So I've been "hanging out", dating, this guy for 3 months. He recently told me that he's a virgin and he's 23. Then last weekend he told me that he has never messed around with a girl - EVER. He's only kissed 4 girls and thats as far as it went. I can tell by what he does that he's very unexperienced. He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely.
But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset.
Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.
He's a Virgin
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FallenAngel444
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:44 am
He's a Virgin
Hiya afhopie44 and welcome to FG. 
Can I ask how old you are? It might help us see things a little more clearly.
Thanks.
Can I ask how old you are? It might help us see things a little more clearly.
Thanks.
He's a Virgin
afhopie44;944304 wrote: So I've been "hanging out", dating, this guy for 3 months. He recently told me that he's a virgin and he's 23. Then last weekend he told me that he has never messed around with a girl - EVER. He's only kissed 4 girls and thats as far as it went. I can tell by what he does that he's very unexperienced. He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely.
But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset.
Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.
I am curious as to how old you are. If you are under 18 then that might be the reason he is not more romantic. (Sex with an underage, rape etc.). Secondly, he may be gay, Thirdly, he may just have a low libido level.
But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset.
Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.
I am curious as to how old you are. If you are under 18 then that might be the reason he is not more romantic. (Sex with an underage, rape etc.). Secondly, he may be gay, Thirdly, he may just have a low libido level.
He's a Virgin
Hard to say if he is normal or not. He could be just plain scared of the deed,thinking he may not be good enough as has no expierence. A lot depends on how much you like him. If you like him as a friend then let him be comfortable with you as you have all the time in the world for things to get intimate. The last thing he needs is preasure.Let him get used to close contact by snuggleing up while watching a movie together.Hold hand when walking together,touch his arm when talking etc etc. It is possible he is gay,but then why would he bother as a guy who was worried he was would try out a woman to find out. I too am curious how old you are.
All the best.
All the best.
He's a Virgin
This could be a good thing. You can teach him and train him in what you like. I also was wondering if there is a possibility of him being gay and he just hasn't really figured it out yet.
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suzy_creamcheese
- Posts: 135
- Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2008 1:15 am
He's a Virgin
id run a mile. To not even want to kiss you much after 3 months let alone sex. I think he sounds like he has some serious issues about intimacy, or has something to hide. it certainly wouldnt seem to be heading in the direction id want it to be heading in
He's a Virgin
Maybe he has a small wiener.
He's a Virgin
Ok, there are three ways this can go with possible outcomes:
1.Ride his brains out.
a) You may not enjoy it due to his inexperience, but no matter what happens he will never forget you.
b) He may become pathetically obsessed with you and haunt you for ever.
c) He may realize what he has been missing and go off to make up for lost time.
2. Dump him, he is a looser.
a) You may miss out, he may be a really nice guy with a massive shlong.. (like me)
b) You may win, he may really be a complete looser.
3. He is gay and doesn’t know it.
a) Let him be your ‘best buddy’ and get you action somewhere else.
b) Bring him to see Brokeback Mt. And see if he cries
c) Check to see if his CD collection contains Bett Middler & Cher.
d) Ride him just to check him out, then introduce him to some other gay guy you might know.
1.Ride his brains out.
a) You may not enjoy it due to his inexperience, but no matter what happens he will never forget you.
b) He may become pathetically obsessed with you and haunt you for ever.
c) He may realize what he has been missing and go off to make up for lost time.
2. Dump him, he is a looser.
a) You may miss out, he may be a really nice guy with a massive shlong.. (like me)
b) You may win, he may really be a complete looser.
3. He is gay and doesn’t know it.
a) Let him be your ‘best buddy’ and get you action somewhere else.
b) Bring him to see Brokeback Mt. And see if he cries
c) Check to see if his CD collection contains Bett Middler & Cher.
d) Ride him just to check him out, then introduce him to some other gay guy you might know.
He's a Virgin
mikeinie;944579 wrote: Ok, there are three ways this can go with possible outcomes:
1.Ride his brains out.
a) You may not enjoy it due to his inexperience, but no matter what happens he will never forget you.
b) He may become pathetically obsessed with you and haunt you for ever.
c) He may realize what he has been missing and go off to make up for lost time.
2. Dump him, he is a looser.
a) You may miss out, he may be a really nice guy with a massive shlong.. (like me)
b) You may win, he may really be a complete looser.
3. He is gay and doesn’t know it.
a) Let him be your ‘best buddy’ and get you action somewhere else.
b) Bring him to see Brokeback Mt. And see if he cries
c) Check to see if his CD collection contains Bett Middler & Cher.
d) Ride him just to check him out, then introduce him to some other gay guy you might know.
Ding Ding Ding.. We have a winner.
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner..
1.Ride his brains out.
a) You may not enjoy it due to his inexperience, but no matter what happens he will never forget you.
b) He may become pathetically obsessed with you and haunt you for ever.
c) He may realize what he has been missing and go off to make up for lost time.
2. Dump him, he is a looser.
a) You may miss out, he may be a really nice guy with a massive shlong.. (like me)
b) You may win, he may really be a complete looser.
3. He is gay and doesn’t know it.
a) Let him be your ‘best buddy’ and get you action somewhere else.
b) Bring him to see Brokeback Mt. And see if he cries
c) Check to see if his CD collection contains Bett Middler & Cher.
d) Ride him just to check him out, then introduce him to some other gay guy you might know.
Ding Ding Ding.. We have a winner.
