Cloudwalking and House Moving

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Clodhopper
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Clodhopper »

This post started when I replied to a PM from magentaflame and was expanded on in detail in a reply to Betty Boop.

Things seem so bad to me with brexit and trump that I've been very negative on here so far and feel a need for some positivity; also there are some things you just want to shout from the rooftops. No houses here, so consider this as coming from the top of the Forum Garden shed :)

I started prepping the house for sale back in August. Unfortunately the bloke who was doing most of the decorating was not just painfully slow, he slowed down as he went to positively geological. The consequence is that I'm just about ready to put the house up for sale now. It's been difficult because this bloke was someone I regarded as a friend, but it turns out he wasn't. Among other things he was also a lodger but didn't pay his rent (so was making up for it by decorating and repairing (he's very skilled) - while still not paying rent since I was trying to help him). I've had one estate agent round who valued the place at £775,000 (!!!) I looked at that and realised I could buy 2 or 3 places down in Devon. Then I realised that all my friends are here in SW London and I don't really want to move away from them. Decisions decisions.

During the time mentioned above another relationship changed. A Chilean lady called Cecilia moved here 12 years ago with her 9 yr old son when she married the bloke who was doing my decorating (above). It was a whirlwind romance since neither spoke the other's language and it didn't in the end work out because the bloke lied about getting a house with her and she lived in her in-laws spare bedroom for 2 years, then since Cecilia hated it they all lived with me for nearly 4 years until the bloke stopped paying the rent and I had to say I couldn't afford to support them. So back they went to his parents for another 2 years. I think you can guess how Cecilia felt. Her in-laws did things like tell her she was to use one piece of lav paper for a no1 and 2 bits for a no2, and limit her to a shower every other day (strip wash in a hand basin alternate days). Unbelievable but true. Only found this out recently.

When I first met her it was a classic case of, "Oh wow, oh no..." ie when you meet a friend's girl for the first time and realise she's gorgeous and there is a strong attraction. Quite quickly I was in love with my mate's wife...

However, having some sense of morality I did my best for them and told the bloke many times from the start that he HAD to get Cecilia her own place, but he never did being quite happy with her at his parents' place and not in the end wanting to do the work necessary to get their own place, even though he could with Housing Benefit. By the time I and another friend convinced him to get a flat it was too late for the relationship. After a month Cecilia kicked him out. That was 4 years ago. Trial separation.

7 months ago she told him it was beyond doubt over and she wanted a divorce. Although I knew she liked me as friend as far as I knew that was it. I'd helped her a few times with things like new spectacles when they couldn't afford them and tickets home to Chile when she needed to get back there. There was other stuff too. But it turned out she'd had a very similar experience to me when we first met: She saw a lot of positive energy coming from me, she says, and quickly realised that her husband was negative energy and bad behaviour, especially when she had learned enough English to understand what was happening around her and to get work for herself, but spent years trying to get her marriage to work, despite having increasing feelings for me that I didn't know about.

6 weeks ago we told eachother our feelings and I've been cloudwalking ever since, brain fallen out of bottom, silly stunned grin, annoying my friends who have barely got a coherent sentence out of me.

It turned out the friend who'd also been telling the bloke to pull his finger out if he wanted to get back with Cecilia is Cecilia's best mate over here. All three of us ended up comparing notes on the bloke and found to our horror and embarrassment that he'd been playing us all off against eachother and telling huge lies, which we only spotted when we compared notes, and the more we compared, the more we found. In short, he treated her like a trophy, kept her at home, tried to stop her working (despite never giving her any money) and let it slip that he regarded Cecilia as a possession and marriage as permanent. We'd all been conned by a charmer. Then things sped up.

Thursday last Cecilia and I went to the copshop to report the death threat he'd made to her if she ever left him (!!!). I thought we'd just be logging an allegation as a precaution in case things did escalate when he found out about our relationship, but the police took it very seriously and we are waiting to see if they are going to take it further. Friday, I told the bloke he had until the end of January to leave but refused to answer his questions about my relationship with Cecilia. It turned out he'd suspected us of a romantic relationship going back years, which just wasn't the case. In my view, after a 4 year separation and being told it was over between them 7 months ago and given the way he has treated us all it's really none of his business any more.

