Older woman and younger men

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 8:05 am

Unfortunately we still live in a male dominated society. So I don't think that it is so much a taboo for an older lady to marry a much yonger man as much as it is out of the norm. Personally .. I don't see anything odd about it. If you find the person that you are searching for in life age really doesn't matter. Besides.. all of the marriages you mentioned.. with famous or semi-famous men marrying much younger women... that is a joke. They are probably suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome.. Anyway.. have a great day..

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 8:15 am

I had friends in the same situation. Family and some of her friends turned their back on her. I cannot understand why. I'd rather my children marry someone who will treat them great no matter what the age difference than someone close to their own age that would treat them poorly.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 1:28 pm

GOOD LUCK to both of you. :guitarist :-6

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 6:35 am

Judith Kristen wrote: What are your opinions on this subject? Why is it still one of the last taboos?

I wouldn'tve said that it is a tabu - althought in the 'States things may be different - perhaps the reason that these relationships are derided is that

they don't in general tend to endure (in general - I know there are exceptions).

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 8:21 pm

I found a similar type of thinking in the film industry. "The public won't like it." They are a bunch of stuffy business people worried about not making a profit. Problem is that the public is then spoon fed their entertainment based on the opinions of the stuffy businesspeople who think they know what the people want.

In film they do test audiences to verify what the public likes but the tests can only be done after a film is green lighted and made. At this point they are showing formula scripts with choices like: should they live happily ever after or should one of them die? Did you like seeing this man's genitals or did you prefer the actress's breasts?

If only the "public" knew how dumb and narrow these people think they are!

Bravo for you. Hope you make more money than they do. Just for having principles.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 10:27 pm

Just remembered a really great film about older woman (Susan Sarandon) and younger man (James Spader). Okay, Hollywood let a good one slip through. Check it out. Very erotic and liberating.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 3:50 am

Judith Kristen wrote: Good Morning,

I am married to a man 20 years my junior and I have never been happier.We have been together almost 6 years. He's a wonderful, bright, caring, decent and loving soul and we absolutely adore each other!

Many members of my family refuse to talk to me because they just think it's insane to marry someone not in your own "age group." Yet, they never allowed themselves the time to know my husband.

My friends, on the other hand, got to know him very well and they believe with all of their hearts that Andrew is the best thing that ever happened to me, and they also see all those fine qualities in him that I do!

Why is it Paul McCartney can marry a woman almost 30 years younger and Billy Joel marries someone 33 years his junior, Tony Randall was married to a woman 50 years younger.... and let's not even mention what Hugh Hefner has done... but... they're men and... well, it's accepted -- no one bats an eye.

I am a successful writer, an author of a very popular Teen Fiction book, and I recently released a story about an older woman/younger man situation, AND... publishers that I knew for YEARS loved it... but... they wanted me to change it around so that HE would be older and SHE would be younger! If I had written the story in a 'fun way' like "Harold and Maude" or Mrs. Robinson's character in "The Graduate" it would have been okay. (because it was a fling) But my story was about a real love and NOT a silly affair and they refused ME when I refused to alter it to their satisfaction... so I printed it myself!

What are your opinions on this subject? Why is it still one of the last taboos?

Your response will be most appreciated.

Most Sincerely,

Judy

Gender bias knows no national barriers.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 3:52 am

koan wrote: Just remembered a really great film about older woman (Susan Sarandon) and younger man (James Spader). Okay, Hollywood let a good one slip through. Check it out. Very erotic and liberating.

Have you changed your Avtar?

scott · Post by **scott** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:49 am

If you are both truly happy and have a fullfilling relationship then having a significant age gap should not be an issue. I used to be married to an older woman and I think other people feel uncomfotable with how this looks physically. She did look older than me (or I younger than her) but you have to let people just get on with their lives. Mostly everyone in this world is in love with someone or striving to find it, happiness is surely the key to a healthy life and if someone gives you that then you must cherish it. I am currently involved with someone younger than myself and I find this to be less of a problem to others than the previous relationship. I didnt make a concious effort to choose someone younger/older than me it was just a case of meeting someone getting along and having good times together. Age should not be a barrier for love.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Nov 11, 2004 10:15 am

Judith Kristen wrote: Good Morning,

I am married to a man 20 years my junior and I have never been happier.We have been together almost 6 years. He's a wonderful, bright, caring, decent and loving soul and we absolutely adore each other!

Many members of my family refuse to talk to me because they just think it's insane to marry someone not in your own "age group." Yet, they never allowed themselves the time to know my husband.

