Being alone is not always a choice

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flopstock
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Being alone is not always a choice

Post by flopstock »

andnowwhat;1341687 wrote: Yeah, and I do and I have. But for the longest time I have felt the whole point to my life is to find love and have kids. People keep telling me that I am a real catch, HA! I have come to the conclusion that there must be something horribly wrong with me because as much as I put myself out there there just dosn't seem to be any takers.


No one tells me I'm a real catch... can't remember the last time it came up in a conversation to be honest. So you either have a lot more going for you than I do or you are complaining enough that friends feel they need to reassure you. So which is it? Because if it's number two, then you can't be enjoying your own company much and if it's number one, I have to assume you are just in a lull.
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andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Maybe I do complian too much, but the people who said that were my brother and his girlfriend. I am just exhausted and frustrated. I moved back to the area I grew up in and all my friends that live here are married with kids and don't have time for the single guy. It's just frustrating feeling life's click tick down and be so far behind from where you wanted, and worked so hard to be.
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flopstock
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Post by flopstock »

So what you need to do is get out and do single guy things and meet other single folks. Your current option appears to be watching the brother and his girlfriend slurpping on each other....yuk already!

Join single guys things.. basketball league, bowling league, golf... whatever. Make new friends... one will have a sister:sneaky:
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andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Let no one ever say that you don't have a good sense of humor! Ok I will bite, how does a single guy with good social skills but admittedly shy go about making single guy friends without makin' them think your coming on to them?
Ahso!
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Post by Ahso! »

I'd look for a mate online, I think its the best way to shop for one.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,”

Voltaire



I have only one thing to do and that's

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andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Do you mean mate in the british sense, or in a realationship sense?
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flopstock
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Post by flopstock »

Ahso!;1341720 wrote: I'd look for a mate online, I think its the best way to shop for one.


Actually the online sites give stats of 1 in 5 new relationships begin online - so I think it is not perhaps the best way to shop:thinking:
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Ahso!
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Post by Ahso! »

Relationship sense.

Its better than looking in a bar, or, IMO, sports because in those environments people are high on either alcohol, emotion or both. Online mate shopping lets people think clearly about what they are looking for in a partner. Granted, many lie or embellish, but as long as the two people are careful, it works great - I know four people who are happy with what they ended up with.

I'd guess even one-nighters are a safer bet online.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,”

Voltaire



I have only one thing to do and that's

Be the wave that I am and then

Sink back into the ocean

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flopstock
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Post by flopstock »

Ahso!;1341728 wrote: Relationship sense.

Its better than looking in a bar, or, IMO, sports because in those environments people are high on either alcohol, emotion or both. Online mate shopping lets people think clearly about what they are looking for in a partner. Granted, many lie or embellish, but as long as the two people are careful, it works great - I know four people who are happy with what they ended up with.

I'd guess even one-nighters are a safer bet online.


Are you saying you don't know 4 couples who just met through real life who are happy?
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Ahso!
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Post by Ahso! »

flopstock;1341731 wrote: Are you saying you don't know 4 couples who just met through real life who are happy?No. I said bars and sports. Don't start.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,”

Voltaire



I have only one thing to do and that's

Be the wave that I am and then

Sink back into the ocean

Fiona Apple
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flopstock
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Post by flopstock »

andnowwhat;1341719 wrote: Let no one ever say that you don't have a good sense of humor! Ok I will bite, how does a single guy with good social skills but admittedly shy go about making single guy friends without makin' them think your coming on to them?


Exactly like I said. I live in a small community compared to most and we have everything I mentioned before. All the single guys at work are in them. And the single women are in the bowling league themselves. Your area can't be much smaller then mine.

The trick with women is to not go gomering up to someone you are just meeting. Relax and don't be on the hunt and you might just find yourself being hunted.:p

Now, I have to get my sorry ass to bed because I have to get up and head to the Y in the morning...

It's been great meeting you.. try some of the other threads, there are some great folks on here.:-6
I expressly forbid the use of any of my posts anywhere outside of FG (with the exception of the incredibly witty 'get a room already' )posted recently.

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andnowwhat
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Being alone is not always a choice

Post by andnowwhat »

Thanks
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OpenMind
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Post by OpenMind »

andnowwhat;1341684 wrote: ya know, I hate to be so negitive but yeah I think I may be alone for the rest of my life as well. It's not fair, I'm angery, but I guess no one ever promised me I would lead a happy life.


