Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Some Background:
I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, in which time I have fallen completely in love with him in many ways. He is the most positive person I know, and rarely complains about anything. He is extremely intelligent, has a fantastic career as a mechanical engineer (could be a borderline workaholic), and is affectionate when we are together. He loves me very much, and shows me on birthdays and Christmas with jewelry and other surprises. He’s great with his niece and nephew, and has a wonderful family relationship. His parents are from Germany, so they speak with an accent, and are genuinely very sweet people. He is one of the only people that I can spend a lot of time with without getting annoyed or tired of him. I have a full-time job at a bio-tech company and just recently started working towards my Master’s degree.
The problem(s):
I have begun to notice several patterns in our relationship which have caused us a great deal of stress. It seems like it’s only recently that these things come up though, so I am wondering if the added stress of starting school has affected my judgment. Anyway, the problem is that he seems to lack some very basic human emotions…or at least doesn’t know how to show them. He will tell me that he loves me before we hang up the phone, or sometimes in person when we are being affectionate. Beyond that, anyone’s guess is as good as mine. We live quite a distance away from each other which is a strain in itself, but with the distance comes a need for added reinforcement of love/caring during the times we are apart. One of the things I have noticed is that he cannot make plans ahead of time, even with me. He won’t even mention getting together with me until Thursday or Friday of every week, when it’s too late for me to make plans with others if he has something else going on. This lack of planning our next meeting makes me very upset because it seems like he doesn’t even think about me until the end of the week and then, only out of obligation. It is a long drive to my house, which he is usually the one to make because I have my own place.
The next problem is that since we aren’t together during the week, we have to depend on using the telephone to communicate. He is not good at responding to emails, text messages, or anything else, so we are left with the telephone. Our nightly chats have become routine and lack substance. It’s almost as if I am talking to a stranger every night. He doesn’t mention anything about me, or us, or when he wants to see me again. He talks about work, what’s going on with his parents, etc. Sometimes we will sit and not say anything at all. If I try to make conversation or tell him a story about what happened that day or something interesting I want to share, he either doesn’t respond at all, or he says “oh.†I try to lighten the mood and get him interested by asking him questions about himself and what he would do in certain situations, hypothetical of course. He thinks that this is annoying. If I have a bad day at work and try to tell him about it, he again, either doesn’t respond, or says “oh.â€Â
There’s no situation which elicits sympathy from him. I could tell him anything that happened to me or almost happened to me during the day (for instance, a car accident) that upset me, and he would disregard it completely. If he says anything to these situations it’s something along the lines of “it could be worse,†or “suck it up.†I have been upset in many situations and have gone to him to unburden myself, with nothing but cold, logical responses. He says that I am over-dramatic, that I have no reason to be upset, and basically ignores it. If I am VERY upset, and he doesn’t understand the reason, then he tells me that I am “insane†or “sick.†He also thinks that I get upset and make up arguments because I like to. He thinks I enjoy arguing with him and crying. It is getting to the point where I don’t want to tell him anything at all, and the person that I turn to when I am upset is anyone but him.
Clearly, it’s not always like this and right now I am very biased because I am writing when I am upset, but this is how I feel a lot of the time and it’s causing a major rift in the relationship. My question is, is there a way to correct this? He rarely complains or is upset about anything- and tells me that when he is upset he doesn’t always have to make a big deal about it like I do. How can you teach someone to be sympathetic? I thought it was a natural response when someone is upset to say something comforting like “man I can’t believe that happened…†or “wow, I’m glad you’re okay.†It doesn’t even have to be elaborate, just SOMETHING, ANYTHING in response to my being upset. Am I wrong to expect him to empathize? Should I try and work on it with him or is it a characteristic that you either have or don’t have? I have never met anyone like this, and I don’t understand how someone who supposedly loves and cares about you can react to your pain in this way. Please, any advice would be appreciated.
PS. I should mention that I have met people who complain all the time about everything, and I am not one of those people. For me to talk about it means that I am really very upset, scared, shaken, etc. I would understand him if it was a constant whining problem.
-Kitty
I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, in which time I have fallen completely in love with him in many ways. He is the most positive person I know, and rarely complains about anything. He is extremely intelligent, has a fantastic career as a mechanical engineer (could be a borderline workaholic), and is affectionate when we are together. He loves me very much, and shows me on birthdays and Christmas with jewelry and other surprises. He’s great with his niece and nephew, and has a wonderful family relationship. His parents are from Germany, so they speak with an accent, and are genuinely very sweet people. He is one of the only people that I can spend a lot of time with without getting annoyed or tired of him. I have a full-time job at a bio-tech company and just recently started working towards my Master’s degree.
The problem(s):
I have begun to notice several patterns in our relationship which have caused us a great deal of stress. It seems like it’s only recently that these things come up though, so I am wondering if the added stress of starting school has affected my judgment. Anyway, the problem is that he seems to lack some very basic human emotions…or at least doesn’t know how to show them. He will tell me that he loves me before we hang up the phone, or sometimes in person when we are being affectionate. Beyond that, anyone’s guess is as good as mine. We live quite a distance away from each other which is a strain in itself, but with the distance comes a need for added reinforcement of love/caring during the times we are apart. One of the things I have noticed is that he cannot make plans ahead of time, even with me. He won’t even mention getting together with me until Thursday or Friday of every week, when it’s too late for me to make plans with others if he has something else going on. This lack of planning our next meeting makes me very upset because it seems like he doesn’t even think about me until the end of the week and then, only out of obligation. It is a long drive to my house, which he is usually the one to make because I have my own place.