My friends, on the other hand, got to know him very well and they believe with all of their hearts that Andrew is the best thing that ever happened to me, and they also see all those fine qualities in him that I do!

Why is it Paul McCartney can marry a woman almost 30 years younger and Billy Joel marries someone 33 years his junior, Tony Randall was married to a woman 50 years younger.... and let's not even mention what Hugh Hefner has done... but... they're men and... well, it's accepted -- no one bats an eye.

I am a successful writer, an author of a very popular Teen Fiction book, and I recently released a story about an older woman/younger man situation, AND... publishers that I knew for YEARS loved it... but... they wanted me to change it around so that HE would be older and SHE would be younger! If I had written the story in a 'fun way' like "Harold and Maude" or Mrs. Robinson's character in "The Graduate" it would have been okay. (because it was a fling) But my story was about a real love and NOT a silly affair and they refused ME when I refused to alter it to their satisfaction... so I printed it myself!

What are your opinions on this subject? Why is it still one of the last taboos?

Your response will be most appreciated.

Most Sincerely,

Judy

I am married to a man who is only 7 years my junior, and for us it works great.

Of course, if I may be so bold, I don't look my age!

The only thing I have ever hated was people who use the old adage "He is young

enough to be your son"... Umm, the only thing that matters is that he's NOT your

son... IMHO!

Hopalong · Post by **Hopalong** » Thu Nov 11, 2004 2:40 pm

Personally I can not see anything wrong with an older woman - younger man

arrangement. At 28 I had an affair with a woman 20 years older. It was gangbusters and my only regret is that it didn't last longer. The only downside might be after 20 years together that kind of spread in age may be harder to take

for both partners.

Hopalong

Hopalong · Post by **Hopalong** » Thu Nov 11, 2004 2:44 pm

Personally I can not see anything wrong with an older woman - younger man

arrangement. At 28 I had an affair with a woman 20 years older. It was gangbusters and my only regret is that it didn't last longer. The only downside might be after 20 years together that kind of spread in age may be harder to take

for both partners. Of course my view of this is somewhat tempered now that its been more than thirty years since I was 28.

Hopalong

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:41 pm

Warsai wrote: If you find someone that you truly love, then age shouldn't be a barrier. There's only that one person you find in life that is truly meant to be with you, so don't let him being 20 years younger than you get in the way.

Well, we live in a male-dominated society, let's not forget the tons of money these people have. You ever see Donald Trump's wife?

I think people see the older man as being virile and improving his status through a younger woman, but the younger woman is seen to be a "gold digger". It just comes down to double standards that still exist despite the changing world. I think that many people are always watching for a reason to judge others. Women are, in my experience, just as guilty of this as men. In fact, I would say that I have had more women attack me on a personal level than men. It is the young girls in highschool that spread malicious gossip about each other. Women need to stop competing with each other and become more supportive if we want men to follow suit.

It is tempting but I don't think I could pin this all on men or a "male dominated society".

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 6:05 am

I think it is a biger issue with gals. I dated a gal one year older then myself and she had a hang up with it.

My wife was not to happy that I was willing to date gals 5 years younger then myself. Guess that was my comfort zone. Told her she should not have asked if she did not want me to answer the question.

It is hard to find love. Having a age gap as you know causes issues but we all want to love and be loved.

__________________

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-lo...cgi?welcome-344

MagicZ4941

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 8:50 am

I have been with men 10 yrs older than me and they tend to bring up my youth all the time. Strangely enough, within a half hour of mentioning how young I was they were usually asking me for advice. Hmmmm.

The only concern with age difference in either the man or woman is that it provides a point of power imbalance. Because power in a relationship often falls to the man, less so in modern times but still true, it might help keep things balanced if the woman is older.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:29 pm

koan wrote: ....The only concern with age difference in either the man or woman is that it provides a point of power imbalance. Because power in a relationship often falls to the man, less so in modern times but still true, it might help keep things balanced if the woman is older.

Any older woman or an older woman with some qualifications? I hope it does not reverse the balance.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:54 am

Paramour2_99 wrote: I agree that what's being referred to as the "power imbalance" shouldn't be reversed. It's a man inherit nature to be the spiritual leader between the two and thus the leader, main provider and protector of a household. Ask most women if they can trully appreciate a "whimpy" man and that answer is no.

Now granted in some households (particularly) those inwhich the man is older or even close to the same age as the woman - if he's inept in the aforementioned area's then women are needed to pick-up where he's weak. But this isn't traditional. And clearly the lack and break-down of the traditional family structure is why families follow modern "cultures" instead of the cultures being mandated by the tradition.

