I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

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Mango
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Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2011 8:00 am

I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Mango »

Hi! I'm twenty, and I work and study at a community college. I specify community college because it means there's a lot less that goes on on campus for meeting people.

I feel like I often talk to people in my classes. I have "in class" friends, but it never transitions to anything outside of class. Since one class may be the only time I ever see these people, at the end of the semester, they're gone again forever. I'm also a tutor at my campus which exposes me to new people, but again, nothing ever sticks. Even if we seem to chat easily and have a great time when we're talking, it just fades away. I just recently acquired a Facebook to perhaps hold some connections from these classes, but frankly, looking at the "15" friends I have just depresses me because it's so low by Facebook standards, but way higher than any amount of friends I've ever actually had. I feel like it's very difficult to make new friends without having friends, because I don't really ever go out and get exposed to other people who are part of a shared circle of friends.

The only time people ever express an interest in seeing me outside of school is when I get asked out on a date. But I do already have a boyfriend---and unfortunately, we don't have a lot in common, so I barely talk to his friends on the very few times I've seen them because I have nothing in common with them, either.

What do you do when you feel like you put yourself out there, talk a lot, smile a lot, and people seem to like you, but it doesn't ever go anywhere? I find myself really missing having (especially female) friends.
mikeinie
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by mikeinie »

I think that by the fact that you get on so well in school you could easily makes friends. The friendships don't normally evolve from conversations, it tends to come from doing activities together. Do you get involved in school activities? Teams? or anything that is social outside just classroom stuff?
Mango
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Mango »

mikeinie;1367865 wrote: I think that by the fact that you get on so well in school you could easily makes friends. The friendships don't normally evolve from conversations, it tends to come from doing activities together. Do you get involved in school activities? Teams? or anything that is social outside just classroom stuff?


No, I think that's kind of the problem. I go to a fairly nice community college, but it doesn't host many events. There's not much too much to do around my campus without already knowing people.

I tend to tell myself things will get better when I transfer next year to a four-year, but well, now that my sister's gone, it gets pretty lonely just waiting for a future day.
mikeinie
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by mikeinie »

Mango;1367868 wrote: No, I think that's kind of the problem. I go to a fairly nice community college, but it doesn't host many events. There's not much too much to do around my campus without already knowing people.

I tend to tell myself things will get better when I transfer next year to a four-year, but well, now that my sister's gone, it gets pretty lonely just waiting for a future day.


I am sorry to hear that, college should be a fun place not a lonely one. Where did your sister go?
Mango
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Mango »

mikeinie;1367874 wrote: I am sorry to hear that, college should be a fun place not a lonely one. Where did your sister go?


She just left for a college ~3 hours away.
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littleCJelkton
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by littleCJelkton »

I go to a community college as well though it always has something going on, either a play at the colleges theatre or a career fair, movie nights , open mikes in the room near the Cafe. You should check your colleges website to see whats going on.
mikeinie
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by mikeinie »

Mango;1367877 wrote: She just left for a college ~3 hours away.


I hope that you will be able to get together often.

Can I ask, instead of trying to make a number of friends, is there one person that you may know that you could try to develop a friendship with directly, then maybe through your friendship with that person, she could introduce you to her network of friends? Or how about getting to know some people through facebook or something?
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Oscar Namechange
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Oscar Namechange »

I think some people just try too hard to win friends.... sorry, that's harsh but that's the way I feel.

Just being yourself and having confidence will attract people to you. There will always be people who don't like you but I wouldn't lose any sleep or time on them.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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along-for-the-ride
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by along-for-the-ride »

True friendships don't just happen in one moment; they develop over time. My advice is simple. Do well in your studies and classes but afterward, just relax and enjoy yourself.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
Mango
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Mango »

Thank you all for the advice you offered; I appreciate it all.

I don't wish to seem ungrateful towards any advice, so I think I'll just leave it with a thank you. I'll try to bear in mind that which I find particularly helpful, and who knows what may happen in the future.
junexpress
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Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:37 am

I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by junexpress »

Hey, don't ever say that you don't have friends, it's just your feeling that you don't have one, open your heart and you can see lots of friends inside it. Don't feel lonely, it cannot help at all. Pray always and he will guide you.
rashed
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Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:14 am

I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by rashed »

yesss....wishing you a great life where you will surrounded bymanyyyyyy friends!!
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Squid
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Squid »

This is quite a complex subject, you can do everything "right" and still stand there without friends.

