My married boss flirts with me. Sends totally mixed signals

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:08 am

confused65 wrote: Advice needed. My married boss is sending totally mixed signals. He flirts with me alot. We have worked together for a couple of years and now he is no longer my immediate boss (which is a good thing). Now let me tell you he is HOT! No question if he was single I'd go for it. What would you think if your boss was always comming over to talk to you and then grabbing your hand and just holding it?

He made the comment once that if he'd of met me before he was married I wouldn't be working right now. He's rubbed my shoulders and hugged me and made all kinds of comments to me. One day he said "I wonder just how submissive you would be in bed!" What the hell is that? I just wonder if anyone else on here has had this kind of thing happen to them? How they handled it?

I did tell him once if your interested leave your wife, to which there was no reply lol. I am currently avoiding him if I can. I think he does it for an ego boost. I think it is wrong to flirt like this if there is no intent and especially if your married. Confused 65 Fla.
Shouldn't be any confusion about it. He wants to lay you, that's all. Do you really think there is any more to it? You either make it easy for him,or tell him to **** off.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:32 am

Lon wrote: Shouldn't be any confusion about it. He wants to lay you, that's all. Do you really think there is any more to it? You either make it easy for him,or tell him to **** off.I have to go with Lon on this one.

If my boss spoke to me like this he'd get a very sharp swift shock!

( He'd certainly be walking funny for a week! ) :yh_wink

john8pies · Post by **john8pies** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 1:30 am

Not sure if you`re in the UK or not, but if you are, you`ll know what I mean when I mention the Coronation street / Ian / Sally story-line. When he got fed up with her, he got her to wash cars instead of just being his secretary!

In my humble opinion, I really would discourage him; otherwise when he gets fed up with you he could just flirt with another employeed (whilst staying with his wife)

Of course, if he really fancied you that much, he could always leave his wife for you, couldn`t he, but sadly for you, it doesn`t sound like it.

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:17 am

He wants you as a bit of fun which just basically means he wants to sleep with you and that's it. That's all you'll ever be.

And at the end of the day he's married (does he have children?). You don't want to get involved with a sleazeball like that :yh_shame

Would you really want him to leave his wife? How do you know he wouldn't do the same to you?

Wake up and smell the coffee :yh_coffee

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:45 am

I agree with all the above.

He just wants to have his cake and eat it!!!!!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:59 am

His signals arent MIXED. His behavior isnt cute... its revolting.. And he wont be HOT forever. He will be UNEMPLOYED, DIVORCED, and CONFUSED. That is if women enthralled with his game encourage him to continue.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:08 am

oh come on..you know exactly what is what, why would you even ask? he must perceive a receptiveness. a cold smack verbally once would have stopped it in this day of sexual harassment action.

Beth · Post by **Beth** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:37 am

Tell the guy to get bent. He's using you. If you went to bed with him, you, most likely will be the one hurt. And,... if he did leave his wife for you, could you honestly trust him?

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 6:46 am

He's just looking for a ....well.....what everybody else said. He may be hot, but his pesonality would disgust me. Get him to leave you alone. Just say, "sexual harrassment can have an ugly face somedays". You already have a case! I'm sure he's dealt with that before.

Clint · Post by **Clint** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:11 am

Just tell him sex means commitment to you and you can hardly wait for him to commit to you so you can tell EVERYONE.

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:45 pm

confused65 wrote: I'm not stupid I know about sexual harrasment and yes he is doing it.
I didn't mean to imply that you were. I've dealt with a lot of the same problems you have while working in EMS. Inappropriate comments by co-workers, nurses, doctors, cops, etc. I've always been able to deal with it myself, but others have taken matters further and the person making the comments were dealt with harshly.

Good luck.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 1:36 am

If you werent toying with the idea of it..you wouldnt have opened it up for discussion. When the human mind rejects an idea or possibility... it just rejects it like junk mail. If you didnt find the situation enthralling..you would know exactly what to do ..you wouldnt require input from others. Had you received any positive feedback here... the situation looses its negativity, and is drawn into a circle of possibility, Referring to this man as Hot suggests that his advances are not completely repulsive. Referring to his son as his KID suggests resentment and represents a possible examination of circumstances that would render the man possibly able to become available. Clues to all human behavior are revealed in our use of speech. When you visit arenas inhabited by females and or adults who have experienced quite a bit of life, you put yourself in front of wise ears, bruised hearts. and expanded minds. That can be a good thing for learning. However it doesnt provide those with hidden agendas anywhere to hide.

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:10 am

confused65 wrote: OK listen instead of rushing to judgement against me, did you all read what I said? I'm not the one comming on to him! I have told him I'm not interested in married men! Yes I said he is hot as far as looks go. He is married he has 1 kid that is 18. I'm not trying to be the homewrecker here. When these things happend to me it took me by suprise. No I didn't turn him in and run out and file a law suit like many other women would. That doesn't mean I can't still do it if I so choose. I am avoiding him I no longer have to be with him for 10 hours a day.Yes i do agree that some of the things he said are sleazy and his behaviour has been inappropriate. I do want people to be honest. He wants a piece I get it. I don't.

I don't think anyone is saying you're a homewrecker but we've all come to the same conclusion that he wants his cake and eat it and he could be slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit. You shouldn't have to be spending all your day avoiding someone. He is the one in the wrong and you know it.

You have two choices: let the sleazeball carry on and keep avoiding him OR have a word and tell you're not putting up with it.

Unless you're enjoying the attention? :rolleyes:

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:56 am

Every one of the "reply" posts to your post is right on the mark!

You mentioned "He" has an "18" year old kid, which means "He" is no kid himself and should know better. You said you did not want to be a "homewrecker", but then you also said you told him to "leave" his wife!! (To which he did not reply) What if he did reply favorably, what then?

Your thread title says "My married boss flirts with me", but it should also have said & "I flirt back with him"! Continue to avoid him, and don't flirt back at him and eventually he will move on, especially now that he is no longer your boss. Do youself a favor & find a nice "Single" man with no "baggage"! :-2

Cars :driving:

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 1:34 pm

I have this gift....... he probobly wouldnt be flirting with you if he had a daughter........Im seeing him too. Which one is it? Ha Ha Ha

FGChatter · Post by **FGChatter** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 4:56 am

Read my post "how do you get over an affair" to realise the hurt and devastation you can cause by allowing this inappropriate flirting to continue.

Yes, you find him hot, and you are probably fuelling his interest if you are avoiding him - he will enjoy the chase. You have let him rub your shoulders, hold your hand, you've asked him to leave his wife - this is completely unacceptable - HE IS MARRIED.

My husband had an affair with someone he worked with and now I am trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life. You are playing with fire and you have to remember - without sleeping with him, you could still destroy trust and faith within his marriage if his wife found out.

I have a 2 year old son stuck in the middle of my hell and I would not wish my situation on anyone.

Don't just avoid him - tell him outright you are not interested. Don't hurt his wife and family - stay away - it's not worth it.

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:25 am

FGChatter wrote: Read my post "how do you get over an affair" to realise the hurt and devastation you can cause by allowing this inappropriate flirting to continue.

Yes, you find him hot, and you are probably fuelling his interest if you are avoiding him - he will enjoy the chase. You have let him rub your shoulders, hold your hand, you've asked him to leave his wife - this is completely unacceptable - HE IS MARRIED.

My husband had an affair with someone he worked with and now I am trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life. You are playing with fire and you have to remember - without sleeping with him, you could still destroy trust and faith within his marriage if his wife found out.

I have a 2 year old son stuck in the middle of my hell and I would not wish my situation on anyone.

Don't just avoid him - tell him outright you are not interested. Don't hurt his wife and family - stay away - it's not worth it.

:yh_clap

pink princess · Post by **pink princess** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 7:28 am

but if hes making a serious play for this girl he dosnt really seem to be interested in the relationship he is in anymore...... if everything was perfect and as he wanted he wouldnt look elsewhere....

im not suggesting you go for it and jump on top of him (!) in fact id stay well clear but more because he doesnt seem happy where he is and hes most likely using you as a way out.....

then again if you just want some fun and fancy him!!!

(that was a joke before you all start on me!!!)

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:34 am

pink princess wrote: but if hes making a serious play for this girl he dosnt really seem to be interested in the relationship he is in anymore...... if everything was perfect and as he wanted he wouldnt look elsewhere....

im not suggesting you go for it and jump on top of him (!) in fact id stay well clear but more because he doesnt seem happy where he is and hes most likely using you as a way out.....

then again if you just want some fun and fancy him!!!

(that was a joke before you all start on me!!!)

I'm not sure about that because married men with families sometimes like to think they could 'still pull someone' and still be happy at home. Its an ego boost and makes them think they could if they wanted to. Maybe some women are the same.

Its very easy to get stuck in a rut when you're married because you become so used to each other and routine is the norm. Whilst away at work having a laugh and a flirt is different than boring home life. Its where the 'flirter' draws the line and differentiates a laugh from damn right sexual harassment. I'm sure he'd be pissed if his wife was doing it

pink princess · Post by **pink princess** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:33 pm

a bit of harmless flirting is ok but if hes doing it with actual intent and a desire not to be at home with his wife then i think thats a bit diff

if hes just flirting theres no problem its just a bit of fun, if its serious though and he would actually go through with it then theres got to be something missing somewhere for him to go that far.....

i agree about the married men liking to think they can still attract someone but once you act on it, it becomes more than that and its a way out of the boredom of life at home, if you need a way out then it cant bode that well.......

personally i think once you find the right person thats it, you never need to think about looking elsewhere because you are totally content in what you have (even if you have cheated before) but if you arent with the right person and hapy with what you have......... well.......

pink princess · Post by **pink princess** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:37 pm

confused65 wrote: This man told me that he would NEVER cheat on his wife but technically he is already doing so. Do you at least all agree on that??? .

its kinda difficult to judge without actually seeing the flirting myself but....

you know how serious it is, if hes just having fun then ok hes not cheating, its harmless and theres no problem, theres an awful lot of adults who will flirt but it really doesnt mean anything

however if you think his flirting shows some serious intent behind it then yes he is cheating even if you dont let him do anything (good for you btw!! it would leave you feeling pretty horrible even if you do fancy him!! youd just feel used) (most likely anyway.....)

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:55 pm

They are NEVER happy at home.. There is always some reason. If he left and hooked up with someone else.. he wouldnt be happy with her after a while either. They are BIG needy pathetic babies. With zippo respect for women,, Eventually they have no respect for themselves either.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:25 pm

A lot of these responses kind of remind me of people who blame the victim of rape. Her shorts were too short, her top was cut too late, etc.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Mon May 23, 2005 2:33 pm

I think women in this situation make the mistake of encouraging this behavior because they like the attention. They feel good about the flirting and the cute behavior they get to display. Then. it starts to get out of hand and they have the nerve to wonder "why". :rolleyes:

The very first time the boss crosses that line of proper office etiquette is the time to let him know you do not accept this behavior. But, really, if you behave in a cordial and professional manner in the office, the vibes will be there and only the most boorish boss or co-worker will make a move.

IMO

pink princess · Post by **pink princess** » Tue May 24, 2005 5:13 am

Peg wrote: A lot of these responses kind of remind me of people who blame the victim of rape. Her shorts were too short, her top was cut too late, etc.

i hope thats not me....... :-3

i think theres times and places to dress in certain ways but i dont think you can ever say a girl was asking for it because of the length of her skirt.......

mountainwind · Post by **mountainwind** » Wed Jun 22, 2005 3:22 am

Tell him bluntly to back off! You know the score and so does he. Many women even in todays more enlightened times fail to respond appropriately in case they offend someone. Some men behave this way and interpret passivity for consent. The fact is this knucklehead is being offensive so don't spare his feelings. Knuckleheads are not clued into body language so tell him straight @*%K off!

turbonium · Post by **turbonium** » Wed Jun 22, 2005 7:16 pm

along-for-the-ride wrote: I think women in this situation make the mistake of encouraging this behavior because they like the attention. They feel good about the flirting and the cute behavior they get to display. Then. it starts to get out of hand and they have the nerve to wonder "why". :rolleyes:

The very first time the boss crosses that line of proper office etiquette is the time to let him know you do not accept this behavior. But, really, if you behave in a cordial and professional manner in the office, the vibes will be there and only the most boorish boss or co-worker will make a move.

