Internet and forum bullying.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 5:51 pm

I was strolling through the internet today and came across a few sites that deal with bullying in the work place (part of my course) and I stumbled onto this.

The Forum Bully â€“ Why Are There So Many Online Bullies?

If anyone would like to have a read it's most interesting. But if not I'm happy to quote the info as I see the validity of it, in this thread.

:):)

First quote. ARE YOU A FORUM BULLY?

"Most of us do not think of ourselves as bullies. We are all heroes in our own minds, and a bully is no exception. In fact, many bullies see themselves as a fearless fighter for God, Country, and the path to Righteousness. The truth is, there is a forum bully in every one of us.

Sometimes we get angry, and we lash back at others.

Sometimes we get hurt, and we lash back at others.

Sometimes we are busy, and do not realize that we have said something hurtful or negative.

The key though is to recognize those negative actions and to take steps to correct them. When we commit negative acts and bullying behavior, we not only hurt others, but actually end up hurting ourselves most.

Today, many of us see nonresistance or nonviolence as a weakness. After all, if we turn the other cheek, we may just keep getting slapped. Therefore, we are encouraged to slap back and show strength. Bullies try to turn everyone into their likeness by calling us cowards for not resorting to verbal violence.

I used to think that â€œturning the other cheekâ€ was a weakness. After all, why should I spare pain to a bully when he seems to have no concern for me or others. It was not until later that I realized that â€œcheek turningâ€ is not really for the bully, but for me.

Negative energy infects, and bullies carry negative energy like plague ridden fleas. The way to combat this particular plague is not by spreading more negative energy. Rather, we want to dispel the negativity with positive energy or just ignore the flea and use plenty of repellent."

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:03 pm

HOW TO FIGHT FORUM BULLYS

Our instinct is to fight fire with fire, to fight the negative by returning it in kind. However, that is a losing battle.

One of the key reinforcers for the forum bully is attention.

It does not matter to him whether it is negative or positive attention as long as it is attention. By responding, we are giving the bully what he wants. In addition, by giving an emotional, negative response, we are letting the bully know that he has gotten under our skin.

1. Do not let forum bullies affect you.

Forum bullies are the scum of the Earth and they deserve nothing from us â€“ not our attention, not our time, and certainly not our emotional well-being. One of the best ways to deal with online bullies is to hit the delete button. If we cannot delete their comment in fact, then simply delete it from our consciousness and move on.

Forum bullies are after attention so they may try to egg you on by further calling you names, calling you a coward, and raging on in a negative fashion. They will try to bring you down to their own sad level of existence.

Delete, ignore, and a bully will shout himself out, like a young child throwing a tantrum. Hopefully, he will learn from this experience and find more productive activities with which to fill his time. Otherwise, he will simply continue to fritter his time away in negative pursuits, which will hurt him a lot more than it hurts us.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:05 pm

"2. Report bullies to the forum administration.

The best way to create a healthy social environment is to report bullying behavior to the administration. In this way, the bullying is quickly stopped, and we can all get back to productive and constructive discussions, that actually involve the exchange of information.

We want to stop bullying and pointless personal attacks because it will quickly ruin a perfectly good online community. If the community forum gets taken up with mostly tit-for-tat type shouting, nobody in their right mind would want to visit, much less participate.

Many people act as if reporting bullying behavior is somehow cowardly, or is a suppression of free-speech. That is not the case at all. Bullying should be stopped because it is bad for the health of a community, and it clogs up the information channels with useless, pointless, and negative bickering. Bullying and personal attacks are not free-speech, rather it is verbal abuse. If we care about the community, we should all do our part to stop forum bullying.

We are often very affected by our surrounding social environment. The more bullying there is, the more bullying it will attract. If we create an environment that is unfriendly to bullying, then these online thugs will go somewhere else to spread their particular form of decay and rot."

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:10 pm

3. Fight fire with water.

It is a big waste of time to interact with forum bullies. However, if we feel compelled to converse with our friendly online thug, then the only way to fight negative verbal attacks is by dispelling it with humor and positive energy. Rehabilitating a forum bully will take a lot of patience and a lot of positive energy. There is little point to it unless we are applying for Sainthood.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:20 pm

What to look for in a forum Bully.