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner..
He's a Virgin
JAB;944630 wrote: Or maybe he's someone that doesn't believe in casual sex or sex before marriage.
:wah::wah::wah:
Ohhh Jab, that is the best one yet. (nice avatar)
:wah::wah::wah:
Ohhh Jab, that is the best one yet. (nice avatar)
He's a Virgin
JAB;944644 wrote: I wasn't trying to be funny. :-3
Would you have the same reaction if a guy were to be asking if he should dump a girl or wait her out because she wouldn't share any intimacy (whatever that means to you...) with him or do we just have a case of another double standard?
And thanks for the AV compliment, mikeinie.
No, no double standards there, I would offer the possibilities, just reversed.
I knew plenty of girls that I was good friends with, very good friends, I even loved, and that I was never intimate with.
But they weren’t ‘girlfriends’. I never considered then as ‘girlfriends’, and I never deluded myself to believe that we were in a relationship anything other than friendship.
Of course as soon as you get married the first thing the wife makes you get rid of are all of those ‘friends’.
But to be in a relationship with no intimacy? At all?
That would be like me sitting here looking at you avatar all night and thinking there was something between us.......
Would you have the same reaction if a guy were to be asking if he should dump a girl or wait her out because she wouldn't share any intimacy (whatever that means to you...) with him or do we just have a case of another double standard?
And thanks for the AV compliment, mikeinie.
No, no double standards there, I would offer the possibilities, just reversed.
I knew plenty of girls that I was good friends with, very good friends, I even loved, and that I was never intimate with.
But they weren’t ‘girlfriends’. I never considered then as ‘girlfriends’, and I never deluded myself to believe that we were in a relationship anything other than friendship.
Of course as soon as you get married the first thing the wife makes you get rid of are all of those ‘friends’.
But to be in a relationship with no intimacy? At all?
That would be like me sitting here looking at you avatar all night and thinking there was something between us.......
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suzy_creamcheese
- Posts: 135
- Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2008 1:15 am
He's a Virgin
JAB;944630 wrote: Or maybe he's someone that doesn't believe in casual sex or sex before marriage.
yeah maybe, but kissing????
Even if he did, i would dump someone for not believing in sex before marriage probably.
Each to their own, but it wouldnt be for me
yeah maybe, but kissing????
Even if he did, i would dump someone for not believing in sex before marriage probably.
Each to their own, but it wouldnt be for me
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FallenAngel444
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:44 am
He's a Virgin
I'm starting to think I may be being too uptight with him.
He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong.
For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something.
We're both 23 by the way.
He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong.
For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something.
We're both 23 by the way.
He's a Virgin
afhopie44;951951 wrote: I'm starting to think I may be being too uptight with him.
He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong.
For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something.
We're both 23 by the way.
Honestly he seems very immature and very uncaring about your feelings. He's up to something, and I smell a rat. Being patient with someone is not the same as letting that person run all over you. He's playing you and if it were me, I'd run as fast as I can from him.
He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong.
For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something.
We're both 23 by the way.
Honestly he seems very immature and very uncaring about your feelings. He's up to something, and I smell a rat. Being patient with someone is not the same as letting that person run all over you. He's playing you and if it were me, I'd run as fast as I can from him.
He's a Virgin
YZGI;944539 wrote: Maybe he has a small wiener.
Are you saying that's why you hesitated sweetie?:D
Are you saying that's why you hesitated sweetie?:D
I expressly forbid the use of any of my posts anywhere outside of FG (with the exception of the incredibly witty 'get a room already' )posted recently.
Folks who'd like to copy my intellectual work should expect to pay me for it.:-6
Folks who'd like to copy my intellectual work should expect to pay me for it.:-6
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
He's a Virgin
well, my honest feeling is that he's a good guy.....don't ask me why, just how I feel.
I know of a few guys that held out for the right women in their lives and didn't sleep around, "just cause they could" and I admire them more than words can express.....I would just let things happen as they may.
my questions are....Are you sexually attracted to him? do you want to have sex with him before a commitment? or do you want the commitment in order to have sex?
I'm not trying to come off rude, just asking. I know a guy that didn't date until he was around 24 years old, and I don't think he kissed a girl before then either, and he is the most loving, fun, sweet wonderful man I've ever met.....but that's my experience.....
Everyone is different, my advice is to love him for who he is, appreciate the gentleman in him, they are few and far between these days!
Have fun....don't sweat the small stuff....(no Wisey, I'm not talking about his wienie):sneaky::wah:
I know of a few guys that held out for the right women in their lives and didn't sleep around, "just cause they could" and I admire them more than words can express.....I would just let things happen as they may.
my questions are....Are you sexually attracted to him? do you want to have sex with him before a commitment? or do you want the commitment in order to have sex?
I'm not trying to come off rude, just asking. I know a guy that didn't date until he was around 24 years old, and I don't think he kissed a girl before then either, and he is the most loving, fun, sweet wonderful man I've ever met.....but that's my experience.....
Everyone is different, my advice is to love him for who he is, appreciate the gentleman in him, they are few and far between these days!
Have fun....don't sweat the small stuff....(no Wisey, I'm not talking about his wienie):sneaky::wah:
He's a Virgin
flopstock;951985 wrote: Are you saying that's why you hesitated sweetie?:D
Yup.. Luckily it got bigger as I got older..:wah:
Yup.. Luckily it got bigger as I got older..
:wah: