There is many forms of abuse, however the darkest side of this is the hidden abuse. This is where a partner restricts the movements of their other half. Basically keeping them away from family and friends. Isolating them, not allowing them to work or meet up with family or friends in fear of them wising them up to what they are going through in their abusive relationship. In the end they lack confidence and in the extreme self harm in a desperate bid for attention.
They are cornered into a situation where they have little if any self-confidence. This results in them feeling worthless, and in certain situations turn to suicide.
It is difficult to tell a person to leave the relationship, and that what they are going through is destructive and damaging. In some ways it is as if they are brainwashed. They would rather believe that the views of other people are irrational, than accept what is going on in their relationship
This form of abuse is more damaging than actual physical abuse as it is hidden. However because there is no obvious signs of abuse i.e. bruises ECT this is over looked. Where say, if the injury were visible a person would end up before the court, facing an assault charge. Also it would be difficult to hide from outsiders just what is going on behind closed doors. These cowards that inflict this evil treatment on there so called loved ones don’t deserve to have a partner. When all they do is mentally bully them in this manner.
Another aspect of this behaviour is, if there are children in the relationship, they become exposed to it. The youngsters pick up on the bad vibes between mum and dad, causing them to feel unhappy and confused. Therefore it is the whole family being emotionally abused by one selfish parent.
We often associate abuse in a relationship as the male being the instigator, however it could just as easily be the female partner that is the culprit.
I believe that a couple should think long and hard before bringing children into a relationship, especially when there is evidence of problems within it. Otherwise it is unfair on the child. In the extreme, couples often believe bringing a baby into the equation will solve the difficulties they are having. This approach is totally wrong and often brings with it a whole host of new problems.
A child needs stability in the home, if it has any chance of growing up without emotional problems. Also if a youngster witness’s abusive behaviour, then it is likely to inherit these traits in adulthood. Basically it becomes a vicious circle.
Visit: http://www.socyberty.com/Relationships/ ... hips.30541
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Any abuse is completely unacceptable.
I am wondering what made you enter this post, specifically to the kind of abuse you describe. I hope that it is not from personal experience.
I am wondering what made you enter this post, specifically to the kind of abuse you describe. I hope that it is not from personal experience.
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No i myself am not in any kind of abusive relationship. However my teenage daughter has experienced this form of abuse from a manipulative and cruel individual. She herself doesn't see the way she is being controlled, only others around her can see how her boyfriend has this control over her.
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If she is a teenager, then there is still time to do something about it.
When my sister was a teenager she dated this guy who we all liked, my mom loved him.
Over time I noticed a change in her behaviour, she became more cautious about things and apologising for stupid little things. Then I saw it, we were all together and she said something that he must not have approved of, they were holding hands and I saw him discretely start squeezing her hand tight.
The next day I spoke to her to find out what was going on, then despite her request not to, I went straight to me two other brothers and my dad and told them all about it. In less than a week the relationship was over.
She is now happily married with three kids to a man who treats her like a princess.
When my sister was a teenager she dated this guy who we all liked, my mom loved him.
Over time I noticed a change in her behaviour, she became more cautious about things and apologising for stupid little things. Then I saw it, we were all together and she said something that he must not have approved of, they were holding hands and I saw him discretely start squeezing her hand tight.
The next day I spoke to her to find out what was going on, then despite her request not to, I went straight to me two other brothers and my dad and told them all about it. In less than a week the relationship was over.
She is now happily married with three kids to a man who treats her like a princess.
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I am glad to hear that things turned out well for your sister, however my daughter is quite stuborn and refuses to believe their is a problem in her relationship even though it is staring her in the face
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I just went through something like that and left the man 2 or 3 days before Christmas. I left in the middle of the night :-1 and went to live in an all women's hotel/shelter. It is the best place I've ever lived in. And they helped me find a place to go live after there. There is a lot of help out there. You just have to look for it. But I hear that not all States have good shelters, if any. And that California is the best State for finding shelters. :-6
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Most teenagers are stubborn, but you’re her mom. If you are correct in what is happening in her life, then you cannot surrender yourself to her stubbornness. Her life depends on it. You need to be strong and persistent , and get her out of that relationship.
