I think I really need help-abusive relationship

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 8:10 am

I hope you come back to read the replies to your last post as alot of peeps gave you sound advice and genuinely wanted to try and help. One even spilled her own guts here. Please re-consider your departure of FG. We are a nice bunch of people and do welcome one an all. Im sorry you feel so agrieved with some of the replies you got but thats not the general view of the garden.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:01 am

I agree with Chezzie , Please reconsider .

There are lot of women who have been in your situation and could (if given the chance help you ) ignore the sceptics. I really hope you change your mind .

All the best Sarah janeXX

Post by **spot** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:00 am

sybilvane;931192 wrote: the only female character in the book-at least of any note-was Sybil. Yes, I know the story inside and out. She was an actress. Couldn't act after she fell in love with Dorian-disappointed him, he dumped her-she drank lead poison, I believe (it's been years since I read it). We were majoring in English Lit....get it?

Cyanide. I said when I mentioned the character. I don't do psychoanalysis. I know nothing about you at all except what you have told us online. I took the content of your only post, I took your username, I didn't for one minute think anyone could register as Sibyl Vane without seeing the parallels between the content of the post and the story of the character. People who show up here with an implicit threat of suicide pretty much force the advice they receive. I think mine was the best you got. You're telling me it was pure coincidence? Fine, it was pure coincidence though thoughtless might come into it as well to say the least. Ophelia would have had a similar effect. Which other famous despised-by-their-lover suicides can you think of? Anna Karenina? Emma Bovary? Dido?

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:36 am

I'm sorry this thread veered for a while onto how many posts any one person had made, a thread should try to stay about the subject and not the poster!

to Sybilvane let me say i know some of what you're going through, i lived for over 20 years in a marriage with a very high tempered man, who thought everything that went wrong was always my fault, loved to yell at me and has made me cry more times than i can count!

i never thought i was being abused because, although he came close a few times he has never hit me. my mom has always said i was an abused woman but i didn't believe her but i think now maybe she was right because it has had a horrible effect on my self esteem.

but i thought my problem had solved itself when he ran off with a woman 10 years younger than me, but she did him the same way, and when he came home one day to find a man in the house, he left her too!

he now wants me to take him back, which brings up a whole new set of questions which i may put into a thread of my own soon!

but just let me say i'm thinking about you and if you want someone to discuss this all with privately i would be glad to!

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:51 am

Hope6;931324 wrote: I'm sorry this thread veered for a while onto how many posts any one person had made, a thread should try to stay about the subject and not the poster!

to Sybilvane let me say i know some of what you're going through, i lived for over 20 years in a marriage with a very high tempered man, who thought everything that went wrong was always my fault, loved to yell at me and has made me cry more times than i can count!

i never thought i was being abused because, although he came close a few times he has never hit me. my mom has always said i was an abused woman but i didn't believe her but i think now maybe she was right because it has had a horrible effect on my self esteem.

but i thought my problem had solved itself when he ran off with a woman 10 years younger than me, but she did him the same way, and when he came home one day to find a man in the house, he left her too!

he now wants me to take him back, which brings up a whole new set of questions which i may put into a thread of my own soon!

but just let me say i'm thinking about you and if you want someone to discuss this all with privately i would be glad to!

hi hope,

i bet i can guess exactly what that will be about !!! dont take him back girl, whatever you think about giving your little boy a father etc.

it will only happen again cos you put up with it for so long last time and he will think you liked living that way,

being on your own is horrible but the peace of mind you get that comes with that is not worth giving up under any circumstances.

consider yourself severley repremanded

:)

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:24 am

Helen;931358 wrote: hi hope,

i bet i can guess exactly what that will be about !!! dont take him back girl, whatever you think about giving your little boy a father etc.

it will only happen again cos you put up with it for so long last time and he will think you liked living that way,

being on your own is horrible but the peace of mind you get that comes with that is not worth giving up under any circumstances.

consider yourself severley repremanded

:)

i have to admit the first though that enters my mind is that Jacob needs his daddy!

but i have always been told that once a mans cheats on you he will eventually do it again! but that can't be true all the time can it?

i'm sure his temper hasn't changed so i will basically be putting myself right back in the same situation i know, but it's hard to let go of 20 years of your life.

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:49 am

My first husband who was a police officer (as was I) started off with little shoves. When my son was born, he wasn't there because he was way to busy screwing around and snorting "white snow". Yes, I did say he was a police officer (please don't think I'm saying all police officers are like he was). One day he came home after shift and put his "off duty" gun to my head and my son's head (we fell asleep togther on the couch). TG I had the sense to remove bullets from that gun because he cocked and pulled the trigger on us. Again, this started with little shoves. It's very difficult to report a police officer since the police department will/did not take this seriously (word against word). He left and G help me I took him back because I wanted my son to have his father in his life. One day (long time ago) he took my (only) son for a ride and I was supposed to go but I was too sick to go with them. They were both killed instantly in a horrible car accident that day. Why? Husband hid drugs and I never knew he was still using. My point is people DO NOT change and once an abuser of YOU or drugs kick them out of your life.