I'd say the results of the traditional family structure and "values" are evident more and more daily,,i.e. - gay marriage, sex & violence in entertainment, a general overall "anything goes" society.

I would refer to what a family (or couple) stands for or what they're beliefs (or lack of) are. If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything,,,,

Hee hee....this is getting fun.

I think, now, we have located some of the thinking behind the social attitude.

I agree that women who once asked for the "sensitive man" were somewhat disgusted when they found him. I prefer to associate with strong People, as my close friends and as my mates. Despite having married a strong and masculine man, he defered to me constantly. Problem: I do not defer to others, I expect both people to function as equals but most people feel there can be only one leader and the relationship falls apart when the battle ensues. I do not fight for control, I maintain control over myself. This is seen as my fighting for control over them because they could not acheive it over me. No matter how hard I try to explain equality they don't seem to get it.

There are many aspects of power that play out in relationships and there is some belief that a balance among the factors should exist in a healthy relationship. They include things such as attractiveness, intelligence, income capability, age, etc.

If a woman is attractive, intelligent, makes a large salary and has other desirable qualities of "success" finding a balanced mate may become more difficult. People want to feel needed and the search for a mate is often the search for a dependent. Men searching for a dependent (to worship them) may not be able to comprehend the relationship in question.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 2:19 am

Jack Sprat wrote: ........Consider this: I was brought up on Crest; my wife's family used another toothpaste. We had little money and it made sense that we should buy one type of toothpaste and share. Neither of us wanted to use the other one's brand. It was actually our first argument. Then we discovered the two brands were made by the same company and had the same ingredients; only the flavoring was different. Feeling foolish we rarely argued about the small things thereafter.

This is wonderful.

People Fight over small things and create big problems in their married life. Such people may benefit from your experience.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 2:26 am

koan wrote: Hee hee....this is getting fun. I think, now, we have located some of the thinking behind the social attitude.

Do you also see that people are looking up at the path?

I agree that women who once asked for the "sensitive man" were somewhat disgusted when they found him. I prefer to associate with strong People, as my close friends and as my mates. Despite having married a strong and masculine man, he defered to me constantly. Problem: I do not defer to others, I expect both people to function as equals but most people feel there can be only one leader and the relationship falls apart when the battle ensues. I do not fight for control, I maintain control over myself. This is seen as my fighting for control over them because they could not acheive it over me. No matter how hard I try to explain equality they don't seem to get it.

There are many aspects of power that play out in relationships and there is some belief that a balance among the factors should exist in a healthy relationship. They include things such as attractiveness, intelligence, income capability, age, etc.

If a woman is attractive, intelligent, makes a large salary and has other desirable qualities of "success" finding a balanced mate may become more difficult. People want to feel needed and the search for a mate is often the search for a dependent. Men searching for a dependent (to worship them) may not be able to comprehend the relationship in question.

You have a very rich experience. I have underlined what I liked most in your message.

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 3:23 am

I'm with a guy who is 9 years older than I am, he constantly calls me a "little girl" to which, I call him "old man", both are more endearing names as we don't use any of the normal ones.

Out of all my relationships so far it's the most balanced, in others I've always ended up feeling like "mum".

I don't see anything wrong with age difference whichever way it is, I've been out with younger guys although not that much younger, but I'm only in my 20's so there is a taboo on going too young. I follow a rule of whatever I feel comfy with and whatever works for me, as long as they are of legal age of consent.

Thankfully I have parents who don't care who I am with as long as I am happy, and my friends are petty much the same.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 4:15 am

letha wrote: I'm with a guy who is 9 years older than I am,.....Out of all my relationships so far it's the most balanced,.....Thankfully I have parents who don't care who I am with as long as I am happy, and my friends are petty much the same.

It is very nice. The most important thing in life is that one should be happy with his relationships with other people irrespective of their traits and other chracteristics.

By the way can you elaborate on your signature?

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 5:02 am

Suresh Gupta wrote: By the way can you elaborate on your signature?
It's a line in a poem called "What is a bad girl?" the whole poem is about female attitude, and even if we come over as being hard we are still soft. I just really liked this line of the poem, you don't always have to be great at everything, you can make mistakes.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 5:33 am

letha wrote: It's a line in a poem called "What is a bad girl?" the whole poem is about female attitude, and even if we come over as being hard we are still soft. I just really liked this line of the poem, you don't always have to be great at everything, you can make mistakes.

But why call her bad? Loving someone even if that someone sometimes falls short is a very rare quality found in human beings these days.

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:13 am

It's not calling her bad in the true meaning of bad.