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There are people out there with this trait,thet are called narcissists.If you ever meet one run for your life
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Mia;649585 wrote: There are people out there with this trait,thet are called narcissists.If you ever meet one run for your life
I know exactly what you mean.
I know exactly what you mean.
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I have repeatedly tried to make young women aware of the differnt warning signals of an abusive relationship. Sadly, they either cant see, or they think it is love. It always seems that they have to get to the end of their own ropes, before they decide to get out. Lots of sickos, and controll freaks out there. I have been involved with a narsissist. It is one of the toughest relationships to get out of, and to get over. i can spot one now a mile away. Avoid them like the plague. I hope your daughter will be ok.
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MF - just a hug :yh_hugs , don't know how to help other than be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
You perhaps are at a stage in life when you need to say enough, he must accept that you have a right to be happy or he might just have to watch you make a life for yourself that doesn't involve him - I'm not suggesting that you leave him or divorce him because that is obviously not what you want to do but you may just decide to do your own thing without him.
Maccat - goodness only knows how you can make your daughter see sense, I think the only thing you can do is be supportive and not condemn her and hope and pray that she sees him for what he is one day.:-4
You perhaps are at a stage in life when you need to say enough, he must accept that you have a right to be happy or he might just have to watch you make a life for yourself that doesn't involve him - I'm not suggesting that you leave him or divorce him because that is obviously not what you want to do but you may just decide to do your own thing without him.
Maccat - goodness only knows how you can make your daughter see sense, I think the only thing you can do is be supportive and not condemn her and hope and pray that she sees him for what he is one day.:-4
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
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Betty Boop
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Mags empty some Pm's out!! 
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Betty Boop
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magenta flame;657902 wrote: Betty I'm an open book the advice you give to me may also help someone else as well
I'm cool with opening my heart here. even if its' a bit black at the moment
ok, just tried copying and pasting from the PM but it wouldn't work :-2
grabbing a coffee and will begin again :wah:
I'm cool with opening my heart here. even if its' a bit black at the moment
ok, just tried copying and pasting from the PM but it wouldn't work :-2
grabbing a coffee and will begin again :wah:
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Betty Boop
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Just wishing you luck in your next step. Reading your posts has bought memories flooding back, I was there once, although my ex also used to be physically abusive, I hope this is not the case for you hun. The bruises people see, the verbal **** no one sees and verbal abuse comes in many forms.
I can step back now and see that my ex is just one pretty ****ed up person, but I can also see that I allowed him to take me down. I found the strength and energy to leave over two years ago, tried working at it, tried counselling, we'd take two steps forward and eight back. My resentment of him became huge in the end and I couldn't hide it.
The proof is in the pudding though, two years on and I am 'me' again, the person I was before I got married, friends that i have caught up with again are amazed and delighted to have the old 'me' back. My son said to me just the other day, 'I love you mum, you're a much happier mum now aren't you? but i'm still sad you left daddy', bittersweet, but worth it for the freedom I have.
No one can tell you to leave, if you believe you have the power to change this situation then do it, has he always been like this or has it crept up over the last few years, he's obviously deeply insecure and needs to deal with that.
Here any time, thats just a potted history of me, I now support other women in this position voluntarily when needed, sometimes just someone to talk to who won't judge or tell you what to do helps.
Take care :yh_hugs
I can step back now and see that my ex is just one pretty ****ed up person, but I can also see that I allowed him to take me down. I found the strength and energy to leave over two years ago, tried working at it, tried counselling, we'd take two steps forward and eight back. My resentment of him became huge in the end and I couldn't hide it.
The proof is in the pudding though, two years on and I am 'me' again, the person I was before I got married, friends that i have caught up with again are amazed and delighted to have the old 'me' back. My son said to me just the other day, 'I love you mum, you're a much happier mum now aren't you? but i'm still sad you left daddy', bittersweet, but worth it for the freedom I have.
No one can tell you to leave, if you believe you have the power to change this situation then do it, has he always been like this or has it crept up over the last few years, he's obviously deeply insecure and needs to deal with that.
Here any time, thats just a potted history of me, I now support other women in this position voluntarily when needed, sometimes just someone to talk to who won't judge or tell you what to do helps.
