Binbag.



Free Body Language Tutorial for Flirting, Dating and Relationships. Discover body language secrets for friends and lovers. Learn men's and women's flirting body language.

You may find It Interesting..
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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OpenMind
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Body Language.

Post by OpenMind »

oscar;1327826 wrote: I found this link for you Binbag.



Free Body Language Tutorial for Flirting, Dating and Relationships. Discover body language secrets for friends and lovers. Learn men's and women's flirting body language.

You may find It Interesting..


Fascinating.

One defence mechanism they didn't include was farting.
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Oscar Namechange
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Body Language.

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1327828 wrote: Fascinating.

One defence mechanism they didn't include was farting.
I found It fascinating also especially the part about standing with arms crossed.

I have witnessed this many times with local Police who will stand along-side myself and Mr O as If old pals yet when dealing with the scroats, It Is arms crossed, feet wide apart etc. And.... 'I am not your mate... It Is OFFICER'.. ( To the scroats not me). :wah:
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
gmc
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Post by gmc »

Some people are just completely unaware there is any kind of problem - some cultures tend to stand closer than we do in the UK as well, it comes across as aggression or intimidation. Same with people that talk all the time and talk over someone as if they weren't speaking - it's not always deliberate in some cases they are just so nervous and keen to make conversation they just don't notice other people are trying to speak as well. people "hog" the conversation.

If it's deliberate it's actually quite easy, and fun, to counteract, for one thing don't back away.
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OpenMind
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Body Language.

Post by OpenMind »

gmc;1327851 wrote: Some people are just completely unaware there is any kind of problem - some cultures tend to stand closer than we do in the UK as well, it comes across as aggression or intimidation. Same with people that talk all the time and talk over someone as if they weren't speaking - it's not always deliberate in some cases they are just so nervous and keen to make conversation they just don't notice other people are trying to speak as well. people "hog" the conversation.

If it's deliberate it's actually quite easy, and fun, to counteract, for one thing don't back away.


I remember while I was working in Morocco back in 1991, my local guide had the habit of waving his hands directly in front of my face and eyes when he was talking to me. It really aggravated me and I had to explain this to him in the end. He got better. Other than that, he was a nice guy and quite helpful.
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binbag
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Body Language.

Post by binbag »

oscar;1327826 wrote: I found this link for you Binbag.



Free Body Language Tutorial for Flirting, Dating and Relationships. Discover body language secrets for friends and lovers. Learn men's and women's flirting body language.

You may find It Interesting..
I found your link to be sooo interesting oscar, thank you for thinking of me (and others) and posting it.

Some of the examples and explanations, I discovered, I already had determined in my own mind, it was great to have them confirmed. I'll go back and read more.

This is excellent knowledge to have when we are dealing with people in all situations, though I think I'd probably pay more attention to what is being said in pleasant social conversations than concentrating on the body language.

The lead up to a possible "aggressive" situation, is of course, entirely different. In saying that, if we're loosely in-tune with body language without actually having studied the characteristics, it's possible to pick up some of the unconscious expressions made by others. I'm sure many find that is the case.

It's an absolutely fascinating subject. I must find time to research it because I've never had a reasonable answer to my little scenario (my initial post) However, your response in your first reply comes across as being plausible, it fits in nicely with the chap.

Poor man, he's forcing people away instead of attracting them to him. As gmc mentioned, he's completely unaware of his habit, though I think if it was pointed out to him he'd unintentionally continue as before.

Kathy Ellen, how very true. How often have we innocently been caught up such a situation over the years.

Folks, I'm truly grateful and impressed with your enthusiastic replies.

There's even a bit of hilarity mixed in with the answers....brilliant. :o

Thank you all.

binbag.
[FONT=Arial]Just above the clouds

the sun is always shining.

[/FONT]
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Oscar Namechange
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Body Language.

Post by Oscar Namechange »

I also found the link Interesting Binbag and I checked out the net because I read much Into Avatars, hand-writing and body language.

I think a great example Is my local Police when dealing with Anti-Social-Behaviour and on week-ends they have to face gangs of up to 20 youths all at once.

The stance Is arms folded, feet firmly apart and If one comes too near, I have seen them on occasions stretch their arm out to say 'Do not come any closer'. This gives an air of authority and lets the kids know that there Is going to be no nonsense going on with them.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon

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