If you're Christian and you know it, pack your bags

Post by **spot** » Fri May 20, 2011 4:29 pm

Saturday 21st May 2011 is the Rapture, kiddies. Time to go. If you know anyone who's not in line for the Big Flight To Jesus, now's the time to say your farewells... wrong word, you're not expecting them to fare well. Goodbye? Problems there too, God not being with them any longer. So long, that'll work.

BBC News - 'Rapture' apocalypse prediction sparks atheist reaction

I'll be very sorry for him if he survives tomorrow. What a great way to meet your Maker though, thinking you're at the head of the queue. Farewell Harold Camping 89, have a good one.

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Fri May 20, 2011 4:42 pm

I would suppose that those believers in this event who are not claimed tomorrow will simply decide that their faith was not strong enough to be taken in this first round.

Post by **spot** » Fri May 20, 2011 4:47 pm

Won't they look around for at least a few who Departed In Glory?

Tomorrow's a great day for the discontented believer to disappear and start a new life processing coca fields in Colombia, knowing nobody will go looking for him.

Post by **LarsMac** » Fri May 20, 2011 5:16 pm

Well, if you never hear from me, again, you'll know I was one of them.

I'll wait and see, though.

I did make my mortgage payment this month.

If and when the rapture thing happens, I expect, afterwards, there will be a lot of surprise over who went, and even more surprise over who didn't.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 pm

A bunch of kids asked me about this-told them it wasn't 2012 yet, 'nuttin' to worry about......

Post by **spot** » Fri May 20, 2011 6:46 pm

chonsigirl;1359887 wrote: A bunch of kids asked me about this-told them it wasn't 2012 yet, 'nuttin' to worry about......

If anyone wants to take bets, you're top of my list of FG posters to get swept up. They don't call you Saint Chonsi for nothing.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri May 20, 2011 9:41 pm

got that in a pamphlet in traffic... has to be true

Post by **spot** » Fri May 20, 2011 10:40 pm

Omni_Skittles;1359902 wrote: got that in a pamphlet in traffic... has to be true

Bye Skittles! - actually I never asked, what if you're scared of heights? The Rapture has to be a terrifying prospect for anyone with vertigo.

I heard Harold Camping 89 on the radio refusing to book interviews for Sunday on the grounds that he'd definitely be gone. Rather presumptuous of him, I thought. God will move in Mysterious Ways and leave him grounded for cheek, that's my theory.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri May 20, 2011 10:44 pm

spot;1359877 wrote: Won't they look around for at least a few who Departed In Glory?

Tomorrow's a great day for the discontented believer to disappear and start a new life processing coca fields in Colombia, knowing nobody will go looking for him.

That seems like an extravagant way to avoid admitting you may have been wrong. I mean whats wrong with being wrong?

Post by **spot** » Fri May 20, 2011 10:46 pm

Nomad;1359905 wrote: That seems like an extravagant way to avoid admitting you may have been wrong. I mean whats wrong with being wrong?

I'm reminded of a song lyric...

Smash Flops: The Pearl-Driller

Damn right, too.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri May 20, 2011 10:51 pm

Go figure

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat May 21, 2011 4:31 am

My father joined a church that followed a guy they were convinced was a prophet of God. He predicted the end of the world, but died before the date came. The church waited three days to see if he would rise back up. He didn't. (I just thought of bread). They put him on refrigeration for awhile longer. Nuthin'. Finally they buried him on a mountaintop, I spose to give him a head start over the rest of 'em.

Well, the date he predicted was in 1976. They still listen to his sermons on cassette tape.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sat May 21, 2011 5:36 am

spot;1359891 wrote: If anyone wants to take bets, you're top of my list of FG posters to get swept up. They don't call you Saint Chonsi for nothing.Honestly, I'd expect you to be the first to go, Spot.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat May 21, 2011 10:07 am

We've heard it all before....