Take care :yh_hugs
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MF, clear your PM box please :-6
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
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I guess what I am going to say is what you already know, you are worth more than this, you are a great person, funny, intelligent, caring, honest and you have many more great attributes.
We are here once, this is it, our shot at life, life truly is what we make it, or in some cases what we let it become. You have a great life, fantastic children please MF don't settle for less than what your worth.
The reason that people do this is to make themselves feel better, but you shouldn't be made to suffer for someone elses insecurities.
I hope that you find it in yourself to make little steps into a more positive place :-4
Iwas going to send this via PM, but some people don't clear out their boxes :rolleyes: :p
We are here once, this is it, our shot at life, life truly is what we make it, or in some cases what we let it become. You have a great life, fantastic children please MF don't settle for less than what your worth.
The reason that people do this is to make themselves feel better, but you shouldn't be made to suffer for someone elses insecurities.
I hope that you find it in yourself to make little steps into a more positive place :-4
Iwas going to send this via PM, but some people don't clear out their boxes :rolleyes: :p
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
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MF--It didn't get that way over night and you're not going to be able to fix it over night. Stay strong in your resolve to change things. Remember you have a whole network of support here.
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magenta flame;658033 wrote: well there you go the language of relationships.
I thought my first stand would be getting around the permission thing, so i got into the car and went to get four beers and I dont care what he says .....you see the first thing I do when going to get some beers is " would you like a beer ?" this translates "can I have a beer"?
Well I went without asking him ....but when I got back I told him he had two beers if he wanted and he said thankyou............ why? because he's just finished chainsawing and I know he'd never do this for me but I tried to pacify the situation. just in case. I know i"m using this as an excuse
See ? I see what l'm doing I just can't get around it , he'd been on the saw and I know i'd like something like that if it was me.
I know it sounds simple but it's the little things that land me with the big ****.
I failed on my first attempt of being strong. ****
Yet to me that shows kindness and consideration for him. By telling him that he had two beers at the same time you were giving him the message that you had two for yourself - he knows they come in four packs. You were also telling him that you don't need his permission to get those beers and that you were quite capable of deciding when and if you want a drink. Perhaps that's just my take on it but I can see it as you making a stand, albeit a small one, by just getting on with going for them.
I thought my first stand would be getting around the permission thing, so i got into the car and went to get four beers and I dont care what he says .....you see the first thing I do when going to get some beers is " would you like a beer ?" this translates "can I have a beer"?
Well I went without asking him ....but when I got back I told him he had two beers if he wanted and he said thankyou............ why? because he's just finished chainsawing and I know he'd never do this for me but I tried to pacify the situation. just in case. I know i"m using this as an excuse
See ? I see what l'm doing I just can't get around it , he'd been on the saw and I know i'd like something like that if it was me.
I know it sounds simple but it's the little things that land me with the big ****.
I failed on my first attempt of being strong. ****
Yet to me that shows kindness and consideration for him. By telling him that he had two beers at the same time you were giving him the message that you had two for yourself - he knows they come in four packs. You were also telling him that you don't need his permission to get those beers and that you were quite capable of deciding when and if you want a drink. Perhaps that's just my take on it but I can see it as you making a stand, albeit a small one, by just getting on with going for them.
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
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:-4 :-4 Magenta:-4 :-4
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maccat;649522 wrote: I am glad to hear that things turned out well for your sister, however my daughter is quite stuborn and refuses to believe their is a problem in her relationship even though it is staring her in the face
Abuse is a nasty cycle and I would bet she stays in that kind of relation because she gets her self confidence beaten down so low, she believes it is her fault, then the abuser will offer a little tidbit a wee light at the end of the tunnel, something as simple as an I love you and she laps that up because she is so desperately in need of the abusers approval. It will go around and around and around forever. She will never see the truth of her troubles if she isn't pulled away from it. I know you can't interfere nobody can in these kinds of controlled situations, you can only pray for her safety. I know also if the abuser catches word that somebody is trying to help the abused, the abuser will abuse more. It is a frightening all to common cycle that happens all over the place, and I hope it does not take a turn for the worse, because some times it turns into physical abuse.
I wish you luck and if internvention is possible then do so, get her away from there and show her what nice people are about.