It is using the term "Bad girls" to categorise women who may seem, hard and cold in appearence, like those who are career orientated a male dominated field, or women who have just plain strong characters and don't take rubbish from people.

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:28 am

letha wrote: It's not calling her bad in the true meaning of bad.

It is using the term "Bad girls" to categorise women who may seem, hard and cold in appearence, like those who are career orientated a male dominated field, or women who have just plain strong characters and don't take rubbish from people.

It is OK, but I would have felt happy if the poet has not used the adjective 'bad' for such girls.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 2:38 am

letha wrote: It's not calling her bad in the true meaning of bad.

It is using the term "Bad girls" to categorise women who may seem, hard and cold in appearence, like those who are career orientated a male dominated field, or women who have just plain strong characters and don't take rubbish from people.
i just jumped in here, have not read the thread...the title attracted me. i am definately in a male-dominated field, however not "hard". my darling is 11 years younger than i, and not in LE. he says i am loving and kind, but when i put my uniform on my entire demeanor and body language change. i found that a valid observation because my job requires a certain attitude and confidence.we women are able to separate our respective worlds i think.

Cass · Post by **Cass** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 1:18 pm

LE = Law Enforcement (for those who didn't get the anagam handbook)

Personally, I have always been attracted to older men... when I was 18 I dated a 28 year old man, when I was 20 I dated a 40 year old & when I was 36 I married a 50 year old

but that's just me....

I think people spend too much time worrying about age.

beautyful · Post by **beautyful** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 11:54 am

I read an article recently that was about a sixteen year old girl i think it was and she was engaged to a sixty year old man. they were 'blissfully' happy and many of his friends were positive about it, as it is considered something of a conquest, does anyone else think this is a little wrong? the girl was saying how she couldn't wait to have children with this man, when he gets even older and needs caring for, not sure she'll be as happy then...when she has a terrible teenager and an old man to look after...

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 12:30 pm

My cousin (man) @39 is involved with a woman 22. He keeps asking me, do you think thats okay? I'm like, i think so? It happens all the time. I always had an attraction to older men too? Now the younger ones are looking good too, but i like the one i have the most, for the most part of 28 years. :-6

beautyful · Post by **beautyful** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 1:09 pm

Paula wrote: My cousin (man) @39 is involved with a woman 22. He keeps asking me, do you think thats okay?

thats fine, i mean that isn't a large age gap at all and I always say in cases such as that what does it matter as long as there is love :-4

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Nov 27, 2004 2:34 pm

Great thread !!

I had a three year relationship with a man 12 years my junior, it was great. We are still great friends to this day. Probably would still be together, but he wanted children, I didn't, had an adult daughter, and I couldn't.

This does bring to my mind the MARY KAY LETOURNEAU: THE ROMANCE THAT WAS A CRIME!! For me their has to be some line drawn. Under age is a crime.

Life is to short to worry about what society thinks all the time. :-4 Love is so hard to find. Finding a true soulmate is a gift. If you find it, count your blessings, and enjoy every minute your together..!!

rippy38 · Post by **rippy38** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:18 pm

Great thread guys!

I have read most and skimmed through some of the longer post and it's been a very good read!

My take on age differences in a relationship would have to be that if two people are happy and in love ( which is truely hard to find ) then a difference in age shouldn't stand in the way. I know couples that cover both scenarios (older man, younger woman and vice verse ) and their relationships work fine. I have a friend (guy) that's married to a woman 20 years his senior( he is 36 and she is 55) and they are very happy together. The only problem I see about their relationship ( and this is one of his fears as well ) is that he may outlive her by quite a few years. There is a very real possibilty that he could be a widower by his late fifties or early sixties and that really bothers him.

Me personally, I like (and always have liked ) women in their late 30's early 40's. I am fortunate enough to be in that age group myself right now so I am actually attracted to women my own age right now! Thing is when I'm 60 I will still be attracted to the 38-42 year old group! I'm gonna be such a dirty old man.... :wah:

RIP

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:59 pm

LOL@dirty old man Great to see you back rippy!

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:05 pm

[QUOTE=Happyhart]............I'm 59, healthy, happy, at peace, spiritual(not religious) and I'm searching for that unique younger man that is searching for that mature, funloving, youthful, young at heart, silly, very active~n~alive older woman. ......Wish me luck world, I'm hoping to 'find' another younger man and this time, a warm hearted best friend who is emotionally and financially stable...QUOTE]

First I will wish you goodluck in your search.

Then I will request you to elaborate on 'spiritual (not religious)'.