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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

Finding the perfect partner

dont get me wrong , i value the heart and soul of a person and it matters 100% to me that a person is genuine kind honest caring ,. but im unable to accept a partner thats

not 100% stunning and makes my heart skip a beat evertime i look at her,

this may be the end to my relationships and ill end up a lonely person when im old

does any one else suffer from this, im prob been very shallow and ill love to change

but simply cant, believe me ive tried

LW
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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Betty Boop
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Post by Betty Boop »

Yes, I'm sorry but it's a very shallow way to live.

You remind me of a man I once loved, could have had it all but I didn't quite match the perfect ideal of what he wanted and now he regrets being so shallow.

If you truly madly deeply love someone fully, properly, then what they look like doesn't matter at all because to you they are perfect.
Bruv
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Post by Bruv »

I am just a sloppy romantic who believes when you meet the person of your dreams, their fat legs, buck teeth and stupid laugh become so endearing you love them all the more.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

I'm with Betty.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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along-for-the-ride
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Post by along-for-the-ride »

Sounds like you are prioritizing physical attraction over love. If you are honestly looking for a serious and meaningful relationship, this is not a good thing. You may get lucky and find a beautiful attractive person who will never grow old with a personality that is perfect for you.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

im not disagreeing with you at all, its not good at all, i just seem unable ...maybe one day ill find im wrong and its just ive not found mrs right or maybe im just destined to be on my own ..who knows time will tell
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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tude dog
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Post by tude dog »

It's not wrong, just foolish.

What are you looking for? What are your plans in life, other than looking for Miss Right?
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles,” Doug Larson.

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
― Doug Larson
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

tude dog;1438559 wrote: It's not wrong, just foolish.


i dont realy understand why its foolish...?? surely to be called that it would have to be some thing i could control ??
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

Like Betty, my first husband was very good looking and a fireman. Other ladies loved him. To look at, yes, 100 percent perfect. Five years down the line, I'm wishing he was kinder, less demanding, less controlling, less violent, would drink less, wasn't so cold, wasn't so mean, wasn't so cruel, wouldn't keep putting me In hospital........ be careful what you wish for.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

oscar;1438561 wrote: Like Betty, my first husband was very good looking and a fireman. Other ladies loved him. To look at, yes, 100 percent perfect. Five years down the line, I'm wishing he was kinder, less demanding, less controlling, less violent, would drink less, wasn't so cold, wasn't so mean, wasn't so cruel, wouldn't keep putting me In hospital........ be careful what you wish for.


that can happen what ever they look like. believe me i know and experienced similar ..you all maybe reading what im saying wrongly or maybe ive not written it right ..
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

lostidentity;1438562 wrote: that can happen what ever they look like. believe me i know and experienced similar ..you all maybe reading what im saying wrongly or maybe ive not written it right ..


True, But people age. As they lose their looks, trust me, you're losing yours also :wah:

I think one day, especially when you're not looking, you'll find the right one and you won't care what they look like... I hope so...
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

oscar;1438563 wrote: True, But people age. As they lose their looks, trust me, you're losing yours also :wah:

I think one day, especially when you're not looking, you'll find the right one and you won't care what they look like... I hope so...
that was a bit cheeky and below the belt lol.....i hope your right as all i want is to be happy as im sure thats all anyone wants
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

lostidentity;1438564 wrote: that was a bit cheeky and below the belt lol.....i hope your right as all i want is to be happy as im sure thats all anyone wants


Trust me, one day when your not looking, bam, the right person will come along. You won't care about the looks because your love will be so great that you'll take them, warts and all. That's what happened to me and I've been very happilly married to my second husband now for years.

eta Although I must point out that he has no warts.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Snooz
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Post by Snooz »

He's a very good looking man, too.

I'm sorry, was that tag teaming?
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LarsMac
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Post by LarsMac »

I have found, over the years, that my wife's beauty depends much more on how I look at her, than on how she appears.

And she becomes more beautiful to me every day.
Control is an illusion. The Chaos is all part of the fun.
-Susan Hattie Steinsapir
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

If you look for the perfect person, whether it be for friendship or companionship you're surely going to be disappointed and lonely also. There aren't any. Even if you cloned yourself to be a friend you would fall far short.
Bruv
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Post by Bruv »

Is that why you are called Wiseguy ?
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
Chloe_88
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Post by Chloe_88 »

lostidentity;1438562 wrote: that can happen what ever they look like. believe me i know and experienced similar ..you all maybe reading what im saying wrongly or maybe ive not written it right ..


Yes that can happen, no matter what they look like ( believe me, I know). I don't wish to be mean, and don't take it the wrong way, but the last bit of your post IS your problem. I can't see how I can read wrongly on: " but im unable to accept a partner thats not 100% stunning".

But it's a good thing you recognise the issue, shame it hasn't worked out for you just yet. I'm sure ( I hope ) it will work out.

My hubby is classed as obese, he's covered in scars (face and back) where he used to have bad acne, If he doesn't wear glasses he's practically blind. I'm quite the opposite; no weight issues (never had), no problems ever with acne, I do wear glasses but it's not like I couldn't live without them.