Abuse is a nasty cycle and I would bet she stays in that kind of relation because she gets her self confidence beaten down so low, she believes it is her fault, then the abuser will offer a little tidbit a wee light at the end of the tunnel, something as simple as an I love you and she laps that up because she is so desperately in need of the abusers approval. It will go around and around and around forever. She will never see the truth of her troubles if she isn't pulled away from it. I know you can't interfere nobody can in these kinds of controlled situations, you can only pray for her safety. I know also if the abuser catches word that somebody is trying to help the abused, the abuser will abuse more. It is a frightening all to common cycle that happens all over the place, and I hope it does not take a turn for the worse, because some times it turns into physical abuse.
I wish you luck and if internvention is possible then do so, get her away from there and show her what nice people are about.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
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And Magenta keep making a stand, keep taking those baby steps, and remind yourself it's your turn to live for you, push back a little at a time, hun if it gets physical get out! Take the break away. But if he keeps it verbal, you may eventually get to equal ground. You need to stop feeling so badly about each and every situation. GOOD FOR YOU to go have your beers. Stand up for yourself as best as you can as long as you remain safe.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
Abusive Relationships
it worked for me mags, keep going girl we are al here for you :-4 :-4
The rottie queen
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It sounds like you definately are involved with a narcissist. It is very confusing emmotionally to be in this situation. Dealing with, seperating from, and recovering from a relationship with this personality disorder, is one of the most difficult things there is to do in life. I was involved with a man like this for 6 years. Knew him for 20, before we were a couple. I was very sick when I virtually ran out of the situation, and it took me years to recover. I could go on and on and on..... but it would be easier for you to goggle
Pesonality disorders. Cick on narcissist. Read the list of traits. That is what I did... after I left him. It was an attempt for me to try to understand what had transpired during the course of our relationship. I can tell you this... give up on expecting any praise or encouragement for anything you do. The more you accomplish, the better you become... or if you have anything that even resembles having a good time... you just make him feel worse and worse about himself. To quote the information... You have to be the perfect person in every way... with just enough flaws to make you less than the narcissist. No one really exists but him. You are simply there to meet his every need. And how dare you have any needs of your own. Since you say you know you want to stay, it would be wise to try to understand what you are dealing with, so that you do not lose your mind. I hope I dont sound cold or mean. I do feel very bad that you are suffering... I so strongly feel that every human being, male or female has the right to live their one precious life without being tormented or controlled by anyone. I guess that is the biggest reason why I joke around about meeting someone. But in my heart I will never go to that place again. Having lived in bondage, and having had to put up with the tantrums and juvenille demands of men who basically have really just been infants..... I could never never never do it again. I wish you strength. And I do hope that you investigate the narcissistic personality.
Pesonality disorders. Cick on narcissist. Read the list of traits. That is what I did... after I left him. It was an attempt for me to try to understand what had transpired during the course of our relationship. I can tell you this... give up on expecting any praise or encouragement for anything you do. The more you accomplish, the better you become... or if you have anything that even resembles having a good time... you just make him feel worse and worse about himself. To quote the information... You have to be the perfect person in every way... with just enough flaws to make you less than the narcissist. No one really exists but him. You are simply there to meet his every need. And how dare you have any needs of your own. Since you say you know you want to stay, it would be wise to try to understand what you are dealing with, so that you do not lose your mind. I hope I dont sound cold or mean. I do feel very bad that you are suffering... I so strongly feel that every human being, male or female has the right to live their one precious life without being tormented or controlled by anyone. I guess that is the biggest reason why I joke around about meeting someone. But in my heart I will never go to that place again. Having lived in bondage, and having had to put up with the tantrums and juvenille demands of men who basically have really just been infants..... I could never never never do it again. I wish you strength. And I do hope that you investigate the narcissistic personality.
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Believe it or not, this is the type of relationship i'm in now...I've been in my current relationship for 10 years now, We argue over petty **** every day, she doesn't do anything for me anymore, she does not work so i am always giving her money out of my paychecks, come to find out she's been steeling $50 dollars every 2 weeks out of my rent money, she used to hit me a lot when she drank, but she's been solber for 8 years now, so now it's a every blue moon thing, she is very mentally abusive, and i have realized from reading this post that i am brainwashed, i feel that i need her in order to make it, i feel like i can't make it on my own. Just 2 days ago she told me in an arguement that she does not love me anymore, and that she no longer finds me attractive, then later that day she told me she only said that because she was mad at me... I am very depressed, i don't have any money to see a doctor, and i'm in a new state, i don't know anyone here...my life is like a sad sad country song...I'm too chicken to even think of killing myself, so no worries there....