The next problem is that since we aren’t together during the week, we have to depend on using the telephone to communicate. He is not good at responding to emails, text messages, or anything else, so we are left with the telephone. Our nightly chats have become routine and lack substance. It’s almost as if I am talking to a stranger every night. He doesn’t mention anything about me, or us, or when he wants to see me again. He talks about work, what’s going on with his parents, etc. Sometimes we will sit and not say anything at all. If I try to make conversation or tell him a story about what happened that day or something interesting I want to share, he either doesn’t respond at all, or he says “oh.†I try to lighten the mood and get him interested by asking him questions about himself and what he would do in certain situations, hypothetical of course. He thinks that this is annoying. If I have a bad day at work and try to tell him about it, he again, either doesn’t respond, or says “oh.â€Â
There’s no situation which elicits sympathy from him. I could tell him anything that happened to me or almost happened to me during the day (for instance, a car accident) that upset me, and he would disregard it completely. If he says anything to these situations it’s something along the lines of “it could be worse,†or “suck it up.†I have been upset in many situations and have gone to him to unburden myself, with nothing but cold, logical responses. He says that I am over-dramatic, that I have no reason to be upset, and basically ignores it. If I am VERY upset, and he doesn’t understand the reason, then he tells me that I am “insane†or “sick.†He also thinks that I get upset and make up arguments because I like to. He thinks I enjoy arguing with him and crying. It is getting to the point where I don’t want to tell him anything at all, and the person that I turn to when I am upset is anyone but him.
Clearly, it’s not always like this and right now I am very biased because I am writing when I am upset, but this is how I feel a lot of the time and it’s causing a major rift in the relationship. My question is, is there a way to correct this? He rarely complains or is upset about anything- and tells me that when he is upset he doesn’t always have to make a big deal about it like I do. How can you teach someone to be sympathetic? I thought it was a natural response when someone is upset to say something comforting like “man I can’t believe that happened…†or “wow, I’m glad you’re okay.†It doesn’t even have to be elaborate, just SOMETHING, ANYTHING in response to my being upset. Am I wrong to expect him to empathize? Should I try and work on it with him or is it a characteristic that you either have or don’t have? I have never met anyone like this, and I don’t understand how someone who supposedly loves and cares about you can react to your pain in this way. Please, any advice would be appreciated.
PS. I should mention that I have met people who complain all the time about everything, and I am not one of those people. For me to talk about it means that I am really very upset, scared, shaken, etc. I would understand him if it was a constant whining problem.
-Kitty
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
are you prepared for honest answers here??
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
KittylovingBlond wrote: Absolutely
Ok first things first, guys are not the greatest communicators of emotions period so you have to handle that.
Next has your guy always been emotionally "cool" if yes than you have nothing to worry about. That is his normal way. If it is a new thing then look further and be prepared for answers you may now like.
Ask yourself what you want hun, emotions a plenty or a good stable loving guy who is there in every way but the verbal emotions.
And another thing, some folks are crap at expressing much on the phone. I deal with the telephone daily, some calls are good others are nasty (my collection calls I become a real bag). So when I get on with someone for a personal call, I am most comfortable with the black and white stuff get to the point and emotions are best left for the up close and in person meetings. I hate to have a personal fight over the phone, I hate to talk personally over the phone, I find them cool and business like.
So perhaps he is that way too.
Ok first things first, guys are not the greatest communicators of emotions period so you have to handle that.
Next has your guy always been emotionally "cool" if yes than you have nothing to worry about. That is his normal way. If it is a new thing then look further and be prepared for answers you may now like.
Ask yourself what you want hun, emotions a plenty or a good stable loving guy who is there in every way but the verbal emotions.
And another thing, some folks are crap at expressing much on the phone. I deal with the telephone daily, some calls are good others are nasty (my collection calls I become a real bag). So when I get on with someone for a personal call, I am most comfortable with the black and white stuff get to the point and emotions are best left for the up close and in person meetings. I hate to have a personal fight over the phone, I hate to talk personally over the phone, I find them cool and business like.
So perhaps he is that way too.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Thank you for your response, I really appreciate the insight.
I think you may be right- he is generally "cool" emotionally, and rarely gets upset, anxious, or excited.
The problem is that the phone is really all we have in between visits, and if we talk like dry crackers it's almost worse than not talking at all. How do I keep the "love" during the week when I feel like he is a stranger on the phone? Maybe that is the solution...to not talk at all? What does that say about our relationship?
You are absolutely correct that we have some communication issues...and they have become very damaging. How do we go about fixing that? A lot of the time since he doesn't see a problem, and thus he won't be willing to work toward a solution.
If I knew how to approach it and find a way to work towards better communication, I think it would really help.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
I think you may be right- he is generally "cool" emotionally, and rarely gets upset, anxious, or excited.