IMO
You're right, along-for-the-ride. She went "along for the ride"! :wah:

mountainwind · Post by **mountainwind** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 5:39 am

Some interesting viewpoints in this thread.

I don't think any woman asks to be treated badly by the way she dresses.

But there are and always have been a lot of mixed signals with flirting. These signals are all the more misinterpreted if there is a lack of inhibition (due to alcohol consumption). research shows men display more of this behaviour and women become more passive to the advances.

Both men and women (not all) seek attention and self assurance with the flirting game. between singles in the right context (not at work) its fine. But basically when this behaviour spills over into different social contexts then men and women often view the behaviour differently. Men know and view this behaviour to have some sexual undertones. Like part of flirting is the excuse touch/access to women's bodies. Women may tend to view this as just friendly and not such a big issue, though I'm sure they feel attractive from the attention. I bet women do see it as sexual if another woman is getting 'friendly' with their SO! There IMHO lies the problem. a) there are some double standards at work and b) by the time men are getting too heavy for the ladies comfort he has already interpreted her previous passivity as consent. Then she is wondering what she did to encourage it! She didn't do anything other than fail to realise that the participants are looking at it from different premises.

The answer if you are married is simple - behave yourself, invest your energy in your partner! If you know someone is married leave them alone - they don't need your attention to make 'em feel good (that's why they married in the first place! If a married person flirts with you don't let it escalate - tell 'em to back off and you won't be asking yourself silly questions later. Give off the proper vibes in the workplace.

lou lou belle · Post by **lou lou belle** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:17 am

No matter how hot he is, he someone elses hottie.

I would concentrate on getting a single guy. Otherwise you could get seriously hurt. Its just too much baggage and you seem a really nice person, if you were'nt you would have done something by now.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:39 am

lou lou belle;1225540 wrote: No matter

She's probably found out by now. It's not as if it was yesterday, it was *four years* ago.

lou lou belle · Post by **lou lou belle** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:53 am

Bill Sikes;1225549 wrote: She's probably found out by now. It's not as if it was yesterday, it was *four years* ago.

Now then Bill, was there any need for that reply?

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:31 am

Don't be silly. Of course there was.

lou lou belle · Post by **lou lou belle** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:35 am

Bill Sikes;1225572 wrote: Don't be silly. Of course there was.

Why?

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:53 am

BECAUSE THIS THREAD IS FOUR (4) YEARS OLD !!!!!!!!!!

You should check the dates that appear in the green band immediately over the post, before you post something. It may save you some embarrassment, and odd comments from other members !

lou lou belle · Post by **lou lou belle** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:13 am

G#Gill;1225592 wrote: BECAUSE THIS THREAD IS FOUR (4) YEARS OLD !!!!!!!!!!

You should check the dates that appear in the green band immediately over the post, before you post something. It may save you some embarrassment, and odd comments from other members !

It would take a bit more than that to embarass me.

I will check the dates, i am still new to this forum and getting used to it. Sorry

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:20 am

lou lou belle;1225615 wrote: It would take a bit more than that to embarass me.; )

Yeah.

lou lou belle · Post by **lou lou belle** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:42 am

Bill Sikes;1225622 wrote: Yeah.

Yeah, really you have no idea.

michaelross · Post by **michaelross** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 11:47 pm

Ignore him as much as possible and make him feel that you're uncomfortable with what he's doing. But if he still persists, then try to confront him already. But if he still does not stop, then try to find another company which has decent bosses

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:44 am

michaelross;1236303 wrote: Ignore him as much as possible and make him feel that you're uncomfortable with what he's doing. But if he still persists, then try to confront him already. But if he still does not stop, then try to find another company which has decent bosses
I will contact Nomad to see if he will put this post into his way back machine. Nomads way back machine goes way back further than mine. Hopefully we can get her the message.

Oh, Hi and welcome..

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 8:22 am

G#Gill;1225592 wrote: BECAUSE THIS THREAD IS FOUR (4) YEARS OLD !!!!!!!!!!

You should check the dates that appear in the green band immediately over the post, before you post something. It may save you some embarrassment, and odd comments from other members !

Does that mean that she is now 'Confused 69'??

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:08 am

mikeinie;1236444 wrote: Does that mean that she is now 'Confused 69'??
If so, she is probably happier.