Question about friendships

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:37 pm

Is it ok for a man who's married to be friends with a single woman?

Can a married woman have a male friend who's single?

suzy_creamcheese · Post by **suzy_creamcheese** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:39 pm

depends on the type of friendship and the people involved.

I wouldnt want my man to be best buddies with another woman, but i wouldnt mind him having a casual friendship as long as he was sensitive about it. The same would apply vice versa

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:41 pm

Sheryl;938510 wrote: Is it ok for a man who's married to be friends with a single woman?

Can a married woman have a male friend who's single?

I don't think so. I wouldn't want my husband to be friends with a woman that was single or married...things can happen...and the same for women...the only exception for either one is if their friend is gay.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:56 pm

Thanks for the answers. I think that the friendships can exist as long as it's friends and the relationship is shared with one's spouse.

Post by **spot** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:59 pm

Sheryl;938510 wrote: Is it ok for a man who's married to be friends with a single woman?

Can a married woman have a male friend who's single?

If one's going to catch one's spouse in bed with someone else, isn't it at least slightly better if it's a person of the opposite sex? Or are we using friend differently to usual here?

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:05 pm

:wah: well I was talking about friend as in the general meaning of a friend, not secret friends. :wah:

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:08 pm

Sheryl;938533 wrote: Thanks for the answers. I think that the friendships can exist as long as it's friends and the relationship is shared with one's spouse.

I think that might be possible, but I wouldn't like it if there were a lot of one on one talking and going out.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:10 pm

GEEZE.........:-2 that's a tough question Sheryl.....think it really depends on the parties involved. Some women I would trust completely, but others I wouldn't trust for a second. I wouldn't like to see my husband and another woman going out to bars and spending time alone though.....spending some casual time together would be ok if I trusted both of them. I think it's all about trust....

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:13 pm

Yes, as long as the spouses involved feel comfortable about the friendship themselves. As long as it is a shared friendship.

Attached files

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:31 pm

shelbell;938543 wrote: I think that might be possible, but I wouldn't like it if there were a lot of one on one talking and going out.

Kathy Ellen;938545 wrote: GEEZE.........:-2 that's a tough question Sheryl.....think it really depends on the parties involved. Some women I would trust completely, but others I wouldn't trust for a second. I wouldn't like to see my husband and another woman going out to bars and spending time alone though.....spending some casual time together would be ok if I trusted both of them. I think it's all about trust....

I wouldn't care for my spouse to go out to dinner or bars or such with a single woman. That's crossing the line in my opinion.

along-for-the-ride;938548 wrote: Yes, as long as the spouses involved feel comfortable about the friendship themselves. As long as it is a shared friendship.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with the shared friendship comment.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:34 pm

99th Monkey;938569 wrote: It's about trust, you shouldn't be married to someone you don't trust..

This may be to simplistic of an answer but it's so very true..

Yes trust is a very big issue. But I was asking this because a friend and I were discussing whether it was right or wrong. We had differing opinions on the matter.

But here's another question to throw out there. As a single man or woman do you feel you have to be careful with how you act around a married person of the opposite sex, espicially if you just came out of a marriage?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:40 pm

If a man has a wife why in the world would they want a woman as friend. How much can one man take?

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:43 pm

Nope. Not worth the "what if's" in my opinion. If they aren't mutual friends... anyways....... Seriously though why risk a marriage over a friend... i'm not saying every situation but in some where jelousy may be... such as a previous best friend.... you sometimes i think have to make sacrifices and friends are one. But i think if you're a mature couple then it should be fine... I just haven't witnessed a healthy relationship where oppisites can be friends without in someway it being awkward to the other person.... but what do i know!!! haha

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:05 pm

That's a very mature response Skittles! :-6

I dunno, had a situation this last week that had me running these questions through my head.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:07 pm

Sheryl;938614 wrote: That's a very mature response Skittles! :-6

I dunno, had a situation this last week that had me running these questions through my head.I wish my mom thought i was... haha

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:08 pm

I'm with Yzgi on this one.

Did i just say that :wah:

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:08 pm

Our parents always look at us with the just a kid point of view. :p

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:09 pm

buttercup;938619 wrote: I'm with Yzgi on this one.

Did i just say that :wah:hey i agreed with him too!

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:10 pm

99th Monkey;938569 wrote: It's about trust, you shouldn't be married to someone you don't trust..

This may be to simplistic of an answer but it's so very true..

It's not as simple as you imply. Married men and women that are friends can have a casual friendship. The problems start when one of them is having marital problems and goes to that friend and confides and complains and gets all the comfort from them.Even if it started out completely innocent, when those emotional ties start getting stronger from the comforting of the friend, things can and do happen. Spouses need to be a part of that friendship.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:15 pm

Omni_Skittles;938621 wrote: hey i agreed with him too!

Its a phenomenon, nobody ever agrees with him :wah:

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:35 pm

Sheryl;938510 wrote: Is it ok for a man who's married to be friends with a single woman?

Can a married woman have a male friend who's single?
Yes and yes.