I love his personality & humour, it was the first thing I saw when I met him. I met him at our (ex) work place (reptile shop), he was battling snakes and scorpions at the time. Very sexy :-4
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

Bruv;1438597 wrote: Is that why you are called Wiseguy ?


Ironic eh?
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

a interesting ray of replies, something i guess no one picked up on is what is one persons idea of stunning isnt anothers , some thing i guess to think on , i guess t i hadnt even thought of that !

maybe its just i havent met the right person !
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

Chloe_88
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Post by Chloe_88 »

lostidentity;1438607 wrote: maybe its just i havent met the right person !


I hope that's the case, really i do :)

It might be easy for me to say as I've never been attracked to a physical appearance as such.. You can line up a row of 10 people, I will not be attracted to them untill their personality comes through. Personality does it for me, that's all I can say.

Again, Good luck, I hope you find the right person.
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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

I've been thinking about this question, lostidentity. Perhaps your nickname is the reason.

When you are with a stunning human, other people take great notice. They wonder about you, wonder how you attracted this great beauty. They may think more highly of you as a person, like the "trophy wife" syndrome. When others feel more positive about you, you feel more positive about yourself.

If your girlfriend were average, or even not so attractive, you may fear it is YOU who are being judged; that others will now think less of you as a person if this woman was "all you can GET". You may be wanting to impress other people. You may be too insecure not to care what others think. You may not see how unimportant the views (the shallow views) of other people actually are to your well-being.

My husband was a handsome man, but not "my type" of handsome. When I fell in love with him, he was the handsomest man in the world. My dad once shared with me he felt he was not good-looking, I forget the term he used. I was shocked & told him so! My dad was also the handsomest man in the world.

I think meditation & therapy could truly help you see what is really important to you.
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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

LarsMac;1438567 wrote: I have found, over the years, that my wife's beauty depends much more on how I look at her, than on how she appears.

And she becomes more beautiful to me every day.


I love this, LM, I truly do.
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

interesting look on it !, ok i have suffered depression for a long time as you may have read my other post..but my name was from 2009 when i was in a very bad place ' i have ask admin for it to be changed im waiting on that '

put that a side what you wrote gave me a lot to think about , i am on the road to recovery but i can confess i still have a way to go, but maybe you have touched on a few possibilities i wasnt aware of or thought about ..

i can look very deeply into things and maybe ive been wrong

mentioned ' stunning ' i would be interested what people think are the 5 most beautiful women in the world , i can prob say they wouldnt be my choice , so back to what i said earlier that every one's opinion of stunning is different and maybe what i meen isnt what you think ! if that make sence..lol i know what i meen, but it certainly has made me think
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

Chloe_88
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Post by Chloe_88 »

lostidentity;1438658 wrote: so back to what i said earlier that every one's opinion of stunning is different and maybe what i meen isnt what you think ! if that make sence..lol i know what i meen, but it certainly has made me think


I cant speak for others, but everybodies idea of stunning is different. I think my hubby is stunning, you might think he's a dog. I might think your choice of women are dogs.. But my point is, at that moment you are still judging on appearance.

I like Anne's post, and it's good to hear it has made you think about things. Again, good luck with that :)
fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

lostidentity;1438536 wrote: Finding the perfect partner

dont get me wrong , i value the heart and soul of a person and it matters 100% to me that a person is genuine kind honest caring ,. but im unable to accept a partner thats

not 100% stunning and makes my heart skip a beat evertime i look at her,

this may be the end to my relationships and ill end up a lonely person when im old

does any one else suffer from this, im prob been very shallow and ill love to change

but simply cant, believe me ive tried

LW


Betty is right. But at the same time it's different strokes for different folks. .......If you were to pass over a nice person simply for the athsetics of another, you will end up a lonely man . What happens when your perfect woman becomes older ? Do you trade her in for a more perfect model? Things can change very quickly for a person in the 'looks' department.

But at the same time what you think is stunning another man may look at and say "pfft whatever" . so how would that change your perspective of a woman . Is your idea of beauty something others must crave too?
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

fuzzywuzzy;1438671 wrote: Betty is right. But at the same time it's different strokes for different folks. .......If you were to pass over a nice person simply for the athsetics of another, you will end up a lonely man . What happens when your perfect woman becomes older ? Do you trade her in for a more perfect model? Things can change very quickly for a person in the 'looks' department.

But at the same time what you think is stunning another man may look at and say "pfft whatever" . so how would that change your perspective of a woman . Is your idea of beauty something others must crave too?