The problem is that the phone is really all we have in between visits, and if we talk like dry crackers it's almost worse than not talking at all. How do I keep the "love" during the week when I feel like he is a stranger on the phone? Maybe that is the solution...to not talk at all? What does that say about our relationship?
You are absolutely correct that we have some communication issues...and they have become very damaging. How do we go about fixing that? A lot of the time since he doesn't see a problem, and thus he won't be willing to work toward a solution.
If I knew how to approach it and find a way to work towards better communication, I think it would really help.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Kitty, here's what I see:
Men are not emotional, women are. It's always been that way, and always will. Men have been "trained" that strong emotion is a weakness. It's silly, it's not fair, and it's the truth.
That said, let me start from your first paragraph and ask, Do you equate love with presents? Practically the first thing you mentioned was "He loves me and shows me by giving me "things" at Christmas and my birthdays." Material things, as I'm sure you know, have nothing to do with how much a person loves you.
You also said that he is borderline workaholic. There's part of your answer right there. Are you a young couple, planning a future? Perhaps he is thinking of that, working hard now, focusing all his energy on that, to make a better life for the TWO of you. A possibility?
You have expressed, very eloquently, a desire for more emotion from him to all of us. Can you do that with him? Not over the phone, but sitting him down, face to face, and saying, "Sweetheart, you know I love you. I know you love me. So why do I feel this distance from you so frequently?" Write down what you want, what you need, what you expect. There are things you can and should expect from him, emotional support being one of them. I use the "writing stuff down" method whenever I come across an issue I don't know how to resolve. While I'm alone, I think about what the problem is, and what I need to feel it's been fixed. I make a list. That way, you don't have to worry about forgetting things, you can get all your thoughts down without being interrupted, and you can approach him in the same business-like manner he seems to favor.
When you tell him about something that should elicit a response and he just shrugs, stop him and ask, "Doesn't that bother you?" Keep lobbing the ball into his court.
One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. But HOW you communicate your wants, needs and expectations is important as well. If emotion makes him uncomfortable, put it to him in a factual, formulated way. Find a way to discuss the issue on his terms.
I like what Minks said: "Has he always been this way?" Because if that's the case, you knew it going in. Were you hoping to change that? Because it is never a good idea to go into a relationship with the intention of "fixing" what you think is wrong with someone.
It's pretty obvious that you love him, so the last question is, how much effort are you willing to expend to resolve the issue? You can't change him, and shouldn't try, but if you can reach an understanding why he is this way, it will help you relate to him a lot better.
Men are not emotional, women are. It's always been that way, and always will. Men have been "trained" that strong emotion is a weakness. It's silly, it's not fair, and it's the truth.
That said, let me start from your first paragraph and ask, Do you equate love with presents? Practically the first thing you mentioned was "He loves me and shows me by giving me "things" at Christmas and my birthdays." Material things, as I'm sure you know, have nothing to do with how much a person loves you.
You also said that he is borderline workaholic. There's part of your answer right there. Are you a young couple, planning a future? Perhaps he is thinking of that, working hard now, focusing all his energy on that, to make a better life for the TWO of you. A possibility?
You have expressed, very eloquently, a desire for more emotion from him to all of us. Can you do that with him? Not over the phone, but sitting him down, face to face, and saying, "Sweetheart, you know I love you. I know you love me. So why do I feel this distance from you so frequently?" Write down what you want, what you need, what you expect. There are things you can and should expect from him, emotional support being one of them. I use the "writing stuff down" method whenever I come across an issue I don't know how to resolve. While I'm alone, I think about what the problem is, and what I need to feel it's been fixed. I make a list. That way, you don't have to worry about forgetting things, you can get all your thoughts down without being interrupted, and you can approach him in the same business-like manner he seems to favor.
When you tell him about something that should elicit a response and he just shrugs, stop him and ask, "Doesn't that bother you?" Keep lobbing the ball into his court.
One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. But HOW you communicate your wants, needs and expectations is important as well. If emotion makes him uncomfortable, put it to him in a factual, formulated way. Find a way to discuss the issue on his terms.
I like what Minks said: "Has he always been this way?" Because if that's the case, you knew it going in. Were you hoping to change that? Because it is never a good idea to go into a relationship with the intention of "fixing" what you think is wrong with someone.
It's pretty obvious that you love him, so the last question is, how much effort are you willing to expend to resolve the issue? You can't change him, and shouldn't try, but if you can reach an understanding why he is this way, it will help you relate to him a lot better.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Thank you for your response Babyrider, you also have a great deal of insight in this issue.
First, I want to address my opening paragraph- especially where I mentioned that he buys me jewelry to show that he loves me- I said that only to emphasize that I rarely see it in any other form. No, I do not equate gifts with love. In fact, I would give everything back for a resolution to this problem that is causing such heartache on my part. I didn't mean to mislead you there.
You are right on the money about his workaholic nature- he is planning to marry me and has said that he is just getting things together for us to settle down. He is working on buying a house and has always told me that everything he does for his job and training is so that we will be able to have the things that we want down the road.
