My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

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veldtlion
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:00 pm

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by veldtlion »

Hey guys, I'd really appreciate any advice.

3 years ago, I went to Australia to pursue a degree in law. When I arrived, I remained open and friendly to build a social circle, when I met another international student who was a little older, let's call him Greg.

We hit it off very quickly, as he was extremely easy going like I was, and we shared many things in common including our tastes in music. I'm pretty introverted, and usually form very close friendships with a few people that I'm completely open and honest with. Greg and I start hanging out a lot, and pretty much became best buddies as he was always cheerful and easy to talk to. The only thing that bugged me was that he smoked, and being a healthy person from an athletic background, I resisted picking it up for a really long time. However Greg would constantly pressure me casually, and after months of it I stupidly gave in. But getting me hooked on an unhealthy habit is the smallest problem.

Things started going rotten when we found a nice apartment and signed a 2 year contract. It was alright at first since we got along so well, but over time I'd realise that he wouldn't do any housework, and took for granted all the times I couldn't bear the mess and cleaned up for both of us. When I bring it up, he'd always reply "yeah I'll do it tonight/tomorrow" which of course never happens.

Then came the money issues. He had a car which he drove everywhere, and got parking fines everywhere, which he ignored. One day, his car got clamped and impounded for the staggering amount of unpaid fines, and he sought help from me as he had limited financial support from his parents. I loaned him the money to free his car seeing as I'd known him for over 2 years and he was in desperate need. If only I knew what I was getting into. For months he made up excuses to not pay me back, and he always hardly had any money in his bank account, so I waited.

On 3 occasions, he invited friends from his home country to crash at our apartment cause "they needed a place to stay while they got their bearings". They'd stay for months, take their sweet time to find their own accommodation, and only when I insisted on it did they fork out some rent. Plus they just added to the maddening mess around the house which started to look like an immigrant hovel and it drove me crazy. While chatting with one of his friends I found out that he owes multiple people large sums of money on top of the thousands he still owed me. Disturbed, I talked to more of his friends, and those that stayed over had actually paid rent faithfully, but I never received any of it. Which meant that Greg had been pocketing my share of the rent, even though I'd been paying for the extra bills that his friends had racked up. When I brought it up, I was brickwalled with furious denial from Greg and I went a little crazy not knowing who to trust.

Then he started showing the ugly side of him. Whenever I had friends over, he'd ignore them and not bother to greet them when I introduced them, which resulted in awkward silences and strange looks from my friends. I'd get seriously embarrassed and eventually stopped inviting friends over when he was home. Then after they left, he'd ridicule them loudly and then get annoyed when I got angry and defended them.

When he's not playing his stupid video games, he's busy clearing the fridge of all the food I'd spent hours cooking and I usually get left with the washing up or deal with weeks of dirty dishes piling up. He stays up till 4 or 5 am and plays loud music, I politely ask him to turn it down and he argues that "it's already on low volume" as if it justifies the thumping bass that even the neighbours can hear.

I've been wanting to move out and get away ever since our lease contract ended, but I know I'll never see my money again, and some people might say I should sacrifice the money he owes me just to protect my sanity, but I worked long hours to save up and was planning to go on a holiday with it. I refuse to let him get away scott-free after taking advantage of my willingness to help him.

One day, I discovered that he withdrew from a university unit and received a refund which was credited to his bank account. I knew this was my chance to get my money back, so I confronted him about it. He agreed to go to the bank and withdraw it for me since he "doesn't have netbanking", and after procrastinating for a few days he came home driving a NEW CAR which he bought with the money. He pretended like I never asked him to pay me back, and said that I "should have reminded him". Since then, this car has been proven to be a piece of **** that has racked up hundreds of dollars in repairs and taken up all his money. He's recently dropped out of university and has a job that pays very little.

I've become a very bitter person with trust issues, and he knows exactly how I feel and refuses to do anything about it. My grades have suffered too, and I'm on the law faculty academic review board. I hate everything that he represents (fat, lazy, inconsiderate and irresponsible), I regret ever meeting him when I was young and impressionable, and now I feel trapped and have started taking antidepressants.

I'm going CRAZY. I think I've lost faith in the goodness of people.

What would you do?

(Sorry for the long post, there's a lot I need to get off my chest)
Clodhopper
Posts: 5115
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:11 pm

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by Clodhopper »

Get the **** out of there. Money is only money - you can make more. Your mental health is beyond price.

You will know better than I what legal recourse if any is open to you. Make sure you stay clean and any revenge you take is not going to get you in trouble, but get out of there.

Then give up smoking.
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

Lone voice: "I'm not."
Ahso!
Posts: 10215
Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2009 1:38 pm

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by Ahso! »

veldtlion;1395423 wrote: Hey guys, I'd really appreciate any advice.

3 years ago, I went to Australia to pursue a degree in law. When I arrived, I remained open and friendly to build a social circle, when I met another international student who was a little older, let's call him Greg.

We hit it off very quickly, as he was extremely easy going like I was, and we shared many things in common including our tastes in music. I'm pretty introverted, and usually form very close friendships with a few people that I'm completely open and honest with. Greg and I start hanging out a lot, and pretty much became best buddies as he was always cheerful and easy to talk to. The only thing that bugged me was that he smoked, and being a healthy person from an athletic background, I resisted picking it up for a really long time. However Greg would constantly pressure me casually, and after months of it I stupidly gave in. But getting me hooked on an unhealthy habit is the smallest problem.

Things started going rotten when we found a nice apartment and signed a 2 year contract. It was alright at first since we got along so well, but over time I'd realise that he wouldn't do any housework, and took for granted all the times I couldn't bear the mess and cleaned up for both of us. When I bring it up, he'd always reply "yeah I'll do it tonight/tomorrow" which of course never happens.