I'm sorry to hear that you're not happy with your own company.
andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Im fine with my own company I would like to add to it though.
koan
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Post by koan »

I dunno, company is best when it leaves after a time. :p
andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Well said, but it is more than just a need to get laid. I have the desire to truely build a life with someone and I feel like despite my best efforts nothing is happening.
koan
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Post by koan »

I'm not an expert in long term relationships. I'm like the anti-christ of good luck. So... I'll let someone else give you tips.
andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

I do apriciate your humor!
koan
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Post by koan »

only way to get through the disappointments, my friend.
andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Sage advice
koan
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Post by koan »

I pretty much learned to ask anyone I'm attracted to "What's wrong with you?" as the opening question.
andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

I have to ask, why is that?
koan
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Post by koan »

andnowwhat;1341871 wrote: I have to ask, why is that?


There's inevitably something drastically wrong with them. Because, of course, it couldn't be me. :wah:
andnowwhat
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Post by andnowwhat »

Sharp as a tack this one! I would find it hard to believe you would have much of a problem meeting people.
koan
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Post by koan »

oh, meeting people isn't the problem. lol

thanks for sparing me from ending the night thinking I'm a thread killer once again.
sparkey
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Post by sparkey »

From one noob to another, welcome to the board andnowwhat. The most effective way to meet people is to be comfortable in your own skin or at least appear to be. Confidence, as oppossed to arrogance is attractive.
nok
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Post by nok »

Maybe you can try what I do : Meet people through the internet and in chat rooms. True, not everyone you meet in chat rooms and through the internet will be great people but it's like that in real life as well but you might meet one or a few people through the internet who you really click off with. I met some people through the internet who are really nice, wonderful friends of mine now and my fiance, I met him through a Catholic friendship website.

Hope this idea helps you some. Good luck to you.
Happiness is not a destiny. It is a daily goal. :)
jenn992
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Post by jenn992 »

oh brother..this is my life...and i know how u feel-- ive been alone al my life im awlays alone

ppl hate me b/c im nice sweet and pretty?? it makes no sense but ppl just hate me

no one wants to be around me tho im a super hot nice girl....it's weird...

I mean im just down to earth cool---everyone loathes me....

animals kids yes love me...but adults and humans hate me

ur lucky u had a relationship---i cant get one and ive been single all my life

im an empath too---it seems the kinder and nicer u are the more the sick ppl of today hate you

i too know i am cursed...u might be silghtly cursed but not as bad as some of us

i wish there was a way to help ppl like us seriously
jenn998
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Post by jenn998 »

this is my life story-- in fact i googled this b/c i am freaking out-- i am 33 years old..and i guarantee in 10 years i will be in the same boat. I have NO friends..no one likes me-- in fact people hate me.....im attractive too--very pretty and men will not date me-- they aer jealous of me....everyone hates me it seems b/c im beautiful and nice...keyword being nice---no one hangs out with me and if they are its some 'guy' hoping to get 'sex' and when he doesnt get it he leaves....no one will come to my house---everyone tries to use me. Women wont even give me the time of day....I too have been told everything is 'karmic' but i doubt it-- im a very good person/gentle kind caring....if anything everyone just 'picks on me' b/c i am pretty and they cant handle it.... i cant get a boyfriend or a husband.....some people say to me-- but youre so pretty.....how are you single???? guys dont chase you??? i say no-- they run away from me..it seems to be an epidemic going on ....especially for certain types of people---attractive kind etc, or who knows what....ive been alone 12 years---with NO ONE and a family that has destroyed my life-- ive been through a lot of suffering/trauma...and in the end....my situation is the same...im alone suffering......and if i try to find a boyfriend...it won't happen....and every male feels as if its duty to try to get sex off me though im a virgin and uses me like a prostitute....they dont use other girls-- other girls use them but they feel they can treat me badly b/c im nice and kind....and they walk all over me-- then people say im a pushover..b/c im nice....everyone just insults me....people are very evil/cruel but worse off.....i cant make any friends.... this morning i woke up to what it felt, a ghost running around my hosue frantically tapping on my windows....sometimes i hear something just run like crazy-- and i used to think--what is that? and i realized it probably is a spirit but its creepy....run around my house-- u can hear the noise then it taps on the windows and when I looked out the window i saw it behind the fence.....it wasnt a person but a glimpse of something like a spirit... then i thought...omg.....even if i was scared theres nothing i can do-- i cant call anyone to come over....im totally alone....and this has been my life for 12 years now...im a beautiful young girl....i keep saying why is this happening to me? God please do something....but nothing happens....people hate me and literally persecute me....people treat me very badly....even at work.....i cant make any friends as peopel won't talk to me and if i try to join their group they all disperse...i feel like life is like kindergarten or something really bad where im being picked on by everyone...... its not you....it seems these days the more attractive u are-- people dislike you especially if u are beautiful and positive and have this thing about you....rather than people liking you they hate you b/c people these days hate the good and love filth/evil.... im a positive wonderful soul....and people hate me like i cant describe.....and if there was something wrong wtih you-- people would like you....not that theres anything wrong with that...but ppl hate beauty these days and love anything that isnt....people say the asme to me too---oh youre a loner-- im like no im not?? ive been wanting friends for 12 years now-- my life is horror.....no fun no friends no life....i have no choice and end up hanging out with a loser guy who is looknig to get 'laid' and he hangs out with me 2-3 times then realizes hes getting no sex then he stops taklign to me-- thats the extent of my 'social life' and its a nightmare.....i dont know what we can do...it seems the best people on this planet are cursed and i dont know why
jenn998
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Post by jenn998 »