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Betty Boop
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keriann;891031 wrote: Believe it or not, this is the type of relationship i'm in now...I've been in my current relationship for 10 years now, We argue over petty **** every day, she doesn't do anything for me anymore, she does not work so i am always giving her money out of my paychecks, come to find out she's been steeling $50 dollars every 2 weeks out of my rent money, she used to hit me a lot when she drank, but she's been solber for 8 years now, so now it's a every blue moon thing, she is very mentally abusive, and i have realized from reading this post that i am brainwashed, i feel that i need her in order to make it, i feel like i can't make it on my own. Just 2 days ago she told me in an arguement that she does not love me anymore, and that she no longer finds me attractive, then later that day she told me she only said that because she was mad at me... I am very depressed, i don't have any money to see a doctor, and i'm in a new state, i don't know anyone here...my life is like a sad sad country song...I'm too chicken to even think of killing myself, so no worries there....
There's your first step, admission, you'll sort it out and find a way of leaving if that is what you really want - promise! Feel free to vent here there are a few of us here that have been in the same situation. :-4
There's your first step, admission, you'll sort it out and find a way of leaving if that is what you really want - promise! Feel free to vent here there are a few of us here that have been in the same situation. :-4
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thank you
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chrisb84uk
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I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles Keriann, I sincerely hope that things work out well for you! And welcome to FG, if you ever feel like a chat about anything, then everyone is here for you!! :-6
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i just don't understand how someone can do negative things to someone they love? I could never treat anyone like that.
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Betty Boop
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keriann;891086 wrote: i just don't understand how someone can do negative things to someone they love? I could never treat anyone like that.
Because they don't love themselves ??
Because they don't love themselves ??
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scholle-kid
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my Therapist explained it to me this way,,,,
It is because they have no self esteem they think of themselves as worthless and no account and when a person like this finds someone that 'cares' or loves them (now heres the tricky part) the abusive or controlling person starts to think 'anyone that can love a worthless no account loser like they belive themselves to be is even lower and more worthless and more no account ,, and they start to treat their loving partner "worse" then they believe themselves deserve to be treated the abuse ,controlling , insulting, ,,,etc..
now this in NOWAY excuses these abusive or controlling people and is in NOWAY should it be taken as you 'needing to stay with them ,, over time a realsonship like these become PURE HELL and unbearable betty boop described it perfect when she said after 2 years her family and old friends can see the real her the one she was before the marriage coming out ,, it is not 'cold hearted' or 'uncaring' for a person to save themselves ,,in a perfect world both partners in a hellish realsonship would seek help but this not a perfect world and you are not responsible for someone that refuses to 'hear' you or respect you as a human being with separate thoughts emotions and needs,, its not a case of 'you needing more from them ' freedom or respect etc..its more a case of ' you needing less from them ,,of the abuse or their trying to control and less of their trying to make you feel or think that you are of lesser value then they are,, they the abuser will never see your 'side' or try to understand your pleas or arguments ,, by making you feel worse about you they feel better about themselves ,, but of course they don't like themselves and feel they don;t 'deserve 'to feel better ,,the nasty circle is the nicer you are to them the worse they treat you because if you can love a loser then your lower then the lowest loser,, themselves,, I tried for years to explain to my husband that until he wanted me to be as happy as I wanted him to be we would never find any joy in our realsonship,, his responses was a smack and an insult until one day he yelled that I needed a straight jacket and a rubber room,, I found a womens shelter and a therapeutist instead,, now I have lived more years happy ,,,then I spent in the hell my marriage was ..
I'm just sharing my story ,,I'm the last person on this earth to be giving direction or advise about dealing with an abusive or controlling partner because in the end I felt there is no 'dealing with someone like that so I just started dealing with my own problems and issues ....