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:43 pm

I think you can have a casual friendship in that situation... for example - co-workers, grab lunch, talk sports or politics, kids, grandkids...

But husbands and wives need to be each others best friends, IMO.

I think that if the man thinks he has a new friend, he should introduce her to the wife... they probably could become pretty good friends given he that finds something about each of them to be attractive...

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:14 pm

Sheryl;938574 wrote: Yes trust is a very big issue. But I was asking this because a friend and I were discussing whether it was right or wrong. We had differing opinions on the matter.

But here's another question to throw out there. As a single man or woman do you feel you have to be careful with how you act around a married person of the opposite sex, espicially if you just came out of a marriage?

I have always been very careful around married men....even though married men made advancements towards me, and would take off their wedding band in front of me and tell me it meant nothing....I still put myself in the wifes shoes and respect the institution of marriage. Married men are off limits to me. I can be friends with them, but friends with the wife also.

I agree with what was said about what type of woman we are dealing with also....I know that any wife can feel safe with their hubby around me...but that's not always the case.

Victoria · Post by **Victoria** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:12 am

Yes, both my OH and I have friends of the opposite sex who are single.

But we are committed to each other and keep no secrets. Trust that the key.

I don't often see doctor Phil but zapping through one afternoon I caught the tail end of a show and he said something I liked.

'If you wouldn't do it if your partner was in the room then what you're doing is wrong'

Seems a good way to judge a situation.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:25 am

99th Monkey;938782 wrote: Just thinking about this and I remember when a close friend of mine broke up from a long relationship, his girlfriend actually come to my house and confided in me which made me feel very uncomfortable indeed.. in fact by the end of the night she was holding my hand and getting very close and emotional she was very confused and needed affection, I didn't know what to do and I felt very pressured into sleeping with her.. in the end I said no without trying to upset her further but she ended up running out of the house crying, a couple of days later we spoke again and everything was okay, she ended up getting back together with my friend and they are very happy...

I've never told my friend what happened and I never will but it goes to show how are emotions can get confused with such matters.

And that was just a girlfriend, not his wife. Do you see how the "just friends" thing can turn against you when it comes to involving strong emotions and the friend needs comforting? I think it's a loaded gun.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:32 am

99th Monkey;939196 wrote: Yes shelbell it is..

I don't know if its the same for you gals but I get more advances from attached women than single women..

Mine is the same yet different...While I've beem married, I've got hit on more than when I was single. :wah::wah:

BTW, welcome to FG!

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 8:12 am

Kathy Ellen;938545 wrote: GEEZE.........:-2 that's a tough question Sheryl.....think it really depends on the parties involved. Some women I would trust completely, but others I wouldn't trust for a second. I wouldn't like to see my husband and another woman going out to bars and spending time alone though.....spending some casual time together would be ok if I trusted both of them. I think it's all about trust....

Good Post Kathy:D I have always trusted my hubby as in i never thought he would go looking for trouble, but also i always say dont give them the rope to hang themselves with:sneaky::wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 8:18 pm

Yes.

If you are ok with it.

If not then theres a problem.

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:27 pm

Sheryl;938510 wrote: Is it ok for a man who's married to be friends with a single woman?

Can a married woman have a male friend who's single?

nooooooooooooooooooooo!

in the 1989 film "when harry met sally" ... billy crystal said it all to meg ryan in this memorable scene ...

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally Albright: Why not?

Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: You only think you do.

Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: How do you know?

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry Burns: I guess not.

Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

i rest my case ...

Jj :-4

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 11:02 am

Humm...wonder where the trust factor comes in play here

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 7:42 am

I lean towards believing that it would be inappropriate. :-3

Post by **spot** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 8:24 am

sunny104;941823 wrote: I lean towards believing that it would be inappropriate. :-3

Speaking from the other side of the fence, you're quite right to.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:45 pm

Honestly I think if the single person was a mutual friend of the couple it's ok.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:15 am

years ago my best friend was a guy. my hubby had nothng to worry about. my friend was a wonderful guy. but in the looks department. poor baby. i moved away. i miss my buddie.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:35 pm

I really doubt that it could work, it all depends on the couple.

If I wasn't married and had a guy for a best friend, and got re-married, I certainly would not dump him.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:12 pm

It goes back to trust and using common sense..if you are having marital or relationship problems you dont go to the opposite sex of a married couple for advice or compassion unless the other party is present. Single women do have to be careful around married friends.i have been the third wheel for along time with my married frriends..again it goes back to respect and common sense..i have been asked to ride to the store with my friends husbands , seemingly innocent..and always said no. i would never do anything that i wouldnt want done to me. I wouldnt have a man in my pool or go to a bar with a man that is married..unless he was accomanied by his spouse. I have had married men bring their kids over to swim and i stayed in the house because their wives werent with them.

and yes, you can have friends of the opposite sex. married or otherwise. just dont do anything you dont want done to you.

LilLaura · Post by **LilLaura** » Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:59 am

I agree with guppy. If you trust your husband and he trusts you there shouldn't be a problem.