The Millerites - Top 10 End-of-the-World Prophecies - TIME

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sat May 21, 2011 11:08 am

If someone stops posting how will we know it isn't because they have been called?

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat May 21, 2011 11:21 am

along-for-the-ride;1359937 wrote: We've heard it all before....

The Millerites - Top 10 End-of-the-World Prophecies - TIME

of course we've' heard it all before, they're just predictions.

just to be safe AFTR, wait for me!:yh_rotfl

Post by **spot** » Sat May 21, 2011 7:26 pm

along-for-the-ride;1359937 wrote: We've heard it all before....

The Millerites - Top 10 End-of-the-World Prophecies - TIME

Oddly enough, it's the first I've lived through and known the date beforehand which makes it unique in my experience. Maybe you're more deeply embedded in that sort of environment, in which case you could be expected to be bored by them. Which ones can you remember living through before?

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:08 pm

Maybe there was just a glitch or something and its still coming.

Post by **spot** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:16 pm

Nomad;1359964 wrote: Maybe there was just a glitch or something and its still coming.

And maybe that's what the hoards of Millennialist hucksters will claim. They're still snake-oil liars, they always were and they always will be. The lie isn't The Date, the lie the is literalist interpretation of The Book Of Revelations and all the associated hocus-pocus these loadsamoney shysters rant on about. It's called Evangelical Fundamentalist Christianity and it ought to be proscribed by law in exactly the same way Ponzi investment schemes are.

Post by **spot** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:21 pm

Are you out there, Harold Camping 89? Would you like to register here and discuss your hare-brained delusions with us?

How about one of the fraudulent evangelists who handed out his leaflets? We'd quite like one of you if the old conman's too frail.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:31 pm

spot;1359966 wrote: And maybe that's what the hoards of Millennialist hucksters will claim. They're still snake-oil liars, they always were and they always will be. The lie isn't The Date, the lie the is literalist interpretation of The Book Of Revelations and all the associated hocus-pocus these loadsamoney shysters rant on about. It's called Evangelical Fundamentalist Christianity and it ought to be proscribed by law in exactly the same way Ponzi investment schemes are.

People become absorbed in fantasies and go off the deep end every day truly believing their thoughts are reality. I don't think cynicism is necessarily accurate regarding either mental illness or extreme interpretations.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:38 pm

I'm still here. As expected.

Post by **spot** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:40 pm

Nomad;1359969 wrote: People become absorbed in fantasies and go off the deep end every day truly believing their thoughts are reality. I don't think cynicism is necessarily accurate regarding either mental illness or extreme interpretations.

I haven't described these people who broadcast Millennialism as mentally ill, I've described them as power-loving shysters who fleece their credulous victims of as much money as they can. They're extremely sane, none of them believe even slightly in the guff they come out with. Garner Ted Armstrong was the archetypal crook, sucking in millions of dollars from tithed income and being very careful never to actually produce The Date, just "very very soon now" for decades. Not only are people like Garner Ted deliberate frauds living the life of Riley on their ill-gotten gains, they seem to be immune from investigation and prosecution.

Post by **spot** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:43 pm

koan;1359971 wrote: I'm still here. As expected.

I'd have been completely baffled if you'd been whisked off skyward with a haze of angelic wings and singing. Had the whole of Canada emptied itself toward the stratosphere with the sole exception of you stood there waving them off I'd have been less surprised.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:46 pm

I spent the whole week in preparation, being particularly filthy. Didn't want to have to worry about you dying of shock.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat May 21, 2011 10:02 pm

spot;1359966 wrote: And maybe that's what the hoards of Millennialist hucksters will claim. They're still snake-oil liars, they always were and they always will be. The lie isn't The Date, the lie the is literalist interpretation of The Book Of Revelations and all the associated hocus-pocus these loadsamoney shysters rant on about. It's called Evangelical Fundamentalist Christianity and it ought to be proscribed by law in exactly the same way Ponzi investment schemes are.
Nah, they probably just mixed up the last two digits of the year. I do that all the time.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sun May 22, 2011 5:36 am

Accountable;1359976 wrote: Nah, they probably just mixed up the last two digits of the year. I do that all the time.You mean to say you actually record 2011 as 2011 at times completely unaware of the error? That's absurd! There's definitely something wrong with you.