and rofl just realized i already posted to this.....oh well just goes to show

many therapists ive been to as well for help have abused me---everyone just abuses me and its scary....refuse to help me out or mess with my head...i even had one therapist who'd purposely try to miss appts-- i had to force him to come over...keep telling him i need counseling....then one day he didnt come and i called him-- then he came, banged on my door randomly and left....it was creepy-- then he never came back...he seemed so 'turned on by me' he cudnt be around me....or something odd like that.....i often see myself and think....how can people not like you? i seem like the kind of person who'd have tons of friends--but i open my mouth-- and all people do is insult me "youre too quiet---SPEAK UP"...youre this, youre that---all people do is put me down 24/7....i cant live life, socialize or interact with people....people are also so overwhelmed b/c im pretty they cant handle being around me and treat me like dirt....maybe its not b/c im 'pretty' and theres something else going on ....but it seems if you are cursed in life----the universe gives u nothing or u never get waht u want and worse....all people do is put you down....
jenn998
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Post by jenn998 »

please do NOT listen to teh morons who say 'its you'....people these days are pathetic...weak and stupid....they have no clue..they love to pick on those who aer down....even my friend who is a talent agent said "in the past, it was the good looking people who made fun of the ugly people...these days its the ugly people who make fun of the pretty people" i thought---how the hell does HE know that? b/c im pretty and all people do is make fun of me and pick on me.....its not you.....its them....its everyone else.....or its some kind of bad luck thing going on .....these days u have to be obnoxious and stupid for people to like you...or who knows what. I began work at this place---everyone was picking on me-- and one lady said "well shes nice-- shes REALLY nice.. i mean too nice".....they still pick on me and i went through hell.....i work at another place and an old man......came up to me....and said "youre a REALLY pretty girl".....i bet the guys chase you.....how do i date you???? he was 77----i said no one chases me i cant get a BF im single....he said...how is that possible???? u can get any boy you want??? i said society's changed (meaning males aer insecure pricks these days and being pretty means being used/rejected by these freaks)..... one thing guys hate tehse days is a really pretty girl----they hate them....they love ugly psycho bipolar or weird....if people dont like you....it might be a good thing.. u might actually be remotely normal on some level
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

jenn998;1360277 wrote: please do NOT listen to teh morons who say 'its you'....people these days are pathetic...weak and stupid....they have no clue..they love to pick on those who aer down....even my friend who is a talent agent said "in the past, it was the good looking people who made fun of the ugly people...these days its the ugly people who make fun of the pretty people" i thought---how the hell does HE know that? b/c im pretty and all people do is make fun of me and pick on me.....its not you.....its them....its everyone else.....or its some kind of bad luck thing going on .....these days u have to be obnoxious and stupid for people to like you...or who knows what. I began work at this place---everyone was picking on me-- and one lady said "well shes nice-- shes REALLY nice.. i mean too nice".....they still pick on me and i went through hell.....i work at another place and an old man......came up to me....and said "youre a REALLY pretty girl".....i bet the guys chase you.....how do i date you???? he was 77----i said no one chases me i cant get a BF im single....he said...how is that possible???? u can get any boy you want??? i said society's changed (meaning males aer insecure pricks these days and being pretty means being used/rejected by these freaks)..... one thing guys hate tehse days is a really pretty girl----they hate them....they love ugly psycho bipolar or weird....if people dont like you....it might be a good thing.. u might actually be remotely normal on some level


So, on a scale of 1-10 what would you give yourself for your looks?
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LarsMac
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Post by LarsMac »

I figure there are two reasons why you are alone.