Then came the money issues. He had a car which he drove everywhere, and got parking fines everywhere, which he ignored. One day, his car got clamped and impounded for the staggering amount of unpaid fines, and he sought help from me as he had limited financial support from his parents. I loaned him the money to free his car seeing as I'd known him for over 2 years and he was in desperate need. If only I knew what I was getting into. For months he made up excuses to not pay me back, and he always hardly had any money in his bank account, so I waited.

On 3 occasions, he invited friends from his home country to crash at our apartment cause "they needed a place to stay while they got their bearings". They'd stay for months, take their sweet time to find their own accommodation, and only when I insisted on it did they fork out some rent. Plus they just added to the maddening mess around the house which started to look like an immigrant hovel and it drove me crazy. While chatting with one of his friends I found out that he owes multiple people large sums of money on top of the thousands he still owed me. Disturbed, I talked to more of his friends, and those that stayed over had actually paid rent faithfully, but I never received any of it. Which meant that Greg had been pocketing my share of the rent, even though I'd been paying for the extra bills that his friends had racked up. When I brought it up, I was brickwalled with furious denial from Greg and I went a little crazy not knowing who to trust.

Then he started showing the ugly side of him. Whenever I had friends over, he'd ignore them and not bother to greet them when I introduced them, which resulted in awkward silences and strange looks from my friends. I'd get seriously embarrassed and eventually stopped inviting friends over when he was home. Then after they left, he'd ridicule them loudly and then get annoyed when I got angry and defended them.

When he's not playing his stupid video games, he's busy clearing the fridge of all the food I'd spent hours cooking and I usually get left with the washing up or deal with weeks of dirty dishes piling up. He stays up till 4 or 5 am and plays loud music, I politely ask him to turn it down and he argues that "it's already on low volume" as if it justifies the thumping bass that even the neighbours can hear.

I've been wanting to move out and get away ever since our lease contract ended, but I know I'll never see my money again, and some people might say I should sacrifice the money he owes me just to protect my sanity, but I worked long hours to save up and was planning to go on a holiday with it. I refuse to let him get away scott-free after taking advantage of my willingness to help him.

One day, I discovered that he withdrew from a university unit and received a refund which was credited to his bank account. I knew this was my chance to get my money back, so I confronted him about it. He agreed to go to the bank and withdraw it for me since he "doesn't have netbanking", and after procrastinating for a few days he came home driving a NEW CAR which he bought with the money. He pretended like I never asked him to pay me back, and said that I "should have reminded him". Since then, this car has been proven to be a piece of **** that has racked up hundreds of dollars in repairs and taken up all his money. He's recently dropped out of university and has a job that pays very little.

I've become a very bitter person with trust issues, and he knows exactly how I feel and refuses to do anything about it. My grades have suffered too, and I'm on the law faculty academic review board. I hate everything that he represents (fat, lazy, inconsiderate and irresponsible), I regret ever meeting him when I was young and impressionable, and now I feel trapped and have started taking antidepressants.

I'm going CRAZY. I think I've lost faith in the goodness of people.

What would you do?

(Sorry for the long post, there's a lot I need to get off my chest)Have consensual sex with his girlfriend.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,”

Voltaire



I have only one thing to do and that's

Be the wave that I am and then

Sink back into the ocean

Fiona Apple
Bruv
Posts: 12181
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:05 pm

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by Bruv »

Walk away, don't look back, forget the money.

Good luck.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
User avatar
Wild Fire
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed May 30, 2012 12:26 pm

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by Wild Fire »

Wow. I mean, seriously....WOW. You're asking for advice from a bunch of total strangers, which is a mistake. But, you asked and I'm going to tell you what I think. You probably won't like what I have to say about your situation.

First thing I noticed about your story is that you blame Greg for your smoking. Did he put a gun to your head and force you to put a cigarette in your mouth over and over until you were hooked? I'm betting not. The person to blame for smoking is YOU. No one else.

Then you move in with this person who has ALREADY had a poor effect on you. Obviously, this Greg twit was looking for a meal ticket. Seems to me that he is very practiced in finding the next sap to carry him through for a while. You claim to have gotten along "so well", and he snowed you. The instant you found out what a lazy, useless slob he is, that's when you either kick his ass to the curb or move out yourself. Why did you stay so long when it became clear that he is nothing but a squatter? You put up with it far longer than you should have, and you could have done many things to change the situation, but all you did was allow him to piss you off. And then you loaned him money??!?!?! I mean, come ON!! Are you seriously that oblivious? Do you really think so little of yourself?? WHY didn't you have an agreement for repayment written up and signed?

Greg is a user, a liar, a bum. And he suckered you right into his game.

Without any documentation to prove he owes you this money, you're screwed. Consider this a costly lesson, suck up the loss, and stop trusting people so easily. The only one who will look out for you is YOU. The only person responsible for this situation is YOU. You got taken, and now you're pissed about it, and coming to a discussion forum to take advice from MORE strangers!

Pull up your bootstraps, grow some backbone, stand up for yourself and YOU make your life what you want it to be. Your destiny is your own to create and the only one who can make it happen is.....yep, you guessed it....YOU.
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Snooz
Posts: 4799
Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:05 am

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by Snooz »

I agree with everyone else, get out of there and forget the money. However I think you should hire someone to beat the crap out of him first.
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Wild Fire
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed May 30, 2012 12:26 pm

My poisonous friend is slowly turning me into an ugly person

Post by Wild Fire »

SnoozeAgain;1395488 wrote: I think you should hire someone to beat the crap out of him first.


Brilliant! I agree. People who screw others like this should get their ass kicked.

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