Black to white and no shades of grey!

[only1?]

Well I figured this the best place to pose this question to everyone and see if there are any other folk who find they are like me

In relationships when there are ups and downs I tend to flip from love to hate in a matter of seconds, its like an incredibly short fuse that just throws me into a retreat where I want to be on my own, free from the trouble of sorting out the problem.

It subsides and then its back to normal....if any of you watched the league of gentlemen and know the couple in that series below then you'll know what I mean lol





Does anyone else do this and if you do, any pearls of wisdom as I think I need to do something about it

[OpenMind]

Not exactly. I have for most of my life suppressed my emotions mostly because I was taught to put others before myself. But this would cause me to build up tension inside and lose my temper which always made me feel bad.

Now I know what the cause is, I am able to discuss how I feel in a civilised way rather than allow my emotions to become pent up.

[only1?]

Hmmm thats an interesting aspect. I suppose I used to always put others first in my 1st marriage which lead to me being very unhappy at times. Once that was over I think I became a bit more decisive and stubborn but its almost gone from one extreme to the other as I have no tolerance for anything that falls short of my expectations.

Its as if I would rather do without than have anything less than the ideal. Rocky ground as it might mean one day I end up a lonely old divorcee!

I wonder if its just that Im getting tired with age lol!

[OpenMind]

only1?;1101578 wrote: Hmmm thats an interesting aspect. I suppose I used to always put others first in my 1st marriage which lead to me being very unhappy at times. Once that was over I think I became a bit more decisive and stubborn but its almost gone from one extreme to the other as I have no tolerance for anything that falls short of my expectations.



Its as if I would rather do without than have anything less than the ideal. Rocky ground as it might mean one day I end up a lonely old divorcee!



I wonder if its just that Im getting tired with age lol!


I think what you are describing is frustration from not being able to resolve something that you feel strongly about.

I have learnt, as it were, to put my feelings first (but not more importantly than the other person's). Compassion would demand putting across one's feelings with respect to the other person's feelings. This is why I always felt bad after an outburst.

[only1?]

Yes frustration is a good word. I think I find that I expect to have to approach an issue once and resolve it there and then. If the same thing then reoccurs thats when the short fuse kicks in.

I also think that age has alot to do with my predicament as before I have always been much younger than my partners, and now I am the older one! If find immaturity really annoying lol as novel as it is to have a younger fella its comes at a price!!!!

I must go and watch Tony and Stella as they are a right funny pair

[only1?]

YouTube - Charlie and Stella's Christmas - The League of Gentlemen - BBC comedy

[only1?]

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

[Patsy Warnick]

From what I'm reading - it sounds as if you back away and suppress your feelings.

you avoid confronting the issue.?

I don't retreat nor do I provoke, but I will be heard in a calm conversation.

On the down times in a relationship (which can be several issues) it's all in how it's handled.

Each should be able to explain their feelings without being hurt, so there's no hate feelings involved.

I can say this now that I'm 50 +, as for when I was younger, did I fly off the handle, YES.

perhaps it comes with age/experience..? Trust me I wasn't taught this.

You might consider books on handling immature dealings

or write to your partner & have your partner write back..?

Good Luck

Patsy

[nok]

I think that in relationships, when there's a problem, it needs to be settled as quickly as possible before the problem gets any bigger. Both parties need to sit down and hear each other out with no shouting, blaming each other, no name calling or talking with hatred to each other.

I admit that in my past relationships, when there were ups and downs, I would get upset, give my partner the silent treatment and when I calmed down, I would tell him what the matter was. If there were more downs than ups, I would try to leave that relationship unless me and my partner could come to an agreement with each other.

[Clodhopper]

I think I sort of know what you mean. Are you sure it is really hate? Not rage?

Hatred is pretty serious stuff...

[southern yankee]

only1?;1101429 wrote: Well I figured this the best place to pose this question to everyone and see if there are any other folk who find they are like me

In relationships when there are ups and downs I tend to flip from love to hate in a matter of seconds, its like an incredibly short fuse that just throws me into a retreat where I want to be on my own, free from the trouble of sorting out the problem.

It subsides and then its back to normal....if any of you watched the league of gentlemen and know the couple in that series below then you'll know what I mean lol





Does anyone else do this and if you do, any pearls of wisdom as I think I need to do something about it do you get involved with BUTTON PUSHERS.??You know the type who like to get a RISE out of you. Or you know there is a very thin line between LOVE and HATE. They are both very strong emotions. The people who are the closest to you. Can bring the worse or the best out of you.