Love

[Betty Boop]

anewlife wrote: How do you know when you're in love? I thought I was with my X...but in the short time of dating I look back and see it as something else...I don't know if I've ever loved anyone (excepting my kids and fam); but that is different.



I would give my life for my kids - but is it the same for a spouse? Has anyone out there felt that way about their hus/wife? I never did and am wondering whether I just got married to get married....


who knows?? I question wether I loved my husband, I think it's all part of the process after a relationship breakdown. Maybe we thought we had love but just haven't found it yet?

I would also give my life for my children :-4



People say you KNOW when you do find true love.



Waiting patiently.:yh_wait

[chonsigirl]

Sure you can feel real love for your spouse. I do for mine. We have been married 4 1/2 years, and I love him for the man he is. He still is that man inside, although he had a cerebral hemorraghe and can no longer talk to me very well, or say my name, or be a normal man. But do I still love him? Of course I do, he cannot help he is ill. Does he still love me, even though it is different? Yes, I know he does. He can smile at me when I come home from work, try to crack a joke, and he talks to me sometimes the best he can.

I take him with me every Sunday to church, I play the piano there so I don't sit with him until later on in the service. I thought he never paid any attention to what was going on up front, or what I did, until Wednesday night a lady from the church told me about last Sunday. She said my husband watched every movement I made, as I sang in the choir, walked to the piano, played the offeratory, and left to walk around to come sit near him. I always thought he didn't pay much attention because he usually cannot for a long time, but the lady assured me he watched every single thing I did, and smiled when I played. I know he still loves me inside as he always did, that has not changed.

[pina]

You do know....I was married for 20 years I loved the man and would have died for him but now I know I was never in LOVE with him.... but when I met Pete 10 years ago I knew the difference it was love at first sight, pretty scary feelings but it was so different, we both knew it was something special and it is still the same now after ten years..... and he says the same....

:-4

[Betty Boop]

pina wrote: You do know....I was married for 20 years I loved the man and would have died for him but now I know I was never in LOVE with him.... but when I met Pete 10 years ago I knew the difference it was love at first sight, pretty scary feelings but it was so different, we both knew it was something special and it is still the same now after ten years..... and he says the same....

:-4




I suppose part of me will always love my ex a tiny amount, he is the father of my children after all, but I know I was not 'In love' by the time we parted, and I'm not sure when the falling out of love happened, or even if we were really 'in love' to start with!!

[pina]

Betty Boop wrote: I suppose part of me will always love my ex a tiny amount, he is the father of my children after all, but I know I was not 'In love' by the time we parted, and I'm not sure when the falling out of love happened, or even if we were really 'in love' to start with!!


I met my ex at 15 and married at 19 it was just something that was expected, thinking back we were never in love we just grew together. I still love him now and I would trust him 100%. I go visit him whenever I'm back in England even though his new wife gets very jealous and gives him a hard time after I've been........I wasn't looking for anyone when I met Pete it was at work and this guy walked into the office we both looked at each other with our mouths open, never spoke just stared at each other, he got his invoice signed by my boss and then went. This happened for about another 10 visits I felt stupid as though I was a 16 year old with butterflies and getting excited on the days I knew he was coming, I even started taking extra care with the way I dressed and doing my hair, I wasn't a teenager I was 40 but I couldn't help it he was all I could think about. I plucked up courage to ask if he wanted a coffee one day while he was waiting, neither of us said much, and when I finished work that day there was a red rose on the windscreen of my car. The next day he plucked up courage to ask me out and of course I said yes.

[Betty Boop]

pina wrote: I met my ex at 15 and married at 19 it was just something that was expected, thinking back we were never in love we just grew together. I still love him now and I would trust him 100%. I go visit him whenever I'm back in England even though his new wife gets very jealous and gives him a hard time after I've been........I wasn't looking for anyone when I met Pete it was at work and this guy walked into the office we both looked at each other with our mouths open, never spoke just stared at each other, he got his invoice signed by my boss and then went. This happened for about another 10 visits I felt stupid as though I was a 16 year old with butterflies and getting excited on the days I knew he was coming, I even started taking extra care with the way I dressed and doing my hair, I wasn't a teenager I was 40 but I couldn't help it he was all I could think about. I plucked up courage to ask if he wanted a coffee one day while he was waiting, neither of us said much, and when I finished work that day there was a red rose on the windscreen of my car. The next day he plucked up courage to ask me out and of course I said yes.




aawwww thats lovely Pina, so, theres hope for me yet!! yippee!