1. Your standards are too high.

2. Your standards are too low.
Control is an illusion. The Chaos is all part of the fun.
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along-for-the-ride
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Post by along-for-the-ride »

YouTube - ‪Only The Lonely - Roy Orbison‬‏
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
mikeinie
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Post by mikeinie »

you never know in life what is around the corner, or where a friend might just show up.
southern yankee
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Post by southern yankee »

My daughter feels the same. Very good looking 29 year old. Never married. Lived for a short time with a man. But She sounds like you. She has moved across country to hopefully meet a nice man. She is very bright and funny. I use to think she was too picky. But i really don't think that to be so now. I wish my daughter and yourself much happiness. In the future. Maybe there just are not young men of the this day and age. Who want to commit.
mikeinie
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Post by mikeinie »

Loneliness is a strange thing.. I knew someone who moved to work in New York and spent 3 years in that major city living right in Manhattan, she came home saying that she had never been so lonely in all her life….
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LarsMac
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Post by LarsMac »

Big difference between being alone, and being lonely.

I LIKE being alone.

I have been lonely in the midst of a lot of people.

When you are truly comfortable being alone, you will find the right folks to bring into your life.
Control is an illusion. The Chaos is all part of the fun.
-Susan Hattie Steinsapir
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bobmielke
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Post by bobmielke »

May I just point out that there's a distinct difference between being alone and being lonely. I've been alone, by choice, for over 10 years. I've been told by a family therapist that my "Picker Outer" is broken. Simply put, I attract lousy wives. After my third one I've sworn off relationships and have become totally content living alone, no dates, no contact except casual conversations amongst groups. In retirement now I look back and consider myself lucky to have had years of happiness in marriage, so I strive to remember the good years and not stress over the bad.
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littleCJelkton
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Post by littleCJelkton »

I have found through my experiences with the opposite sex some what disappointing to say the least. Among other things I find my self much more mature and less materialistic and in need of a strong mental relationship before that of a physical one when compared to most females in my age group. Yet, when I was actively trying to court the opposite sex I found that women just as much if not sometimes more make relationships first by building strong physical relationships often with a weak or no mental one, being real i am left at a real disadvantage and my more mature attitude comes off as a know it all, but that is who I am and if that is not what a women wants then there can be no relationship at the level I feel is one that permits for one that will last as long as I feel a relationship that involves courting/marriage/sex should. Though currently with school and work I have little time, money, or care to worry about all the responsibility and sacrifice needed to be made for a relationship with that of the opposite sex. This is because I believe that the real reason for such things courting/marriage/love/sex is to have kids, and right now I could not support a kid. Being that as it is I don't see how not having a relationship suffices as being alone, in fact I would bet there are many out there in relationships that are nothing but passionate and feel just as lonely as would a person in no relationship.
junexpress
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Post by junexpress »

Being alone is a choice... and it's your choice. no man is an island. It's just your feeling that your alone and no one likes you. Open your heart and your mind to people and always pray to God.
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tenuous~hold
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Post by tenuous~hold »

found this place through a google search (regarding always being alone), & feel that it's gone downhill somewhat (esp. last post). i could relate to what many people said on here. i, too, find it easier to be alone...but then again i hate it to be a life sentence. i'm older (55 very shortly), tho feel much younger, & can't believe things aren't any better than they were years & years ago. i've gotten to be more of an introvert through the years, & many social situations leave me wanting to escape back into the safe world of my aloneness. i do often feel that this is my place in life, & that's just the way it's going to be. i mean, why should it change now? isn't the past a pretty good indication of the future? (i was married for awhile, but it was difficult, & got divorced a long time ago.... now i rarely if ever date anyone.) it's much harder to meet people when you're older, even with the internet.

anyway i'll probably just start a different somewhat-related post another time....
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topvchef
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Post by topvchef »

[QUOTE=A Karenina;25850]



If you believe yourself to be cursed, then you are. If you believe you are nice and non-smelly, then you are. We really are what we think we are. We project our own thoughts of ourself to others, and they respond to those thoughts. Make sense?