Bullies use unsubstantiated personal attacks to denigrate their victims. Often, they make fun of their victimâ€™s intelligence, get everyone to laugh at him, and in doing so isolates and degrades their target. In this way, their victim is neutralized, and serves as a strong reminder to everyone of the bullyâ€™s power. Bullies rule through fear.

Bullies usually attack weak or new targets. The best way to get yourself into a bullyâ€™s little black book of horrors is to appear weak, uncertain, and emotionally vulnerable. New members to a social group are also a bullyâ€™s favorite because they are new, unproven, and do not yet have a support system. They are alone â€“ and therefore easier to hunt-down and kill.

Bullies hate being challenged and they hate losing. Another quick way to get yourself into the black book of horrors is to publicly challenge a bully, especially a head bully. A bullyâ€™s power rests in his ability to control others through fear. If they are challenged and they lose, it will significantly erode their power. As a result, they will use excessive force to defeat public challenges.

"Bullies usually hunt in packs. There is safety and strength in numbers. As we said before, bullies hate losing, so they try to go for a sure kill.

Bullies are afraid of strength. If they spot strong new members to the community, they will first try to recruit them. If that fails, they will usually leave them alone. Strong targets are risky and usually end up costing the bully more than he gains.

Bullies are in-love with themselves. They have little to no empathy, and are only interested in their own activities, and their own power. A bully may help others who are in his gang, or help other respected members of the community, but only for his own advancement and glory.

http://chataboutyou.com/online-forum-bully

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:33 pm

Are we too quick to cry 'bully'? - CNN.com

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:51 pm

From your own link snooze ................. But along the way, people sometimes confused bullying with the unfortunate -- but normal -- moments of angry, thoughtless or hurtful behavior.

Actual bullying, many educators and social scientists say, is intentional, repetitive abuse by a powerful person toward a less powerful target.

So it doesn't really change the thread . Nice try though

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:41 am

SnoozeAgain;1438379 wrote: Are we too quick to cry 'bully'? - CNN.com

Crying "Bully": Differentiating between bullying and - BabyCenter

Wanderlust: When bullies cry bully, and other bullsh*t

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:50 am

fuzzywuzzy;1438381 wrote: From your own link snooze .................

So it doesn't really change the thread . Nice try though

It absolutely does unless you can provide an example. Whining about being bullied when someone disagrees with you is exactly what my link addresses and makes a mockery of REAL bullying.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:18 pm

I'm sorry who is whining about being bullied?

Those who have left the forum?

Myself?

Ha ya barking up the wrong tree there lad. But I am looking at this forum and seeing a pattern and I am addressing it. ................Does that you make you uncomfortable?

Prove an example? well done . The onus is on the forum members who look to the administration and not the perps.........that's interesting. You could be right though. If this forum is now a flaming forum then you could be right.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:25 pm

oscar;1438395 wrote: Crying "Bully": Differentiating between bullying and - BabyCenter

Wanderlust: When bullies cry bully, and other bullsh*t

I do not expect anything different from you oscar you get off on this kind of behaviour. And I can't help thinking there is something behind you trying to ruin a forum that has been going for years. WHY? why would someone who has sat here for a couple of years want to be so beligerent to those on it? What the eff is going on there? Why would someone want to single handedly bring down a forum?

I havent figured it out yet but something tells me it will be quite obvious.

You see you couldn't address the thread you had to denegrate it in some way .... Read through the above posts and look at how you've just done what it says . You too snooze you couldn't put anything positive to the thread just run it down. why? Why must you do that? Are you afraid of something? An anti bullying thread that two grown people just made fun of. Interesting don't you think?

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:41 am

How did the link I provide "make fun of" anything? You don't think the term bully is overused? If you're insinuating that *you're* being bullied here, your definition states that someone in power is abusing someone weaker, and that's clearly ridiculous. You're more than able to fight your own fights and have done so more often than anyone here. Please stop playing the victim, especially when someone merely politely disagrees with you.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 6:56 am

fuzzywuzzy;1438433 wrote: I do not expect anything different from you oscar you get off on this kind of behaviour. And I can't help thinking there is something behind you trying to ruin a forum that has been going for years. WHY? why would someone who has sat here for a couple of years want to be so beligerent to those on it? What the eff is going on there? Why would someone want to single handedly bring down a forum?

