Need Advice, PLEASE

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:49 pm

This effects my daughter. Well being a parent if your child is grown or not. what could hurt them "out comes the claws" . My ex husband, her father has moved from Indiana to live with her. or i should say OFF OF HER. His whole family has shut the door on him. the bait is her 17 year old half brother. Who she is very close to.He has been in trouble since he was about 10 or 11. So she wants to take him under her wing. She, my daughter is 26. Her father caught her at a emotionally low time in her life. She had just lost her grandfather, my father. Who helped raise her from birth. He was like a father to her too. We spoke of this. I told her he knew she was at a weak pont. So he made his move. She thought about what i had said waited a couple days. Then told him not to come. He came ANYWAY:mad: She picked them up at the bus station last night. It will be a very wrough ride for her. A no win situation. She is a grown woman. But you can't help wanting to protect your child. Of any age. WHAT CAN I DO, IF ANYTHING????:-3

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:57 pm

Just hope she takes the advice you've given her and keep it in her head. She will soon learn what a mooch good ol daddy is.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:52 pm

Tough one.

Unfortunately often we have to find out the hard way for ourselves.

Life's lesson's and all that.

Best of luck to her.

Too bad she's not in La.

You never know when there might be "an alligator accident"

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:25 pm

Nomad;910246 wrote: Tough one.

Unfortunately often we have to find out the hard way for ourselves.

Life's lesson's and all that.

Best of luck to her.

Too bad she's not in La.

You never know when there might be "an alligator accident"

She is in La. about 25 miles from me. I will try not to get involved. But believe me it will be far from easy.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:31 pm

southern yankee;910279 wrote: She is in La. about 25 miles from me. I will try not to get involved. But believe me it will be far from easy.

She is in La.

Then theres hope for a gator attack. :-6

Talk to Accountable, he had one with an appetite for his nipples just last week.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:35 pm

Nomad;910286 wrote: She is in La.

Then theres hope for a gator attack. :-6

We have copper heads and lots of other poisnest snakes. But only 1/2 mile from the basin.

maybe we can coax one. here gater, gater:wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:41 pm

Ok well let me pause for a minute so I can consider what Im getting myself into.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:42 pm

She's going to find out that either you're right or wrong about him. If you try to force your opinion you risk pushing her away. Just know that you raised her right & she'll make the right decisions for her, and be there when she needs you.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:00 pm

Accountable;910298 wrote: She's going to find out that either you're right or wrong about him. If you try to force your opinion you risk pushing her away. Just know that you raised her right & she'll make the right decisions for her, and be there when she needs you.

I know what you say is right. But it doesn't make it any easier. She says she won't let him stay long. But i was married to the man. i know how he operates. Once he is there. she will have to blow him out with dinomite. He was never there for her. she has told me that. I think she wants the dad he can not be. He lived with her about 3 years ago. it was a horrible mess then. But useing his son as bate. that is what is so sad.

:mad:

-5

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:55 pm

This doesn't sound like a good scenario.

17 yr old troubled half brother - I'd advise her to put away or hide all valuables and medications. &/or anything he's had trouble with. What is the trouble?

50 yr old Father - she desperately wants a relationship with him.

does he have a job? what will he be contributing? whats his realtionship like with his son? good? Is the Father a good person meaning does he have a short fuse, temper, violent? or a good person just a manipulater & Lazy?

You know this arrangement will not work - That's why I asked the questions.

Give your daughter a few days with the new company - she'll probably call or I'd give a regular call to her and let her bring the subject matter up.

you kinda have to walk on egg shells regarding her company.

Yes - you know this man - you can't tell her if she can have company or not, and who to have as company.

don't allow your ill feelings about this man to dominate - you don't want to push.

don't seem bothered by his arrival & stay - don't spy - just trust your daughter.

It'll be over soon - before Christmas - hopefully before Labor Day..

Keep us posted

Good Luck

Patsy

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:28 am

Patsy Warnick;910503 wrote: This doesn't sound like a good scenario.