I don't know how community colleges work but do you have any special interests?

You might have to go outside the college area o find like-minded people but I'm sure there are lots of people out there that would be your friends.
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savvygirl
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by savvygirl »

Hi Mango!

I think you need to try meetup.com. Have you ever heard of it? I moved here about 4 years ago with my fiance and I knew nobody. Meetup is an awesome way to make long lasting relationships. I met 3 out of my 5 bridesmaids through groups on meetup.com. You'll need to make an account (it's free) and then search clubs in your area. I agree that friendships are usually formed from doing activities together. Meetup is the perfect way to do that. If you're a nice, positive, person someone will see that and you will make great friends. Give it a shot. Hope this helps you! :)
veldtlion
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by veldtlion »

Hi Mango :)

I'm sorry that you feel that way and it's probably having an effect on your self esteem too. Personally, I've had the same problem and I'm sure many people do too, and they usually tell themselves that "nice guys finish last". Well nice people are the best thing going for society right now, so don't give up!

I always felt that I was really friendly but made very few close friends, and like you I started a Facebook account and added all my old classmates to keep in touch. Basically, this meant nothing. Judging your social circle by your Facebook isn't productive, as most of the connections and conversations on it are superficial.

Sometimes it's not enough to be friendly and keep yourself open to friendships, because people are so caught up in their lives nowadays that they don't stop to say "hey, that person's really nice, maybe I'll ask to hang out" but instead go for the more extroverted people that interested them. Like some of the previous replies, find a group that shares similar interests as you so you have things to talk about, and when you find someone you like, you have to initiate conversations and ask them to hang out. If you keep waiting to be asked out then you might think nobody likes you even though that's not the case! (from personal experience too, sigh)

Hope this helps, all the best :)
gmc
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by gmc »

You probably have friends you don't realise are friends most people end up with different groups of friends they associate with depending on what they are doing. Sounds like you should also get a new boyfriend or several, twenty is possibly too young to settle for one relationship but everybody is different. Having a regular boyfriend and being in a relationship seems to be a peculiarly american hang up. Not every bloke that asks you out is going to want to be serious - it is possible to have friends of the other sex who are just friends and nothing more.
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Wild Fire
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Wild Fire »

From your last post in this thread, it doesn't sound like you'll be coming back. In case you do, I would suggest that you take a more pro-active approach to finding friends, and be a bit more aggressive. Are there any people around you that you think you could make friends with? If so, go to them and ask them to come to a movie, go bowling, go have a drink or a coffee, play a game of putt-putt, take a trip to a museum. It seemed to me that you are waiting for people to come to you but you're not approaching anyone with an invitation to go do something fun. You never know! Good luck.
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Snooz
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Snooz »

savvygirl;1392174 wrote: Hi Mango!

I think you need to try meetup.com. Have you ever heard of it? I moved here about 4 years ago with my fiance and I knew nobody. Meetup is an awesome way to make long lasting relationships. I met 3 out of my 5 bridesmaids through groups on meetup.com. You'll need to make an account (it's free) and then search clubs in your area. I agree that friendships are usually formed from doing activities together. Meetup is the perfect way to do that. If you're a nice, positive, person someone will see that and you will make great friends. Give it a shot. Hope this helps you! :)


I thought you might be spamming but that's actually a really good site. They've got people with the same breed of dog that have play groups, hiking groups... to groups that go out to dinner together. What a great idea.
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rajakrsna
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by rajakrsna »

Mango;1367945 wrote: Thank you all for the advice you offered; I appreciate it all.

I don't wish to seem ungrateful towards any advice, so I think I'll just leave it with a thank you. I'll try to bear in mind that which I find particularly helpful, and who knows what may happen in the future.


If you are looking for a friend go within yourself. You are not alone. God the Supersoul Param-atma is with you always. He talks to you every second to love him. Go listen to your heartbeat it says, " Luv gud...luv gud...luv gud...luv gud..." He can be your muse. Because he simply amuses you with ideas you never dream you`d become the recipient.
Om namo bagavate vasudevaya, " God is the Cause of All causes."
Vaishali
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I'm friendly, but I don't have friends...

Post by Vaishali »

You know same problem with me that I have friendly behavior but I dont have so much I have only 3-4 friends who become my friend after college I dont have any friend who was in my college time and school time.

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