I havent figured it out yet but something tells me it will be quite obvious.

You see you couldn't address the thread you had to denegrate it in some way .... Read through the above posts and look at how you've just done what it says . You too snooze you couldn't put anything positive to the thread just run it down. why? Why must you do that? Are you afraid of something? An anti bullying thread that two grown people just made fun of. Interesting don't you think?

Fuzzy I don't want to read through the texts. Just because you post reams and reams of text, no-one has to read It. To Insist anyone does Is bullying.

You know, the thing I always used to like and admire about you was your gutsy, ballsy way you stood up for yourself and yet here you are claiming you are being bullied. This Is not about you feeling bullied, this Is about you feeling rejected. After all, this Is the same Fuzzy who bragged to me about how many Infractions and bans she'd had long before I joined and who she'd run off the forum.

Invariably, If you look between the lines, you will find more truth than Is written In text. Since returning here, you have littered threads with references to the CIA watching Facebook users etc. and those who block people thinking they have their own kingdom.

Please don't Insult Snooze and my Intelligence that we have no Idea of what exactly has gone on here and attempt to hoodwink other members here that some witch hunt Is going on.

You haven't been on this forum barely for about a year because you joined an IRA support group and was posting there and other forums. You sent me a friend request on Facebook which I accepted and treated It as an extension of a forum. You deeply offended one of my friends In Ireland with an Inaccurate rant condoning IRA bombings. Someone who lost a sister In the Omagh bombing. You took to task one night my great nephew who was just 9 years old. For that reason I de-registered you. Frankly, given your posts on Facebook, I was amazed that someone with your Intelligence could be suckered In by cowardly, murdering low life scum but It was your choice and not for me to say but given half of my family on Facebook are Irish as are most friends In the horse racing Industry, you rants supporting the IRA were a liability. Are you forgetting that even Betty Boop was so disgusted with one of your conversations on Facebook that she cut, copied and pasted It and posted It here to shame you?

Some time later, you sent me another friend request and I thought I'd give It another go. Late at night, when I was fighting to keep my eyes open, you were keeping me up half the night on live chat going Into lengthy details of your divorce etc etc. I could have been nasty and told you I wasn't Interested, which If I'm being honest, I wasn't. Yet, I sat up because I thought you may want to offload and vent. I showed you the greatest, time, patience and curtesy.

Then one night I find a random post from you on my profile saying " I remember when you hit that kid LOL LOL LOL " First of all, the people you were trying to be so witty with ie my Facebook friends were all In court with me and heard the evidence that I grabbed a 5ft 9 inch yobs collar as you also read In newspapers when you felt qualified to discuss my trial here. I have no Idea why you did that, maybe you thought It clever, amusing and witty but when I get 39 messages asking me who the moron Is on my profile, I de-registered you again and that time I blocked you.

Months later you return to FG and the first thread you post Is to sneer at those who use Facebook and how you don't need It. Your references to the CIA watching facebook users tell me something different. I am suspicious that you closed your Facebook account, why would you when you were there every night? I have a suspicion that either the IRA site blocked you and members blocked you from facebook or the site came under scrutiny and you had kittens your Incendry posts would lead the authorities to your door. Possibly, Facebook shut your account down after too many complaints about posts supporting terrorists.

You are jumping on a bandwagon of bullying when If you looked, I have actually commended two of your posts In the last few days. Most threads you have posted, Snooze and I have not entered yet you have entered all of mine. You post a ridiculous video about CIA watching Farmville players and now because Snooze, Snowfire, Theia and myself laughed at It, this constitutes bullying. Why have you not gone after Snowfire and Theia for equally mocking the video ?

Then you post an Insulting thread on Sandy Hook because It appears now your done with the IRA, your listening to the conspiricy nuts. Snowfire also posted your thread was obnoxious yet you went after Snooze and reported her post.

This Is all coming from the same Fuzzy who posted a thread once bragging that her friends thought she was a man because she was so tough.

