Ladies!! This should help

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:41 am

i thought all you women should be privy to this info. it will make the battle between the sexes a minor skirmish.

At last a handful of us guys has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. Special thanks to Nomad, FarRider, Acc, Jives, and the toilet thing is courtesey of BTS

We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done! . Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. (that's me)

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that?

It's like camping.

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:47 am

hahaha that was great. Nice 1 Wolverine!!

PurpleChicken · Post by **PurpleChicken** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:48 am

Funny thing is that some of those rules apply more to my husband than me - enough clothes, too many shoes......

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:51 am

PurpleChicken wrote:

Funny thing is that some of those rules apply more to my husband than me - enough clothes, too many shoes......

that's sad. you should leave him and get a Yank.

hey! you know what? it just so happens that i am available. wow, what a coincidence.:sneaky:

PurpleChicken · Post by **PurpleChicken** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:05 am

Wolverine wrote: that's sad. you should leave him and get a Yank.

hey! you know what? it just so happens that i am available. wow, what a coincidence.:sneaky:

Wow! And my hubby's moved interstate - what a coincidence.

Of course also worthy of note is that he's probably make some similarly snide comments about me - I'm the handyman, I don't read instructions, I'm the motor racing fan, etc. You see we're the perfect compliment. Between us there's all the normal guy and a girl traits, it's just that the line's are a little blurred at times!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:08 am

hehehehe very good guys :wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:27 am

Wolfy, just give me the credit card to go shopping, since college football is on today...................

And I know why you used the number 1 over and over again, it's because.........

Women are #1

You had to keep your perspective you know....................

Nice list though, you can scratch all you want while I'm out shopping............

*ka-ching*

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:31 am

no. they are all #1 because each one is epually important.

we posted this to help you women understand us better.

everyone on the planet knows that there is NO WAY anyone will ever understand the female of the species.

men are incredibly simple. Food, sex, sports, beer, sleep. but not necessarily in that order.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:34 am

*laughing*

We know we will never understand each other, but that is what makes it so interesting!

Do you shuffle the deck with your list of wants, to see which one comes up first? Go Fish!

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:35 am

Caviats!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

* But Home Depot shopping is close.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

* But NOT both at the same time!!

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

* Except during the Superbowl. I mean, really ... !

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

* Metal Flake is a legitimate color.

venus · Post by **venus** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 7:05 am

We all just need to realise that we really do talk different languages!

The we being men and women...

But if we really work at it we can communicate without the throwing of plates, grating of gears and wobbly lip scene..

ha ha ha to the list, its a good one..:wah:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 7:31 am

Accountable wrote: * Metal Flake is a legitimate color.

you big girl

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:11 am

venus wrote: But if we really work at it we can communicate without the throwing of plates, grating of gears and wobbly lip scene..
Where's the fun in that? :-2

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:44 am

A viscious countermove!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:14 am

While I actually agree with a huge percentage of this list, this:

flopstock wrote: 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. Where was that he was headed again?

....was friggin BRILLIANT!!!

Floppy, you're my hero!! :yh_clap

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:15 am

i've got a little problem...just with number #1...that's all.

:D

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:45 am

Flopstock, you ROCK!!!

:yh_clap :yh_rotfl :yh_worshp :yh_hugs

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:49 am

And while I'm not funny like someone else, I do hafta comment on the

1st "1"...

Toilet seat AND lid should both be DOWN. Girls lift one thing, boys lift

two. I think you can handle it.

Maybe.

:-6

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:51 am

WE'll talk after you've gone into the bathroom in the middle of the night and dropped your ass into toilet water for the 5th time if it takes you 5 times to figure out that the seat is up... you deserve to get your butt wet!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. Agreed. To me shopping should be treated like most men treat sex. If you are not in and out in 5 minutes, you are wasting time! if it can't be done it 10-15 minutes, it don't need doin.

1. Crying is blackmail. So is saying she's starting to act like her mother ok one good point, but it is all we have for a counter.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Great, now perhaps you could work on supplying on of those before the 3rd time the question is asked.are you asking during a commercial, or in the middle of the BIGGEST game of the SEASON??!!?

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. ...and that hot guy down the block.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. So is a pain in the ass, but we manage to live with that for years and years. temper, temper.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. Deal....so long as you stop and think before opening your mouth. "stop and think" now who's not thinking?

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. You dress like a victoria secret model...we'll talk[/BIt's not you'll be wearing it THAT long.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Once again, ask that man down the street...heheheh

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. No problem, just stop deciding to complain about your job the last 10 minutes of a show i've been watching for 50 minutes!