You have also touched on an issue that I didn't address as plainly- my ability to communicate. I also have a problem in this regard, and have a hard time admitting fault most of the time. I also tend to bottle things up until they spill over, which causes a meltdown in the end. I think that because I have this issue of sharing personal information with anyone but people I am close to (besides you guys in the forum, ha!), is what makes it hurt even more when I don't get a response. It's almost like hey, I'm doing you a favor by showing you who I am, and you're ignoring me. So in that way perhaps I am setting myself up for disappointment...
I do understand and know for a fact that you can't change someone, and I don't intend to. I think we both have communication issues that we need to work on both with each other and seperately. Like I said, I just started getting bothered by this recently, so it must not have been an issue in the beginning. I should say that we met in college, and all but lived together for almost a year. After graduation, I bought a condo and moved near my home town, and he is still living at home an hour and a half away with his parents. He is planning to buy a townhouse in the next month or so, but it will be in the same area as he is now. It's been almost a year in this long-distance situation, and we have handled it alright so far. These recent hiccups are what I'm concerned about...and as I mentioned in the first post, it may be that I am overstressed with work and school and am more irritable now.
Thank you for the advice on keeping the ball in his court and pushing him towards the answer. I think that will probably do the trick. Thank you again for your in-depth response, I am very appreciative of the suggestions.
First, I want to address my opening paragraph- especially where I mentioned that he buys me jewelry to show that he loves me- I said that only to emphasize that I rarely see it in any other form. No, I do not equate gifts with love. In fact, I would give everything back for a resolution to this problem that is causing such heartache on my part. I didn't mean to mislead you there.
You are right on the money about his workaholic nature- he is planning to marry me and has said that he is just getting things together for us to settle down. He is working on buying a house and has always told me that everything he does for his job and training is so that we will be able to have the things that we want down the road.
You have also touched on an issue that I didn't address as plainly- my ability to communicate. I also have a problem in this regard, and have a hard time admitting fault most of the time. I also tend to bottle things up until they spill over, which causes a meltdown in the end. I think that because I have this issue of sharing personal information with anyone but people I am close to (besides you guys in the forum, ha!), is what makes it hurt even more when I don't get a response. It's almost like hey, I'm doing you a favor by showing you who I am, and you're ignoring me. So in that way perhaps I am setting myself up for disappointment...
I do understand and know for a fact that you can't change someone, and I don't intend to. I think we both have communication issues that we need to work on both with each other and seperately. Like I said, I just started getting bothered by this recently, so it must not have been an issue in the beginning. I should say that we met in college, and all but lived together for almost a year. After graduation, I bought a condo and moved near my home town, and he is still living at home an hour and a half away with his parents. He is planning to buy a townhouse in the next month or so, but it will be in the same area as he is now. It's been almost a year in this long-distance situation, and we have handled it alright so far. These recent hiccups are what I'm concerned about...and as I mentioned in the first post, it may be that I am overstressed with work and school and am more irritable now.
Thank you for the advice on keeping the ball in his court and pushing him towards the answer. I think that will probably do the trick. Thank you again for your in-depth response, I am very appreciative of the suggestions.
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Very very frightening... especially the lack of sympathy part. Signal of narcissicim
to me.. This, unfortunately , just might not be the one your looking for. Be careful.
to me.. This, unfortunately , just might not be the one your looking for. Be careful.
[FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][/FONT]
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
weeder wrote: Very very frightening... especially the lack of sympathy part. Signal of narcissicim
to me.. This, unfortunately , just might not be the one your looking for. Be careful.
Thank you for your response Weeder, I hope you are not right...I'll keep everyone posted though. :-3
to me.. This, unfortunately , just might not be the one your looking for. Be careful.
Thank you for your response Weeder, I hope you are not right...I'll keep everyone posted though. :-3
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
The link below is to a book by John Gray, "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus". Like most books along these lines, its just this authors opinion about how things are but it really helped me. I suggest it to any friend who complains about things like this, your story rings a bell from previous friends who have had the same problems.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... 2?v=glance
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... 2?v=glance
I probably posted that in an ambien trance-soryy
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
devist8me wrote: The link below is to a book by John Gray, "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus". Like most books along these lines, its just this authors opinion about how things are but it really helped me. I suggest it to any friend who complains about things like this, your story rings a bell from previous friends who have had the same problems.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... 2?v=glance
Thank you I will check it out- I've heard it's a classic.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... 2?v=glance
Thank you I will check it out- I've heard it's a classic.
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Hmmm....this thread is about emotion, that's a sign of weakness and makes me uncomfortable. I'm a guy. I rule my emotions, they don't rule me. I told my girl I love her Monday, it's Wednesday and I still love her. Why should I have to tell her every day?
I don't get this...I'm outta here.
I don't get this...I'm outta here.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Jives wrote: Hmmm....this thread is about emotion, that's a sign of weakness and makes me uncomfortable. I'm a guy. I rule my emotions, they don't rule me. I told my girl I love her Monday, it's Wednesday and I still love her. Why should I have to tell her every day?
I don't get this...I'm outta here. :(LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF! HAHAHAHA!!! JIVES!! i sure am fortunate, my man has no problem expressing his honest feelings at all. and his concern for me. boy am i happy about that! he is so brilliant and insightful. happy lady cop!