This Is not about bullying Fuzzy. It's about rejection and maybe a tad of jealousy that some on this forum get along with each other.

Just because someone disagree's with two of your threads doesn't constitute bullying. Just because two members who happen to be friends agree with other doesn't constitute bullying. Just because someone doesn't lap up every word you write, does not constitute bullying.

I am amazed that someone who I once admired and with so much Intelligence Is resorting to this.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:22 pm

Maybe I've got this wrong but I didn't read the opening post as fuzzy is feeling bullied ?? I took it more as a discussion as to what to do about bullies.

One of the hardest words to define 'bully'.

Is the girl at my daughters school that is calling my daughter names such as witch and vampire due to her almost black hair and pale complexion a bully or just a jealous name caller?

Turns out the girl 'didn't realise' she'd upset my daughter and all has been sorted hopefully. So should I have told my daughter to toughen up to name calling or was it right to point out that my daughter was 'feeling' bullied?

That's the point surely, some people don't even realise they are bullying others but others 'feel' bullied and that needs to be taken into consideration.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:36 pm

Betty Boop;1438537 wrote: Maybe I've got this wrong but I didn't read the opening post as fuzzy is feeling bullied ?? I took it more as a discussion as to what to do about bullies.

One of the hardest words to define 'bully'.

Is the girl at my daughters school that is calling my daughter names such as witch and vampire due to her almost black hair and pale complexion a bully or just a jealous name caller?

Turns out the girl 'didn't realise' she'd upset my daughter and all has been sorted hopefully. So should I have told my daughter to toughen up to name calling or was it right to point out that my daughter was 'feeling' bullied?

That's the point surely, some people don't even realise they are bullying others but others 'feel' bullied and that needs to be taken into consideration.

I think the term 'bullied' has been taken way out of definition over the years. It now gets used when someone feels Insulted, rejected, let down, dissapointed with another.

Bullying Is a sustained attack, or that's how It was years ago. Now It's used for something as Innocent as someone disagreeing with you.

It's often used to shut down an arguement and gain the upper hand.... even politicians are being accused of bullying back benchers these days.

As for the situation with your daughter. If It was a one off, then It's one child being Insensitive to another. If It's repetitive, then It's bullying

Just found this:

http://www.mmonjejr.com/2013/02/the-ove ... bully.html

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:39 pm

oscar;1438545 wrote: I think the term 'bullied' has been taken way out of definition over the years. It now gets used when someone feels Insulted, rejected, let down, dissapointed with another.

Bullying Is a sustained attack, or that's how It was years ago. Now It's used for something as Innocent as someone disagreeing with you.

It's often used to shut down an arguement and gain the upper hand.... even politicians are being accused of bullying back benchers these days.

As for the situation with your daughter. If It was a one off, then It's one child being Insensitive to another. If It's repetitive, then It's bullying

Repetitive and causing my daughter to skive school so I intervened and rang her head of house to get it sorted. Fingers crossed the other girl has listened and learned and will stop. On the other hand I am well aware it could escalate!

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:44 pm

Betty Boop;1438547 wrote: Repetitive and causing my daughter to skive school so I intervened and rang her head of house to get it sorted. Fingers crossed the other girl has listened and learned and will stop. On the other hand I am well aware it could escalate! Well, If It was repetitive, then good for you.

Post by **Chloe_88** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:51 am

I'm just going to jump right in here..

I do think some who are offended see it as being bullied. I am sometimes offended at work, at home, on the internet. But I don't call a once off being bullied.

Now I have been bullied at school. It whet even way beyond that I got voicemails saying threatening things (better not leave your house or we'll get you type of things).. My bicycle got slashed and trashed time after time after time. Shoes in the toilet after PE etc.

One boy even started grabbing the other 2 girls (that i got along with) in private area's. I told him if he ever did that again, he would be picking his balls out of his nosterals.

Then it went so far the teachers joined in on the bullying, telling me I was a psycho, allowing the boy that touched those girls to make hitler greetings in the classroom (one of those 2 girls was Jewish). That matter was taken to the police, I was the only one that would take to the police and tell them what the school and that boy where doing.

The girls that threatened me got a court order to steer clear of me and my house.

That's when I left school and started on my animal care study at a different school.