There certainly is more to this meets the eye isnt there ! there are some beautiful older women some more

so than younger ones..so maybe im reading to much into this and i just havent found mrs right
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

lostidentity, I have only glanced at your other posts, I guess because I wasn't here when you were active so I don't know you. I'd like to, though. Question: what new name would you give yourself? Is it a reflection of how you feel about yourself Now? Or, are you trying to separate yourself from How you felt about yourself Then?
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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

"Wisdom arises through effort,

Wisdom disappears through lack of effort;

knowing this twofold path or growth

and decline,one should arrange oneself

such that wisdom increases"

-Buddha

I have a present for you, lostidentity:

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha-Deva Premal - YouTube
fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

I remember someone looking at me one morning and telling me I was beautiful, he sighed when he said it.. I stared at them. I'd just gotten out of bed, had the beginnings of the flu and I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror............I don't know what that person was seeing, but I was looking in the mirror at something very different.:yh_rotfl

Attractiveness is about how we feel at the time. It's like anything else.

Lets say it's been teaming down with rain and you forgot your umbrella. You've left work, you're almost home and you suddenly realise your parents are coming over for tea . You then have to double back (you're now soaking wet) to the supermarket to pick up the essentials for dinner. On the way back the bags carrying your groceries split and everything falls out over the ground. As you pick them up (it's still raining and getting dark now) a car comes past and splashes muddy water all over you . You finally get home to see someone who's been interested in you at your front door waiting for you with flowers. .................How do you feel about them at that moment?

or

You're about to leave work and all day you've been itching to get out into the glorious summer evening that you've heard the courier talk about as he dropped off a package at work. Someone reminds you about going to the supermarket to pick up grocieries for dinner because you mentioned about your parents coming over during the day. The sun is beautiful as you walk along your street and you linger to take in the last of the light for the day . There on your front doorstep is a man you met at a friends party and he's holding flowers. How do you see him at that moment.

I believe it's how we feel about ourselves as to how we see others.
fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

AnneBoleyn;1438682 wrote: lostidentity, I have only glanced at your other posts, I guess because I wasn't here when you were active so I don't know you. I'd like to, though. Question: what new name would you give yourself? Is it a reflection of how you feel about yourself Now? Or, are you trying to separate yourself from How you felt about yourself Then?


Hmmmm yep. Maybe i should think about changing mine too. I'm not so fuzzy these days.
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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

Well *I* find you Fuzzy! And maybe even a little Wuzzy!
fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

that's not a very nice thing to say.
fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

lostidentity;1438658 wrote: interesting look on it !, ok i have suffered depression for a long time as you may have read my other post..but my name was from 2009 when i was in a very bad place ' i have ask admin for it to be changed im waiting on that '

put that a side what you wrote gave me a lot to think about , i am on the road to recovery but i can confess i still have a way to go, but maybe you have touched on a few possibilities i wasnt aware of or thought about ..

i can look very deeply into things and maybe ive been wrong

mentioned ' stunning ' i would be interested what people think are the 5 most beautiful women in the world , i can prob say they wouldnt be my choice , so back to what i said earlier that every one's opinion of stunning is different and maybe what i meen isnt what you think ! if that make sence..lol i know what i meen, but it certainly has made me think


I think I get it, you want a connection.
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

fuzzywuzzy;1438703 wrote: I think I get it, you want a connection.


how many time did you read that..most only read the surface

You must unlearn what you have learned to discover what is ! more to me than meets the eye
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

lol I'm sure there is Losty. :)

Ummm only once I missed it the first time round. :)
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

AnneBoleyn;1438685 wrote: "Wisdom arises through effort,

Wisdom disappears through lack of effort;

knowing this twofold path or growth

and decline,one should arrange oneself

such that wisdom increases"

-Buddha

I have a present for you, lostidentity:

Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha-Deva Premal - YouTube


:D :yh_hugs thank u ' i will add something to this later ...
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

fuzzywuzzy;1438701 wrote: that's not a very nice thing to say.


Does wuzzy mean something bad in Australian? I apologize. Just being silly. :-D
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LarsMac
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Post by LarsMac »

fuzzywuzzy;1438689 wrote: Hmmmm yep. Maybe i should think about changing mine too. I'm not so fuzzy these days.


So 'ere's ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan;

You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man; - Kipling
Control is an illusion. The Chaos is all part of the fun.
-Susan Hattie Steinsapir
fuzzywuzzy
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Post by fuzzywuzzy »

LarsMac;1438743 wrote: - Kipling


Well I was Magentaflame and fuzzybutt before I was fuzzywuzzy. Maybe I can liken myself ostentatiously to a Fuzzywuzzy Angel. Nah that would be disrespectful. :-2
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theia
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Post by theia »

lostidentity;1438536 wrote: Finding the perfect partner

dont get me wrong , i value the heart and soul of a person and it matters 100% to me that a person is genuine kind honest caring ,. but im unable to accept a partner thats

not 100% stunning and makes my heart skip a beat evertime i look at her,

this may be the end to my relationships and ill end up a lonely person when im old

does any one else suffer from this, im prob been very shallow and ill love to change

but simply cant, believe me ive tried

LW


Maybe just accept yourself the way you are? Your thoughts/opinions are who you are and other people's opinions of you are, ultimately, worth nothing. Your life experiences may teach you to revise how you see things, or they may not. But, at the moment, go along with how you feel and honour yourself for it...who knows what your life will bring?
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke

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