Did I make a huge mistake?

mags · Post by **mags** » Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:42 pm

I need to vent big time and ask your opinion...

I just started my 6th year of dating my boyfriend. I'm 35 years old. I don't want to be dating when I'm 35... I want to get married. He and I should be married by now but he's always looking for reasons why I should try to jump through a hoop or work harder on something! He and I have issues, sure, like all couples, but he's just making excuses.

The longer you spend with a person, the harder it is to walk away. Should I leave him? I don't want to waste one more day of my life if this man is not going to marry me.

Two years ago I broke up with him...we were separated for about 6 months. During that time I met and dated another man who fell madly in love with me. I had feelings for the guy but my ex was always in the back of my mind, negatively most of the time. Well this man proposed to me. I said no. I got back together with my ex because of many beautiful promises and dreams he promised to fulfil. I had stars in my eyes thinking 'wow people really do reconcile with their exes and "live happily ever after"'. Not quite. Look where I am now.

There are times I wonder if I made a huge mistake...maybe I should have said yes to the man who was crazy about me. Why did I go back to the man who would dragggg me. That other man I KNOW for a fact he would have given me the world! But I pined after the guy who didn't treat me that great.

I started seeing a therapist this week...Hopefully I will get a grip on what I need to do. I can't live like this anymore. This stuck feeling, at someone's mercy feels unhealthy. It's so hard to walk away though.

Has anyone here ever been in my position? What do you think I should do?

Scrat · Post by **Scrat** » Thu Jan 10, 2013 7:04 pm

I got back together with my ex because of many beautiful promises and dreams he promised to fulfil.

Promises and dreams? What the hell were you thinking? I made my wife no promises, we do not talk of "dreams". We've been together 14 years. We're for real, I don't think you considered just what promises and dreams are.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Jan 10, 2013 9:20 pm

Seems to me that you're already married. You realize that a piece of paper doesn't magically create a marriage, right?

Post by **LarsMac** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 8:09 am

mags;1416189 wrote: I need to vent big time and ask your opinion...

I just started my 6th year of dating my boyfriend. I'm 35 years old. I don't want to be dating when I'm 35... I want to get married. He and I should be married by now but he's always looking for reasons why I should try to jump through a hoop or work harder on something! He and I have issues, sure, like all couples, but he's just making excuses.

The longer you spend with a person, the harder it is to walk away. Should I leave him? I don't want to waste one more day of my life if this man is not going to marry me.

Two years ago I broke up with him...we were separated for about 6 months. During that time I met and dated another man who fell madly in love with me. I had feelings for the guy but my ex was always in the back of my mind, negatively most of the time. Well this man proposed to me. I said no. I got back together with my ex because of many beautiful promises and dreams he promised to fulfil. I had stars in my eyes thinking 'wow people really do reconcile with their exes and "live happily ever after"'. Not quite. Look where I am now.

There are times I wonder if I made a huge mistake...maybe I should have said yes to the man who was crazy about me. Why did I go back to the man who would dragggg me. That other man I KNOW for a fact he would have given me the world! But I pined after the guy who didn't treat me that great.

I started seeing a therapist this week...Hopefully I will get a grip on what I need to do. I can't live like this anymore. This stuck feeling, at someone's mercy feels unhealthy. It's so hard to walk away though.

Has anyone here ever been in my position? What do you think I should do?

You need a therapist to tell you what you already know?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 8:26 am

You're a nester, he is a sower. If he wants to continue to sow his seed with you and you want the nest and the family then you either have to find a man ready to nest or tell him he has to nest with you or he can't sow his seed with you anymore. It's all about the instincts.

AnneBoleyn · Post by **AnneBoleyn** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 8:41 am

Accountable;1416194 wrote: Seems to me that you're already married. You realize that a piece of paper doesn't magically create a marriage, right?

Then there should be no big deal about getting it (the piece of paper).

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 9:50 am

AnneBoleyn;1416221 wrote: Then there should be no big deal about getting it (the piece of paper).
Or not! :yh_wink

This guy's shying away from the halter when he's been in a corral the whole time. Of course, she doesn't see it either, so....

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 9:53 am

YZGI;1416214 wrote: You're a nester, he is a sower. If he wants to continue to sow his seed with you and you want the nest and the family then you either have to find a man ready to nest or tell him he has to nest with you or he can't sow his seed with you anymore. It's all about the instincts.
But he's not sowing anywhere else, or at least nothing in the OP says he is.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 9:57 am

Accountable;1416227 wrote: But he's not sowing anywhere else, or at least nothing in the OP says he is.

Just because you sow your seed in the same garden doesn't mean you're not sowing.

Besides, I had my tongue directly in my cheek when posting that comment.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 11:22 am

YZGI;1416229 wrote: Just because you sow your seed in the same garden doesn't mean you're not sowing.

Besides, I had my tongue directly in my cheek when posting that comment.
Ooohhh.

.....

Ooohhh.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:33 pm

35 is still young.

However, you should not even consider marriage until you've met and known THE GUY for awhile. And, I might add, you feel good about yourself.

You've known this guy for six years and his message is clear. He doesn't share the same goals as you. There is the possibility that if you stay with him, you will still be unmarried at 40. Is this what you really want?

Life changes can be a bit scary. But...this is your life and you only have one.

Best of luck to you and welcome to Forum Garden.

Attached files

tude dog · Post by **tude dog** » Fri Jan 11, 2013 6:05 pm

You already knew the answer, just wanted and got confirmation.

stacyjmes1 · Post by **stacyjmes1** » Tue Aug 27, 2013 9:02 pm

Dream is not a reality. You have to look for a person who wants to spend happy life with you not like your ex boyfriend always try to ignore discussion regarding marriage.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:26 am

Well that just made up my mind . Thanks guys ...hope it works out for the woman too .

Vaishali · Post by **Vaishali** » Thu Aug 29, 2013 5:40 am

Hello dear.. What you did was definitely a huge mistake but you are doing one more mistake by continuing relationship with this guy. Leave him and move on. I know it's very hard but you must know that it's best for you. What you did in past, you can't fix today but at least don't ruin your future. I am sure you will find someone much better than this guy.