crap jokathon

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:00 pm

BWAHahahahahahahahha!

Can I have a go?

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:01 pm

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size.

This has been hailed as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs and not listening to them.

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:04 pm

Did you hear the one about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?

The newspaper headlines read "small medium at large."

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:09 pm

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "******* me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400-pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:32 pm

Two horses are standing in a barn after a big day at the races...After starting a discussion together on their current form of the day, the first horse says, "The strangiest thing happened to me in the 3rd race today...I was coming dead last and thought may as well give up...and as soon as I thought this.....WHOOSH!.....something smacked me right in the arse and then pushed me to the head of the pack...and I won the race!"

The second horse then continues the discussion with, "Well funny you should say that...Cause in the 8th race I was coming second last and decided to give up...as soon as I made that decision, I felt something smack me in the arse, and I was pushed to the head of the pack and consequently came first..."

Now, almost as soon as the horses had finished their discussion on this strange phenomenom, a young Greyhound had made his way into the barn...He walked over to the two horses and said, "I overheard you guys talking just then about what happened to you both in your races...And I think I know what it is!...Apparently many years ago there was a horse who lost every race he ever competed in...eventually he decided to give up in every race...and he was always laughed at and ridiculed by the other horses and their jockeys...Now, as the tale goes, the horse died... but before he did so, he vowed to the other horses that never again would another horse have to face the ridicule that he himself endured for sooo many years...So you see what I think that was that smacked you in your arses, was the ghost of that horse!!!"

After taking in all that the Greyhound had just told them, the two horses stood in total amazement with their mouths wide open for a good 5 minutes....after which the first horse turned to the second and said, "Well F**k me.....A talking Dog!!!!"

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:32 pm

:wah::wah: Help ....... stop ...... you are frying my brain here !!

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:47 pm

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:47 pm

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:52 pm

jimbo;759401 wrote: Little johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his dad

giving his mum one.. His dad smirks & throws a pillow at the

door saying " get outta here you little sh"t"

a couple of hours later dad hears a commotion coming from

johnnys bedroom.. he goes up to find johnny giving his grandma

one...

johnny smiles....." not so funny when its your mum is it.

. :wah: that is so wrong but

:yh_rotfl nasty

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 4:01 pm

A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer....................................................and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:59 pm

jimbo;759341 wrote: ok guys you have been warned

Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

Because he kneaded a poo

:wah::wah:

Speaking of poo I enjoy reading Esquire while enjoying a leisurely rest.

I read Evander Holyfield declare having a Muslim friend is a good thing cause he wont be eatin none of his pork.

Evander loves his pork.

I found that to be fairly amusing.

It was sandwiched between a comment about Tyson biting his ear off and another realizing his nouns and pronouns need a little work.