I don't get this...I'm outta here. :(LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF! HAHAHAHA!!! JIVES!! i sure am fortunate, my man has no problem expressing his honest feelings at all. and his concern for me. boy am i happy about that! he is so brilliant and insightful. happy lady cop!
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
lady cop wrote: LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF! HAHAHAHA!!! JIVES!! i sure am fortunate, my man has no problem expressing his honest feelings at all. and his concern for me. boy am i happy about that! he is so brilliant and insightful. happy lady cop!It's gettin' sappy in here.... :yh_bigsmi
Yep, you're lucky LC, as am I. My guy may not be perfect, but he can express himself to me well. Gotta love it. And him!!! Happy BR!!!
Yep, you're lucky LC, as am I. My guy may not be perfect, but he can express himself to me well. Gotta love it. And him!!! Happy BR!!!
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
it's wednesday?
-
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 am
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Jives wrote: Why should I have to tell her every day?
I don't get this...I'm outta here.
because you lover her? and it makes her feel special to you.
do you have set days you tell her?
I don't get this...I'm outta here.
because you lover her? and it makes her feel special to you.
do you have set days you tell her?
life is what you make it
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
-
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 am
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
KittylovingBlond wrote: Some Background:
has a fantastic career as a mechanical engineer
-Kitty
there a funny bunch, engineers, i work with them!!
and date one!
emotions arent always their strong point tho im quite lucky mines fairly good, tho he does tend to keep a lot of his 'im stressed about this' kind of emotions to himself, doesnt have a problem being all lovey tho
has a fantastic career as a mechanical engineer
-Kitty
there a funny bunch, engineers, i work with them!!
and date one!
emotions arent always their strong point tho im quite lucky mines fairly good, tho he does tend to keep a lot of his 'im stressed about this' kind of emotions to himself, doesnt have a problem being all lovey tho
life is what you make it
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Yes I've been told the engineer types are all analytical and logical, and have a hard time understanding anything that's not 100% rational.
I talked to him last night and he said that he has very little patience for people complaining about things- he said there are so many other things to do with your time. While I agree that it would be nice for the world to be complain-free, it's never going to happen...he just has no comprehension of that kind of attitude. And since he doesn't understand, he immediately characterizes it as overly dramatic and pointless.
'Tis very very frustrating- not to mention hurtful since I feel like my emotions and feelings are never valid. :-1
I talked to him last night and he said that he has very little patience for people complaining about things- he said there are so many other things to do with your time. While I agree that it would be nice for the world to be complain-free, it's never going to happen...he just has no comprehension of that kind of attitude. And since he doesn't understand, he immediately characterizes it as overly dramatic and pointless.
'Tis very very frustrating- not to mention hurtful since I feel like my emotions and feelings are never valid. :-1
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
It is a male female thing, women react by talking about things men don't they just decide how to deal with it and get on.
For instance ask the average bloke how he gets on at work and you'll get fine, O.K. and that's it, ask a woman and she'll tell you.
Same with telling about an incident or problem at work. My wife asks me what I think she should do about something. I answer the question and to me that is the conversation over, but no she wants to diccuss it in detail and go over everything again and again and discuss every possible approach. I realise now that is just the way women are but it used to drive me up the wall. Actually it still does but now I realise interupting to express an opinion is not necessary and just disrupts the flow of conversation.
Men relax after work, have a meal sit down watch TV whatever they don't actually want to talk about the day it is now over deal with it again tomorrow, quite frankly they don't want to talk to anybody for a while while often the wife wants to talk. Women relax by talking over everything that happened in great detail and confuse a lack of interest with disinterest in them.
When you phone him the poor guy is probably just happy to hear your voice and you want a two way dialogue when the last things he wants to do is talk about work or anything he is doing. Good sign means he can leave stress at work rather than bringing it home.
posted by kittylovingblond
I talked to him last night and he said that he has very little patience for people complaining about things- he said there are so many other things to do with your time. While I agree that it would be nice for the world to be complain-free, it's never going to happen...he just has no comprehension of that kind of attitude. And since he doesn't understand, he immediately characterizes it as overly dramatic and pointless.
I can relate to that so can most blokes I bet
For instance ask the average bloke how he gets on at work and you'll get fine, O.K. and that's it, ask a woman and she'll tell you.
Same with telling about an incident or problem at work. My wife asks me what I think she should do about something. I answer the question and to me that is the conversation over, but no she wants to diccuss it in detail and go over everything again and again and discuss every possible approach. I realise now that is just the way women are but it used to drive me up the wall. Actually it still does but now I realise interupting to express an opinion is not necessary and just disrupts the flow of conversation.
Men relax after work, have a meal sit down watch TV whatever they don't actually want to talk about the day it is now over deal with it again tomorrow, quite frankly they don't want to talk to anybody for a while while often the wife wants to talk. Women relax by talking over everything that happened in great detail and confuse a lack of interest with disinterest in them.