On a happier note, I am remarried to one of the best men I could have ever met! We just celebrated our 15 year anniversay June 25th. I have my "zoo crew" now but miss my son. Please don't post how sorry you feel for me but post words of encourgement to other members who needs it.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:02 pm

Trunk Monkey;931456 wrote: My first husband who was a police officer (as was I) started off with little shoves. When my son was born, he wasn't there because he was way to busy screwing around and snorting "white snow". Yes, I did say he was a police officer (please don't think I'm saying all police officers are like he was). One day he came home after shift and put his "off duty" gun to my head and my son's head (we fell asleep togther on the couch). TG I had the sense to remove bullets from that gun because he cocked and pulled the trigger on us. Again, this started with little shoves. It's very difficult to report a police officer since the police department will/did not take this seriously (word against word). He left and G help me I took him back because I wanted my son to have his father in his life. One day (long time ago) he took my (only) son for a ride and I was supposed to go but I was too sick to go with them. They were both killed instantly in a horrible car accident that day. Why? Husband hid drugs and I never knew he was still using. My point is people DO NOT change and once an abuser of YOU or drugs kick them out of your life.

On a happier note, I am remarried to one of the best men I could have ever met! We just celebrated our 15 year anniversay June 25th. I have my "zoo crew" now but miss my son. Please don't post how sorry you feel for me but post words of encourgement to other members who needs it.

Thats a great post of encouragment to others who are/in a similar situation TM. Thanks for helping others by sharing your positive outcome.

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:07 pm

Trunk Monkey;931456 wrote: My first husband who was a police officer (as was I) started off with little shoves. When my son was born, he wasn't there because he was way to busy screwing around and snorting "white snow". Yes, I did say he was a police officer (please don't think I'm saying all police officers are like he was). One day he came home after shift and put his "off duty" gun to my head and my son's head (we fell asleep togther on the couch). TG I had the sense to remove bullets from that gun because he cocked and pulled the trigger on us. Again, this started with little shoves. It's very difficult to report a police officer since the police department will/did not take this seriously (word against word). He left and G help me I took him back because I wanted my son to have his father in his life. One day (long time ago) he took my (only) son for a ride and I was supposed to go but I was too sick to go with them. They were both killed instantly in a horrible car accident that day. Why? Husband hid drugs and I never knew he was still using. My point is people DO NOT change and once an abuser of YOU or drugs kick them out of your life.

On a happier note, I am remarried to one of the best men I could have ever met! We just celebrated our 15 year anniversay June 25th. I have my "zoo crew" now but miss my son. Please don't post how sorry you feel for me but post words of encourgement to other members who needs it.Was going to say what Chez said.......yer a brave lady and I know you have suffered in other areas also....thankyou for a very moving post.

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:08 pm

Trunk Monkey;931456 wrote: My first husband who was a police officer (as was I) started off with little shoves. When my son was born, he wasn't there because he was way to busy screwing around and snorting "white snow". Yes, I did say he was a police officer (please don't think I'm saying all police officers are like he was). One day he came home after shift and put his "off duty" gun to my head and my son's head (we fell asleep togther on the couch). TG I had the sense to remove bullets from that gun because he cocked and pulled the trigger on us. Again, this started with little shoves. It's very difficult to report a police officer since the police department will/did not take this seriously (word against word). He left and G help me I took him back because I wanted my son to have his father in his life. One day (long time ago) he took my (only) son for a ride and I was supposed to go but I was too sick to go with them. They were both killed instantly in a horrible car accident that day. Why? Husband hid drugs and I never knew he was still using. My point is people DO NOT change and once an abuser of YOU or drugs kick them out of your life.

On a happier note, I am remarried to one of the best men I could have ever met! We just celebrated our 15 year anniversay June 25th. I have my "zoo crew" now but miss my son. Please don't post how sorry you feel for me but post words of encourgement to other members who needs it.

i wont do that cos im too shocked for words right now !! but i will say how glad i am that you could move on and find happiness again.

i managed that and had 11yrs of peace love and being cared for like i never knew was possible, he was then taken from me suddenly on october 18th 2005.

im just grateful for the time we had together.

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:41 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss Helen :-1 People have PM'd me on how brave I am and happy I now found happiness. I am a coward because if I were truly brave, I would have NEVER let him back into my life. I only posted because if you think an abuser can change, THINK again.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:12 pm

Sybil, please excuse us. It is human nature to be skeptical about a newbie who posts in such a personal and touching way in her first post. We have had folks try to fool us with falsehoods. The problem is we honestly care and when you reach out so soon in your introductary post, we tend to back off for awhile to see if you are for real.

I think you know what you have to do. Life is too short to settle for abuse in a relationship. I too left my first hubby after a verbally abusive relationship.....and this after 20 years and 3 children. I did come to that point when I just knew it was time to leave. I had had enough. I am now happily remarried to a man who trully is "my soft place to fall".

Don't leave us now. We do welcome you and we will be here for you. You have alot of sisters here.

Attached files

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:28 pm

Trunk Monkey;931518 wrote: I'm so sorry for your loss Helen :-1 People have PM'd me on how brave I am and happy I now found happiness. I am a coward because if I were truly brave, I would have NEVER let him back into my life. I only posted because if you think an abuser can change, THINK again.

thanks TM,

in our family we always talk about the ones we have lost, after a while we can laugh about the good times and the silly things they said or did and it helps a lot. im a stronger person now for those 11yrs,