Does that make me an un- careing and selfish person ? That depends on who you ask the question to him or me,,
It is because they have no self esteem they think of themselves as worthless and no account and when a person like this finds someone that 'cares' or loves them (now heres the tricky part) the abusive or controlling person starts to think 'anyone that can love a worthless no account loser like they belive themselves to be is even lower and more worthless and more no account ,, and they start to treat their loving partner "worse" then they believe themselves deserve to be treated the abuse ,controlling , insulting, ,,,etc..
now this in NOWAY excuses these abusive or controlling people and is in NOWAY should it be taken as you 'needing to stay with them ,, over time a realsonship like these become PURE HELL and unbearable betty boop described it perfect when she said after 2 years her family and old friends can see the real her the one she was before the marriage coming out ,, it is not 'cold hearted' or 'uncaring' for a person to save themselves ,,in a perfect world both partners in a hellish realsonship would seek help but this not a perfect world and you are not responsible for someone that refuses to 'hear' you or respect you as a human being with separate thoughts emotions and needs,, its not a case of 'you needing more from them ' freedom or respect etc..its more a case of ' you needing less from them ,,of the abuse or their trying to control and less of their trying to make you feel or think that you are of lesser value then they are,, they the abuser will never see your 'side' or try to understand your pleas or arguments ,, by making you feel worse about you they feel better about themselves ,, but of course they don't like themselves and feel they don;t 'deserve 'to feel better ,,the nasty circle is the nicer you are to them the worse they treat you because if you can love a loser then your lower then the lowest loser,, themselves,, I tried for years to explain to my husband that until he wanted me to be as happy as I wanted him to be we would never find any joy in our realsonship,, his responses was a smack and an insult until one day he yelled that I needed a straight jacket and a rubber room,, I found a womens shelter and a therapeutist instead,, now I have lived more years happy ,,,then I spent in the hell my marriage was ..
I'm just sharing my story ,,I'm the last person on this earth to be giving direction or advise about dealing with an abusive or controlling partner because in the end I felt there is no 'dealing with someone like that so I just started dealing with my own problems and issues ....
Does that make me an un- careing and selfish person ? That depends on who you ask the question to him or me,,
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
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Being in abusive relationship is not good for the children. It was already mentioned...abuse is a cycle.
They are your priority you say? Would you want your daughter to be like you? Would you want your son to treat his wife the same way you are treated?
They are your priority you say? Would you want your daughter to be like you? Would you want your son to treat his wife the same way you are treated?
Single, Powerful and Loving It!
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scholle-kid
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My kids thank goodness came along after I found a partner that isn't abusive, so my boys know that being a man comes from the heart not their fists.
An abusive realsonship is a complicated delemma to find yourself in, and just about twice as complicated to find a way out, for a person with or without children.
No one starts into a realsonship because they WANT to be abused.
No one says "hey this person hits their partner,yup thats the partner for me!" or "hey this abusive person I want teaching my children how to act."
An abusive realsonship is a complicated delemma to find yourself in, and just about twice as complicated to find a way out, for a person with or without children.
No one starts into a realsonship because they WANT to be abused.
No one says "hey this person hits their partner,yup thats the partner for me!" or "hey this abusive person I want teaching my children how to act."
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
Abusive Relationships
Thanks for posting this maccat. I have a 20yr old daughter that is in a very abusive relationship. Verbally, physically and emotionally. All he has to do is say "i'm sorry it'll never happen again" and she's right back where she started. He's learned to hit her where the bruises don't show. If I see one and ask her about it, she blames it all on something she did first. He has been in and out of jail so often it's hard to keep track...most of the time it's for abuse, but she would never testify against him, it's other people that call when something happens. He's also a "gangsta" that is in a gang, deals & does drugs. The first time she got pregnant, he pushed her down and miscarried. The second time the same thing happend but she didn't lose it, he just came 6 weeks early. Now she's pregnant again. Neither of them will get a job and live off the state. They live in his mom's basement, and even tho them and all their friends are under 21, mom will by booze for them and let them have parties there. Her logic is that they will get wasted at home and not out where they can get in trouble. We've talked to her about this so many times and have offered her help. She just keeps going back...I'm afraid he's going to end up killing her or hurting the baby (he turns 1 on 08/10.:-5:-5:-5