Can't see the ex and me being freinds any time too soon, he's still bitter and won't act appropriately in front of the children, he's a fool really as he's damaging his relationship with them.

He's threatened that NO other man will be a father figure to them, if I meet someone else he has threatened to take me to court for custody. :rolleyes:

[pina]

Its his loss if he wont be friendly he's not only lost you but the kids will notice and resent him for not being nice to their mum. and he doesn,t have a leg to stand on with custody unless he can prove that you're not looking after them properly, custody is still leaning towards the mother first, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

As for another man, stop looking and the right one will come along, :-4

[Clint]

anewlife wrote: How do you know when you're in love? I thought I was with my X...but in the short time of dating I look back and see it as something else...I don't know if I've ever loved anyone (excepting my kids and fam); but that is different.

I would give my life for my kids - but is it the same for a spouse? Has anyone out there felt that way about their hus/wife? I never did and am wondering whether I just got married to get married....
My wife and I have been married for 34 years. There have been times when we have both questioned whether or not it was “love”. It wasn’t until we had worked on our marriage for a couple of decades or so that I realized that love isn’t a feeling. Love is action. Love is what we do whether we like it or not because of our commitment to another person. Love isn’t the easy things we do for each other. Love is the hard things we do for each other and the marriage.

We live in culture that glamorizes love. We see false representations of love on TV, in the movies, in magazines and novels. There is so much emphasis on feelings and romance that most people never learn what love is.

My parents were married 59 years before Dad died last April. They had some difficult times with Dad’s health being bad for the past forty years, at least. They didn’t stay together because it was mutually beneficial or easy... because it wasn’t. They stayed together because they had made a commitment to love each other. They grew extremely close because they had so much invested in each other. They became co owners of an intangible entity called love.

They taught me and my siblings the difference between using each other and loving each other. None of us have been divorced and have approximately one hundred years of marriage between us.

People who make the commitment to love go through times when they can hardly stand to look at each other. They go through times when they wonder if they even know each other. They do things to each other that cause anger and hurt but they employ love and its essential ingredient called forgiveness, and emerge stronger.

So many marriages fail today. I hurt for those who have suffered through divorce. I’ve spent a lot of time with couples who are experiencing difficulties. Sometimes it seems they are going through hell. I blame a culture that sets them up for failure with its false interpretation of love.

A mutual need or a mutual attraction draws people together. They make a commitment based on the need or attraction. Once the commitment is made…love begins and grows.

[PurpleChicken]

Love's a funny thing. I had two fairly long term relationships (4-5yrs each) before I met my husband. After I'd moved on from each relationship, I'd look back and think that I really wasn't in love with the previous guy. However, looking back with a bit more wisdom and maturity, I realise that I was in love with them. They just weren't "the one". My love for my hubby far surpasses what I felt for the others, but it doesn't mean that I didn't love them, or that I wasn't in love with them, just to a different depth than I have now.



You have to remember that you're probably looking back with a sad and possibly a slightly resentful heart which will colour your views. When you're able to look past those emotions, you may find that you did love your ex, just that what you have now is far better....

[Skeeter]

Responding to letter from Clint:

Thank you, son,.....we stood at an altar and pledged to love each other till death do us part...and we did...in April the death part came but the love part still remains and will as long as I live because we went through a lot of things that would have been easy to "quit" rather than continue...but a vow is a vow and when it is made in the presence of people and God you work "through" things and come out better for it and more in love because the commitment is stronger...thanks for noticing...love..

[Clint]

Skeeter wrote: Responding to letter from Clint:

Thank you, son,.....we stood at an altar and pledged to love each other till death do us part...and we did...in April the death part came but the love part still remains and will as long as I live because we went through a lot of things that would have been easy to "quit" rather than continue...but a vow is a vow and when it is made in the presence of people and God you work "through" things and come out better for it and more in love because the commitment is stronger...thanks for noticing...love..


No. The thanks goes to you and Dad. It is a story I will tell every chance I get.