Now I'm 52 going on 16 and had forgotten such happiness was possible. In particular I had forgotten the sheer power of holding hands.

(and I'm only about half as angry about brexit as I otherwise would be. Mostly, like Mr T, "Ah pity the fools." :)
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

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Betty Boop
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Betty Boop »

Ah :yh_hugs to you, so pleased for you. You have to keep us updated now and maybe get Cecilia to join too :D
Bruv
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Post by Bruv »

Congratulations......I think.

Brexit is buggerall really in the scheme of things.
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Clodhopper
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Clodhopper »

Betty: :-6:-6:-4:-4 There's still so much I don't know....I really don't know if this is her thing, particularly in English. We'll see.

Bruv: Thanks. It's not simple, that's for sure!

chuckle: Listening to Annie Lennox' cover album, Medusa. Wait In Vain by Bob Marley has just come on. Three years knocking on her door? Hah! beginner :)
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

Lone voice: "I'm not."
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LarsMac
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Post by LarsMac »

Well, I hope it all works out for you. I went through some similar "adventure" some 37 years back. we've been married now for going on 35, and the adventure continues.
Control is an illusion. The Chaos is all part of the fun.
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tude dog
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Post by tude dog »

I hope your adventure lasts as long as my marriage seems.:guitarist
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Clodhopper
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Clodhopper »

LarsMac: That's good to hear. And what can I say? It feels right.:-6

tude dog: chuckle
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Bryn Mawr
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Bryn Mawr »

May you be a happy chappie for many years to come :-6
gmc
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by gmc »

Hope it all works out.
Clodhopper
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Post by Clodhopper »

Bryn Mawr: Thank you :)

gmc: It's not as if there aren't plentiful pitfalls in all directions starting with getting the bloke in question out with minimal fuss. There'll be some ruckus socially, especially since he is a charmer and veeeery smooth but nothing that bothers me for myself. It is reassuring though that the police take domestic violence more seriously these days. I think he's collapsed but you can never be 100% sure.
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

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magentaflame
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Post by magentaflame »

Cloddy baby!!!!

:wah: Well that IS an expansion on the story .

You've been busy! (seems I've left my run too late .....bugger! :wah: ) good luck mate and I really hope you find happiness in all this cufuffle

I suppose when you get to our age "pretenders" as I like to call them, are shown up just through sheer experience of the onlookers. They tend to lose out in the end. And if correct this gentleman has definately lost out.

I think it's a good idea for your partner to come join our little place in the garden. And I'm glad you're back as well.

(( just on a side note has anyone noticed I'm in front of a computer and not texting my posts? Yes the spelling and grammar is better isn't it? :yh_rotfl ))
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
Clodhopper
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Clodhopper »

Well there's plenty enough trouble around. I'm just accepting the moment and trying to make a future.

Yes, the bloke seems to have run out of options. He's hanging on here - doesn't occur to him to just get out - then back to his parents but freeloading to the last second. He's spreading his version and according to the person who overheard it would have made a stone weep. He's the innocent party who cannot understand how he's so wronged and people believe him because he's that good. It's no big deal. I suspect he'll come more and more unraveled in the next few years and maybe a few more will see. But they'll not guess how badly he treated his wife because it's just not the sort of thing that it occurs to you anyone would have done. In summary it's not quite slavery but it's definitely heading in that direction and might well have broken a person of less character.

I'm just playing it cool and waiting it out until the end of the month and he's gone. I don't think he's going to try anything stupid because in his world he's the wounded innocent and he wants sympathy not a lawsuit. His family is apparently going on about how they helped Cecilia and her son Matias and how ungrateful she is. I'm just glad she's out.

edit: And now that you mention it there seems to be more spacing in your post than usual. But other than that, no, sorry, hadn't noticed...is that good or bad?
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

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tabby
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by tabby »

Congratulations, Clodhopper! I hope everything settles down and smooths out in the end!
Clodhopper
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Cloudwalking and House Moving

Post by Clodhopper »

Ty. :) Me too.
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