We've all hurt people, usually without intending to. I think you are referring to physical harm and extreme situations...but it was worth mentioning. There is already a victim trend going here. Do you see it? If you can see it, you can stop it, change it, and become empowered over your own life.



I totally agree with what you've said A Karenina.

I am a 34 year old man and I too am alone but I do attract people easily into my life by being who I am-friendly- though I am alone 90% of the time but I know exactly why. By going back from my crazy childhood it was easy to do determine that I wanted... to be left in peace, to be alone, to no longer experience chaos and violence. But now I have healed and it is now time to embrace the beautiful and sincere people out there. Hope everyone find out EXACTLY why are they alone...focus on what you REALLY want rather than what you DON'T and I can assure you, all will be very well.
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rajakrsna
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Post by rajakrsna »

Being alone is like being number 1.

Three Dog Night "One" - YouTube
Om namo bagavate vasudevaya, " God is the Cause of All causes."
misty
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Post by misty »

I undestand what you feel. In my case I find myself being alone most of the time. It's not because people don't like me. Actually, I think most people like me but I don't really have a close friend, nor do I have people to hang out with most of the time. I actually, never feel lonely even though I spend most of the time on my own. What happens is that I couldn't find people to who I can have a good connection with. At some point, I bacame very happy on my solitude. That's the only place where I can be completely myself, without stress and expectations from people. Through solitude, you find yourself and know who you truly are. Don't try too hard to seek company and approval from others, but look within yourself.
tanks
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Post by tanks »

So this would be in response to the initial post. I am a 33 year old male, told I'm very handsom, always trying to do my best to help out where and when I can, treat others with respect, loved by children and animals, but not grown-ups it seems. I always have a big heart and try to make the best out of even the worst. Some of the comments I don't get though, some things like "oh, guess you'll just have to get another hooker tonight". But I never even got to be with a woman till I was 32, then after all my money was spent (didn't take long) she was gone, off with the new guy... Now I've been single for another year. Even that being said, I don't hate her, totally want to meet someone, don't think all women have bad intensions or anything. I don't really understand it, I've come up with theories but that doesn't do any good. I'm kinda' guessing that's it, no one's going to let me show them that i'm a good guy who wants a nice loving relationship.

All the time people around me say "your time will come" or "you just have to wait a little" I thought 20 years was enough, but apperently not.
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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

It all depends on whom you want to have a relationship with. Maybe your expectations are too high. I don't know you at all, so what are you looking for in a woman? If you're waiting for perfection (what is "perfect" for you), you will almost certainly be waiting forever. Remember, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. Good luck, I know she's 'out there'.
tanks
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Being alone is not always a choice

Post by tanks »

Ummm, well I didn't really make the comment to start a conversation about myself, it was more of a statement to say that the initial person who started the thread was not the only one who wear's those shoe's so to speak...

As far as my expectations go though, I really don't think I have them too high. I look for a woman who isn't over weight (a little bit is okay), doesn't have a snobby attitude, likes to get out once and a while to do some outdoors stuff (not really required though) and accepts people for who they are. Really, that's about it..... Maybe those are high expectations, I dunno :-3
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Saint_
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Being alone is not always a choice

Post by Saint_ »

topvchef;1392219 wrote:

If you believe yourself to be cursed, then you are. If you believe you are nice and non-smelly, then you are. We really are what we think we are. We project our own thoughts of ourself to others, and they respond to those thoughts. Make sense?


Sure does. It's called "self-fulfilling prophecy" and it's a powerful psychological tenet. It not only explains why you can't seem to do those things you think you can't do and why you are so successful at things you believe you are good at, it also explains why certain people are attracted to and marry people who are not anything like them. Their own self-image determines that they date people that re-enforce their internal image of themselves.
tanks
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Being alone is not always a choice

Post by tanks »

While that may explain some angles of the predicament it would only be a quick answer to a skim-over read. It would entirely fail to take into account a great deal of factors and the very basics of things like being turned down or shrugged off. In a self fulfilling prophecy you look in the mirror every day and decide that you are not good enough to be with anyone, this would therefore contradict the situation where you believe that you are indeed good enough to be with someone you wish, while looking at all realistic factors such as your own size, strength, intelligence, zen factor, man hood, kindness, attitude, beauty, openness, and so on and so forth, but most importantly, looking deep down inside and saying yes.

There are a lot more factors at play then most realize, some are not spoken of because people covet what they do not like to see or see in them selves. An unfortunate, but the way it is in some cases.

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