When you phone him the poor guy is probably just happy to hear your voice and you want a two way dialogue when the last things he wants to do is talk about work or anything he is doing. Good sign means he can leave stress at work rather than bringing it home.
posted by kittylovingblond
I talked to him last night and he said that he has very little patience for people complaining about things- he said there are so many other things to do with your time. While I agree that it would be nice for the world to be complain-free, it's never going to happen...he just has no comprehension of that kind of attitude. And since he doesn't understand, he immediately characterizes it as overly dramatic and pointless.
I can relate to that so can most blokes I bet
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Oh! No wonder I don't get this thread! I have two degrees in Electrical Engineering!
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Jives wrote: Oh! No wonder I don't get this thread! I have two degrees in Electrical Engineering! :)wrong! my sweetie an engineer and a genius....but still giving emotionally. very much so. no excuses buddy!
- KittylovingBlond
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2004 12:00 pm
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
gmc wrote: It is a male female thing, women react by talking about things men don't they just decide how to deal with it and get on.
For instance ask the average bloke how he gets on at work and you'll get fine, O.K. and that's it, ask a woman and she'll tell you.
Same with telling about an incident or problem at work. My wife asks me what I think she should do about something. I answer the question and to me that is the conversation over, but no she wants to diccuss it in detail and go over everything again and again and discuss every possible approach. I realise now that is just the way women are but it used to drive me up the wall. Actually it still does but now I realise interupting to express an opinion is not necessary and just disrupts the flow of conversation.
Men relax after work, have a meal sit down watch TV whatever they don't actually want to talk about the day it is now over deal with it again tomorrow, quite frankly they don't want to talk to anybody for a while while often the wife wants to talk. Women relax by talking over everything that happened in great detail and confuse a lack of interest with disinterest in them.
When you phone him the poor guy is probably just happy to hear your voice and you want a two way dialogue when the last things he wants to do is talk about work or anything he is doing. Good sign means he can leave stress at work rather than bringing it home.
posted by kittylovingblond
I can relate to that so can most blokes I bet
Thanks for the insight, I think you may be right.
For instance ask the average bloke how he gets on at work and you'll get fine, O.K. and that's it, ask a woman and she'll tell you.
Same with telling about an incident or problem at work. My wife asks me what I think she should do about something. I answer the question and to me that is the conversation over, but no she wants to diccuss it in detail and go over everything again and again and discuss every possible approach. I realise now that is just the way women are but it used to drive me up the wall. Actually it still does but now I realise interupting to express an opinion is not necessary and just disrupts the flow of conversation.
Men relax after work, have a meal sit down watch TV whatever they don't actually want to talk about the day it is now over deal with it again tomorrow, quite frankly they don't want to talk to anybody for a while while often the wife wants to talk. Women relax by talking over everything that happened in great detail and confuse a lack of interest with disinterest in them.
When you phone him the poor guy is probably just happy to hear your voice and you want a two way dialogue when the last things he wants to do is talk about work or anything he is doing. Good sign means he can leave stress at work rather than bringing it home.
posted by kittylovingblond
I can relate to that so can most blokes I bet
Thanks for the insight, I think you may be right.
Kitty :p
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
The fact that you are still in a relationship is demonstration of his regard, a man this pragmatic wouldn't be there otherwise. It sounds very similar to the relationship between my partner and I. You are aware that Northern Europeans are not particularly demonstrative? actions speak louder than words. Why change a man you fell in love with? He's not trying to do that to you.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
KittylovingBlond wrote: Absolutely
i have been with my boyfriend for about a year, not really long but its a serious relationship, we live together but all we do is fight, every single day we are arguing about something. i feel like he loves me but yet it is for selfish reasons but i honestly feel like he dont care about me, like if im sick or something he shows no compassion he never spoils me or anything i mean im not asking for this everyday just oncce in a while but he never does. i feel like im just convenient for him, like im his sidekick here whenever he needs me but whenever i need him its such a big deal and he makes me feel like im "high maintenance". im just so confused . its like i thought taht when u really love somebody all those little things just come natural. but it doesn't with him . he just seems so cold.
i even threatened to leave and he would cry and beg me to stay and that he would change but he never does. it like the only time he cares about our relationship is when i have one foot out the door.
i have been with my boyfriend for about a year, not really long but its a serious relationship, we live together but all we do is fight, every single day we are arguing about something. i feel like he loves me but yet it is for selfish reasons but i honestly feel like he dont care about me, like if im sick or something he shows no compassion he never spoils me or anything i mean im not asking for this everyday just oncce in a while but he never does. i feel like im just convenient for him, like im his sidekick here whenever he needs me but whenever i need him its such a big deal and he makes me feel like im "high maintenance". im just so confused . its like i thought taht when u really love somebody all those little things just come natural. but it doesn't with him . he just seems so cold.
i even threatened to leave and he would cry and beg me to stay and that he would change but he never does. it like the only time he cares about our relationship is when i have one foot out the door.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
valerie wrote: Bumpif i may, so i don't look too cruel, Valerie bumped this thread because kitty started another one later with the same complaints...she was trying to make a point with her. that she didn't seem to learn or change. she just wanted sympathy and validation of her whining. frankly, i find all this pathetic. who gives a damn WHY he's a jerk? HE'S A JERK! bye-bye!! god, don't women have any self respect anymore?
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Thank you, LC for the clarification. I am resolved to put a reason for a
bump any time in future!