Post by **spot** » Sun May 22, 2011 5:57 am

A group from the Calvary Bible Church in Milpitas, California, organised a Sunday morning service to comfort believers in Mr Camping's preaching, the New York Times reported. "We are here because we care about these people," the newspaper quoted James Bynum, a church deacon, as saying. "It's easy to mock them. But you can go kick puppies, too."

BBC News - 'Rapture' Believers perplexed after prediction fails

Someone pass me my hobnails, I haven't the slightest intention of leaving these gullible fools unkicked.

I notice Harold Camping 89 hasn't registered here yet.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:02 am

Have no fear he's still coming

International Prophecy Conference | GOD TV

Times are subject to change.:yh_rotfl

Mind you I think the humour is unintentional

Post by **spot** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:07 am

Good lord what rock did you find that site under?

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:12 am

Ahso!;1359979 wrote: You mean to say you actually record 2011 as 2011 at times completely unaware of the error? That's absurd! There's definitely something wrong with you.
Don't judge. It happens.

Post by **spot** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:13 am

Accountable;1359987 wrote: Don't judge. It happens.

You're one of those Inverts we read about in the papers, aren't you.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:17 am

One has to wonder, though ..... okay, I have to wonder, did any of these people update their wills?

"Lessee, Junior's definitely hellbound so we can still leave the house to him. Aunt Mabel won't be needing that gift to her retirement fund, the saint, so that can go to your fornicating brother." :yh_think

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:33 am

Accountable;1359987 wrote: Don't judge. It happens.I meant it as more of an evaluation with some emotion thrown in for good measure.

The problem, of course, with 2011 is that the disorder can persist for an entire year unnoticed and therefore require extreme measures by the time 2012 rolls in. Unfortunate indeed.

If you only knew how much time I spend proof-reading my posts, and it's still not enough far too often.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:38 am

spot;1359985 wrote: Good lord what rock did you find that site under?

I have virgin media, it's one of the free channel. I watch it occasionally, it's so unbelieveable it's almost fascinating. You have to be incredibly ignorant an gullible to fall for it I think, sent all your money and go to heaven. It's actually a british site which I find vaguely disturbing. We like to think we are relatively sane and religious fundamentalists are a peculiarly american thing but it's actually one if the first things we sent to the colonies.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sun May 22, 2011 6:48 am

Accountable;1359989 wrote: One has to wonder, though ..... okay, I have to wonder, did any of these people update their wills?

"Lessee, Junior's definitely hellbound so we can still leave the house to him. Aunt Mabel won't be needing that gift to her retirement fund, the saint, so that can go to your fornicating brother." :yh_thinkWills? Why in the world would they have Wills to begin with? After all, God just may interpret a Will as promoting and encouraging sinful behavior. It's a bit technical, but you never know with a quirky God such as this.

littleCJelkton · Post by **littleCJelkton** » Sun May 22, 2011 8:24 am

Maybe, this is taking in to the fact you believe that these biblical prophecies are true. They have a problem timing them because there using the wrong method to measure the time. I would think if there is an all-mighty and all-knowing god, god would know about the solar system, the galaxy the universe. So maybe this doomsayer god is using a universal timing system we probably don't have an equal to thus all our predictions for these prophecies are way off.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sun May 22, 2011 8:28 am

OTOH, God may be getting ready to pull an Oprah.

Post by **spot** » Sun May 22, 2011 8:38 am

littleCJelkton;1360004 wrote: I would think if there is an all-mighty and all-knowing god, god would know about the solar system, the galaxy the universe. So maybe this doomsayer god is using a universal timing system we probably don't have an equal to thus all our predictions for these prophecies are way off.This is the "God is an evil bastard" ontological argument? I've never heard it put so succinctly before.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon May 23, 2011 10:33 am

Campings Is going to pay it back?