One Word: TiVo

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. Where was that he was headed again? and if he known where he was going where would we be today?

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.Most socks come in basic colors. pairs come in matching lenghts. How hard is it for men to put on two that match? I've never understood women that ask for color opinion from guys... holy sh*t we agree on something.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. Please refer to shopping response...:sneaky: yes, please do.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. And then you wonder why we can't be hassled 'later'? :sneaky: men are stupid. don't beat around the bush. (so to speak) if you are being subtle about something aw are IMMEDIATELY going to assume you are talking about sex.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. I agree...That guy down the street will give you the answer you want. Witch!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. And don't be surprised at the blank stare... so we agree. "don't ask."

1. You have enough clothes. Absolutely! Who really needs 6 pairs of pants in varying shades of dark blue? holy Buckets that's 2!

1. You have too many shoes. Bet most guys here have more then i do! 4 thank you.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. (that's me) All men are 'HOT' regardless of their size, shape or color. We don't care if you change physically -over time. We just want the Personallity of the man that was chasing us back! Of course there is always that guy down the block...:sneaky:

would you Please GET OFF the guy down the block?!!

wow, did i sound like a spouse there or what?????

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 11:43 am

Go Floppy!

And they can't even get past the number 1..........................:wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 11:49 am

My husband always did that, closed the whole thing..........never was a big deal for us. Very polite on the part of both parties to do that.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sat Sep 10, 2005 12:19 pm

How to please a man = turn up naked with beer !!

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 12:48 pm

Well done rabid wolverine ! Will it help ? No, but nice try !:D

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 1:16 pm

Actually my hats off to ya....you do rock !

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 1:19 pm

The hats on the rack darlin

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:01 pm

Nomad wrote: Well done rabid wolverine ! Will it help ? No, but nice try !:D

well then why don't you get off yer keester and help? i'm drowning over here and he throws me a friggin sandwich.

thanks bud.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:24 pm

Here's some cheese for your sandwich..................

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:38 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Here's some cheese for your sandwich..................

that's disgusting. who would want to eat something that smells worse than Lance Armstong's feet after the 2nd stage of the Tour de France????

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:48 pm

Make some cheese dip for those snacks during the ball games..................

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:52 pm

valerie wrote: And while I'm not funny like someone else, I do hafta comment on the

1st "1"...

Toilet seat AND lid should both be DOWN. Girls lift one thing, boys lift

two. I think you can handle it.

Maybe.

:-6

What a lovley message to wake up to, but he can only count to one.

:rolleyes:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:52 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Make some cheese dip for those snacks during the ball games..................

not with that crap. and no guy eats "snacks" for the game. you make up a great big batch of 3 alarm chili. maybe some hot wings. plenty of beer and pop.

TP and lots of air freshener.:wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:57 pm

Since you were so nice to let me go shopping during the game with your credit card, there was a sale going on..................you guys can cook your own dinner..........

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:58 pm

orangesox1 wrote: What a lovley message to wake up to, but he can only count to one.

:rolleyes:

not "he" "WE"

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:59 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Since you were so nice to let me go shopping during the game with your credit card, there was a sale going on..................you guys can cook your own dinner..........

good gawd awmity! what a woman! takes the plastic and buys me something. friggin' wonderful. thankyou!

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:35 pm

Wolverine wrote: not "he" "WE"

Well excuse me, so are you all sleeping on couches for the next week? at least you'll be able to watch sport in peace, and we get an better idea of understanding the make mind. As far as the toilet, my boys have their own as I was fed up with them missing, it seems the taller a guy gets the further away he has to aim.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:08 pm

orangesox1 wrote: Well excuse me, so are you all sleeping on couches for the next week? at least you'll be able to watch sport in peace, and we get an better idea of understanding the make mind. As far as the toilet, my boys have their own as I was fed up with them missing, it seems the taller a guy gets the further away he has to aim.
yeah? what's yer point? so you saying that since i'm 6-6, i have no aim? that i can't "hit the target?" is that some sort of shot, missy? cuz them sound like fightin' words.

:sneaky:

and incase you didn't know.... i'm playing

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:17 pm

Maybe you need one of these.............

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:42 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Maybe you need one of these.............

I love it, I want one of those

and in answer to the 6.6 ft Q, of course you have further to aim than a 5.6 ft person or didn't you do maths in school?

ohhhh that would be why you couldn't get passed the 1.1.1.1.1.1.1..... statments I'm sorry I hadn't realized,

Actually a good way to learn to aim is to roll up little balls of toilet paper and pretend your hosing down ships on fire and sink them.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:46 pm