Emmaf, your boyfriend is playing with your head. I don't mind at all
listening to people tell their troubles, and I can be sympathetic, I
many years ago was in that situation.
It's not going to get better. At best, if you could get your bf to go
to counseling with you, that might help. But my guess from long
experience is that he LIKES the way things are, and trying to keep you
under his heel.
You simply have to take control of your life, and get out and make it
better. All the sympathy in the world that I (or anyone else) can give you
won't really do diddly to help. We are far removed from you geographically
in all likelyhood, so that's the end of THAT.
You say you don't have any money or a support system? Well find a
women's and children's shelter near you. Or a Domestic Violence
hotline. Or whatever else you can find, they are out there. Someone
will really help you to get your situation BETTER.
Good luck.
bump any time in future!
Emmaf, your boyfriend is playing with your head. I don't mind at all
listening to people tell their troubles, and I can be sympathetic, I
many years ago was in that situation.
It's not going to get better. At best, if you could get your bf to go
to counseling with you, that might help. But my guess from long
experience is that he LIKES the way things are, and trying to keep you
under his heel.
You simply have to take control of your life, and get out and make it
better. All the sympathy in the world that I (or anyone else) can give you
won't really do diddly to help. We are far removed from you geographically
in all likelyhood, so that's the end of THAT.
You say you don't have any money or a support system? Well find a
women's and children's shelter near you. Or a Domestic Violence
hotline. Or whatever else you can find, they are out there. Someone
will really help you to get your situation BETTER.
Good luck.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
This is why Ill never have a boyfriend...men are pigs !
I AM AWESOME MAN
- Betty Boop
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Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Nomad wrote: This is why Ill never have a boyfriend...men are pigs !
:yh_rotfl Good thinking Nomad!
:yh_rotfl Good thinking Nomad!
-
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2006 12:54 am
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Nomad wrote: This is why Ill never have a boyfriend...men are pigs !
Gosh, gruesome. It's guys like the bf above that give us males a bad name.
Gosh, gruesome. It's guys like the bf above that give us males a bad name.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
This is sounding like serious emotional problems, in terms of your boyfriend. Sounds like he is a sociopath. You sound like a very intelligent, smart, intuative girl. I've run into someone like this before. Very same behavior and it was very difficult to handle. When I needed to be understood and was down emotionally he could not relate to my sadness. There was no comfort. He could not connect. I cried in agony and he just sat in front of me, looked at me, and handed me a tissue. It was all too mechanical. I felt like I was crazy, that I wasn't worth the trouble. Being away from him and upon further reflection he just didn't have any feelings. No empathy, no compassion, could not put himself in my shoes. Its scary being around someone like that. Someone "normal" would have at least tried to say kind words of comfort and quite frankly that's all I would have needed. Don't settle for this behavior. He may be perfect in every other way, so was this guy- and not a boyfriend, but you deserve someone that will be there emotionally in a normal way for you. Sorry, but there are people like this in the world and I never want to run into one like that again. I hope this reaches you, sister.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Sounds like he is a sociopath.
A sociopath ?
You can make that kind of analysis from a 2nd parties perception about a person consisting of one paragraph ?
That is some really critical thinking sister.
A sociopath ?
You can make that kind of analysis from a 2nd parties perception about a person consisting of one paragraph ?
That is some really critical thinking sister.
I AM AWESOME MAN
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
MEMErani;1217235 wrote: This is sounding like serious emotional problems, in terms of your boyfriend. Sounds like he is a sociopath. You sound like a very intelligent, smart, intuative girl. I've run into someone like this before. Very same behavior and it was very difficult to handle. When I needed to be understood and was down emotionally he could not relate to my sadness. There was no comfort. He could not connect. I cried in agony and he just sat in front of me, looked at me, and handed me a tissue. It was all too mechanical. I felt like I was crazy, that I wasn't worth the trouble. Being away from him and upon further reflection he just didn't have any feelings. No empathy, no compassion, could not put himself in my shoes. Its scary being around someone like that. Someone "normal" would have at least tried to say kind words of comfort and quite frankly that's all I would have needed. Don't settle for this behavior. He may be perfect in every other way, so was this guy- and not a boyfriend, but you deserve someone that will be there emotionally in a normal way for you. Sorry, but there are people like this in the world and I never want to run into one like that again. I hope this reaches you, sister.
I think maybe things have changed as this was 4 years ago.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
I think maybe things have changed as this was 4 years ago.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Life is just to short for drama.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Odie;1217528 wrote: I think maybe things have changed as this was 4 years ago.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
didnt want to tell them that was so much fun
didnt want to tell them that was so much fun
"To be foolish and to recognize that one is foolish, is better than to be foolish and imagine that one is wise."
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
el guapo;1217529 wrote: didnt want to tell them that was so much fun
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Life is just to short for drama.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
lady cop;52889 wrote: LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF! HAHAHAHA!!! JIVES!! i sure am fortunate, my man has no problem expressing his honest feelings at all. and his concern for me. boy am i happy about that! he is so brilliant and insightful. happy lady cop!
I'm really lucky to have my boyfriend and I really understand that. He tells me he loves me every single day, hugs me and kisses me.