It went on for about 3 years. I hated going there. And it all started because I wouldn't join their group. I never said anything nasty at that point, I simply and only rejected their offer. And it gave me 3 years of hell.

I'm just glad I made the right choice and never entered their stupid group, even though it did give me 3 years of hell.

According to the school it was all between my ears.. Last year the school was in the newspaper for being the worst school for bullying... Just says it all

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:20 pm

Chloe_88;1438599 wrote: I'm just going to jump right in here..

I do think some who are offended see it as being bullied. I am sometimes offended at work, at home, on the internet. But I don't call a once off being bullied.

Now I have been bullied at school. It whet even way beyond that I got voicemails saying threatening things (better not leave your house or we'll get you type of things).. My bicycle got slashed and trashed time after time after time. Shoes in the toilet after PE etc.

One boy even started grabbing the other 2 girls (that i got along with) in private area's. I told him if he ever did that again, he would be picking his balls out of his nosterals.

Then it went so far the teachers joined in on the bullying, telling me I was a psycho, allowing the boy that touched those girls to make hitler greetings in the classroom (one of those 2 girls was Jewish). That matter was taken to the police, I was the only one that would take to the police and tell them what the school and that boy where doing.

The girls that threatened me got a court order to steer clear of me and my house.

That's when I left school and started on my animal care study at a different school.

It went on for about 3 years. I hated going there. And it all started because I wouldn't join their group. I never said anything nasty at that point, I simply and only rejected their offer. And it gave me 3 years of hell.

I'm just glad I made the right choice and never entered their stupid group, even though it did give me 3 years of hell.

According to the school it was all between my ears.. Last year the school was in the newspaper for being the worst school for bullying... Just says it all

I suffered at the hands of a bully when I was around 14 years old. Shirley B****** her name was and a huge brute of a girl, and I mean huge.

She was 2 years older than me and It went on for months and months. Even teachers noticed and said they'd keep an eye on her but she started waiting for me on the way home from school. Always at the point my friends and I split and I had the last half mile on my own. I used to turn that corner, see her and my heart would sink because she'd follow me right to my road.

The thing that always stood out to me was ' Why me '? I was reasonably popular, had friends, I didn't have freaky parents or smell, I was just a regular kid.

Anyway, It went on and on for months until one day I turned that corner again and there she was. What can I say ? After Implying I was about to meet violence as she'd done nearly every day for months, I gathered every ounce of strength and punched her In the face....Sorted !!!

Post by **Chloe_88** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:22 pm

oscar;1438602 wrote: I gathered every ounce of strength and punched her In the face....Sorted !!!

:yh_rotfl

Good on you!

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:33 pm

Chloe_88;1438603 wrote: :yh_rotfl

Good on you!

I never had a days trouble from her after that but one night a few years later, I ran Into her at the local Disco ( yeah In the days we had disco's ). She'd had way too many sherberts and she started sobbing that she bullied me because she was jealous of my lovely parents. I ended up feeling so sorry for her, I was hugging her. Funny old world.

Post by **Chloe_88** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:01 pm

oscar;1438605 wrote: I never had a days trouble from her after that but one night a few years later, I ran Into her at the local Disco ( yeah In the days we had disco's ). She'd had way too many sherberts and she started sobbing that she bullied me because she was jealous of my lovely parents. I ended up feeling so sorry for her, I was hugging her. Funny old world.

How weird that must of felt!

I never heard again from my bullies. The full story is too long to tell.. What I can tell is I snapped at the bully teacher, I remember sitting in a room, the next I remember having her by the throat across the hallway, legs dangling and all. I heard (about 5 years later) that she was off sick for months (nervous breakdown) because a student attacked her.

I saw her about 4 weeks ago on the bicycle (the incident was 9/10 years ago), she went as white as a sheet.

I am not proud of what I did, but I had an almighty black out/ I snapped, I still do not remember how I got her in the hallway, I cant remember walking away.. I only remember after her constant bullying, threatening behaviour that I blacked out and snapped. The last thing I remember is her calling my parents mental for having me instead of having an abortion.

Again, I'm not proud of what I did, but she really pushed me over the edge on the abortion bit.