17 yr old troubled half brother - I'd advise her to put away or hide all valuables and medications. &/or anything he's had trouble with. What is the trouble?

50 yr old Father - she desperately wants a relationship with him.

does he have a job? what will he be contributing? whats his realtionship like with his son? good? Is the Father a good person meaning does he have a short fuse, temper, violent? or a good person just a manipulater & Lazy?

You know this arrangement will not work - That's why I asked the questions.

Give your daughter a few days with the new company - she'll probably call or I'd give a regular call to her and let her bring the subject matter up.

you kinda have to walk on egg shells regarding her company.

Yes - you know this man - you can't tell her if she can have company or not, and who to have as company.

don't allow your ill feelings about this man to dominate - you don't want to push.

don't seem bothered by his arrival & stay - don't spy - just trust your daughter.

It'll be over soon - before Christmas - hopefully before Labor Day..

Keep us posted

Good Luck

Patsy

Nothing good to say about her dad. not because he is my ex either. he could never hold a job. was heavy into drugs, a theif, very violant to me and my daughter when she was a baby. i divorced him when she around 2. his whole family has shut the door on him. He is, so said disabled.

I don't know much about his son. Eccept what my daughter and friends from home has told me. But he has been trouble since he was 10 or so. Drugs and so on.

I have not called her. To fresh for me. I don't want to say something i may regret. Plus my home life is crazy right now. sickness and out of town family coming and going. But I know what will happen ,will happen.

Post by **spot** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:09 pm

Few things are all good or all bad, I expect she'll get something out of it at the same time as being taken from even if it's not in balance. Your problem immediately is finding a way to let her know you'll be there when she wants to step back from it without her immediately thinking you're washing your hands of her, disapproving of her or giving up. That's not an easy message to convey.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:51 pm

spot;911105 wrote: Few things are all good or all bad, I expect she'll get something out of it at the same time as being taken from even if it's not in balance. Your problem immediately is finding a way to let her know you'll be there when she wants to step back from it without her immediately thinking you're washing your hands of her, disapproving of her or giving up. That's not an easy message to convey.

She knows i love her. I will tell her that. But that's my baby. My only child. I know she is grown. But it doesn't hurt any less. I just want to protect her. I will tell her that. But I will not interfere.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 12:12 pm

well things are not good in my daughter's home. she came over Sat. I listened but said little. I won't lie. It was harder then h---. she will come over to spend the weekend with me. my husband would love to mop the floor with this FOOL. But dirtying one's hands on him. Sure wouldn't be worth the trouble it could cause. So i will be a good mother and KEEP BITING MY LIP!!:mad::(

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:37 pm

well she threw him out. i know it had to be hard for her. several days later her half brother left too. It was SOOOO sad what she told me. Mom, i wish i would have never got to really know him. Because i liked him,then. i felt so sorry for her. also before he left. he told her that she was DEAD to him. How cruel could someone be to their own child?? but he is out of her life. Also this has brought us sooo much closer, She appreciates what i say and do now.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:47 pm

southern yankee;910182 wrote: This effects my daughter. Well being a parent if your child is grown or not. what could hurt them "out comes the claws" . My ex husband, her father has moved from Indiana to live with her. or i should say OFF OF HER. His whole family has shut the door on him. the bait is her 17 year old half brother. Who she is very close to.He has been in trouble since he was about 10 or 11. So she wants to take him under her wing. She, my daughter is 26. Her father caught her at a emotionally low time in her life. She had just lost her grandfather, my father. Who helped raise her from birth. He was like a father to her too. We spoke of this. I told her he knew she was at a weak pont. So he made his move. She thought about what i had said waited a couple days. Then told him not to come. He came ANYWAY:mad: She picked them up at the bus station last night. It will be a very wrough ride for her. A no win situation. She is a grown woman. But you can't help wanting to protect your child. Of any age. WHAT CAN I DO, IF ANYTHING????:-3

Since dad is such a mooch, hopefully she will come to realise that she doesn't want him either as everyone else has.................just give her some time to find out really what he is all about.

It's her turn to say, get out and get a job!

good luck!