He may not be as generous with the presents and a little forgetful. But he has a very emotional sensitive side that I love. =)
I'm really lucky to have my boyfriend and I really understand that. He tells me he loves me every single day, hugs me and kisses me.
He may not be as generous with the presents and a little forgetful. But he has a very emotional sensitive side that I love. =)
Link removed:)
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Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Who the heck ressurected this thread ?
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
fuzzywuzzy;1235211 wrote: Who the heck ressurected this thread ?
Nini did, fuzz. It's what happens when a newbie checks all the forum areas after arriving. It's how they get to know who's friendly and who barks at ankles.
Nini did, fuzz. It's what happens when a newbie checks all the forum areas after arriving. It's how they get to know who's friendly and who barks at ankles.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
NiniFQG;1235127 wrote:
He may not be as generous with the presents and a little forgetful.
You deserve better than that.
He may not be as generous with the presents and a little forgetful.
You deserve better than that.
I AM AWESOME MAN
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
fuzzywuzzy;1235211 wrote: Who the heck ressurected this thread ?
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl I was thinking the same thing am laughing out loud
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl I was thinking the same thing am laughing out loud
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
spot;1235213 wrote: Nini did, fuzz. It's what happens when a newbie checks all the forum areas after arriving. It's how they get to know who's friendly and who barks at ankles.
And who laughs at threads never seen before.:yh_rotfl
And who laughs at threads never seen before.:yh_rotfl
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
NiniFQG;1235127 wrote: I'm really lucky to have my boyfriend and I really understand that. He tells me he loves me every single day, hugs me and kisses me.
He may not be as generous with the presents and a little forgetful. But he has a very emotional sensitive side that I love. =)
your very lucky Nini, its usually not often enough that a man tells you he loves you........and oh forget the others on this thread.
your a newbie here and your welcome to join in on the old threads.
sometimes bringing up the old conversations that some of us have or haven't seen is very rewarding and I've done it myself.
He may not be as generous with the presents and a little forgetful. But he has a very emotional sensitive side that I love. =)
your very lucky Nini, its usually not often enough that a man tells you he loves you........and oh forget the others on this thread.
your a newbie here and your welcome to join in on the old threads.
sometimes bringing up the old conversations that some of us have or haven't seen is very rewarding and I've done it myself.
Life is just to short for drama.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Odie;1235264 wrote: your very lucky Nini, its usually not often enough that a man tells you he loves you........and oh forget the others on this thread.
your a newbie here and your welcome to join in on the old threads.
sometimes bringing up the old conversations that some of us have or haven't seen is very rewarding and I've done it myself.
When you brought up who likes asparagus? or some other weird thing:yh_rotfl
your a newbie here and your welcome to join in on the old threads.
sometimes bringing up the old conversations that some of us have or haven't seen is very rewarding and I've done it myself.
When you brought up who likes asparagus? or some other weird thing:yh_rotfl
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
qsducks;1235267 wrote: When you brought up who likes asparagus? or some other weird thing:yh_rotfl
asparagus?
must check my threads!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
it is good!
asparagus?
must check my threads!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
it is good!
Life is just to short for drama.
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
Odie;1235273 wrote: asparagus?
must check my threads!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
it is good!
This thread is 4 yrs old..who cares? Maybe she married him and has never been seen since.:wah:
must check my threads!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
it is good!
This thread is 4 yrs old..who cares? Maybe she married him and has never been seen since.:wah:
Boyfriend shows little to no emotion...HELP!
i can relate.
we have been married for ten years and have two children.
i was not bothered by the lack of emotionality early on and it was only when we both faced stressors over the years, that i really came to understand that there was this closeness missing...
and a lack of response from my husband..
that is what really hurt and we have talked about this..
he can do a bit better when relating to his children, which shows he can do it, but only in those situations..
it is sad, because it is in the way of friendship and intimacy...
it is unfortunate. I think it is because he did not witness affection in his home growing up...and it is hard for him to discuss emotions especially mine...
what seems so natural to me, appears so difficult for him..but at some point, i think as a grown adult, it is time to recognize weaknesses and try to do better because of love..it is difficult sometimes to not question his love because of this..
i really do understand your pain.
maybe it is "difficult to treat".."difficult to change"...it is most important to decide what is necessary for us in our main relationship..it is much more difficult to think of separating when there are two children and a family unit to consider...
we have been married for ten years and have two children.
i was not bothered by the lack of emotionality early on and it was only when we both faced stressors over the years, that i really came to understand that there was this closeness missing...
and a lack of response from my husband..
that is what really hurt and we have talked about this..
he can do a bit better when relating to his children, which shows he can do it, but only in those situations..
it is sad, because it is in the way of friendship and intimacy...
it is unfortunate. I think it is because he did not witness affection in his home growing up...and it is hard for him to discuss emotions especially mine...
what seems so natural to me, appears so difficult for him..but at some point, i think as a grown adult, it is time to recognize weaknesses and try to do better because of love..it is difficult sometimes to not question his love because of this..
i really do understand your pain.
maybe it is "difficult to treat".."difficult to change"...it is most important to decide what is necessary for us in our main relationship..it is much more difficult to think of separating when there are two children and a family unit to consider...