My Alcoholic Friend

[stardustdream]

One of my friends, who is also my boyfriend and I's roommate is an alcoholic. Let me first state that he and my boyfriend are in the Navy. Also I myself am a recovering addict. In June I will have a year clean and I worked extremely hard to get that year. So my friend freely admits hes an alcoholic. He drinks everyday...usually at least a 6 pack. If he wants more after that six pack he just jumps in his truck and goes and gets more booze. No thought about what his BAC might be or that he might be a little too drunk to drive. As much as I try to prevent him from driving drunk I am not always here and I am not his babysitter. He has alcoholism in his family, his mother, grandmother and grandfather. Since I am a recovering addict I call him out on his bullshit that he calls excuses for his drinking. He says his tolerance his too high for him to be drunk when hes out driving to bars or gas stations or parties where hes going to get more drunk then eventually drive home. I asked him to quit for 2 weeks and he said that was no problem he could do that, but 2 days later he comes home drunk as a skunk. His dream is to become a Navy seal but at the moment his training to get physically fit to go to Seal training has been put on hold due to a motorcycle accident that he was in. He was drunk along with this guy who was driving... neither one was wearing a helmet. So if his drinking was bad before the accident then his drinking has gone to a new level since hes been injured. He broke his collar bone among other things and physically working out is not all possible. Within two days of being out of the hospital for almost a week he was back to drinking and it seems he is so bored and in self pity that he drinks even more now to forget it all! Hes not healing as fast as he should be due to the massive intake of alcohol every day. Last night he passed out on the toilet for 2 hours.... we were about to take the bathroom door down then after him not answering to us yelling and pounding he walks out and says hes just really tired. I've sat and talked to him about my struggles to become clean and what I had to do... and I just don't know what else to do without my boyfriend having to go through one of his superiors and letting them know that this guy needs some help. As a recovering addict I have patience with fellow addicts/alcoholics. But this guy is someone I care about whom I live with everyday.... I don't want to watch him screw his life up and get kicked out of the Navy or dying due to a stupid drunken decision. Can anyone offer some advice or support on this subject. It would be greatly appreciated. I'm not exactly sure what else to do but sit back and watch his decline.

[Nomad]

I have advice dear. Its a good quality you possess in wanting others to be safe and well and that you care and love. Hold onto those qualities as they are your human-ness, your foundation.

You of all people should know that you cant change someone else or will them to live well. Those things come from within each of us. Some instinctually choose the right path for themselves early on while many of us must destroy our lives before we can approach personal truth.

Some die before theyre ready, some are never ready. Its an individual journey. Were you influenced into sobriety ?

Strictly speaking for myself I had to come near death and suffer tremendously before I was ready. That was the way it had to be for me.

Im rambling, sorry. The thing Id like to tell you is you must take care of yourself. Its essential and critical that you continue to nurture the love and understanding about your being that will allow you to live well and have peace within. Im a bottom line kind of guy. Its not selfish to put yourself first because unless you are healthy in body mind and spirit you can do nothing for others. If what you desire is going to consume you then you turn yourself around and you walk away.

You take care of your sobriety because without that you nor the ones that love you or the world will ever get to know your potential and your dreams will never be realized.

You are here to grow and evolve. So evolve.

[Victoria]

Hi

Congratulations on your 1 year sober. you will know it wasnt anyone else telling you to be sober that made you take that decision it came from somewhere deep inside yourself.

Your BF needs to find that motivation. you cant make him, you can be there for him when he needs some support but remember you are in a very vunerable position dont let him drag you down.

As for his career and his drunk driving well you say his accident was due to drunk driving so he hasnt learned anything from that well maybe when he sees his career go down the toilet he will wake up because thats the way he's heading... no doubt.



Sorry if this sounds harsh but I dont beleive namby pamby approaches work when dealing with addictions.

[stardustdream]

I most definitely agree with you. It took my quite a few times to get my stuff together to get clean and sober. I only started to open my eyes when I realized I didn't want to go back to jail or die. I know everyone has their own bottoms and im pretty sure he isn't there yet, but I think it just breaks my heart to see a close friend succumbing to something that almost took my life that I just want to put him in a box and never let him out to hurt himself. I'm a very nurturing person and sometimes my compassion for others hurts me to the core when I see where things are going. Which is what is happening in my case. All I can do is be there for him as an example and a friend. Just sucks to see it happen. Oh by the way, the guy im talking about is the room mate of my boyfriend and I. Not my boyfriend. I could never ever ever ever be in a relationship with another person who has an addiction. From previous experiences that usually only leads to one thing-Relapse. Thank you guys for your support, I think really that is all I need. Being in a new state without my family has kind of uprooted most of my support group. I appreciate your input. :yh_smiley