Evans, Camping's PR aide, told NPR he hopes Family Radio will reimburse followers who spent their savings in anticipation of the rapture, but that he can't guarantee it.

Doomsday prophet, followers ‘flabbergasted’ world didn’t end - Yahoo! News

I hope he does, Friday evening I ate Lobster instead of shrimp just in case he was right. I reckon i have about $37.95 coming. Where do I mail the bill too?

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Mon May 23, 2011 11:35 am

Don't worry there are plenty more out there

America

Global Warming Deception | GOD TV

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon May 23, 2011 11:50 am

gmc;1360115 wrote: Don't worry there are plenty more out there

America

Global Warming Deception | GOD TV

Who are these people who believe this crap?

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon May 23, 2011 12:25 pm

I can't help thinking people that gullible shouldn't be allowed to vote. Not very democratic, I know.

But who are they? People who need a one size fits all solution to Life the Universe and Everything that they can easily understand and don't have to think about. It's appealing and comforting and allows a most satisfying sense of superiority they could otherwise never achieve.

And although I know it's heresy to say it, it gives good religion a bad name. It is a sick perversion of religion.

Post by **spot** » Mon May 23, 2011 10:18 pm

YZGI;1360107 wrote: I hope he does, Friday evening I ate Lobster instead of shrimp just in case he was right.You'd deliberately eat non-Kosher food the night before Armageddon begins?? That's just showing off. Damned doesn't even come close.

Post by **spot** » Tue May 24, 2011 3:06 am

The founder of Family Radio said yesterday: "We're not changing a date at all; we're just learning that we have to be a little more spiritual about this. But on October 21, the world will be destroyed. It won't be five months of destruction. It will come at once."

Judgment Day prophet resets doomsday clock

Another five months to fleece the marks eh, Harold Camping 89? And why not, that's what flocks are for.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue May 24, 2011 6:57 am

spot;1360170 wrote: You'd deliberately eat non-Kosher food the night before Armageddon begins?? That's just showing off. Damned doesn't even come close.

I'm eating Spam right now, I have no idea if it is kosher but it sure as hell shows I believe Armageddon is just around the corner.

Post by **spot** » Tue May 24, 2011 7:00 am

On a purely technical note, in case there are some extremely ill-informed Jews reading this thread, Spam is about as non-Kosher as it gets. Spam is at least 150% pork. Even bacon is nearer to being kosher than Spam is. Spam is concentrated piggy.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue May 24, 2011 7:05 am

spot;1360179 wrote:

The founder of Family Radio said yesterday: "We're not changing a date at all; we're just learning that we have to be a little more spiritual about this. But on October 21, the world will be destroyed. It won't be five months of destruction. It will come at once."

Judgment Day prophet resets doomsday clock

Another five months to fleece the marks eh, Harold Camping 89? And why not, that's what flocks are for.

Crap, had some good idea's for Halloween this year.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue May 24, 2011 12:42 pm

spot;1360179 wrote: The founder of Family Radio said yesterday: "We're not changing a date at all; we're just learning that we have to be a little more spiritual about this. But on October 21, the world will be destroyed. It won't be five months of destruction. It will come at once."

Judgment Day prophet resets doomsday clock

Another five months to fleece the marks eh, Harold Camping 89? And why not, that's what flocks are for.

You beat me to the punch, spot. :wah:

Since I 've already copied it, I'll just paste it here:

Preacher says world will actually end in October - Yahoo! News

littleCJelkton · Post by **littleCJelkton** » Tue May 24, 2011 11:57 pm

gmc;1360115 wrote: Don't worry there are plenty more out there

America

Global Warming Deception | GOD TV

I know you don't have to go that far, there are some here on FG that have this same fervor for their religion that are either Drive by spammers or out right crusaders of their certain interpretation of "the word" or "what god tells them"